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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 14 March 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Transitions Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Tampa Bay, FL); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Demetrius Hopkins vs. Brad Solomon (Friday 9pm from Hollywood, FL live on ESPN2), Lucian Bute vs. Brian Magee (Saturday 10pm from Montreal live on Showtime); Horse Racing: Rebel Stakes (Saturday 5pm from Hot Springs, Arkansas live on HRTV); Arena Football-AFL: Philadelphia Soul @ Chicago Rush (Friday 8pm from Chicago live on NFL Network); Soccer: MLS-Columbus Crew @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm RFK Stadium)

10. Pete Yorn (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Cold (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Halestorm & Charm City Devils (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live); Mike Epps (Saturday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena), Lil’ Wayne (Sunday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena); Phil Lesh & Bob Weir (Thursday 8pm Patriot Center); Travie McCoy (Sunday 6pm Recher Theatre); America (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Loretta Lynn (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club); 2nd Annual Hippodrome Foodie Experience with Alton Brown (Saturday 6pm Hippodrome); The Fighter” and “WWE True Story of Wrestlemania” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

Drew Forrester and I will be Rams Head Tuesday night, because Pete Yorn is outstanding…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zginCd6D0as[/youtube]

John Allen is a Charm City rock icon. That is all.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmHauE5ODe4[/youtube]

If you’re not a Weezy fan, I don’t think we can be friends. Nicki Minaj is coming to town with him. I’d marry her.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfYcOYMNuXM[/youtube]

Is it possible for me to enjoy a Phil Lesh/Bob Weir show even if I don’t smoke pot? I mean, I dig Scarlet Begonias…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj_kK1j3CV0[/youtube]

9. St. Patrick’s Day (Thursday)

This year’s festivities will be a bit different, as basketball will be a bit of a priority Thursday. That being said, I need a couple of things to make my St. Patty’s Day better.

1-Bangers and Mash

bangers

2-Smithwick’s

smithwicks

3-Flogging Molly[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Trkx9xLb5X8[/youtube]

If your establishment has those three things and ample breathing room, please let me know. I will be in attendance.

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Jeff Byrd 500 (Sunday 1pm from Bristol, TN live on FOX)

Bristol is a smaller track, which is supposed to make the race more exciting.
But really, how can it get any more exciting than THIS?!?!?!?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V78QFZxooQ[/youtube]

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour BNP Paribas Open (Tuesday & Wednesday 2pm live on Tennis Channel, Thursday 2pm & 10pm live on Tennis Channel, Friday 2pm & 6pm live on Tennis Channel 4pm & 11pm live on ESPN2, Saturday 7:30pm live on Tennis Channel 2pm & 4pm live on ABC, Sunday 2pm & 4pm live on ABC. All tennis from Indian Wells, CA)

The Indian Wells stop is one of the few tour stops on the schedule that goes two weeks despite not being a grand slam event.

Of note from what’s already happened in the draw, Donald Young defeated Andy Murray.

NO, NO…please don’t leave. I promise that’s the only tennis analysis you’ll find here. Instead, here’s the picture of Ana Ivanovic everyone likes so bad…

ivanovic

6. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Chicago Bulls (Tuesday 8pm from Chicago live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Toronto Raptors (Friday 7pm from Toronto live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), New Jersey Nets @ Washington Wizards (Sunday 1pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

The ‘Zards haven’t done much of anything right this season…until this past weekend.

This past weekend they did a FANTASTIC job…of finding their way onto Blake Griffin posters!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHB5rNtha-A[/youtube]

Talk about giving fans EXACTLY what they paid their money for!

5. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Montreal Canadiens (Tuesday 7pm from Montreal live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Washington Capitals @ Detroit Red Wings (Wednesday 7:30pm from Detroit live on VERSUS & Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ New Jersey Devils (Friday 7pm from Newark, NJ live on NHL Network & Comcast SportsNet)

So everything that’s happened in the world of hockey recently has been about Zedano Charo. I’m not interested.

The only thing I care about in the world of hockey is the fact that the Phoenix Coyotes got two big points Sunday night against the Anaheim Ducks. But I don’t think anyone else cares, so I won’t go any further with it.

You know what, there’s nothing hockey interesting to post here. So instead I’ll post Zach Galifianakis’ monologue from Saturday Night Live. He KILLED…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QnulJMA2FQ[/youtube]

Yeah. That’s better than hockey.

4. Women’s College Basketball: NCAA Tournament-St. Francis vs. Maryland (Sunday 12pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com), Georgetown vs. Princeton (Sunday 2:30pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com). More games Saturday-

While the Terrapins are involved, I’ll be paying attention to Women’s March Madness. In fact, I’ll probably even head down to College Park Sunday.

