If you don’t know how this works, you don’t know how this works.
Did anyone notice that Exxon is the new #1 Company in the Fortune 500? And why not? I mean, the big oil companies have been nothing but helpful over the years. Good for them. Good guys the all of them.
And while I’m at it, can we make a rule that Family Guy do a musical number in every episode? And do you think the free grilled chicken KFC is giving away will be any good?
You deserve props….
Nick Markakis hit a grand slam on Friday, and the Orioles managed to go on and lose 3 games to the Red Sox. Nolan Reimold hit a grand slam on Friday, then went to finish the weekend with 7 RBI’s and 3 wins for the Norfolk Tides. The Tides won 3 more games this weekend than the Orioles, AA Baysox, and A Keys combined. But on the same night that Reimold hit his slam, Matt Wieters came up injured. Although it turns out Wieters isn’t too particularly hurt, I actually have exclusive photos of Andy MacPhail’s face upon seeing Wieters come up limping…..
The Terps played their 2nd scrimmage of the Spring Saturday, and while the first scrimmage was all about the defense, the offense apparently decided to show up this time around. Wide Receiver Torrey Smith snagged 3 TD receptions, and returned a kick 96 yards for another touchdown. Then he saved a small child from a burning building, discovered an additional 10 decimal places in pi, convinced Bill O’Reilly and Barack Obama to do karaoke together, and roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris in the face. After all that, he swapped his Maryland jersey for an Arizona State jersey and did this…..
Rafa won his 5th straight Monte Carlo title Sunday, and proceded to celebrate by attempting to eat his trophy and rolling around in clay. Which is funny, because that’s what my cousin’s son Nolan did the other day after we named him “Cutest Kid on Easter Sunday.” Of course, that competition wasn’t really fair seeing as how his only competition was this….
4-Randy Johnson & Jon Lester
Ahh, to have pitching. And thanks to the Orioles for looking like ass against the Red Sox this weekend, because it’s not like I hate the Red Sox or anything. (Editor’s note: I ABSOLUTELY hate the Red Sox. If I was forced to pick a team to root for in a company softball game between The Sox and Big Oil Companies, I’d have a new Exxon T-shirt lined up.) Anyhoo, the Giants and Red Sox have players on their teams who can pitch, and the Orioles don’t. But do they have Robert Andino???
Brian Gay won the PGA Tour’s “White Guys Play Golf While Tiger Woods Enjoys His Much Better Life Than Ours” Invitational Sunday, and his family couldn’t have been more proud. Of course, if his family was REALLY proud of him, they might have considered giving him a different name. And while we’re here, thanks to FunnyHub.com for this list of the 10 most Unfortunate Names in Sports History….
10. Toby Oshitola: Soccer player (striker) for Barnet (UK).
9. Jack Glasscock: Shortstop and second baseman for Cleveland, 1879-95.
8. Harry Colon: Former defensive back for the Detroit Lions.
7. Rusty Kuntz: Former outfielder for the Detriot Tigers.
6. Dean Windass: Soccer player (forward) for Middlesbrough in the UK.
5. Ron Tugnutt: NHL goalie (Dallas Stars).
4. Misty Hyman: US Olympic swimmer.
3. Dick Trickle: NASCAR driver.
2. Gregor Fucka: Slovenian basketball player who now plays for Barcelona.
1. Pull Dickoff: Soccer player for West Ham United in the UK.
Don’t really ask me how to explain what happened here, but I ended up at the Capitals game on Saturday. I want to share a few thoughts……
1-Why in the hell does it cost $2.70 to ride the Metro to and from the Arena on Saturday morning, but $4.80 on Friday afternoon?
2-Why is it that when I go to the press dining area before a hockey game, there are always like 100 dudes wearing black suits in there? Are they NHL officials? When I get upstairs, it’s back to the guys who look borderline homeless (like myself); but the area downstairs looks like a funeral procession.
3-Kudos to Bruce Boudreau for having the guts to start Simeon Varlamov, but was it necessary to tell his team that starting a new goalie meant they didn’t have to bother to put together any offense?
4-I’m not a fan of the Capitals. They play in Washington. I’m from Baltimore. If they were the Baltimore Capitals, I’d probably root for them. Of course, they’d have to play at Rash Field because Baltimore has no Arena….
5-That being said, I’m surrounded by Capitals apologists here in Baltimore. And I can understand…..if the Capitals lose, you have to start following the Orioles closely. I’m all for a distraction to THAT particular reality.
6-I was a bit bummed for my Capital apologist friends after the Caps lost, but then I noticed a guy wearing a Capitals jersey and a Redskins hat. I’ve never had a bigger smile on my face. If Redskins fans are miserable, I’m all for it.
