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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 24 January 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Devon Alexander vs. Timothy Bradley (Saturday 10pm from Pontiac, MI live on HBO), Friday Night Fights: Cristobal Arreola vs. Joey Abell (Friday 10pm from Temecula, CA live on ESPN2); Women’s College Basketball: Wake Forest @ Maryland (Friday 8:30pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Longwood @ Maryland (Sunday 2pm Comcast Center); Soccer: MISL-Chicago Riot @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena); High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Woodlawn (Wednesday 6:30pm), Catonsville @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm), Glen Burnie @ Broadneck (Wednesday 5pm); NBA: Denver Nuggets @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Oklahoma City Thunder (Friday 8pm from Oklahoma City live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Memphis Grizzlies (Saturday 8pm from Memphis live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Dallas Mavericks (Monday 8:30pm from Dallas live on Comcast SportsNet)

10. Liz Phair (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Anberlin (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Umphrey’s McGee (Sunday 7pm Rams Head Live); Less Than Jake (Thursday 7:30pm Sonar); Mike Doughty (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Bacon Brothers (Friday & Saturday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage); Adema (Tuesday 6:15pm Jaxx); Donnell Rawlings (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Kathleen Madigan (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); 2011 Grammy Nominees CD available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday); “The Mechanic” released in theaters (Friday); “Secretariat” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

A word to describe Anberlin? “Underrated”…

I haven’t always been a big fan of Less Than Jake, but their David Cassidy cover was pretty cool…

I LOVED Soul Coughing. Even solo, I STILL love Mike Doughty…

There are plenty of songs on the Grammy Nominees CD. Only one of them is worth of being considered the best of the year. Language NSFW…

9. Monster Jam (Friday 7:30pm, Saturday 2pm & 7:30pm Verizon Center)

My friend Brady Gardiner from MLB Network Radio commented on Facebook that if you attend the 2:00 edition of Monster Jam Saturday in DC, you’ll have time to make it to the 8:00 performance of “Cymbeline” at the Shakespeare Theatre Company next door.

Look…the only thing I know about Monster Jam is that my cousins’ kids really dig Grave Digger. I don’t blame them. It’s pretty cool…

8. Maryland State Police Polar Bear Plunge (Saturday all day Sandy Point State Park), Baltimore Boat Show (Thursday-Sunday Baltimore Convention Center)

A couple of things I know about the Polar Bear Plunge.

1-Joe Flacco will be there. So if you’re a Ravens fan…or just a fan of eyebrows…you’re in luck.

2-DJ Pauly D will be there. You know, the guy from Jersey Shore. So you know what time it is…

And 3-I don’t care how cold it is. There will be girls in bikinis. Do I really need to share a picture for you to understand why that’s a good thing?

7. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce-Nick Diaz vs. Evangelista “Cyborg” Santos (Saturday 10pm from San Jose live on Showtime)

Also on Saturday night’s Strikeforce card is Herschel Walker, facing some dude named Scott Carson. If there was more for me to share here, I’d share it.

In other MMA news, Allison Diehl is a Hooters girl who was recently named a UFC ring card girl. That’s MUCH more interesting…


6. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Atlanta Thrashers (Wednesday 7pm from Atlanta live on Comcast SportsNet); Honda NHL SuperSkills (Saturday 7pm from Raleigh, NC live on VERSUS), NHL All-Star Game (Sunday 4pm from Raleigh live on VERSUS)

While the Skills competition tends to be better than the ASG on the ice, I doubt I’ll be watching the Skills competition either.

That is unless they’ve added “Knucklepuck” to hockey’s Saturday night event. If they’ve added Knucklepuck, I’m IN…

5. NFL: Pro Bowl (Sunday 7pm from Honolulu live on FOX)

I know you’re probably thinking to yourself, “The Pro Bowl stinks.”

Well…you’re right. The Pro Bowl is terrible, like most all other All-Star Games.

But at the same time, it’s the only football game on TV Sunday. I mean, what the hell else are you going to watch? Disney on Ice?

And who knows, maybe the Backstreet Boys will show up again! Nothing says “Pro Bowl is awesome” quite like a BSB halftime show…

4. Pro Wrestling: WWE Royal Rumble (Sunday 8pm from Boston live on Pay-Per-View)

Holy crap there are 40 guys in the Rumble this year? In no ways did I think this event could be cooler than it was in my childhood, but it actually sounds like it might be.

I know this much as a fact. There could have been 30, 40, or 200 men in the Royal Rumble in 1995. Shawn Michaels was winning the damn thing…

(Edit from GMC: The happiest 11 year old on the face of the planet resided in Kingville, MD that night.)

3. College Football: Senior Bowl (Saturday 4pm from Mobile, AL live on NFL Network)

Yep, I’ll be watching. Nope, I won’t be wearing pants.

Why would you even ask???

A couple names to follow during the Senior Bowl include Allen Bailey & Leonard Hankerson from Miami, as well as Mark Herzlich from Boston College.

This is always a good news/bad news day for the city of Mobile. The good news is that they get to host a great event. The bad news is that they know there won’t be anything else happening there all year that anyone will want to attend.

Well…other than this….


You see…that’s an event I’d actually think about attending…

2. College Basketball: Maryland @ Virginia (Thursday 7pm from Charlottesville, VA live on Comcast SportsNet), Maryland @ Georgia Tech (Sunday 7:45pm from Atlanta live on Comcast SportsNet); Norfolk State @ Morgan State (Saturday 1pm from Hill Field House live on ESPNU), North Carolina A&T @ Morgan State (Monday 7:30pm Hill Field House); North Carolina A&T @ Coppin State (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), Norfolk State @ Coppin State (Monday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); Albany @ UMBC (Wednesday 7pm RAC Arena); Towson @ George Mason (Wednesday 7pm Patriot Center); Siena @ Loyola (Friday 7pm Reitz Arena), Iona @ Loyola (Sunday 12pm Reitz Arena)

Have I mentioned recently how much I freaking DESPISE those idiot Wahoos at UVa…


Ugh…just look at those clowns. They even ruin what might be otherwise attractive women.

Your ties stink. Auld Lang Syne is not a fight song. Dave Matthews Band should be ashamed to call you home.

That it all.

1. Tennis: Australian Open (Tuesday 12am & 7pm, Wednesday 9:30pm, Friday 3:30am, Saturday-Women’s Final-3am, Sunday-Men’s Final-3am live on ESPN2; Wednesday 7pm, Friday-Women’s Doubles Final-11pm, Sunday-Men’s Doubles Final-5:30am, Monday-Mixed Doubles Final-12:30am live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Melbourne, AUS)

I will admit that I didn’t stay up late/wake up early to watch Andy Roddick Saturday night. I’ve done that too many times in my life to have the stomach to do it again.

So when I woke up Sunday morning, I immediately raced to WNST.net to try to get the details.

I should have already known.

So with A-Rod once again meeting an early (and pathetic) demise in a Grand Slam event, I’m left searching for other reasons to watch.

Fortunately, the second most attractive tennis player in the world is still in the draw…


Now if Caroline Wozniacki doesn’t win, I’ll be forced to drawn my sorrows in 3-44 Foster’s.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 17 January 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Maryland State Cheer & Dance Championship (Saturday 1st Mariner Arena); Women’s College Basketball: Maryland @ Virginia (Friday 8:30pm from Charlottesville live on Comcast SportsNet), North Carolina @ Maryland (Sunday 5pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2); NBA: Washington Wizards @ Milwaukee Bucks (Wednesday 8pm from Milwaukee live on Comcast SportsNet), Phoenix Suns @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Boston Celtics @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ New York Knicks (Monday 7:30pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet); Golf: PGA Tour Bob Hope Classic (Wednesday-Friday 3pm, Saturday & Sunday 4pm from La Quinta, CA live on Golf Channel), Champions Tour Mitsubishi Electric Championship at Hualalai (Friday 6:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from Kaupulehu-Kona, HI live on Golf Channel); High School Basketball: Kenwood @ Perry Hall (Wednesday 6:30pm), Basketball Academy-including Perry Hall vs. Archbishop Spalding & Perry Hall vs. Havre de Grace plus Poly, Woodlawn, Western, Milford Mill, Parkville, Patterson, City, Douglass, Aberdeen, Owings Mills, Lake Clifton (Thursday-Saturday Coppin State Physical Education Complex)

10. Avenged Sevenfold/Stone Sour (Sunday 6:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Chrisette Michelle (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live); Gary Puckett & The Union Gap (Wednesday & Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); B-52’s (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club); Lyle Lovett (Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday 7:30pm Birchmere)

I’m not really that much of an A7X fan, but I will admit that I REALLY dig Corey Taylor and Stone Sour…

Make fun of me all you want. I dig Gary Puckett…

When I was a kid, I had no idea if the B-52’s were actually any good or if they were just sorta weird. As an adult, I’ve realized it’s both…

There isn’t much I would enjoy about a Lyle Lovett show. But “If I Had A Boat” would be something…

9. Baltimore Restaurant Week (Friday-Monday throughout Charm City), Baltimore County Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Monday throughout Baltimore County)

Another fat guy holiday?