But if for some reason the season were to come to an end for the Terps, my interest in Women’s College Basketball would go right back to what it was before…

“What’s former UTEP star Claudia Lampe doing these days?”

UTEP

3. College Lacrosse: Denver @ Loyola (Wednesday 7pm from Ridley Athletic Complex live on AM1570 WNST), Loyola @ Air Force (Saturday 3pm from Colorado Springs, CO live on AM1570 WNST); UMBC @ Maryland (Friday 8pm from Byrd Stadium live on ABC 2 & ESPN3.com), St. Joseph’s @ Maryland (Sunday 1pm Byrd Stadium); Towson @ Navy (Tuesday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); Stony Brook @ Towson (Saturday 1pm Unitas Stadium); Johns Hopkins @ Syracuse (Saturday 6pm from Syracuse, NY live on ESPNU); SUNY Cortland @ Stevenson (Saturday 1pm Caves Athletic Complex)

What do you think the chances are that Greyhounds nation will let me ride out to Colorado with them for the game with the Falcons? I just want to be there for the flyover…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k5b7Pzmy74[/youtube]

By the way, I think the Hounds will beat Air Force Saturday. I don’t know if I would feel the same way if they were playing against Ivan Korshunov from Air Force One…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1P1xOBvAyg[/youtube]

2. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 128-Mauricio “Shogun” Rua vs. Jon “Bones” Jones (Saturday 10pm from Newark, NJ live on Pay-Per-View); Bellator Fighting Championships 37 (Saturday 7pm from Concho, OK live on MTV2)

I would suggest Baltimore be rooting for Bones Jones Saturday night, as his brother is Ravens DT Arthur Jones.

With no offense to Tom Zbikowski-who I’m pulling for-I know for SURE Saturday night’s fight will be more fulfilling than watching Zibby laugh at the Tomato Can he was placed in the ring against…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TQIf9cMS_Y[/youtube]

If you’ve never seen Bones fight, he’s pretty freaking entertaining…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQqiilaj1rs[/youtube]

1. College Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Butler vs. Old Dominion (Thursday 12:40pm from Verizon Center live on TruTV), Pitt vs. UNC Asheville/Arkansas-Little Rock (Thursday 3:10pm from Verizon Center live on TruTV), UConn vs. Bucknell (Thursday 7:20pm from Verizon Center live on TNT), Cincinnati vs. Missouri (Thursday 9:50pm from Verizon Center live on TNT) Other games Thursday-Sunday live on CBS, TNT, TBS and TruTV

I don’t care how many networks show the NCAA Tournament as long as two things happen.

1-They ALL play this song…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4o_FZZ_Ccs[/youtube]

2-They somehow find a way to allow Gus Johnson to call every game…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkiM3tBJVhk[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 07 February 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable MentionWomen’s College Basketball: Virginia @ Maryland (Sunday 2pm Comcast Center), Boxing: Rico Ramos vs. Alejandro Valdez (Friday 11pm from Atlantic City live on Showtime), Friday Night Fights-Antonin Decarie vs. Shamone Alvarez (Friday 9pm from Montreal live on ESPN2); NBA: Milwaukee Bucks @ Washington Wizards (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), San Antonio Spurs @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 8pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet),Washington Wizards @ Cleveland Cavaliers (Sunday 6pm from Cleveland live on Comcast SportsNet); Golf-PGA Tour AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Pebble Beach, CA), Champions Tour Allianz Championship (Friday 12:30pm, Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm from Boca Raton, FL live on Golf Channel); Tennis: ATP Tour SAP Open (Saturday 4pm & 10pm, Sunday 8pm from San Jose live on Tennis Channel); High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Milford Mill (Wednesday 6:30pm), Patapsco @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm), Glen Burnie @ Arundel (Tuesday 5pm)

10. Linkin Park (Thursday 7pm Verizon Center); Lauryn Hill (Thursday 9:30pm Rams Head Live), Keller Williams (Friday 8pm Rams Head Live), Buckcherry/Hellyeah/All That Remains (Saturday 5:30pm Rams Head Live); Blue Oyster Cult (Saturday 7:30pm Bourbon Street); WAR (Wednesday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage), Little River Band (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Jimmy Eat World (Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club); David Allan Coe (Thursday 8pm Cancun Cantina); Cameo & Sugarfoot’s Ohio Players (Friday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); 2011 Grammy Awards (Sunday 8pm from Los Angeles live on CBS); Billy Joel “The Last Play at Shea” available on DVD (Tuesday)

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen LP live. They’ve gotten much better…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qF_qbaWt3Q[/youtube]

I’ve said this before on Facebook…until she came back recently, I spent hours upon hours every week wondering what had happened to the amazing former Fugees singer/rapper. I’ve been a fan since Sister Act 2. Honestly…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7rSZFxuanc[/youtube]

Picking one Jimmy Eat World song to post here is impossible. I’ll cop out and post “My Best Theory.” Damn these guys are good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk47ecL1z5w[/youtube]

The video sucks, but here’s “Movin’ Out” from Shea Stadium. William Joel is the greatest. Ever.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGu73wvyhgc[/youtube]

9. Glenn Clark and Drew Forrester go to “Second City Does Baltimore” (Tuesday 8pm Center Stage)

I saw the Second City show for the first time ever 4th of July weekend last year in Chicago. I’ve been looking forward to seeing the Charm City variation for some time since then.

