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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 22 August 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Los Angeles Sparks @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Phoenix Mercury @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet/NBA TV); Soccer: MLS-Portland Timbers @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet); College Football: Towson Media Day (Wednesday 3:30pm Unitas Stadium); Canadian Football League: Hamilton Tiger-Cats @ Winnipeg Blue Bombers (Friday 8pm from Winnipeg live on NFL Network)

10. Silopanna feat. Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings, Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue, Matt And Kim, Fitz And The Tantrums, Jimmie’s Chicken Shack (Saturday 11:30am Anne Arundel County Fairgrounds); John Prine (Saturday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Train & Maroon 5 feat. Gavin DeGraw (Wednesday 5:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Jimmy Buffett & The Corral Reefer Band (Saturday 8pm Jiffy Lube Live), Journey feat. Foreigner & Night Ranger (Sunday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); The Temptations/The Four Tops (Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap), Bruce Hornsby & The Noisemakers (Sunday 8pm Wolf Trap), Doobie Brothers (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Buckethead (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Kenny Wayne Shepherd (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Chuck Brown (Saturday 9pm 9:30 Club); “Our Idiot Brother” out in theaters (Friday)

Cised for Silopanna. If you’re not in on Fitz & The Tantrums, you’re making a HUGE mistake. I’m not surprised knowing you…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doe1KdaywKg[/youtube]

Trombone Shorty opened for Dave Matthews last fall when I saw him in Charlottesville. I’m the idiot for waiting this long to see him again…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWYA5OzK9xE[/youtube]

Sharon Jones is outstanding. That’s about all I have to say here.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ouI5KcyHfE[/youtube]

If you’re from Maryland and don’t love Jimmie’s Chicken Shack, you should probably just move already…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JobkYSL1W_o[/youtube]

9. Maryland State Fair (Friday-Monday Timonium Fairgrounds); Maryland Renaissance Festival (Saturday & Sunday RennFest Fairgrounds Annapolis); Cirque du Soleil Quidam (Wednesday-Sunday 1st Mariner Arena)

Good God I LOVE the State Fair. Not kidding. I honestly LOVE the State Fair. In fact, I will go over there with ANYONE and bet on Pig Races if you’re interested. Pig Races are awesome…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHKZRhFLpkY[/youtube]

And the RennFest? I mean, is there anything…in the world…greater than ax throwing?

axthrowing

The shirtless guy behind me? Coolest MF-er on the face of the planet.

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 01 August 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Soccer-MLS Toronto FC @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm RFK Stadium); WNBA New York Liberty @ Washington Mystics (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on NBA TV); Pro Lacrosse: MLL Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Rochester Rattlers (Saturday 7pm from Rochester, NY live on ESPN3.com); Canadian Football League: Toronto Argonauts @ Montreal Alouettes (Thursday 8pm from Montreal live on NFL Network)

10. Jill Scott/Anthony Hamilton/Mint Condition (Sunday 7pm Verizon Center); Guster/Jack’s Mannequin (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Steely Dan (Tuesday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Death Cab For Cutie (Sunday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Alison Krauss & Union Station (Sunday 8pm Wolf Trap), INXS (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Cinderella (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Alien Ant Farm (Friday 7pm Recher Theatre), Hammerjack’s Reunion feat. Child’s Play (Saturday 1pm Recher Theatre); Cappadonna (Thursday 8:30pm Sonar); Toad The Wet Sprocket (Thursday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage); Bon Iver (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Rusted Root (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club); O.A.R. “King” (Tuesday) and Jay-Z & Kanye West “Watch The Throne” (Monday) available in stores/on iTunes; Doug Benson Loves Movies Podcast (Wednesday 8pm Baltimore Comedy Factory), Rob Cantrell (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); John Mulaney (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv)

Look, I know Steely Dan is great and all-but we agree that they stole a Grammy that rightly belonged to Eminem, don’t we?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTDRd0Z0O4o[/youtube]

Is the guy JD Fortune still singing for INXS after winning that reality show? It’s a little embarrassing, but if he can sing “Need You Tonight” ANYTHING like Michael Hutchence I’d be in…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhvbRZWEtd4[/youtube]

I’ve seen Alien Ant Farm three times in my life. Perhaps I shouldn’t admit that, but I’ve felt like you and I should always be able to trust each other to tell the truth.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ2t4jfVTiU[/youtube]

I’m seriously freaking out about the new O.A.R. record. Not excited enough to actually go to a record STORE, but damnit I’m approaching 30. Record stores just aren’t real anymore. What was I talking about here?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-yValw_UbE[/youtube]

9. National Aquarium 30th Anniversary Festival (Friday-Sunday National Aquarium in Baltimore); Baltimore Summer Restaurant Week (begins Friday throughout Charm City)

It’s a shame William Donald Schaefer didn’t make it long enough for this. He wouldn’t have been in health to don the suit once more, but it wouldn’t have meant more to anyone in the world.

wds

Thus concludes the only part of this that will in any way resemble anything of a serious nature.

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 18 July 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Challengers-Bobby Voelker vs. Roger Bowling (Friday 11pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime); WNBA: Atlanta Dream @ Washington Mystics (Wednesday 11:30am from Verizon Center live on NBA TV); Arena Football: AFL Spokane Shock @ Jacksonville Sharks (Friday 8pm from Jacksonville live on NFL Network); CFL: Edmonton Eskimos @ Calgary Stampeders (Saturday 7pm from Calgary live on NFL Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Anthony Dirrell vs. Kevin Engel (Friday 9pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN2), Amir Khan vs. Zab Judah (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on HBO); Roller Derby: Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena); Pro Lacrosse: MLL Long Island Lizards @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet/ESPN3.com)

10. Michael McDonald & Boz Scaggs (Tuesday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion), Dierks Bentley (Thursday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Wiz Khalifa (Sunday 3:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Lucinda Williams/Amos Lee (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Emmylou Harris (Saturday 8pm Wolf Trap); Kid Cudi (Saturday 7pm Ocean City Inlet); Ted Nugent (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live); Better Than Ezra (Friday 6pm Power Plant Live); Jimi Haha (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); Marc Cohn (Saturday 9pm Rams Head On Stage); Ellie Goulding (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); Jonny Lang (Tuesday 7:30pm Birchmere), Carbon Leaf (Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); Brian McKnight (Friday 8pm Strathmore); Tom Papa (Thursday-Saturday DC Improv); 311 “Universal Pulse” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I don’t care what Paul Rudd said in “40 Year Old Virgin”, Michael McDonald kicks ass. (Note: Michael McDonald doesn’t really kick ass. But “What a Fool Believes” does.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDWGKQcQ8zw[/youtube]