Who knew Thanksgiving would come twice for us this year?!?!?

My favorite spot on the list might be a little joint in Little Italy Robert McClintock immortalized (and apparently Lee Smith’s favorite joint in Charm City)…


8. Boxing: Evander Holyfield vs. Sherman Williams (Saturday 9pm from White Sulphur Springs, WV live on Pay-Per-View); Mixed Martial Arts-UFC Fight Night: Fight For The Troops 2 (Saturday 9pm from Fort Hood, TX live on SpikeTV)

Holy hell Evander Holyfield is still fighting?!?!? Jamie Moyer thinks Evander Holyfield is old!

If Evander Holyfield managers to beat “Ask” Sherman Williams, I think I know who he should fight next (Language NSFW)…

7. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Philadelphia Flyers (Tuesday 7pm from Philadelphia live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ New York Islanders (Thursday 7pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Toronto Maple Leafs (Saturday 7pm from Toronto live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS and NHL Network), New York Rangers @ Washington Capitals (Monday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS)

I don’t care about Caps hockey, but I like funny videos. Here’s a funny video of a Pittsburgh Penguins fan from the Winter Classic this year…

Yep. That was funny.

6. College Football: East West Shrine Game (Saturday 4pm from Orlando live on NFL Network)

Amongst the players in the East West Shrine Game is former Terrapins RB Da’Rel Scott. Or as he likes to call himself, a man whose spot was once blown up by Glenn Clark…

I thought I needed to carry two phones at one point. Life can be pretty tough when Camille Rowe is always trying to blow up your spot…

(Thanks Busted Coverage!)

5. Soccer: Chile @ Team USA (Saturday 10pm from Carson, CA live on ESPN3.com); MISL: Milwaukee Wave @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena)

I’m not sure about this. I’m as patriotic as they come, so I’d always pull for the Red, White & Blue.

BUT…Chile happens to share a name with the restaurant that gave us Chicken Crispers…


4. US Lacrosse National Convention (Friday-Sunday Baltimore Convention Center)

Or as local marijuana dealers are calling it, Christmas Season Part 2.

Seriously, how much visine is necessary at a lacrosse convention?!?!? And has there ever been a bigger gathering of folks who listen to Dave Matthews Band and Phish???

Wait a second…I love Dave Matthews Band and Phish…

Okay, someone get me a ticket…

3. NFL Playoffs: NFC Championship Game-Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears (Sunday 3pm from Chicago live on FOX), AFC Championship Game-New York Jets @ Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday 6:30pm from Pittsburgh live on CBS)

Well clearly this was GOING to be Number 1…right up until the 3rd quarter of the Ravens’ game at Heinz Field Saturday night. Then everything went to hell.

Like I need to remind you.

Now, I’d be open to other ideas for Saturday if you’ve got something better for me to do than watch football. Seriously. There’s no reason why I have to watch these games, especially if it involves having to watch those a-holes in the Steel City earn another Super Bowl berth.

My girlfriend wants me to go to the Horse World Expo with her at the Timonium Fairgrounds. I’ve never had even HALF an ounce of interest in it, but I think I’m going to go.

Or maybe I’ll just sit around at home in my underwear and play Wheel of Fortune on Facebook.

I just don’t want to think about it. It’s too painful.

2. Tennis: Australian Open (Tuesday 12am & 9pm, Wednesday & Thursday 11pm, Friday & Saturday 9pm, Sunday 7pm, Monday 9pm live on ESPN2; Tuesday-Friday 8am, Saturday 1pm, Sunday & Monday 8am live on Tennis Channel. All action from Melbourne, AUS)

In breaking news from Down Under, Maria Sharapova has a new line of tennis wear that she wants you to see…

(Thanks again Busted Coverage. Solid week for you.)

Look, I’m personally just as interested in what’s going on with Mardy Fish and  Juan Martin Del Potro’s comeback attempt as I am in Maria Sharapova.

But…ummm….look at that again. What the hell else could possibly matter in the world?

1. College Basketball: Virginia Tech @ Maryland (Thursday 9pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2), Clemson @ Maryland (Saturday 2:30pm from Comcast Center live on Raycom Sports-WNUV 54 in Charm City); Morgan State @ UMES (Monday 7:30pm Hytche Athletic Center); Coppin State @ UMES (Saturday 4pm Hytche Athletic Center); William & Mary @ Towson (Wednesday 7pm Towson Center), Virginia Commonwealth @ Towson (Monday 7pm Towson Center); Manhattan @ Loyola (Thursday 8pm Reitz Arena)

Here are two schools for which my level of dislike is TOTALLY underrated.

For as much as I like Malcolm Delaney, I can’t freaking STAND the Hokies. So why is it that I like everything about this picture?!?!?!?!


And my dislike towards Clemson dates at LEAST as far back as my 12th grade journalism teacher Ms. Matasofsky…who LOVED the Tigers. It was a constant source of contention between us. I couldn’t ever understand why she didn’t like the Hangman t-shirt I wore at least once a week…


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 10 January 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention-Women’s College Basketball: Boston College @ Maryland (Thursday 7pm Comcast Center)

10. Little Feat (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Virginia Coalition (Saturday 6pm 9:30 Club); Cake “Showroom of Compassion” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday), Cage The Elephant “Thank You Happy Birthday” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Say what you want…Little Feat is AWESOME…

Does it make me a nerd if I admit that I kinda dig Big Bad Voodoo Daddy?

If you’re not listening to VACO, start soon. Just a recommendation.

I haven’t heard anything from the new Cake CD, but if it sounds anything like…Cake…I’ll probably enjoy it. Especially if it sounds like “Shadow Stabbing”…

9. “The Social Network” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday); The Green Hornet” & “The Dilemma” out in theaters (Friday)

I didn’t get to see The Social Network. I don’t know why, either. It was filmed at Johns Hopkins, it starred Justin Timberlake and it was nominated for like every single Golden Globe Award. The only way I could have enjoyed it more is if I could have watched it at Chick-Fil-A.

I’m sure it was really good. But I’m not sure it was QUITE as good as what Saturday Night Live did recently with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg…

I don’t know what I think about The Dilemma. Vince Vaughn is funny. Kevin James is…well…Kevin James. It looks like it might be a disaster. It certainly doesn’t look as good as Wedding Crashers…

And The Green Hornet? I want to be excited, but good movies don’t usually come out in January…

8. High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Hereford (Wednesday 6:30pm), Dulaney @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

I remember I was in Drivers Ed with a girl who went to Dulaney. She was really attractive. She sat in the back of the room, I sat in the front (I believe I sat next to fellow PHHS alum Josh Seidel). I spent most of the classroom time staring at her. She caught me.

One night she held up a sign that said…

“Don’t Stare Too Long. You’ll Have Nightmares.”

We ended up making out during break that night.

So why am I telling you this story? I dunno. It was either that or post another one of those “Jailbait” pictures. But that would be inappropriate.

I’m above that, folks.

7. Golf: PGA Tour Sony Open in Hawaii (Thursday-Sunday 7pm Honolulu live on Golf Channel)

I don’t have anything to say about the golf tournament. It’s January. Why the hell are they even playing?