7-My emotions became particularly conflicted when I saw someone else celebrating wearing a Rangers jersey and a Yankees hat at the same time. Is there any way both teams can lose this series???
8-Shouldn’t the Capitals offer some sort of refund if you go to a game and Alexander Ovechkin doesn’t do something where you say “WHAAAAAAAAA???????” afterwards?
7-Mark Martin & Dario Franchitti
Just a week after non-athletes Kenny Perry and and Angel Cabrera proved that golf isn’t really a sport; Mark Martin did the same for NASCAR Saturday night by winning the Insert Your Own Redneck Joke Here 500 in Phoenix at the ripe old age of 176. In Long Beach Sunday, Franchitti claimed the other racing series race. You know, the series where the cars look different, and the series is called Champ/Cart/Speed/Indy/Euro/Racing Commission or whatever. Long Beach, huh? Nothing you could think of to do in Long Beach that’s better than sitting in a car for 3 hours????
I didn’t go on the TNA Philadelphia bus, and I have NO IDEA who Eric Young is. But I do know this……if Danny Bonaduce shows up anywhere else, I might punch him in the jaw myself. Apparently Bonaduce was involved with the TNA show the WNST bus went to tonight, and had his ass kicked by some guy named Eric Young, which I’m all for. But since we’re talking about Wrestling Pay-Per-Views, the only thing I can ask myself is……Did Ray Bachman bother to show up????
9-Dave Pietramala and Jim Berkman
Petro continued his own personal record of having never lost to Navy on Saturday; and in the process claimed his 125th victory since returning to Johns Hopkins. Berkman and Salisbury got revenge on Stevenson in the CAC Championship, extending their streak to 15 straight conference titles. While I don’t always enjoy watching the same team win every year, I do enjoy streaks. Yep, I enjoy streaking in all forms. In fact, I was thinking about an event I covered last year at Arizona State called the “Undie Run”, which they’ll be holding again in 2 weeks……..
Attention Towson University. WHY IN GOD’S NAME DO YOU NOT HAVE AN UNDIE RUN?!?!?!?!
I want to personally thank Jose Barea for coming off the bench and helping the Mavericks beat the Spurs Saturday in Game 1 of their playoff series. I won’t be watching any of these playoffs because I’d literally rather run on a treadmill discuss Baltimore sports with Anita Marks watch videos of that old chick from that British TV show fight that chick Aneesa in a circled circle….
Remember when it used to be cool to hit 500 home runs? Like, “Devote an entire hour of SportsCenter” cool? Why is it that when Sheff did it Friday night, it got about as much coverage as the NHL playoffs? With no offense to Shef, who has put together a nice little career, do you think it was a bit awkward that when he asked the Mets’ clubhouse manager what the Hall of Fame wanted him to donate from the evening, the attendant responded “What makes you think they want something?”
12-Playing “Thunderstruck” while a team is introduced
Can we just make this like a law or something? After seeing it with the Blast last weekend, I saw it with the Capitals Saturday afternoon. Sports introductions are routinely lame; but are freaking AWESOME when Thunderstruck is playing in the background. Frankly, I believe eating pancakes would be more awesome if Thunderstruck was playing in the background. And after watching this video, I think we can all agree that military choppers taking off (which is cool to begin with) are even cooler to watch when Thunderstruck is playing in the background.
13-New York Tabloids
There is NOTHING better than seeing the headlines after a bad Yankee loss. The best thing about the New York media is comparing them to the media in Baltimore. For example; had the Orioles lost 22-4 to the Red Sox Saturday, I can imagine that The Sun’s headline might have read….
“Short outing for Eaton as Red Sox blow out Birds”
Makes the point without being dramatic. Decent headline, but not a whole lot of fun like the headlines in New York. I wonder what Orioles Hangout might have as a headline….
“Rough Night for Birds as BoSox Homer Early, Often”
Again, fair headline. Now I wonder what the headline might be on MASNSports.com….
“Wigginton’s Homer Not Enough as Orioles Suffer Tough Loss”
I guess they have to spin it. Now here’s how the loss would have played out in the New York Tabloids…..
“Eaton Up! Go Back to Philly Adam!”
LOVE the brutality. I also love the fact that someone at the new Yankee Stadium decided to step up and give Jeffrey Maier his tickets back…..
Okay, it was a home run. But shouldn’t Major League Baseball do something to make this more difficult?
You see, this is how a beauty pageant should be. Why is there any need for a talent competition in a pageant??? Who cares if you’re good at anything at all when you look like THAT. (Editor’s Note: You’d think I’d be concerned about claims of sexism, but you’d be wrong. You see, I know women don’t read this blog. That’s because most kitchens don’t have computers. Thanks everyone, I’ll be here until the first lawsuit. Please tip your waiters.)