It’s much too far a haul, but I’d be all in to go see Amos Lee…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDOcbMic6mI[/youtube]

Can anyone help me find an affordable place to stay in OC this weekend? I’d REALLY like to go see Kid Cudi…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRPpLGxGNZY[/youtube]

If I don’t go to OC this weekend, I’m definitely going to see BTE Friday night. This song was the soundtrack to my 7th grade…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl6gaF_6Wcs[/youtube]

9. Captain America” and “Friends With Benefits” open in theaters (Friday)

I’m all in on Captain America because…I mean…he’s Captain freaking America.

You might be surprised that I’m also in on FWB, but I am. Think about it. One-it’s a movie about Mila Kunis having sex…

kunis

Two-Justin Timberlake is legit funny…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOulenjUr5E[/youtube]

(Eds. Note: Why would SNL try so hard to ruin him by shoving Kristen Wiig and Lady GaGa in this sketch?)

(Eds. Note 2: No way Friends With Benefits is REALLY funny.)

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 04 July 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Arena Football-AFL Cleveland Gladiators @ Philadelphia Soul (Friday 8pm from Philly live on NFL Network); Canadian Football League: Montreal Alouettes @ Saskatchewan Roughriders (Saturday 4pm from Saskatchewan live on NFL Network), Hamilton Tiger-Cats @ Edmonton Eskimos (Saturday 7pm from Edmonton live on NFL Network); WNBA: Washington Mystics @ Chicago Sky (Tuesday 8pm from Chicago live on ESPN3.com); Boxing: Brandon Rios vs. Urbano Antillon (Saturday 10pm from Carson, CA live on Showtime), Paul Williams vs. Erislandy Lara (Saturday 10:15pm from Atlantic City live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Francisco Sierra vs. Jesus Gonzales (Friday 9pm from Phoenix live on ESPN2)

10. Bela Fleck & The Flecktones (Thursday 6pm Rams Head Live), Charm City Devils (Saturday 7:30pm Rams Head Live), Old 97′s (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Frankie Beverly & MAZE (Saturday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Animal Collective (Saturday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Def Leppard/Heart (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Marshall Tucker Band (Sunday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); John Witherspoon (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Rockapella (Thursday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); The Bridge (Sunday 6pm Ladew Gardens)

The Old 97′s are the best band you’ve never heard of. (I’ve always wanted to say that!)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1nn7lXP7WQ[/youtube]

I’ve been trying to get you to support John Allan and CCD boys for years. Please start soon.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUB08-RuwdM[/youtube]

My favorite Def Leppard tune? Quite possibly “Photograph”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ5bS3_BCDs[/youtube]

For the 15th time this year, PLEASE START LISTENING TO THE BRIDGE…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajY3mBuGVQk[/youtube]

9. “Horrible Bosses” opens in theaters (Friday); Boy Meets World Season 6 available on DVD (Tuesday)

I finally saw “Bridesmaids” over 4th of July weekend. How can Kristen Wiig not be funny at all on Saturday Night Live but then be genuinely funny in a really funny movie? Weird.

Critics are telling us Horrible Bosses is really funny, so I imagine I’ll see it. I am struggling with one of the plotlines being Charlie Day having problems with being sexually harassed by Jennifer Aniston however…

aniston

Nope. Not buying it.

And as far as BMW Season 6 goes, I remember the ridiculous range of emotions I experienced while watching the episode “Resurrection.” Tough to do this to a 13 year old kid, ABC.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIv8WCIfD4Y[/youtube]

8. Pro Lacrosse: MLL All-Star Game (Saturday 7pm from Boston live on ESPN2)

Lord…they’ve won the Super Bowl three times, the World Series twice, the NBA Championship, the Stanley Cup and four Frozen Fours since 2001 and now they’re taking the All-Star Game in OUR sport?

Jesus, this is too much. Seriously, can’t we just have anything in Charm City? I mean, are they going to take this from us next???

backriver

7. Cycling: Tour De France (Stage 3 Tuesday 8am Stage 4 Wednesday 7:30am Stages 5-8 Thursday-Sunday 8am all live on VERSUS)

I couldn’t tell you a damn THING about the Tour de France at this point, and I follow Lance Armstrong on Twitter.

Instead, I offer a picture of Buffalo Chicken Waffle French Fries for my food porn friends…

fries

Word.

6. Auto Racing: NASCAR Quaker State 400 (Saturday 7:30pm from Sparta, KY live on TNT); IndyCar Series Honda Indy Toronto (Sunday 2pm from Toronto live on VERSUS)

Something called David Ragan won this week’s NASCAR race in Daytona. So…that happened.

Look-if it had been Brian Regan, I would have been interested…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89frRi8GgGA[/youtube]

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 20 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Pro Lacrosse-MLL Boston Cannons @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); Arena Football: AFL Kansas City Command @ Utah Blaze (Friday 8pm from Salt Lake City live on NFL Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-John Molina vs. Robert Frankel (Friday 9pm from Temecula, CA live on ESPN2), Devon Alexander vs. Lucas Matthysse (Saturday 9:45 from St. Charles, MO live on HBO); WNBA: Indiana Fever @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Tulsa Shock @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

10. Bad Teacher” and “Cars 2” out in theaters (Friday)

Both of these flicks appear to be watchable at worst. Bad Teacher looks particularly good, as it includes the great Jason Segel…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5ZtwbzUFZE[/youtube]

…Phyllis from “The Office”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCZIfPAWMis[/youtube]

…and of course the great Justin Timberlake…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi7gwX7rjOw[/youtube]

9. Roots Fest (Wednesday-Sunday “Highway to Nowhere”-Route 40, Franklin and N. Gilmor)

Perhaps the highlight of the event? The dialogue on the future of Baltimore…with the cast of “The Wire.”

Given the folks involved, is it safe to say that the future of Baltimore somehow involves drugs?