BUT…I strangely find the promos for the new season of The Haney Project with Rush Limbaugh.

If Hank Haney can fix Limbaugh, maybe I should be his next project. I’m TERRIBLE.

6. NBA: Sacramento Kings @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Minnesota Timberwolves (Thursday 8pm from Minneapolis live on Comcast SportsNet), Toronto Raptors @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Utah Jazz @ Washington Wizards (Monday 1pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

I don’t know what the Wizards are going to do this week (what do they usually do, folks?), but I KNOW it won’t be nearly as entertaining as what Austin Groff did for for Twin Valley South…

Here are some other cool things. Sue Bird once did this…

And Baron Davis hooked Blake Griffin up with this…

Those things were all significantly cooler than anything the ‘Zards are going to do this season.

5. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Florida Panthers (Tuesday 7:30pm from Sunrise, FL live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS),Washington Capitals @ Tampa Bay Lightning (Wednesday 7:30pm from Tampa Bay live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Vancouver Canucks @ Washington Capitals (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Ottawa Senators @ Washington Capitals (Sunday 3pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

I don’t like the Caps, but I DO like Puck Daddy-and of course I like Charm City. So thank you Puck Daddy for unearthing these pictures of former Caps players Peter Bondra and Al Iafrate hanging out in Baltimore and INEXPLICABLY wearing short shorts…


Leave it to effing Capitals players for bringing short shorts to Baltimore. Creeps.

4. Nuclear Cowboyz (Friday-Saturday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena)

Is this cool?

Freestyle motocross isn’t really my thing (technically, I’m not sure WHOSE thing it is…or if it even IS a real thing); but I THINK it looks cool.

I KNOW it isn’t as cool as Jackass 3D…

3. Tennis: Australian Open Opening Round (Sunday 6:30pm, Monday 9pm from Melbourne, AUS live on ESPN2)

My pick to win this year is going to be Caroline Wozniacki.


And hell, if she doesn’t win-she could just marry me instead. That’s just as good, right?

2. College Basketball: Maryland @ Wake Forest (Wednesday 8pm from Winston-Salem, NC live on Raycom Sports-WNUV 54 in Charm City), Maryland @ Villanova (Saturday 1pm from Philadelphia live on CBS); South Carolina State @ Morgan State (Saturday 5pm from Hill Field House live on ESPN2); North Carolina Central @ Coppin St. (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), South Carolina State @ Coppin St. (Monday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); Hofstra @ Towson (Wednesday 7pm Towson Center), Delaware @ Towson (Saturday 4pm Towson Center); Boston University @ UMBC (Monday 7pm RAC Arena); Fairfield @ Loyola (Friday 7pm from Reitz Arena live on ESPNU)

For the record, I (Glenn Clark) don’t really give a crap about Philly. It’s ol’ Drew Forrester who has a problem with the folks from The City of Brotherly Love.

Until now. Now Maryland has to invade the Wells Fargo Center. With that in mind…

Eff Villanova.

Eff Tastykake.

Eff Geno’s Steaks.

Eff Bill Cosby.

Eff Philadelphia.

Classy, I know. Before you ask, mom is (mostly) still proud.

1. NFL Playoffs: AFC Divisional Round-Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers (Saturday 4:30pm from Pittsburgh live on CBS), New York Jets @ New England Patriots (Sunday 4:30pm from Foxborough, MA live on CBS); NFC Divisional RoundGreen Bay Packers @ Atlanta Falcons (Saturday 8pm from Atlanta live on FOX), Seattle Seahawks @ Chicago Bears (Sunday 1pm from Chicago live on FOX)

Before we get to the Ravens, I offer this AWESOME Tecmo Super Bowl clip of Marshawn Lynch’s TD run against the New Orleans Saints…

And for Ken Brinkman, Matt Vensel and all of my other friends from Western Pennsylvania, I think this will do…


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 03 January 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: National Field Hockey Coaches’ Association Convention (Thursday-Sunday, Baltimore Convention Center); Soccer: MISL-Milwaukee Wave @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena); High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Patapsco (Wednesday 6:30pm), Woodlawn @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

10. Lovin’ Spoonful (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Gregg Allman (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Pietasters (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); Sarah MacLachlan (Monday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Dinner For Schmucks” and “Machete” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

Yeah, that’s about it this week. Wish I could give you something better. Either way, this song is GREAT…

As is this song…

And this song…

And when she’s not forcing me to look at pictures of injured animals, Sarah MacLachlan can even be bearable…

But yeah, it’s disappointing…

9. Bull Riding-PBR Touring Pro Division (Friday-Saturday Patriot Center)

Apparently this event isn’t the event they show on TV, so it’s not that big of a deal.

But if Johnny Knoxville were to show up, it WOULD be a big deal…because it would be awesome…

8. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Challengers (Friday 11pm from Nashville live on Showtime)

So I sat down and watched some MMA for the first time in MONTHS Saturday, checking out UFC 125 after the Winter Classic.

I was reminded of how awesome the sport can sometimes be…


Brandon Vera’s face was completely rearranged by Thiago Alves. His nose is now hanging out somewhere near his right ear.

Yet he was smiling.


7. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Philadelphia 76ers (Wednesday 7pm from Philadelphia live on Comcast SportsNet), New Jersey Nets @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Charlotte Bobcats (Saturday 7pm from Charlotte live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS)

Did the ‘Zards know Gilbert Arenas could do THIS before they traded him to the Orlando Magic???

6. Pro Wrestling: TNA Genesis (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View)

As always, I like to try to provide compelling reasons to view PPV events when I include them on the list. This week’s compelling reason is named Taylor Wilde…


She’s reportedly a wrestler. Like you care.

5. Golf: PGA Tour Hyundai Tournament of Champions (Thursday-Saturday 5:30pm, Sunday 6pm from Kapalua, HI live on Golf Channel)

Oh thank God golf is back. Absolutely no one* had missed it.

(*No one not named Drew Forrester that is.)

My pick to win the golf tour this year? Chi Chi Rodriguez.

Hey, why change now?

In other golf news, former Tiger Woods mistress Loredana Jolie did something recently. Unless it’s taking another picture with her clothes off, you wouldn’t care.


4. NHL: Tampa Bay Lightning @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Florida Panthers @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Look, I’m not a fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins OR the Washington Capitals, so I don’t have a dog in the hunt. The Pens may have lost on the ice at Heinz Field Saturday; but there was one area where they DIDN’T lose…


Bruce Boudreau won the game…but Dan Bylsma looked AMAZING.

Can’t win ’em all, Caps fans.

3. College Basketball: Colgate @ Maryland (Tuesday 8pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Maryland @ Duke (Sunday 8pm from Durham, NC live on Fox Sports Net nationally, CSN locally); Howard @ Morgan State (Saturday 4pm Hill Field House); Maine @ UMBC (Saturday 2pm RAC Arena); Hampton @ Coppin State (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), Howard @ Coppin State (Monday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); Women’s College Basketball: Maryland @ Duke (Thursday 7pm from Durham, NC live on Comcast SportsNet)

Eff Duke.

Does this picture ever get old?


And while we’re at it, how ’bout we throw this Greivis Vasquez classic in there too?

And since the women are playing this week too, here’s Kristi Toliver…

Look, I don’t think the Terrapins are going to beat the Blue Devils Sunday at Cameron Indoor Stadium-but it doesn’t change how I feel. Just let me have this.

2. College Football: BCS Championship Game-Auburn vs. Oregon (Monday 8:30pm from Glendale, AZ live on ESPN), Sugar Bowl-Ohio State vs. Arkansas (Tuesday 8:30pm from New Orleans live on ESPN), Cotton Bowl-LSU vs. Texas A&M (Friday 8pm from Arlington, TX live on FOX), GoDaddy.com Bowl-Miami (Ohio) vs. Middle Tennessee (Thursday 8pm from Mobile, AL live on ESPN), BBVA Compass Bowl-Pitt vs. Kentucky (Saturday 12pm from Birmingham, AL live on ESPN), Fight Hunger Bowl-Boston College vs. Nevada (Sunday 9pm from San Francisco live on ESPN); NCAA FCS Championship Game: Delaware vs. Eastern Washington (Friday 7pm from Frisco, TX live on ESPN2)

Which Cam Newton joke do you want to go with?

