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Four things you can count on: Death, taxes, the 15-7-0 and Jay Cutler getting hurt

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Four things you can count on: Death, taxes, the 15-7-0 and Jay Cutler getting hurt

Posted on 21 October 2013 by Glenn Clark

15 positive observations from the weekend of football, seven not so positive observations and we acknowledge a “zero” from outside the world of football. A reminder, there’s never any Ravens game analysis here. We do plenty of that elsewhere. It’s a trip through the weekend of football via videos, GIFs, memes, pictures, links, Tweets and shtick.

You guys remember when the 15-7-0 was a fun time to gather ’round with family, tell tales and make fun of the Pittsburgh Steelers and Washington Redskins? Man…September was so great. Up yours, October!

15 Positive Observations…

1. I guess as it turns out, new Peyton > old Peyton. Oh and since we’re here, this is a reminder that the only Peyton to have ever been on the cover of Madden was Peyton Hillis. Hehe.

The Broncos WISH they had a better offense. Like…the Ravens’?

Also. The Colts’ punter is WAY tougher.

Also, Wes Welker’s catch didn’t suck.

2. As far as I’m concerned, the Towson Tigers are what’s happening in college football. Yes, the Towson Tigers. Nothing else. STOP FREAKING ASKING ALREADY.

Seriously. Don’t ask me about the other stuff. Just enjoy this.

3. Happy Monday. Florida State just scored. How was work today? Florida State just scored again. What are you thinking about for dinner tonight? Florida State scored again. Florida State scored again. Florida State scored again.

And also, Nick O’Leary put someone on THEIR ASS.

Your response, Tigers fans?

And here’s Kelvin Benjamin looking…EXACTLY LIKE A FLORIDA STATE RECEIVER.

College Gameday was at Clemson Saturday morning, happier times for Bill Murray.

4. The Bengals are in first place by two full games. If this particular 15-7-0 post were a meme, it would be the one with the guy with the hair saying “Aliens”.

And even with THIS?

And THIS?

But apparently AJ Green is ALSO good.

5. How was your Sunday? Mine was fine, you know, other than the watching Harry Douglas on my fantasy football bench and inventing knew curse words to scream aloud in response.

After the Falcons beat the Buccaneers, they sent a hazmat crew into the locker room because THIS IS WHAT IT’S COME TO IN TAMPA.

Perhaps the Falcons could have used a hazmat suit to cover Vincent Jackson.

(Continued on Page 2…)

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The 15-7-0 is made up of 60% water, 40% leftover turkey and cranberry relish

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The 15-7-0 is made up of 60% water, 40% leftover turkey and cranberry relish

Posted on 26 November 2012 by Glenn Clark

As always, this week’s 15-7-0 is brought to you by Roofing By Elite. Visit them at roofingbyelite.com. We make 15 observations about football that are ELITE, 7 that are “not so ELITE” and one “zero” who deserves to sleep on the roof from outside of football.

(As a reminder, we don’t do Baltimore Ravens game analysis here. We do PLENTY of that elsewhere. This is about the rest of the world of football.)

Here we go.

“The Elite 15″…

1. I have to assume that at this point they don’t need to keep trying to wake up the echoes in South Bend.

Remember when the Trojans were down two scores late and went for it on 4th down anyway? I bet that worked out well…

I can’t tell if Fighting Irish LB (and likely Heisman Trophy finalist) Manti Te’o was excited about the win, though…

Also, what do you think Lane Kiffin was thinking here…

Of course, the Trojans are NEVER losers…

2. Now that Jay Cutler has returned to save the Chicago Bears’ season, we can all get back to talking about how much Jay Cutler sucks.

He’s unlikeable, but he’s a hell of a QB…

Back to that “unlikeable” thing. Ask AJ Jefferson…

J’Marcus Webb might disagree though…

3. Jesus. Weren’t the Bengals just completely dead a couple weeks ago?

Mohamed Sanu had a busy day (on my fantasy football bench)…

Credit to NFL Red Zone’s Scott Hanson-who saw Raiders DL Tommy Kelly in a fight and IMMEDIATELY noticed he was a doppelganger for Suge Knight…

4. There might be a LITTLE bit of drama headed to New York this year, but I’m pretty confident Johnny Manziel has locked up the Heisman Trophy.

His big game Saturday against Missouri happened AFTER Johnny Football overcame this troublesome looking injury…

Manziel will finally speak to the media for the first time Monday. He’ll have to play catch up to the all out blitz the Irish have gone through with Te’o…

5. Now Alabama plays Georgia next week for the right to be favored to win the BCS Championship Game.

Georgia’s Alec Ogletree prepared for the SEC Championship showdown by going all Kurt Angle on Georgia Tech…

Elsewhere in the SEC, I give you Jarvis Landry!