I’d pay ten dollars just to go and watch the guys re-enact their interrogations. Pardon the language…it’s art.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EeFa8QOq_Y[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Toyota/Save Mart 350 (Sunday 3pm from Sonoma, CA live on TNT); IndyCar Series Iowa Corn Indy 250 (Saturday 8pm from Newton, IA live on VERSUS)

Rex Snider said something on Twitter the other day about NASCAR TV ratings being up. I would have kept reading, but it involved NASCAR so I’m pretty sure no one cared.

Jeff Gordon recently won an event. With Cars 2 set to open soon, I will admit that I am much more concerned with how Jeff Gorvette is doing…

gorvette

7. Golf: PGA Tour Travelers Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Cromwell, Conn.); Champions Tour Dick’s Sporting Goods Open (Friday 6:30pm Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from Endicott, NY live on Golf Channel); Wegmans LPGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12:30pm Saturday & Sunday 4pm from Pittsford, NY live on Golf Channel)

With the U.S. Open in the books (and Rory McIlroy still making a birdie somewhere at Congressional), all of us not named Drew Forrester now go right back to doing exactly what we were doing before-not really giving a crap about golf.

You know how that would change? More Bubba Watson in overalls and “ooh-da-lolly lolly.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM2NocuEihw[/youtube]

Seriously…these guys need to make one of these videos every week, especially if Tiger Woods is going to totally stop banging whores.

I mean, what the hell else are we supposed to do? Talk about golf???

6. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC Live 4-Nate Marquardt vs. Rick Story (Sunday 9pm from Pittsburgh live on VERSUS); Strikeforce Challengers-Caros Fodor vs. James Terry (Friday 11pm from Kent, WA live on Showtime)

A couple of things. One-Is Kevin Connolly REALLY interested in making a movie about the life of one-time MMA star Kimbo Slice? REALLY? Is Mr. T available to play him???

And also-did you see this picture of Conor Heun that Bloody Elbow posted after the Strikeforce event Saturday night? Looks normal at first…but keep looking at his right arm. I’ll give you about 5 seconds before you exclaim “Ohhhhh…………”

heun

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Lacrosse: MLL Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Long Island Lizards (Thursday 7:30pm from Hempstead, NY live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Fernando Guerrero vs. Grady Brewer (Friday 9pm from Austin, TX live on ESPN2), Canelo Alvarez vs. Ryan Rhodes (Saturday 10:30pm from Guadalajara, Mexico live on HBO)

10. Sade & John Legend (Thursday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Katy Perry (Wednesday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Owl City & Mat Kearney (Saturday 5:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Rascal Flatts (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Patti LaBelle (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Elvis Costello & The Imposters (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Daryl Hall & John Oates (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Musiq Soulchild (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Michael Franti & Spearhead (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live), Pop Evil/Crossfade (Sunday 6pm Rams Head Live), Good Charlotte/Yellowcard (Monday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Bridge (Wednesday 8pm 8×10 Club); Pat McGee (Friday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head on Stage); Mark Curry (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Aziz Ansari (Friday 7pm & 10pm Warner Theatre); “The Green Lantern” opens in theaters (Friday)

I was digging John Legend way before I ever heard his cover of Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep.” That being said, it DOES make me like him more…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrQ4njrnnsI[/youtube]

When David Letterman had eight heart attacks, apparently Elvis Costello filled in for him one night and introduced himself as the musical guest. This is why YouTube exists, folks…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XYFJUP84lE[/youtube]

If you’re not listening to Michael Franti, this is on you at this point. Get on it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh-8mw9MKbQ[/youtube]

Seeing Pat McGee playing solo makes me wonder what Pat McGee Band is doing. That being said, he’s pretty good on his own too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzTL2woRzrI[/youtube]

9. Harford County Restaurant Week continues (Tuesday & Wednesday throughout Hazzard County)

Ho.ly. Crap.

You mean to tell me there’s a Chiapparelli’s in Havre de Grace and NONE of you a-holes told me?

Look, it will never replace the O.G. in Little Italy (which is actually closer to me), but it’s a potential refreshing change of pace when I need a fix.

Yes, I have an addiction…to Chips salad.

chips

What are everyone’s plans Wednesday night? I’m in if you are…

8. Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

You might not know this, but I’m a HUGE fan of the Roller Girls.

It isn’t just because the first time I went to see them I was greeted with Chipotle and Pabst Blue Ribbon, although I will admit it helped.

It’s also about the players’ names. For example…

Minnie Piledriver
Reckless Ndangerment
Frenzy Lohan
Duchess of Torque
Flo Shizzle
Coach Ballbricker
Dolly Rocket
Joy Collision
Pistol Whip

I offer one solid dollar for someone to come up with my own CCRG name. Not just a dollar…a SOLID dollar. Keep that in mind.

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips 400 (Sunday 1pm from Cambridge Township, MI live on TNT); IndyCar Series Milwaukee 225 (Sunday 3:30pm from West Allis, WI live on ABC)

I know some people are into this, but I’ve made no mistake that NASCAR and Auto Racing in general just aren’t for me.

You know how it WOULD be for me? If Rick From Reisterstown could call the races!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlmJsosYi_Y[/youtube]

Rick took the collar this year when Ruler On Ice claimed the Belmont instead of Shackleford. Seriously though, if you took your betting advice from Rick-I’ve got nothing for you.

6. NHL Playoffs: Stanley Cup Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 7 if necessary Wednesday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC)

You’re thinking to yourself “Glenn, why is a potential Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals only number 7 on your list instead of being number 1???”

The answer is-of course-because if there’s a God (and I believe there will be), the Canucks will parade around Beantown with the Cup Monday night and Vancouver will simply be recovering from a 48 hour hangover Wednesday night.

If they win (either Monday OR Wednesday), we all agree that as a show of thanks for vanquishing the evil from Boston, we dress up like this on Friday, right?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4ICMRAUEoE[/youtube]

5. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour Wimbledon (Opening Round Monday 7am from Wimbledon, ENG live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com)

The thing I like most about the fortnight is the chance to really watch the prettiest players in the sport go at it…

roddick

What did you think I was going to do? Post a picture of Caroline Wozniacki? This is the one grand slam event that Andy Roddick is actually (kinda) good at! Let me have SOMETHING!