I’ll admit this much. I’m going to be rooting AGAINST the Tigers on Monday night.

I think it’s just probably better for everyone if Newton DOESN’T win the National Championship. Of course, we said the same thing about the Heisman Trophy but that was already decided.

As far as the FCS title is concerned, I’m assuming Delaware wins-right? I mean, there’s NO WAY a team that plays on a field that looks like this can win……can they???


1. NFL Playoffs: AFC Wild Card Round-Baltimore Ravens @ Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday 1pm from Kansas City live on CBS), New York Jets @ Indianapolis Colts (Saturday 8pm from Indianapolis live on NBC); NFC Wild Card Round-New Orleans Saints @ Seattle Seahawks (Saturday 4:30pm from Seattle live on NBC), Green Bay Packers @ Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday 4:30pm from Philadelphia live on FOX)

The only issue I have here is that I don’t have quite the hate built up for KC that I did for Indy.

If we had been headed out to LucasOil Stadium this weekend, I would have had PLENTY of hate stored up. I don’t know how much hate I can have stored up in a trip to Arrowhead Stadium.

Of course, there IS good news about a trip to Kansas City…


Yeah…if I were you, I’d think about getting on the bus.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 20 December 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball-UMBC @ Navy (Tuesday 7pm Alumni Hall), Richmond @ Towson (Wednesday 7pm Towson Center)

10. Wale (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live, Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Wiz Khalifa (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); O’Malley’s March (Wednesday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage); The Roots (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club)

You’re going to see a recurring theme here. Not a whole lot going on this week. Not to take anything away from what’s happening here.

Wale is awesome, even if he roots for the effing Washington Redskins. At least he rocks Orioles hats and puts Ray Rice in his videos…

The Roots are the greatest hip hop band in the history of ever.

I don’t care for Wiz Khalifa. He’s from Pittsburgh. He roots for the Steelers. Eff him. Instead, I enjoy THIS…

9. Little Fockers“, “True Grit” & “Casino Jack” open in theaters (Friday); “Family Guy: It’s A Trap” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

I don’t know if Little Fockers will be as funny as “Meet the Parents” or as “Ehhh” as “Meet the Fockers.” Either way, I’ll probably go see it. I mean, I can hope, right…

I saw True Grit last week. Well, I saw MOST of True Grit last week. Late in the movie, the projector in the theater over in White Marsh blew up. But I could tell that the movie really kicked ass. Especially because Jeff Bridges was in the flick. Jeff Bridges is awesome.

And Family Guy got around to spoofing Return of the Jedi. If I gave a crap about Star Wars, I’d be more into this. Instead, I’ve spent a better part of my life having or trying to have sex with women.

8. “24 Hours of A Christmas Story” (Friday-Saturday, TBS), “It’s A Wonderful Life” (Friday 8pm NBC)

Blah blah blah here are clips from A Christmas Story…

Like we need anything else here.

7. High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Kenwood (Wednesday 6:30pm)

I don’t know what’s going to happen when my Gators visit the Bluebirds. What I DO know if that it won’t be anywhere near as awesome as what happened earlier this morning when Annapolis Area Christian School played McDonogh and Archbishop Curley. It had to be the most exciting week in AACS history…

6. NBA: Chicago Bulls @ Washington Wizards (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ San Antonio Spurs (Sunday 7pm from San Antonio live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Houston Rockets (Monday 8:30pm from Houston live on Comcast SportsNet)

It’s a shame Yao Ming got hurt, or else the ‘Zards-Rockets contest would have been Yao Ming vs. Yi Jianlian. That would be exciting, just not for anyone in America.

I’m gonna skip the part here where I make a joke that someone later tells me is racially insensitive. Instead I’m JUST going to post a picture of General Tso’s Chicken and we’ll move on from there.


5. NHL: New Jersey Devils @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), Pittsburgh Penguins @ Washington Capitals (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Washington Capitals @ Carolina Hurricanes (Sunday 7pm from Raleigh live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS)

Apparently the Caps have been mired in a significant losing streak recently. I say “apparently” because I simply don’t give a crap. But I don’t understand why everyone in DC is so pissed off about the Capitals losing a lot of games. They’re just doing what all of the other favorite teams in the District (Wizards, Redskins, Orioles) already do…LOSE ALL OF THEIR GAMES!

Oh, it never gets old.


4. Glenn Clark’s Christmas plans (December 23-25, throughout Charm City)

Blah blah blah…I’m going to Chiapparelli’s Thursday night…


And then my mom is making Stuffed Shells on Saturday…


Any further questions?

3. College Basketball: NJIT @ Maryland (Wednesday 8pm Comcast Center); Princeton @ Towson (Wednesday 4pm Towson Center); Loyola @ Howard (Wednesday 7pm Burr Gymnasium)

Thank God the Terrapins are playing a basketball game Wednesday. Things have been so damn quiet in College Park during finals week. ‘Bout time there’s something to talk about.

Eh, let’s talk about Mike Leach instead. Here’s video of Mike Leach doing the weather once. It’s freaking awesome. This guy’s a maniac, but he’s about to be the Terps’ maniac. We’ll take it.

2. College Football: Poinsetia Bowl-Navy vs. San Diego State (Thursday 8pm from San Diego live on ESPN), Beef ‘O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl (Tuesday 8pm from St. Petersburg, FL live on ESPN), MAACO Bowl-Utah vs. Boise State (Wednesday 8pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN), Hawaii Bowl-Hawaii vs. Tulsa (Friday 8pm from Honolulu live on ESPN), Little Caesars Bowl-Florida International vs. Toledo (Sunday 8:30pm from Detroit live on ESPN), Independence Bowl-Georgia Tech vs. Air Force (Monday 5pm from Shreveport, LA live on ESPN2)

The Midshipmen are headed to San Diego this week. Must be a tough life. Having to serve our country and having to travel during Christmas week? I sorta feel for the Mids.

Oh wait, where are they going?



1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns (Sunday 1pm from Cleveland live on CBS)

Eff Cleveland.

Eff Bernie Kosar. Eff Drew Carey. Eff Kid Cudi. Eff Trent Reznor. Eff Marquis Grissom. Eff LeBron James. (Oh wait.)

You know, I should feel bad for Cleveland because the city is awful, all of their sports teams suck and they lost the only thing about the city that made them remotely worthwhile; but they always treat everyone who comes from Baltimore like crap. (I understand why, don’t get me wrong.)

So eff them. I ENJOY their suffering. In fact, enjoy this a-holes.

(Edit from GMC: A side note, Cleveland. After the Ravens kick your asses Sunday, it would be REALLY nice if you could go ahead and beat the Pittsburgh Steelers the following week. We still kinda want to win the AFC North here in Baltimore. So all of those mean things I said about you? They expire in a week.)

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 December 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball: Maryland @ Delaware State (Sunday 4pm from Dover); High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Parkville (Wednesday 6:30pm), Meade @ Glen Burnie (Friday 7pm); Soccer: MISL-Omaha Vipers @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena)

10. Usher (Friday 8pm Verizon Center); Sean Kingston (Tuesday 6pm Rams Head Live), Alter Bridge (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), KIX (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live); Wu-Tang Clan (Sunday 8pm Sonar); Aaron Neville (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Joe Satriani (Wednesday 8pm Strathmore), O.A.R. (Saturday 8pm Strathmore), Kenny Rogers (Sunday 5pm Strathmore); John Waters Christmas (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); Michael Jackson “MICHAEL” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

There’s a ZERO percent chance I won’t be in Bethesda Saturday night. OF A REVOLUTION…

I would never go see Sean Kingston live, but I’ll admit that I kinda dig a few of his tunes…

I prefer my Creed to be not so Scott Stapp-y. That’s why I don’t mind Alter Bridge so much…

And while I might dig listening to the ol’ graybeard croon “The Gambler”…

I feel like I might actually prefer another Kenny Rogers show…

9. Glenn Clark’s annual Christmas party (Friday, time and location withheld)

It’s not that I won’t tell you where the party is because I don’t want you to be there. It’s that I can’t tell you for legal reasons. It’s somewhere on the Eastern Side of Baltimore County…sometime this week. Here are some pictures from past parties. You might understand more…


These are simply the ones I’m allowed to show you. It’s going to be epic…and it WILL involve me reading everyone “The Polar Express” at 2am like we were in 4th grade. That’s the way it is.