15-Bocce & Frisbee Golf
Seeing as how this was CLEARLY the nicest weekend I’ve experienced weather-wise since moving home from Arizona last Summer, I wasn’t going to let something like the NHL playoffs stand in my way of spending time outside. When I got home, I declared to my girlfriend “get a case of Peroni and a hunk of salami, it’s time for some bocce!!!” While our game didn’t look quite as sexy as this….
…..it was still pretty sexy nonetheless. On Sunday we scrambled over to Goucher to get in 9 holes of Disc Golf; where we put together all too many shots that looked like this….
You got lucky……
It was funny, because when my buddy asked me if I wanted to watch the UFC fight Saturday night, I thought that I would be watching a fight; not a new episode of “So You Think You Can Dance.” Silva deserved to win the fight, if only because Thales Leites deserved to win NOTHING. But the main event at UFC 97 looked downright similar to……well, boxing. Did anyone tell Anderson Silva that the way to end a fight normally involves some sort of knockout or submission? I guess he thought that maybe he could win by having everyone in the audience fall asleep. And the more I think about it; I actually think THIS fight was more entertaining….
The NBA Playoffs: Where “Can’t Make a Free Throw with the Game on the line but can make THIS shot just to show off” happens…..
Okay, let me start with this. Have we reached some sort of parallel universe when The Detroit Free Press-a seemingly legitimate news source-cites DEADSPIN in the reporting of a story? And um, oh yeah, Deadspin’s source in reporting the story was ANONYMOUS! Look, no offense to Deadspin-I check their site DAILY. But this is a bit much.
Moving on, the report says ESPN will have Matt Millen replace Emmitt Smith with their on-site coverage of Monday Night Football. I can’t believe I’m saying this about the man who was the architect of the only team to ever finish a regular season 0-16; but I believe ESPN has actually made an upgrade here. Of course, this was what they had before….
Is it lucky to score 36 points to help your team win your first every playoff game? Maybe not; but Rose came VERY close to doing it in a losing effort. Boston hero Paul Pierce had a miss a free throw with just 3 seconds to play just to get the game into overtime. Pierce was then blocked on a potential game-winning shot at the end of overtime; meaning Chicago had a road playoff win and could forget about that “Michael” fella they insist on talking about……I mean, that guy didn’t even win his first playoff game!
Navy played their Spring football game Friday night, and sophomore QB sensation Ricky Dobbs had to leave early when he heard a “pop” in his ankle. With Navy men and women across the world in an absolute panic, Dobbs thought he had broken it. The good news is that it turned out to just be a sprain. The even better news is that Dobbs and the Mids get to visit the White House Tuesday to celebrate winning another Commander-in-Chief Trophy. And the good news for Navy Coach Ken Niumatalolo is that when he visits the White House this time, the President might actually be able to pronounce his name. Unlike some other guy…..
6-Aramis Ramirez and Raul Ibanez
Ramirez hit a walkoff home run Friday for the Cubs to beat the Cards; Ibanez hit a HR Sunday for the Phillies to beat the Padres. And in a tradition unlike any other, here comes some shaving cream in your face……
I’m not saying that I dislike Philadelphia, but is it wrong that I was KINDA hoping that the headline following today’s game would read “Phillies’ Ibanez to miss remainder of season with eye injury due to shaving cream celebration”???
So apparently Lisa Rinna is 45 but yet looks like this…….
and why not? In the same week as we’ve seen the debut of a TV show called “The Cougar”, we’ve also now seen an actress in her mid-40′s pose for Playboy. The breaking news here is that apparently Lisa Rinna is famous for something other than being hot. I’m just as shocked as you.
You’re a ZERO……
Nothing screams class like having your own fans boo you while you have a double digit lead in the final minute of a playoff game. Let’s set the scene. If the Lakers hold their opponent under 100 points, every fan in attendance walks away with a coupon for 2 free Jack in the Box tacos. While I’m not an expert on Jack in the Box, my few trips to the establish don’t exactly make me think their tacos are anything to write home about. But ahead by 15 points in the final minute, Lakers fans wanted the tacos so badly they began chanting “We Want Tacos” at their team. The Jazz got a breakaway layup, and the crowd booed……despite the fact that the Lakers were still going to cruise to a 113-100 win on the same weekend when teams like the Spurs and Magic were losing home games.
Don’t Lakers tickets cost like $1,000 apiece even for crappy tickets? Can’t these people afford their own 99 cent tacos???
And this comes just a few days after LeBron James had to tell Cavaliers fans to stop booing when his team doesn’t reach 100 points and win them free chalupas.
Stay classy, NBA fans.