By the way, I’m going to REALLY go out on a limb and say Rafael Nadal wins Wimbledon this year. Stunning, I know-but I hear he’s pretty good.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Guadeloupe (Tuesday 9pm from Kansas City live on Fox Soccer Channel); MLS-DC United @ Real Salt Lake (Saturday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet)

What happened to Team USA against Panama Saturday night in Tampa Bay was nothing short of a debacle. Playing Van Halen tunes won’t make me feel a THING better about it, despite what some of your wisenheimers have tried doing on Facebook (search “Glenn Clark”) and Twitter (@WNST & @GlennClarkWNST).

There was SOMETHING good that came out of soccer this weekend though. If you haven’t seen the goal Eric Hassli scored for the Vancouver Whitecaps yet, thank me later.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8Vfdx7LEh4&feature=player_embedded#at=48[/youtube]

3. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Grand Prix Heavyweight Tournament-Allistair Overeem vs. Fabricio Werdum (Saturday 10pm from Dallas live on Showtime)

The disappointing part about Saturday’s event is that Gina Carano had to pull out of her fight.

Yes, that sentence WAS written in a way that would allow me to giggle about using the words “Gina Carano” and “pull out”.

I’d tell you more about the guys who ARE fighting, but wouldn’t we all just rather take another gander at the infamous weigh-in picture???

carano

Yep. Pants smaller.

2. Pro Wrestling: WWE Capitol Punishment (Sunday 8pm from Verizon Center live on Pay-Per-View); WWE Monday Night Raw (Monday 7:15from from 1st Mariner Arena live on USA Network)

Here’s the deal. Kelly Kelly will be in Baltimore Monday. If somehow she manages to leave town Tuesday, we’ve all failed.

kellykelly

1. Golf: PGA Tour/USGA U.S. Open (Thursday & Friday 10am & 5pm live on ESPN, 3pm live on NBC Saturday 2pm Sunday 1:30pm live on NBC. All golf from Congressional Country Club in Bethesda)

Harrison Frazar comes into the event red hot, having won the St. Jude Classic in Memphis. That inspires the question, “who the hell is Harrison Frazar?”

It inspires the additional, significantly more important question “did Harrison Frazar manage to get his family back after the win?”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9GwtRsOYSI[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 06 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Washington Mystics @ Atlanta Dream (Thursday 7pm from Atlanta live on ESPN2), Chicago Sky @ Washington Mystics (Saturday 7pm Verizon Center); Boxing: Lateef Kayode vs. Matt Godfrey (Friday 11pm from Santa Ynez, CA live on Showtime), Hector Sanchez vs. Vincent Arroyo (Saturday 10:35pm from New York live on Showtime), Friday Night Fights-Kenny Galarza vs. Irving Garcia (Friday 8:30pm from New York live on ESPN2); Arena Football: AFL Philadelphia Soul @ Spokane Shock (Friday 8pm from Spokane live on NFL Network)

10. Mumford & Sons (Thursday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Phish (Saturday & Sunday 4:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Decemberists (Monday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Ronnie Dunn (Friday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Glee Live (Thursday 7:30pm Verizon Center); Portugal. The Man (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Scissor Sisters (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Cowboy Mouth (Friday 8pm Rams Head Live), NOFX (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live), Sully Erna of Godsmack (Sunday 7pm Rams Head Live); George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic (Monday 7:30pm Recher Theatre); The Bridge (Wednesday 8pm 8×10 Club); Marcy Playground (Saturday 5pm Dark Horse Bel Air, Monday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); U.S. Air Guitar Championships-DC Regional (Saturday 7pm 9:30 Club); Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Go-Go’s (Friday 8pm Wolf Trap), Bright Eyes (Saturday 7pm Wolf Trap), Indigo Girls (Sunday 8pm Wolf Trap); Chelsea Handler (Saturday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Duncan Sheik (Saturday 7:30pm Birchmere), Natasha Bedingfield (Monday 7:30pm Birchmere); Bobby McFerrin (Saturday 7:30pm Warner Theatre); “True Grit” available on DVD & Blu-Ray (Tuesday); “Super 8″ opens in theaters (Friday)

You can be certain that I’ll be at Mumford & Sons Thursday night. Intern Timmy Hendrix tried to fail my ticket purchases, but he came through in the end. If you’re not there, I just feel bad for you.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd1GWaQf9Yk&feature=fvst[/youtube]

I wish I could say I was going to Phish as well. I’d go, but I have a bad feeling I might have to pass a drug test at some point in the future.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2izuYgnHukc[/youtube]

I will admit that I have no idea how Marcy Playground is still around 14 years after the ONLY song they ever had on the radio, but I kinda think it’s cool they’re playing in Harford County…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KT-r2vHeMM[/youtube]

And you know what, make fun of Glee all you want—but I am at least man enough to admit that I dig this.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbZcYy6AAGg[/youtube]

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that.

9. Honfest (Saturday & Sunday Hampden); St. Nicholas Greek Folk Festival (Thursday-Sunday St. Nicholas Church); Ocean City Air Show (Friday-Sunday 16th Street Ocean City); Ocean City Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Monday throughout OC)

Can someone call Denise Whiting and make sure I’m allowed to call the event “Honfest”?

You see what I did there? That’s called REGIONAL current events humor. Take note, aspiring low-paid doughy morning sports jocks.

Can we all just agree to put aside the controversy and again enjoy Honfest this year? I mean, I’m hoping to do “The Creep” with John Waters myself…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Pocono 500 (Sunday 1pm from Tunkhannock Township, PA live on FOX); IndyCar Series Firestone Twin 275s (Saturday 8pm from Fort Worth, TX live on VERSUS)

Lots of interesting stuff happening here. For example, have you ever heard the word “Tunkhannock” in your life before? And they’re holding two IRL races on the same night in the Lone Star State. That’s interesting, right?

No. Okay, well here’s a picture of Caity Lotz I saw the other day at Guyism. It’s not related to Auto Racing, but it’s definitely interesting-which is something Auto Racing has never provided…

caitylotz

7. Golf: PGA Tour FedEx St. Jude Classic (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Memphis); Champions Tour Greater Hickory Classic at Rock Barn (Friday 12:30pm Saturday & Sunday 1pm from Conover, NC live on Golf Channel); LPGA Tour State Farm Classic (Thursday-Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm from Springfield, IL on Golf Channel)

Speaking of excitement, here’s the weekend golf events.