(Continued on Page 2…)

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10 Sports Limericks

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10 Sports Limericks

Posted on 25 October 2012 by Thyrl Nelson

This week the Ravens are stammering,

The Texans just gave them a hammering.

You knew they were done,

When they threw out the run.

And now fans want to fire Cam Cameron

 

The Tigers had visions of grandeur,

And threw out an ace in Verlander.

But for being the best,

Maybe had too much rest.

And in Game 1 got beat by a Panda

 

There once was a QB named Cam,

Who wanted to be Superman.

But when things don’t work out,

He always starts to pout.

So now people are calling him Sham.

 

 

The Bounty-Gate thing was malicious,

Inspiring hits that were vicious.

But the players suspended,

Had their punishments ended.

And now have beef with two commishes.

 

 

There once was a Jag named Maurice,

Who called the Bears quarterback weak.

He should laugh at himself,

Because he’s now on the shelf.

With a little foot that he just tweaked.

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Bring Out Your Dead

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Bring Out Your Dead

Posted on 24 October 2012 by Thyrl Nelson

Inspired by the scene in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” where the body cart is being pushed through the city during the plague as the mortician cries “Bring Out Your Dead”. As one man ambitiously tries to deliver a not quite dead elderly man to the cart hilarity ensues. Here’s a look at who’s being (or has been) written off for dead in the sports world, and what the final prognosis might be.

“I’m Not Dead Yet” – Despite reports to the contrary these guys are not dead yet, but may have one foot in the proverbial grave and another on a banana peel.

 

Cam Newton – Superman has become the Super-Sulker but he’s not dead yet, not by a long shot. Still there are plenty of reasons to be concerned. Newton’s post-loss body language has been unbearable. We can all appreciate that the kid wants to win, but he’ll have to do some growing up before he can become a leader of men. Cam took everyone (including himself) to task in the wake of the Panthers most recent defeat, but mostly seemed to point fingers at his offensive coordinator. Newton is looking for a game plan that authors blowouts but will sooner or later have to learn that life in the NFL doesn’t work that way. In 3 of his 5 losses this season, Cam has had the ball in his hands with a chance to win the game in the final 5 minutes. If he intends to be the star he’s being cast as, he’ll need to get comfortable in those situations. It’d also help if Newton stopped shaking off teammates’ efforts to celebrate TDs with him while clearing out space to do his ridiculous Superman dance.

 

 

Cam Cameron – Sticking with Cams, reports of the demise of Cam Cameron might be a byproduct of Ravens fans wishes more than anything else. In the wake of the Ravens most recent disappointment against the Houston Texans however, another long and introspective look at this offense might be long overdue. Cameron was “under fire” by owner Steve Bisciotti last season and managed to survive. There’s no reason to believe the Ravens will make a change before seasons end, but in the event that it doesn’t end in the Super Bowl, this season could very likely be Cameron’s last.

 

Maurice Jones-Drew – Remember MJD calling out Jay Cutler a couple of seasons ago for surrendering during the playoffs due to an MCL injury that didn’t look that serious on TV and didn’t require surgery. Last week in a game the Jaguars lost in overtime to a less than spectacular Oakland Raiders squad, MJD watched from the sidelines while nursing a foot injury that didn’t look that serious on TV and that apparently won’t require surgery. This on the heels of his extended and controversial holdout from training camp while trying to earn a new contract or force a trade won’t buy Jones-Drew much empathy as he watches from the sidelines for the next couple of weeks at least.

 

Lance Armstrong – Maybe the Lance Armstrong fiasco will give us a long overdue chance to examine ourselves. He lorded over a sport that was rampant with doping and drug use, and while he adamantly proclaimed being above it throughout his once storied and undeniably dominant career. Now having given up the fight and having been stripped of all of his career accolades Armstrong also finds that those who rode his coattails to success and fortune aren’t set to stand by him in the hard times. It’s still impossible to ignore all of the good that Armstrong has done in his career, and it seems only a matter of time before he’ll inevitably bounce back in the court of public opinion…but it doesn’t look like it’ll be terribly easy, or any time soon for that matter.

 

Dirk Nowitzki – Just as the world was ready to close the book on the legacy of Dirk Nowitzki he surprised everyone and cemented that legacy by winning an NBA championship. He backed it up however by showing up for a lockout shortened NBA season the following year out of shape, and now looks ready to miss at least the first few weeks of this season as he recovers from ankle surgery. It may now be safe to close the book on Nowitzki’s NBA legacy. It appears he got that title just in the nick of time.

 

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