8. College Football: New Mexico Bowl-BYU vs. UTEP (Saturday 2pm from Albuquerque live on ESPN), uDrove Humanitarian Bowl-Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State (Saturday 5:30pm from Boise live on ESPN), R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Ohio University vs. Troy (Saturday 9pm from New Orleans live on ESPN)

You know it’s a bad week when THESE games somehow make the list.

I’m not really sure how I can make any of these sound appealing, so I won’t bother.

The FCS semifinals are also next weekend, and I know who I’m rooting for. Georgia Southern is at Delaware Friday night. Since Joe Flacco played for the Blue Hens, I’m with them. Villanova visits Eastern Washington Friday night, and there’s no doubt I’ll be pulling for the Wildcats. What do I have against EWU? Well, it’s the alma mater of a certain clown on ESPN Radio…


There’s simply no chance I’m pulling for the school that gave us Colin Cowherd.

7. College Basketball: UMBC @ Morgan State (Saturday 7pm Hill Field House); American @ UMBC (Tuesday 7:30pm RAC Arena); Loyola @ Georgetown (Saturday 12pm from Verizon Center live on MASN)

I’m not legally allowed to type the word Georgetown without immediately following it up with this…

I prefer “elated” Gary Williams to “angry” Gary Williams myself.

6. Boxing: Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal (Saturday 10pm from Quebec City, Canada live on Showtime), “The Fighter” opens in theaters (Friday)

I found my way onto a screening list for “The Fighter” Tuesday night in White Marsh, and I’m sorta excited. It looks like a really good flick…

Of course, if we’re talking boxing movies, I guess I need to make sure I give a nod to the Hall of Famer…

5. NBA: Los Angeles Lakers @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ New Jersey Nets (Thursday 7pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on Comcast SportsNet), Miami Heat @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Charlotte Bobcats @ Washington Wizards (Monday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

The circus comes to DC Saturday night, as LeBron James and the preseason NBA champion Heat pay a visit. I wonder what my buddy Mike Polk thinks about it…

4. NHL: Anaheim Ducks @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Washington live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Boston Bruins (Saturday 7pm from Boston live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Washington Capitals @ Ottawa Senators (Sunday 7:30pm from Ottawa live on Comcast SportsNet)

The DUCKS play the Caps this week? The DUCKS? I know where my support will be…

Gordon Bombay is a hero.

3. Mixed Martial Arts: WEC-Benson Henderson vs. Anthony Pettis (Thursday 9pm from Phoenix live on VERSUS)

There are a group of MMA fighters who are probably going to be a BIT distracted before their big event this week. I mean, they’re headed to Arizona of all places. There’s a little bit going on in the Valley of the Sun…


(Edit from GMC: I’m well aware that Arizona is in Tucson, not Phoenix. I’m also well aware that Arizona State girls are hotter. But I always post pictures of ASU girls. It was time for me to give a nod to gals from the U of A.)

2. Pro Wrestling: WWE Tribute to the Troops (Saturday 9pm from Fort Hood, Texas on NBC), WWE TLC (Sunday 8pm from Houston live on Pay-Per-View)

A couple of things here. One-the WWE may not be headed to Iraq of Afghanistan like usual, but the military special is ALWAYS the coolest thing they do every year. Just an awesome concept and event. I really dig it.

Speaking of cool concepts-it’s ALWAYS a good thing when the company hosts an event that incorporates Tables, Ladders and Chairs…

1. NFL: New Orleans Saints @ Baltimore Ravens (Sunday 1pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on FOX)

I was really hoping this wasn’t going to be a showdown of 2nd place teams when I looked at the schedule before the season.

In honor of Reggie Bush coming to Charm City, I think there’s only one photo that can finish up this list this week. NO-it’s not a picture of the Heisman Trophy, but I appreciate your humor. I think losing this HAD to be more painful than losing the Heisman for the former USC star…


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 06 December 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball-Maryland @ Loyola (Tuesday 7pm Reitz Arena), UMBC @ Maryland (Friday 7pm Comcast Center); Golf: PGA Tour Shark Shootout (Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 4pm Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Naples, FL); High School Basketball: Edmondson @ Perry Hall (Wednesday 6:30pm), Perry Hall @ Dulaney (Friday 7pm)

10. Matisyahu (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Hinder/Saving Abel/My Darkest Days/Default (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Old 97’s (Tuesday 7pm Recher Theatre), Nonpoint (Thursday 7pm Recher Theatre); Usher (Wednesday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Better Than Ezra (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club), G. Love & Special Sauce (Monday 8pm 9:30 Club); National Tree Lighting Ceremony feat. B.B. King, Maroon 5, Sara Bareilles (Thursday 5pm President’s Park); Mint Condition (Thursday & Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); T.I. “No Mercy” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday); Mid-Atlantic Holiday Beer Tasting (Saturday 12pm The Brewer’s Art)

With this being Hanukkah, I will mention that I LOVE Matisyahu…

Haven’t heard of Old 97’s? Maybe it’s time to take a minute…

Maybe Nonpoint should invite Ray Lewis over to Recher Theatre for their Phil Collins cover…

Better Than Ezra is the type of band that has had a much bigger impact on my life than I might really recognize. Between Empire Records and THIS classic, I’m really grateful for the boys from New Orleans…

9. Inception“, “Shrek Forever After” and “Boy Meets World Season 4” available in stores (Tuesday)

You know why Season 4 of Boy Meets World was the best one? It was the season that featured the “Sixteen Candles and 400 Pound Men” episode. You know, where Cory Matthews had to help his friend Frankie with his father (Vader)’s match against Jake “The Snake” Roberts while also being there to dance with Topanga Lawrence at her 16th birthday party.

Yeah, I’m a nerd. But this is a great episode. It’s an ode to The Flintstones episode where Fred Flintstone has to be in two places at once. Here’s the end of the episode…

8. Boxing: IBF/WBO Heavyweight Championship-Vladimir Klitschko vs. Dereck Chisora (Saturday 5pm from Mannheim, Germany live on ESPN3.com), Yonnhy Perez vs. Joseph Agbeko, Abner Mares vs. Vic Darchinyan (Saturday 9pm from Tacoma, Washington live on Showtime)

I’ll be forced to admit that I could not have told you who held the IBF, WBO, WBA, HBO, NBA, NWA, OPP, TLC, IWIF, MIAA, NAACP or UNICEF heavyweight titles.

And frankly, I have nothing to offer to a boxing discussion that would be of value. Except that the “Floyd Wetherton” character on Family Guy was an amazing combination of both very sad and very funny…

7. Soccer: MISL-Missouri Comets @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena); College Soccer: NCAA Championship Game (Sunday 4pm from Santa Barbara, CA live on ESPN2)

Obviously there’s little to no interest in the College Cup now because Maryland lost to Michigan Saturday, eliminating the Terrapins from the NCAA Tournament.

I’d like to give you another reason to watch Friday and Sunday, but I honestly don’t have it.

Instead, I’ll discuss something much more significant in the world of soccer. A recent news story about the breakout soccer star of 2010.

You’ll remember Larissa Riquelme as the Paraguay soccer fan who captivated the attention of the world during this summer’s World Cup. NOW you’ll remember her as the girl who recently wore this dress…


6. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Los Angeles Lakers (Tuesday 10:30pm from LA live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Sacramento Kings (Wednesday 10pm from Sacramento live on Comcast SportsNet), New York Knicks @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

If you’re a fan of the ‘Zards (I’ve heard a rumor there are a handful of you out there somewhere, but I haven’t actually MET any of you in my life), I suggest you not watch their game with me Tuesday night. I’ll be rooting hard for the Lakers.