So…ummm…anyone have some tumbleweeds we can watch blow around?

There’s good news from the golf world though, as David Feherty’s new Golf Channel show is about to debut…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-rN4-ES968&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

I’m so confused. Is it supposed to be a comedy?

6. Pro Wrestling: TNA Slammiversary (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View)

TNA is trying to sell the idea of “wrestling” because WWE banned the word from being used.

I have a better idea for TNA. Sell the idea of Mickie James. Repeatedly.

mickiejames

5. Soccer: Team USA vs. Canada (Tuesday 8pm from Detroit live on Fox Soccer Channel), Team USA vs. Panama (Saturday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on Fox Soccer Channel); MLS-San Jose Earthquakes @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet)

I know we got our asses kicked by Spain Saturday, but we can’t effing lose to Canada, can we? I mean, aren’t the Canadian soccer players going to be too distracted by the Stanley Cup Finals to even show up for the game at Ford Field?

I could post a lot of things here, but NOT posting the epic South Park song would be a mistake…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAYMJnO9LBQ[/youtube]

4. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 131-Junior Dos Santos vs. Shane Carwin (Saturday 9pm from Vancouver live on Pay-Per-View)

Boy, this event was SIGNIFICANTLY more exciting when it involved Brock Lesnar, wasn’t it?

No offense to Carwin or Dos Santos, who….are both fighters?

Seriously, everything is better when Brock Lesnar is involved. For example, Rikiski weighed 425 pounds. Remember what Lesnar did to him?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sqFambBnAM[/youtube]

3. Horse Racing: Belmont Stakes (Saturday 5pm from Elmont, NY live on NBC)

I’m not going to lie. The Belmont is my favorite of Rick’s calls all year, if only because he actually knows the song he’s supposed to sing before the race…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMZ0XIioWWY[/youtube]

By the way, I’ll give you a dollar** if you can name the 2010 Belmont winner off the top of your head*.

(*You checked Wikipedia…you had no idea a horse named Drosselmeyer ever existed.)
(**You and I both know I don’t have a dollar to give you.)

2. NBA Playoffs: NBA Finals-Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks (Game 4 Tuesday 9pm from Dallas live on ABC, Game 5 Thursday 9pm from Dallas live on ABC, Game 6 if necessary Sunday 8pm from Miami live on ABC)

Despite LeBron James missing another big shot in the closing moments of a game, America was saddened to see the Heat take a 2-1 lead in the Finals Sunday night.

But take heart America, we still have a lot of great things happening for us. For example, we stole Nina Dobrev from Bulgaria! (Thanks, WWTDD!)

dobrev

1. NHL Playoffs: Stanley Cup Finals-Vancouver Canucks vs. Boston Bruins (Game 4 Wednesday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS, Game 5 if necessary Friday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC, Game 6 if necessary Monday 8pm from Boston live on NBC)

I can’t believe how much of a big deal I made about Team USA against Canada in soccer earlier only to turn around and remind everyone that the Canucks are doing God’s work against those *ssholes from Beantown in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Words could never express how much I despise Boston. Thank God Steven Tyler hasn’t made good music in 20 years or else I might feel bad about how much I’m forced to dislike him by proxy.

Seriously, Boston sucks. Just ask Tina Fey…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdwqXQr-UFM[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 23 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Byron Nelson Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Irving, TX), Champions Tour Senior PGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Louisville, KY); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Tony Thompson vs. Maurice Harris (Friday 9:30pm from Reno, NV live on ESPN2); Brew at the Zoo, and Wine too! (Saturday & Sunday 1pm Maryland Zoo); Arena Football: AFL Utah Blaze @ Iowa Barnstormers (Friday 8pm from Des Moines, IA live on NFL Network)

10. New Kids on the Block & Backstreet Boys (Sunday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Raphael Saadiq (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), The Maine/Augustana (Friday 6pm Rams Head Live); Steve Ranazzissi & Bryan Callen (Saturday 8pm & 10:30pm Recher Theatre); Slick Rick (Saturday 7pm Bourbon Street); Sister Hazel (Sunday 1pm Rams Head On Stage); Paul Simon (Friday 6pm 9:30 Club); America (Thursday & Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); J. Roddy Walston & The Business (Friday & Saturday 7:30pm Ottobar)

Boy…not a whole lot going on here this week, is there?

I don’t care for KNOTB or BSB, but that’s only because I have male genitalia. But you know who I DO like? Justin effing Timberlake.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRybEjxCfFM&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

There’s a young lady I know who thinks this song is as meaningful as I do…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f46ulX6uwGc[/youtube]

I know there’s no Art Garfunkel on this tour, but Paul Simon is still one of the greatest things there is about music…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJBhdKrwTOc[/youtube]

Like The Strokes? J Roddy Walston is better. Maybe MUCH better…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s3HS4zf5y4&feature=fvst[/youtube]

9. NHL Playoffs: Western Conference Finals-San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 5 Tuesday 9pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS, Game 6 if necessary Thursday 9pm from San Jose live on VERSUS, Game 7 if necessary Saturday 8pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS); Eastern Conference Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 6 Wednesday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on VERSUS, Game 7 Friday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS)

I’m assuming that at this point you HAVE to have seen the video of the Canucks fan flashing Ben Eager in the penalty box, right? No? Impossible…

beneager

If you click on THIS link, there’s a real picture. BUT!!!! Understand that this picture is NOT for children, it is NOT for the workplace, and it does NOT suck to be Ben Eager.

8. NBA Playoffs: Western Conference Finals-Dallas Mavericks vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 5 Wednesday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 6 if necessary Friday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN, Game 7 if necessary Sunday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN); Eastern Conference Finals-Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls (Game 4 Tuesday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 5 Thursday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 6 if necessary Saturday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 7 if necessary Monday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT)

You mean to tell me there are things happening in basketball that DON’T involve ping pong balls? Color me stunned!

I honestly don’t know who I’m pulling for at this point. I never liked the Bulls growing up because I was kinda sick of seeing Michael Jordan winning every year. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to root for the Heat in this country unless you live on South Beach.

With the Eastern Conference teams out, I’m stuck trying to figure out which of the Western Conference teams to root for. I thought it might be the Thunder, but this whole Kevin Durant/Russell Westbrook “I’m better than you-NO, I’m better than you!” argument has been insufferable.