If you’re not familiar with Second City, it’s the comedy troupe from the Windy City that has produced some of the biggest stars in the history of both Saturday Night Live and comedy in general.

My favorites? Well, Tina Fey is pretty awesome…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgOeAofwq-w[/youtube]

Lots of Steve Carrell fans out there…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keIdgoJYiy8[/youtube]

But this is obvious. Chris Farley is better than everyone…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNBIyGxV7Ek[/youtube]

8. Motor Trend International Auto Show (Thursday-Sunday Baltimore Convention Center)

I have a confession to make.

I’ve really never been all that much of a car person.

Everyone calm down for a second.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy cars…it’s just that…the only time I ever need to look at cars is when I check out the very nice, very affordable vehicles available to me at Koons Ford Security Boulevard. (Do I get a dollar for that?)

Now if THIS car were to be at the Motor Trend show, I’d not only attend-I’d move in…

bumblebee

7. College Lacrosse: VMI @ Navy (Saturday 12pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); College Lacrosse Scrimmage: Cornell @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 9am Homewood Field), Harvard @ Loyola (Saturday 12pm Ridley Athletic Complex), Drexel @ UMBC (Saturday 1pm UMBC Stadium)

Lacrosse is (sorta) back!!!!

In a related story, sales of lava lamps and patchouli oil are up significantly around the Old Line State.

Our friends at Stevenson don’t open their season for another week, but I figured Richie Ford’s goal from last season was a good way to welcome back lax…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIqDX-RBx0M[/youtube]

6. Michael Oher “I Beat The Odds” available in stores/online (Tuesday)

I feel like I’ve read this book before. Wasn’t it called “The Blind Side” and written by Michael Lewis?  And didn’t the ensuing movie somehow lead to this amazing moment where Sandra Bullock kissed Scarlett Johansen at the MTV Movie Awards???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evwm-PP6xVw[/youtube]

In all honesty, I’m happy Michael Oher is telling his side of the story. In fact, we’re going to have him on “The Morning Reaction” on AM1570 WNST at 8:20am Wednesday to talk about it.

And since this is the first post after the end of the NFL season, I’ll wrap the year up by saying THIS Doritos spot was absolutely my favorite from the Super Bowl…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRMMBXx3kqk[/youtube]

5. Pro Wreslting: TNA “Against All Odds” (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View)

This is new TNA Knockout Miss Tessmacher. So…enjoy the PPV!!!

tessmacher

4. Auto Racing: NASCAR Budweiser Shootout (Saturday 8:10pm from Daytona, FL live on FOX)

Oh thank God NASCAR is back! Now my long weekends spent not missing NASCAR can finally come to an end!

I’d tell you who my pick was to win at Daytona, but I’m not sure who’s running in the race. Darrell Waltrip look good this year?

By the way, weather was so bad in Dallas last week that the Texas Motor Speedway looked like…

tms

…and if they had held a race in that mess I would have watched my first NASCAR race. Ever.

3. NHL: San Jose Sharks @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Los Angeles Kings @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 12:30pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ Phoenix Coyotes (Monday 8pm from Phoenix live on VERSUS)

Why would I ever make the Caps #3 on this list? Easy. On Valentine’s Day, they’re playing a REAL team this country can root for!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5arwHU5Cm68[/youtube]

Who’s coming with me to see them February 22nd against the Flyers in Philadelphia?!?!? Let’s go DESERT DOGS!!!

2. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce-Fedor Emelianenko vs. Antonio ‘Bigfoot’ Silva (Saturday 10pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on Showtime)

Despite the fact that “MMA Report” host Thyrl Nelson crapped out on coming with me, I’m looking forward to heading up to the Meadowlands this weekend to see my first ever live Strikeforce event.

If you missed Allistair Overeem and Herschel Walker talking up Strikeforce with myself and Nestor Aparicio on “The Afternoon Drive” last Friday, it’s worth checking out in the BuyAToyota.com Audio Vault here at WNST.net.