Not because I’m some sort of bandwagon Lakers fan, trust me.

I’ll be rooting hard for the Lakers because this guy plays for them…

Steve Blake will always be a hero to me.

5. NHL: Carolina Hurricanes @ Washington Capitals (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS & Comcast SportsNet), Colorado Avalanche @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ New York Rangers (Sunday 7pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network)

You already know I’m not a fan of the Caps, so let’s just move on from that.

I’m not sure if this particular dress…


…is available in a Phoenix Coyotes style, I know what “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” will be getting for Christmas this year. And will be wearing to every function we attend in 2011.

4. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 124-Georges St. Pierre vs. Josh Koscheck (Saturday 10pm from Montreal live on Pay-Per-View)

Since the fight is happening in Montreal, I know damn well who I’m picking to win…


Youppi is awesome. Oh…of course I’m picking GSP to win. He’s fighting Josh Koscheck. Who the hell am I supposed to pick there?

3. College Basketball: UNC-Greensboro @ Maryland (Wednesday 7:30pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Boston College @ Maryland (Sunday 4pm from Comcast Center live on Fox Sports Net-CSN locally in Charm City); Towson @ UMBC (Saturday 7pm RAC Arena); Towson @ George Washington (Wednesday 7pm Smith Center); Navy @ Coppin State (Tuesday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), West Virginia Tech @ Coppin State (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); Loyola @ George Mason (Wednesday 7pm from Patriot Center live on MASN), Mt. St. Mary’s @ Loyola (Saturday 4pm Reitz Arena)

I’m torn here. On one side, I’m very happy to see the start of ACC season. On the other side, the Terps’ loss to Temple in the BB&T Classic leaves me just a bit concerned.

I know this much. If I see ANY of you wearing this shirt this week, I might very well take a swing at you…


2. College Football: Army/Navy Game (Saturday 2:30pm from Philadelphia live on CBS); Heisman Trophy Presentation (Saturday 8pm from New York live on ESPN)

My ABSOLUTE favorite game of the year in any sport.

I doubt they’ll show this video up at Lincoln Financial Field Saturday, but if they did-I’m not sure how the Midshipmen COULDN’T be inspired…

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ Houston Texans (Monday 8:30pm from Houston live on ESPN)

The Monday Night Football trip will be my first to Houston.

For anyone who has made the trip before, can you tell me anything about this place? I’m told I HAVE to hit it while I’m there…


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 12 April 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention-Golf: PGA Verizon Heritage (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Hilton Head, SC) Champions Tour Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am (Friday 12:30pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 4pm Sunday 1pm live on NBC. All golf from Lutz, FL); Tennis: ATP Monte Carlo Rolex Masters (Tuesday-Thursday 4:30am, Friday 6am, Saturday 7:30am, Sunday-final-8:30am. All action from Monte Carlo live on Tennis Channel.), Volleyball: AVP Gatorade Ft. Lauderdale Open (Sunday 5:30m from Ft. Lauderdale on ESPN2); Soccer: NASL-Tampa Bay Rowdies @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Friday 7pm UMBC Stadium); MLS-Chicago Fire @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on MLS Direct Kick)

10. Third Eye Blind (Sunday 8pm RAC Arena), Nickelback (Tuesday 6:30pm Verizon Center), Lupe Fiasco (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Cam’Ron (Saturday 9pm Sonar), Lisa Lampanelli (Friday 8pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall), Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey Circus (Wednesday 7:30pm, Thursday 10:30am & 7:30pm, Friday 7:30pm, Saturday 11:30am 3:30pm & 7:30pm, Sunday 1pm & 5pm 1st Mariner Arena), Kick-Ass opens in theaters (Friday)

Another sorta strange week in this category. BUT…I don’t care what you say, 3eb changed my LIFE…

Nickelback sucks, but Shinedown and Breaking Benjamin are opening for them; and between them they have like one good song…

Lupe Fiasco doesn’t need any help to be amazing, but sometimes he calls on friends like Jill Scott to help him be even more amazing anyway…

And I don’t KNOW that Kick-Ass is going to be a great movie, but it certainly looks like it might be worth giving it a try…

9. Jonathan Ogden Foundation 2nd Annual Charity Poker Tournament (Saturday 5pm Crowne Plaza Hotel Timonium)

Is this just an excuse for me to post the AWESOME video of J.O. dancing in the GEBCO commercial? Why would I do…

…okay of course it was. Love the big man.

8. Pro Wrestling: TNA Lockdown (Sunday 8pm from St. Louis live on Pay-Per-View)

The concept of a night full of nothing but cage matches? Brilliant. Having the idea to pit Miss Jackie vs. Gail Kim IN one of those cage matches? That’s Nobel Peace Prize-type stuff.

Seriously, what did you think God thought when he heard TNA was going to do this match? Cause I think it was probably “well done my children…”

And if you need another reason to watch the TNA event Sunday night, Madison Rayne seems as good a reason as any…


7. College Football: Alabama “A Day” Spring Football Game (Saturday 3pm from Tuscaloosa live on ESPN), Auburn “A Day” Spring Football Game (Saturday 2pm from Auburn, AL live on ESPNU)

Ah…springtime in Tuscaloosa…


Look…this picture could have obviously been taken in the fall, but it’s BETTER thinking it may have happened in the spring. All good things happen in the spring, don’t they? You know, like the Miracle On Ice and when the Colts won the 1958 NFL Championship.

6. NBA: Pacers @ Wizards (Wednesday 8pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); NBA Playoffs (Saturday-Monday Teams & Times TBA)

So…who do you think the ‘Zards will play in the 1st round?!?!?

Look, we ALL know there’s nothing better than the misery of ANY team in Washington (Edit from GMC: I’d like NOTHING MORE than to see The Habs sweep out the Caps, for the record.), but this disaster of a basketball franchise has given me special pleasure this season. Of course, it would give me MORE pleasure if DC fans actually CARED about their teams, but I’ll smile nonetheless.

I was sitting at Pappas’ the other day cracking some crabs and enjoying 5-737 brewdogs when a friend of mine (who is from Oklahoma but sadly is forced to live in the District these days) asked me: “Do you know what the value of a Wizards ticket is?” I suggested that the mustard inside my crab was more valuable than a ticket to see the Wiz, but she said she actually had a serious answer. She informed me that for just 5 Dunkin Donuts receipts, you can get tickets to see the Wizards.

She wasn’t kidding.

Of course, when I asked her if she had been to a game yet…she said “5 trips to Dunkin Donuts? To see the Wizards? They’re not worth one.”

Smart girl.

5. Auto Racing-NASCAR: Samsung Mobile 500 (Sunday 3pm from Fort Worth live on FOX), IndyCar Series: Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach (Sunday 3:30pm from Long Beach, CA live on VERSUS)

I’m surprised no one announced that NASCAR season was starting this year. Apparently they’ve already held a few races and NO ONE KNEW!

With no offense, unless Danica Patrick is significantly involved-there’s just nothing related to racing that is even REMOTELY interesting to the average sports fan.

You know, short of a driver going all Ricky Bobby on everyone…

4. High School Basketball: Capital Classic (Thursday 6pm Bender Arena-American University)

Amongst the players you can see in this game are future Terps Pe’Shon Howard, Terrell Stoglin and Haukur Palsson. Palsson represents a conflict for me. I mean, I root for all Terrapins, but I previously DESPISED all things from Iceland. In fact, the first time I talk to him, it is going to be VERY difficult to not ask him if he remembers the whole Gunnar Stahl/Julie Gaffney issue…

3. NHL Playoffs: Canadiens @ Capitals (Thursday & Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS, Monday 7pm from Montreal live on TBA)

Finally. For the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I have a reason to care about the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I FINALLY have a reason to be interested in postseason hockey, with a real feeling that my team could win the Stanley Cup!


Let me hear you Howl!!!

2. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce: Nashville (Saturday 9pm live on CBS), Bellator Fighting Championships XIV (Thursday 8pm from Chicago live on Fox Sports Net); Boxing: Kelly Pavlik vs. Sergio Martinez (Saturday 10pm from Atlantic City live on HBO), Friday Night Fights: Tony Thompson vs. Owen Beck (Friday 10pm from Memphis live on ESPN2)

The thought of a fighting championship in Music City made me think of…for absolutely NO REASON…this AWESOME promo that Jeff Jarrett cut back in 1993…

In a word….breathtaking.

1. College Lacrosse-Inside Lacrosse Smartlink Day of Rivals: Army vs. Navy (Saturday 4pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPNU), Johns Hopkins vs. Maryland (Saturday 6:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPNU); Georgetown @ Loyola (Saturday 12pm from Ridley Athletic Complex live on AM1570 WNST, ESPNU & WMAR2); Drexel @ Towson (Saturday 7:30pm Unitas Stadium); Albany @ UMBC (Saturday 7pm UMBC Stadium); St. Mary’s @ Stevenson (Tuesday 4pm Caves Athletic Complex), York @ Stevenson (Thursday 4pm Caves Athletic Complex)

Hopkins-Maryland. The ABSOLUTE best local sports rivalry.

Well, except of course for that OTHER rivalry that goes down Saturday between Essex and Dundalk. You know, the one that WIYY sponsors with the responsibility of THIS on the line???…


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 08 March 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: AIFA-New Jersey Revolution @ Baltimore Mariners (Sunday 4pm 1st Mariner Arena); MISL: Rockford Rampage @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 7:35pm from 1st Mariner Arena streamed live at B2liveTV.com), Philadelphia KiXX @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:35pm from 1st Mariner Arena streamed live at B2liveTV.com); NBA: Rockets @ Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Hawks @ Wizards (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Wizards @ Pistons (Friday 8pm from Detroit live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Magic @ Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV), Wizards @ Jazz (Monday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet); Tennis: ATP BNP Paribas Open (Saturday & Sunday 2pm, Monday 3pm from Indian Wells, CA live on Tennis Channel)

10. They Might Be Giants (Friday 8pm Recher Theatre), Dropkick Murphys (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), JET & Carbon Leaf (Friday 7:15am 9:30 Club), Shamrockfest featuring The Roots, Train, etc. (Saturday 1pm RFK Stadium), Five For Fighting (Tuesday 8pm Lisner Auditorium), Ron White (Saturday 7pm & 10pm Warner Theatre), Harland Williams (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv)

It’s not exactly the GREATEST week of live shows in the world…but there are some interesting things here….

For example, while I won’t be able to make it to Shamrockfest Saturday, I SERIOUSLY support the concept. I also support The Roots, who have been one of the greatest things to happen to music…like…ever….

The show Friday morning at 9:30 Club is called “Kegs and Eggs”, which is also a concept I’m fully behind. Of course, drinking beer while eating eggs is something I like to just call “Breakfast” myself…


And since BOTH events include Carbon Leaf, I’m reminded that Carbon Leaf is SO FREAKING AWESOME…..

9. WWE-Shawn Michaels: My Journey available in stores on DVD (Tuesday), Jimi Hendrix “Valleys of Neptune” available in stores (Tuesday)

I don’t usually go to the store to buy music anymore-I usually choose iTunes these days. But no matter what I do, I’m totally confused about this whole Jimi Hendrix thing. You mean to tell me that Jimi Hendrix has been dead for FORTY YEARS and they’re just now discovering unreleased music????

I mean, even 2Pac stopped putting out new music a few years back, and he’s only been gone for about 15 years! What’s next, some unreleased material from Bach???

If I was headed to Best Buy (or wherever it is people go to buy new releases these days) Tuesday, I’d probably shell out the cash for the Shawn Michaels DVD set, truthfully. I’m a total mark for HBK….

8. Golf: WGC CA Championship (Thursday & Friday 2pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 2pm Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Doral, FL), PGA Puerto Rico Open (Thursday-Saturday 6:30, Sunday 7:30pm from Rio Grande, PR live on Golf Channel)

Look, I don’t have a freaking clue why John Daly started modeling underwear a few weeks ago….


But I do know that I personally think Tiger Woods’ friend Loredana Jolie would have been a better choice….


7. College Football: Maryland Pro Timing Day (Wednesday Cole Field House & Gossett Team House)


My suggestion to Bruce Campbell (shoe-in), Terrell Skinner, Nolan Carroll, Chris Turner and all others participating Wednesday in College Park: Run faster than Rich Eisen….

And before we move off the topic of Bruce Campbell, as great as his Old Spice commercial was….

This is better….

6. NHL: Hurricanes @ Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network), Lightning @ Capitals (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Capitals @ Blackhawks (Sunday 12:30pm from Chicago live on NBC)

Remember when the whole country had hockey fever about a week ago? So….ummm…..whatever happened to that????

For the record, I literally don’t think I can name a single player for Tampa Bay. Vincent LeCavalier or whatever the hell that french guy’s name was? Is he on the team?

I know Patrick Kane plays for the Hawks, but I don’t think I can name anyone else. Maybe Stan Mikita? Wayne & Garth?


5. College Lacrosse: Towson @ Maryland (Saturday 11am from Byrd Stadium live on WMAR2 & ESPNU), Penn @ Maryland (Monday 3pm Ludwig Field); UMBC @ Johns Hopkins (Tuesday 7pm from Homewood Field live on ESPNU); Duke @ Loyola (Saturday 3pm from Ridley Athletic Complex live on AM1570 WNST); Lycoming @ Stevenson (Saturday 1pm Caves Athletic Complex)

I’d like to congratulate everyone in the Greyhounds family (even you Chris Bonetti) on the opening of your new stadium. It’s a big deal.

Of course, it would be a bigger deal if you were opening KITCHEN Stadium….

4. Boxing: Manny Pacquiao vs. Joshua Clottey (Saturday 9pm from Arlington, TX live on HBO PPV)

I wasn’t NEARLY as excited about this fight until I saw that Manny Pacquiao may or may not be dating someone named Krista Ranillo….


(Edit from GMC: Attention attractive females-if I allow another man to punch me in the face repeatedly, will you sleep with me? A simple “yes” or “no” will do here.)

3. High School Basketball State Semifinals: 1A-Allegany vs. Dunbar (Friday 3pm), Snow Hill vs. Owings Mills (Friday 5pm)-Final Saturday 1pm; 2A-North Carroll vs. Gwynn Park (Friday 7pm), Easton vs. City (Friday 9pm)-Final Saturday 6pm; 3A-Blake vs. Thomas Stone (Thursday 3pm), Stephen Decatur vs. Milford Mill (Thursday 5pm)-Final Saturday 3pm; 4A-Springbrook vs. Eleanor Roosevelt (Thursday 7pm), Old Mill vs. Urbana (Thursday 9pm)-Final Saturday 8pm. All games from Comcast Center.

As a reminder, if you’re poking around College Park this weekend….


It’s illegal, and it isn’t cool. (Edit from GMC: You know what, cast your own judgments on what is or isn’t cool. I’m sick of you always leaving it up to me. It’s DEFINITELY illegal though.)

2. Ed Block Courage Awards (Tuesday 6:15pm Martin’s West)

Look, I think Dawan Landry, Michael Vick, EJ Henderson, Shawne Merriman, Marlin Jackson, Mike Furrey, et. al. are as deserving as anyone might be to win one of these awards; but I can’t help but wonder where a certain other NFL quarterback is on this list…..


….my apologies, apparently they aren’t the Ed Block “Liquid Courage” Awards. My apologies.