That being said, I attended a Mavs game this year. We were in Texas for the Super Bowl, and they were hosting the Washington Wizards.

Two things were accomplished that night. One-the ‘Zards lost, so Redskins fans were unhappy. I can ALWAYS get behind that. Two-they gave me a Rodrigue Beaubois bobblehead doll.

Not kidding. I have no idea if the thing ever made it back from DFA (there was a snowstorm disaster that week), but I got one-despite the fact that I had never (and still haven’t) heard of Rodrigue Beaubois.

And before I move on from hoops, umm….how did I miss this video of Blake Griffin dunking over A TIGER?!?!?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YyqsfecWAzM[/youtube]

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour French Open (Tuesday-Monday 5am live on Tennis Channel, Tuesday-Friday & Monday 12pm live on ESPN2, Saturday & Sunday 12pm live on NBC. All tennis from Paris)

A quick episode of “which would you rather?”

Would you rather spend a week in Paris with Caroline Wozniacki…

wozniacki

Or spend a week in Belgium with Paris Hilton???

parishilton

I’ll wait anxiously for your reply.

6. Baltimore Ravens Informal Practices (Tuesday-Thursday Unitas Stadium)

This event had no steam to begin with, but lost any potential steam it could have when they decided the public wouldn’t be able to attend due to commencement events at Towson that day.

That being said, I’m not really sure how there could have been any excitement in watching players (not wearing jerseys I assume) run around in 7-on-7 drills…but when the baseball team in town stinks I guess I can understand.

Of course, a practice session at Unitas Stadium might be the perfect place to show off a new toy…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ09qVDQf2k[/youtube]

5. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 130-Quinton “Rampage” Jackson vs. Mark Hamill (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

Rampage Jackson is a humorous MMA superstar. He’s REALLY good (I was actually in Vegas the night he destroyed Chuck Liddell) but he’s an absolute clown. Remember, he was the same guy that did THIS during an interview…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYmYA4ZPsIM[/youtube]

I feel like I pull for him…I’m just not really sure why.

4. “The Hangover Part II” out in theaters (Thursday)

Well, if this isn’t awesome I’m pretty sure I’ll just hate movies forever.

In the meantime, here’s Ed Helms’ song from the first one. There better damn well be another one in this one…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpOdCWaTsIk[/youtube]

3. Soccer: UEFA Champions League Final-FC Barcelona vs. Manchester United (Saturday 2pm from London live on FOX); MLS-DC United @ Portland Timbers (Sunday 5pm from Portland live on Comcast SportsNet)

And here it is, the Super Bowl of European soccer. Every hipster this week will tell me why this is more important than anything else that ever happens in sports.

They’re wrong…but it IS a big deal.

I guess I’ll be pulling for Barcelona Saturday. I mean…they DO have Lionel freaking Messi…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZnUr8lcqjo[/youtube]

2. Auto Racing: IndyCar Series Indianapolis 500 (Sunday 11am from Indianapolis live on ABC); NASCAR Coca-Cola 600 (Sunday 6pm from Charlotte live on FOX)

Ahh…the Indy 500 is Sunday. So here…for absolutely no reason…are gratuitous pictures of Danica Patrick…

danicadanica

1. College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament Final Four-Denver University vs. Virginia (Saturday 4pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), Maryland vs. Duke (Saturday 6:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), NCAA Championship Game (Monday 3:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN); Division III NCAA Championship Game: Salisbury vs. Tufts (Sunday 7pm M&T Bank Stadium); Division II NCAA Championship Game: Adelphi vs. Mercyhurst (Sunday 4pm M&T Bank Stadium); Women’s College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament Final Four-Maryland vs. Duke (Friday 5pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com), Northwestern vs. North Carolina (Friday 7:30pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com), NCAA Championship Game (Sunday 4pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com)

Since it will be a few months before we can do this again during hoops season, so let’s channel Peter Rosenberg for both Terrapins’ lax teams…language of course NSFW. Go Terps!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYOgC2Qbqh4[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 23 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Byron Nelson Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Irving, TX), Champions Tour Senior PGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Louisville, KY); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Tony Thompson vs. Maurice Harris (Friday 9:30pm from Reno, NV live on ESPN2); Brew at the Zoo, and Wine too! (Saturday & Sunday 1pm Maryland Zoo); Arena Football: AFL Utah Blaze @ Iowa Barnstormers (Friday 8pm from Des Moines, IA live on NFL Network)

10. New Kids on the Block & Backstreet Boys (Sunday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Raphael Saadiq (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), The Maine/Augustana (Friday 6pm Rams Head Live); Steve Ranazzissi & Bryan Callen (Saturday 8pm & 10:30pm Recher Theatre); Slick Rick (Saturday 7pm Bourbon Street); Sister Hazel (Sunday 1pm Rams Head On Stage); Paul Simon (Friday 6pm 9:30 Club); America (Thursday & Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); J. Roddy Walston & The Business (Friday & Saturday 7:30pm Ottobar)

Boy…not a whole lot going on here this week, is there?

I don’t care for KNOTB or BSB, but that’s only because I have male genitalia. But you know who I DO like? Justin effing Timberlake.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRybEjxCfFM&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

There’s a young lady I know who thinks this song is as meaningful as I do…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f46ulX6uwGc[/youtube]

I know there’s no Art Garfunkel on this tour, but Paul Simon is still one of the greatest things there is about music…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJBhdKrwTOc[/youtube]

Like The Strokes? J Roddy Walston is better. Maybe MUCH better…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s3HS4zf5y4&feature=fvst[/youtube]

9. NHL Playoffs: Western Conference Finals-San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 5 Tuesday 9pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS, Game 6 if necessary Thursday 9pm from San Jose live on VERSUS, Game 7 if necessary Saturday 8pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS); Eastern Conference Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 6 Wednesday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on VERSUS, Game 7 Friday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS)

I’m assuming that at this point you HAVE to have seen the video of the Canucks fan flashing Ben Eager in the penalty box, right? No? Impossible…

beneager

If you click on THIS link, there’s a real picture. BUT!!!! Understand that this picture is NOT for children, it is NOT for the workplace, and it does NOT suck to be Ben Eager.

8. NBA Playoffs: Western Conference Finals-Dallas Mavericks vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 5 Wednesday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 6 if necessary Friday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN, Game 7 if necessary Sunday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN); Eastern Conference Finals-Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls (Game 4 Tuesday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 5 Thursday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 6 if necessary Saturday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 7 if necessary Monday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT)

You mean to tell me there are things happening in basketball that DON’T involve ping pong balls? Color me stunned!

I honestly don’t know who I’m pulling for at this point. I never liked the Bulls growing up because I was kinda sick of seeing Michael Jordan winning every year. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to root for the Heat in this country unless you live on South Beach.

With the Eastern Conference teams out, I’m stuck trying to figure out which of the Western Conference teams to root for. I thought it might be the Thunder, but this whole Kevin Durant/Russell Westbrook “I’m better than you-NO, I’m better than you!” argument has been insufferable.

That being said, I attended a Mavs game this year. We were in Texas for the Super Bowl, and they were hosting the Washington Wizards.

Two things were accomplished that night. One-the ‘Zards lost, so Redskins fans were unhappy. I can ALWAYS get behind that. Two-they gave me a Rodrigue Beaubois bobblehead doll.

Not kidding. I have no idea if the thing ever made it back from DFA (there was a snowstorm disaster that week), but I got one-despite the fact that I had never (and still haven’t) heard of Rodrigue Beaubois.

And before I move on from hoops, umm….how did I miss this video of Blake Griffin dunking over A TIGER?!?!?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YyqsfecWAzM[/youtube]

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour French Open (Tuesday-Monday 5am live on Tennis Channel, Tuesday-Friday & Monday 12pm live on ESPN2, Saturday & Sunday 12pm live on NBC. All tennis from Paris)

A quick episode of “which would you rather?”

Would you rather spend a week in Paris with Caroline Wozniacki…

wozniacki

Or spend a week in Belgium with Paris Hilton???

parishilton

I’ll wait anxiously for your reply.

6. Baltimore Ravens Informal Practices (Tuesday-Thursday Unitas Stadium)

This event had no steam to begin with, but lost any potential steam it could have when they decided the public wouldn’t be able to attend due to commencement events at Towson that day.

That being said, I’m not really sure how there could have been any excitement in watching players (not wearing jerseys I assume) run around in 7-on-7 drills…but when the baseball team in town stinks I guess I can understand.

Of course, a practice session at Unitas Stadium might be the perfect place to show off a new toy…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ09qVDQf2k[/youtube]

5. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 130-Quinton “Rampage” Jackson vs. Matt Hamill (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

Rampage Jackson is a humorous MMA superstar. He’s REALLY good (I was actually in Vegas the night he destroyed Chuck Liddell) but he’s an absolute clown. Remember, he was the same guy that did THIS during an interview…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYmYA4ZPsIM[/youtube]

I feel like I pull for him…I’m just not really sure why.

4. “The Hangover Part II” out in theaters (Thursday)

Well, if this isn’t awesome I’m pretty sure I’ll just hate movies forever.

In the meantime, here’s Ed Helms’ song from the first one. There better damn well be another one in this one…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpOdCWaTsIk[/youtube]

3. Soccer: UEFA Champions League Final-FC Barcelona vs. Manchester United (Saturday 2pm from London live on FOX); MLS-DC United @ Portland Timbers (Sunday 5pm from Portland live on Comcast SportsNet)

And here it is, the Super Bowl of European soccer. Every hipster this week will tell me why this is more important than anything else that ever happens in sports.

They’re wrong…but it IS a big deal.

I guess I’ll be pulling for Barcelona Saturday. I mean…they DO have Lionel freaking Messi…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZnUr8lcqjo[/youtube]

2. Auto Racing: IndyCar Series Indianapolis 500 (Sunday 11am from Indianapolis live on ABC); NASCAR Coca-Cola 600 (Sunday 6pm from Charlotte live on FOX)

Ahh…the Indy 500 is Sunday. So here…for absolutely no reason…are gratuitous pictures of Danica Patrick…

danicadanica

1. College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament Final Four-Denver University vs. Virginia (Saturday 4pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), Maryland vs. Duke (Saturday 6:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), NCAA Championship Game (Monday 3:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN); Division III NCAA Championship Game: Salisbury vs. Tufts (Sunday 7pm M&T Bank Stadium); Division II NCAA Championship Game: Adelphi vs. Mercyhurst (Sunday 4pm M&T Bank Stadium); Women’s College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament Final Four-Maryland vs. Duke (Friday 5pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com), Northwestern vs. North Carolina (Friday 7:30pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com), NCAA Championship Game (Sunday 4pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com)

Since it will be a few months before we can do this again during hoops season, so let’s channel Peter Rosenberg for both Terrapins’ lax teams…language of course NSFW. Go Terps!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYOgC2Qbqh4[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Fort Worth, TX), LPGA Tour Sybase Match Play Championship (Thursday & Friday 6:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 4:30pm from Gladstone, NJ live on Golf Channel); Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena); Soccer: Team USA Women vs. Japan (Wednesday 7pm from Cary, NC live on ESPN2), AFC Ajax @ DC United (Sunday 5pm RFK Stadium); Boxing: Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal (Saturday 10pm from Montreal live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Joel Julio vs. Antwone Smith (Friday 9pm from Newark, NJ live on ESPN2); Mixed Martial Arts: Bellator Fighting Championships 45 (Saturday 9pm from Lake Charles, LA live on MTV2); Arena Football: AFL Arizona Rattlers @ New Orleans VooDoo (Friday 8pm from New Orleans live on NFL Network)

10. Sugarland/Little Big Town/Matt Nathanson (Sunday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Jason Aldean (Saturday 4:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Apocalyptica/Finger Eleven/Charm City Devils (Thursday 6pm Power Plant Live); Blue October (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Grace Potter and the Nocturnals (Wednesday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Wailers (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); En Vogue (Sunday 8pm Bourbon Street); Pauly Shore (Saturday 7pm Rams Head on Stage); Arctic Monkeys (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), B.O.B. (Thursday 6pm 9:30 Club), The Cars (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); (hed)p.e. (Thursday 6:15pm Jaxx); Blind Boys of Alabama (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); DC101 Chili Cook-Off feat. Weezer, Papa Roach, Seether, Neon Trees, Panic! at the Disco (Saturday 12pm RFK Stadium); Preakness Infieldfest feat. Train, Bruno Mars, Puddle of Mudd, Phil Vassar (Saturday 11am Pimlico); Chesapeake Bay Blues Festival feat. Chris Isaak, Little Feat, Kenny Wayne Shepherd (Saturday-Sunday Sandy Point State Park); Ben Harper “Give Till It’s Gone” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Make fun of me if you will, but I dig Sugarland. Even more than that, I REALLY dig Little Big Town…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skAOb_EUE_M[/youtube]