1. College Basketball: ACC Tournament: Maryland vs. North Carolina/Georgia Tech winner (Friday 7pm from Greensboro live on Raycom Sports-WNUV 54 locally, ESPN2 nationally-Championship Game Sunday 2pm from Greensboro live on Raycom/ESPN); MEAC Tournament Championship Game (Saturday 2pm from Winston-Salem live on ESPN2); Big East Tournament Championship Game (Saturday 9pm from New York live on ESPN); SEC Tournament Championship Game (Sunday 12pm from Nashville live on ABC); Big Ten Tournament Championship Game (Sunday 3:30pm from Indianapolis live on CBS); Big 12 Tournament Championship Game (Saturday 6pm from Kansas City live on ESPN); Pac 10 Tournament Championship Game (Saturday 6pm from Los Angeles live on CBS); America East Tournament Championship Game (Saturday 12pm from Burlington, VT live on ESPN); Atlantic 10 Tournament Championship Game (Sunday 1pm from Atlantic City live on CBS); Conference USA Tournament Championship Game (Saturday 11:35am from Tulsa, OK live on CBS); Selection Sunday (coverage Sunday 6pm live on CBS/ESPN/AM1570 WNST)

So….the closest Bojangles to Greensboro is where???

Look, if you’re a Maryland fan traveling to the ACC Tournament this weekend, let’s meet up somewhere. You plan it. I’ll just show up and drink your beer. If that’s okay. If it isn’t, don’t invite me. If you’re a Duke fan traveling to Greensboro this weekend for the ACC Tournament, I hope you have a miserable weekend. If you’re a Duke fan traveling to Greensboro this weekend who is willing to buy me a beer, let me know.

I know this much. I’d pay any amount of money to see this again…..


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..


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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 08 February 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable MentionTennis: SAP Open (Semifinals Saturday, Final Sunday-airing Tape-Delayed Monday & Following Tuesday 8pm from San Jose on Comcast SportsNet); Bowling: PBA USBC Masters (Sunday 3pm from Reno live on ESPN); Women’s College Basketball: Clemson @ Maryland (Sunday 2pm Comcast Center)

Editor’s Note-I am not including High School Basketball games this week because I am not certain any high schools will be open this week.

10. Furthur feat. Phil Lesh and Bob Weir (Saturday 7pm Patriot Center), Trey Anastasio (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Umphrey’s McGee (Sunday 7:30pm Rams Head Live), Grounduation Bob Marley Tribute (Friday 7pm Recher Theatre)

What the hell? Is this like an early 4-20 celebration or something?!? If you notice that your local Royal Farms is completely sold out of Doritos, you have your explanation. I’m not sure there’s enough Ready-Clean to make sure everyone in the Old Line State keeps their jobs for another week.

I won’t be making it out to any of these games myself, but I will be partaking in my generation’s greatest addition to pot culture….Half Baked….

9. Soccer: Philadelphia KiXX @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 7:35pm from 1st Mariner Arena streamed live on B2LiveTV.com)

Do you REALLY think that the only reason I’m including a Blast game on my list is because I discovered a Baltimore Blast cheerleaders MySpace page and can now post more pictures of the gals here on the blog? That’s crazy! This is a big game! The Blast have been struggling recently, and they need a win. The KiXX have been one of the Blast’s biggest rivals throughout their histor……

You know what, here’s the damn picture. I’m sorry I mislead you…


8. TNA “Against All Odds” (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View)

I’ve been really impressed by TNA recently. In fact, I think they’ve done a hell of a job of figuring how to do EXACTLY what doomed WCW. Sign a bunch of guys that no one was really interested in watching that much anymore, stunt the growth of your own talent, and let Hulk Hogan make all the decisions for your company. I mean, name one thing Hulk Hogan has touched that wasn’t a tremendous success….


Okay, that’s not fair-because at least they produced something of value…..


7. NHL: Capitals @ Canadiens (Wednesday 7:30pm from Montreal live on Comcast SportsNet), Capitals @ Senators (Thursday 7pm from Ottawa live on Comcast SportsNet), Capitals @ Blues (Saturday 8pm from St. Louis live on Comcast SportsNet)

The Caps come into the week having won 14 games in a row. I haven’t even showered 14 days in a row.

Anyway, with the Capitals heading to Canada, I’m reminded that Canadians are weird. Except Michael Buble, he kicks ASS!

Oh, he’s actually pretty good at music too….

6. Golf: PGA AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Pebble Beach, CA); Champions Tour ACE Group Classic (Friday & Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm live on Golf Channel)

I guess Pebble Beach is supposed to be cool because Bill Murray goes there and does some sort of wacky hijinks….

I’m sure that would be awesome, but it appears to me as though he’s still playing golf, so I don’t think I’d be interested. But if he’s doing something besides golf, I’m all in…..

And what golf post would be complete with a “Tiger Woods whore of the week” update. I’m started to understand why Loredana Jolie was always Tiger’s favorite…..


5. College Lacrosse: VMI @ Navy (Saturday 12pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium), Loyola @ UMBC scrimmage (Friday 12pm UMBC Stadium)

Speaking of an early 4:20 celebration, it’s the start of lacrosse season!!!

Syracuse is the preseason #1 this season, which probably has something to do with the fact that they won the NCAA Championship a season ago. It probably has nothing to do with Otto the Orange’s popularity in Karl Ravech’s office…

4. NASCAR: Daytona 500 (Sunday 1pm from Daytona live on FOX), Gatorade Duels (Thursday 2pm from Daytona live on SPEED), Nationwide Series Drive4COPD 300 (Saturday 1pm from Daytona live on ESPN2)

How do I say this without being considered a chauvinist? If you want me to watch a sport involving Danica Patrick, make it car WASHING, not car DRIVING.

Oh wait, was that chauvinist? Eh, I own it.

In the meantime, here’s a picture of Danica Patrick in a bikini. That’s not chauvinist, is it?


3. NBA All-Star Game (Sunday 8pm from Dallas live on TNT), All-Star Saturday Night (Saturday 8:30pm from Dallas live on TNT); Wizards @ Bobcats (Tuesday 7pm from Charlotte live on Comcast SportsNet)

You know what’s amazing about the Slam Dunk contest? The fact that THIS once happened and somehow did they not only NOT stop the contest and immediately re-name the thing after Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash; but Stat actually DIDN’T EVEN WIN THE TITLE!!!

Look, I know this was 5 years ago, but seriously…..what in the hell are these kids ever going to do that it better than that?!?!?

2. Winter Olympics: Opening Ceremonies (Friday 7:30 NBC), Live Coverage (Saturday 2pm & 8pm on NBC, 3pm & 8pm on CNBC; Sunday 1pm & 7pm on NBC, 3pm on USA, 7:30pm on CNBC; Monday 1pm & 8pm on NBC, 5:30pm on MSNBC. All Olympic goodness from Vancouver.)

Because I always get the difficult assignments, here is a collection of some sexy athletes you’ll see during the Vancouver games, starting with Team USA skeleton (racer? skeletoner? I’m not sure where to go here…) Noelle Pikus-Pace….


How about skier Janette Hargin from Sweden???


OF COURSE there’s Gretchen Bleiler….


My personal favorite Sasha Cohen….


Kristi Leskinen….


And there’s no way we can leave out the great Johnny Weir…..


WAIT A SECOND! How did that get in there?!?!?

1. College Basketball: Virginia @ Maryland (Wednesday 7pm from Comcast Center live on ESPNU), Maryland @ Duke (Saturday 1pm from Durham, NC live on CBS); UNC-Wilmington @ Towson (Wednesday 7pm from Towson Center live on MASN), Georgia State @ Towson (Saturday 4pm Towson Center); UMBC @ Hartford (Thursday 7pm live on MASN), Albany @ UMBC (Saturday 7pm RAC Arena); St. Peter’s @ Loyola (Friday 7pm Reitz Arena), Loyola @ Iona (Sunday 2pm from New Rochelle, NY live on MAAC TV); Winston-Salem State @ Morgan State (Saturday 4pm Hill Field House), South Carolina State @ Morgan State (Monday 7pm from Hill Field House live on ESPNU); South Carolina State @ Coppin State (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), Winston-Salem State @ Coppin State (Monday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex)

The ONLY good thing about a trip to Cameron Indoor Stadium is that we all know what will be available on the way…..


Bojangles : me what Stripper road beef : Alex Rodriguez. Except that while I go home to Chick-Fil-A, A-Rod used to go home to Cynthia Rodriguez….


And before I leave, here’s some thoughts on Sunday’s game from Peter Rosenberg (Language VERY NSFW. Unless of course you work for Coach K. In which case, get bent.)….

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..


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