I wish I could tell you I was excited about the Preakness infield. Unfortunately I cannot. But there will be 2-3 Train songs you’ll probably find me singing along to…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wlEcgwjvcw[/youtube]

I’d so be at Sandy Point if it wasn’t Preakness weekend. Especially for Little Feat…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkZsSydzQjM[/youtube]

I feel like I’ve seen Finger Eleven at Power Plant before. (I say that because I KNOW I’ve seen Finger Eleven at Power Plant before.) Say what you want, this song still kicks a little ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJk6gZuPKRE[/youtube]

9. “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tide” in theaters (Friday)

I don’t go to the movies much, but I was recently offered tickets to an advance screening of Pirates. I decided to take them.

I’m into the movies, but not “freakout” into them. I mean, not like Michael Bolton…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI6CfKcMhjY[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Showdown (Saturday 7pm from Charlotte live on SPEED), NASCAR All-Star Race (Saturday 8pm from Charlotte live on SPEED); IndyCar Series: Indianapolis 500 Pole Day Qualifying (Saturday 11am & 4:30pm from Indianapolis live on VERSUS), Indianapolis 500 Bump Day Qualifying (Sunday 12pm from Indianapolis live on VERSUS)

I don’t understand why NASCAR fans don’t like Kyle Busch. He’s (apparently) married to something named Samantha Sarcinella. Samantha Sarcinella (apparently) looks like this…

sarcinella

So…ummm….I’m a fan.

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour French Open (Sunday 5am live on Tennis Channel 1pm live on ESPN2, Monday 5am live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Paris)

Because I’m a tennis snob, I will be referring to the event as Roland Garros. You loser Americans can call it the “French Open.”

We don’t usually like much about France in this country, but I feel like the trip to the clay is something we should be able to enjoy.

Of course, my favorite thing about France is Def Jam poet Jean K. Jean…

[dailymotion]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8w2n2_saturday-night-live-update-jean-k-j_fun[/dailymotion]

6. NBA Playoffs: Eastern Conference Finals-Chicago Bulls vs. Miami Heat (Game 2 Wednesday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 3 Sunday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT); Western Conference Finals-Dallas Mavericks vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 1 Tuesday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 2 Thursday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 3 Saturday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN, Game 4 Monday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN)

I can’t root for the Chicago Bulls. They have both Carlos Boozer and Luol Deng on their roster. Rooting for a roster littered with Duke players is like* rooting for the Taliban.

(*It’s not like that at all. You and I both know that. But come on, let me have SOMETHING.)

That being said, Taj Gibson is worth rooting for…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOOeMg7eqYM[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmN-MIbvLks&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Wow.

5. Pro Wrestling: WWE Over the Limit (Sunday 8pm from Seattle live on Pay-Per-View)

I probably won’t be getting Over The Limit Sunday night. Mostly because I don’t REALLY need to see Jerry “The King” Lawler face Michael effing Cole again.

But if the Bella Twins were more involved, I feel like I’d be more compelled to take a gander…

bellas

4. NHL Playoffs: Eastern Conference Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 2 Tuesday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS, Game 3 Thursday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on VERSUS, Game 4 Saturday 1:30pm from Tampa Bay live on NBC, Game 5 if necessary Monday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS); Western Conference Finals-San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 2 Wednesday 9pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS, Game 3 Friday 9pm from San Jose live on VERSUS, Game 4 Sunday 3pm from San Jose live on NBC)

You think the suits in New York (Toronto?) are just salivating over the possibility of a Tampa-San Jose Stanley Cup Finals showdown?

I know I’m….looking for other things to watch.

I guess I’m pulling for Tampa? I mean, they beat the Washington Capitals, so they’ve already done the Lord’s work.

Plus…you know…Hulk Hogan is a fan.

hulk

3. Ray’s Summer Days (Thursday-Saturday throughout Baltimore-locations include Ruth Chris Havana Club, Patterson Park, Perry Hall Lanes, etc.)

I have to admit I’m both surprised and hurt.

I mean, how could Ray Lewis schedule an event without carefully planning it around the schedule of his dear friend Glenn Clark?…

rayglenn

Honest mistake I’m sure.

2. College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Johns Hopkins vs. Denver (Saturday 2:30pm from Hempstead, NY live on ESPN2) Maryland vs. Syracuse (Sunday 12pm from Foxborough, MA live on ESPNU); Division 3 NCAA Tournament-Roanoke @ Stevenson (Wednesday 4pm Caves Athletic Complex-semifinal Sunday at Salisbury or vs. Dickinson at CAC if Mustangs win); Women’s College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Princeton @ Maryland (Saturday 12pm Field Hockey & Lacrosse Complex College Park), Loyola @ North Carolina (Saturday 1pm from Chapel Hill, NC streaming live on NCAA.com); High School Lacrosse: MIAA Lacrosse Championships-A Conference Semifinals (Tuesday 6pm & 8:30pm Unitas Stadium), A, B & C Conference Finals (Friday 3pm, 5:30pm & 8pm Unitas Stadium)

Whatever happens this weekend in the NCAA Tournament, there is NO WAY it will be anywhere NEAR as cool as what the Terrapins did in their opening round win over the Tar Heels…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ds5qLbqkQs[/youtube]

I can’t get over it. Holy crap that’s awesome.

1. Horse Racing: Preakness Stakes (Saturday 4:30pm from Pimlico live on NBC), Black-Eyed Susan Day (Friday 4pm from Pimlico live on VERSUS); Preakness Week events throughout Baltimore (Tuesday-Sunday)

Two things we know (sadly) won’t be happening Saturday.

One-The previously legendary “Running of the Urinals”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIcyFSYhvV4[/youtube]

Two-Rick From Reisterstown getting ANYTHING right…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAenPfeIRGo[/youtube]

We’re improving things around here!

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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