It wasn’t the best radio we did at Radio Row last week though. That honor would either go to the great Frank Caliendo…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ay150v4AN7M[/youtube]

Or…quite possibly…the great Vic “The Brick” Jacobs from Fox Sports Radio. FEELING YOU!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMPLCnDIBYk[/youtube]

1. College Basketball: Longwood @ Maryland (Wednesday 8pm Comcast Center), Maryland @ Boston College (Saturday 1pm from Chestnut Hill, MA live on ACC Network-WNUV54 in Charm City); Vermont @ UMBC (Wednesday 7pm RAC Arena), New Hampshire @ UMBC (Saturday 7pm RAC Arena); UNC Wilmington @ Towson (Saturday 2pm Towson Center); Niagara @ Loyola (Friday 7pm Reitz Arena), Canisius @ Loyola (Sunday 12pm Reitz Arena)

Really hard to get a whole lot of anger built up towards Longwood. In fact, if my girlfriend didn’t have family in Farmville, Virginia-I’m not sure I (or ANYONE who might ever read this) could possibly know Longwood was really a college and not just a name that made hoops fans giggle.

The Eagles are a different animal. I despise EVERYTHING from Boston. Beantown sucks. But I have a special disdain for those freaking “Super Shirts.”

In fact, this is the ugliest woman I have ever seen in my life…

bc

I’m not kidding.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 31 January 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Friday Night Fights: Sergio Mora vs. Bryan Vera (Friday 9pm from Fort Worth, TX live on ESPN2); College Lacrosse Scrimmage: Loyola @ UMBC (Saturday 1pm UMBC Stadium); NHL: Montreal Canadiens @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet),Washington Capitals @ Tampa Bay Lightning (Friday 7:30pm from Tampa Bay live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS & NHL Network), Pittsburgh Penguins @ Washington Capitals (Sunday 12:30pm from Verizon Center live on NBC)

10. Royal Comedy Tour feat. D.L. Hughley & Bruce Bruce (Saturday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Citizen Cope (Tuesday 7pm Recher Theatre); Chromeo (Saturday 8pm Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club); Robert Plant & North Mississippi All-Stars (Tuesday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall), Mike Epps (Friday 7:30pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Corey Harris (Thursday-Saturday 8pm & 10pm Blues Alley); Tillman Story” available on DVD/Blu-Ray (Tuesday); Matisyahu “Live At Stubbs II” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Nothing in the world bothers me more than the fact that I’m missing Clarence Greenwood Tuesday night. I LOVE Citizen Cope…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFaVnSLKGBY[/youtube]

Robert Plant is Robert Plant. I believe you’ve heard of him…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVvgWHawlqY[/youtube]

I once was sitting in the front row of a Dave Matthews Band show in Atlanta where the North Mississippi All Stars opened. It was love at first sound…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjIt-IuLE5U[/youtube]

I don’t know how Matisyahu’s “Live at Stubbs II” will differ from the first one, but if it’s at all similar it will probably be pretty good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsFpUW48Tnc[/youtube]

9. The Chocolate Affair (Thursday 6pm M&T Bank Stadium)

I’ll admit that I’m not really much of a chocolate fan. That’s more my girlfriend’s thing. It’s probably good that she won’t be in attendance Thursday night-or she might seriously never come back.

I don’t really need a whole event to celebrate the chocolate I enjoy. I can hold my own “Chocolate Affair” over at Royal Farms any day leading up to Easter.

I just need a Snickers bar, some Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups and about a thousand of THESE…

eggs

8. Golf: PGA Tour Waste Management Phoenix Open (Thursday-Sunday 4pm from Scottsdale, AZ live on Golf Channel)

Look-golf is terrible and impossible to watch on TV or in person. Everyone knows that. It’s completely inarguable. It’s an awful game that no one should ever play and there’s ABSOLUTELY no reason why any human being would EVER watch the thing on TV. There’s less of a reason to watch in person.

Except for when they’re golfing at TPC Scottdale.

You see, the scene at the Phoenix Open…it’s not too bad…

blondes

chicks

gals

And it’s also the home of the 16th hole. It makes watching golf somehow seem LESS unbearable…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJHVTcnGzcI[/youtube]

7. Women’s College Basketball: NC State @ Maryland (Sunday 12pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Sunday is a neat day. While there will be an ACTUAL Super Bowl being played in North Texas; there will be another Super Bowl being played in College Park.

You see, this matchup between the Terps and the Wolfpack is ABSOLUTELY the Super Bowl for an old friend…

debbie

I know the Terrapins already devoured Debbie Yow’s ‘Pack in football; but TRUST ME when I tell you she cares much more about winning this.

No one loves Women’s Basketball (for good reason) more than Debbie Yow.

The rise of the Terps under Brenda Frese might be what she is most proud of from her tenure at Maryland. She’d be more proud to get a win AGAINST Brenda Frese.

This might not mean so much to the casual Maryland fan-but if you’re in the “Debbie is the enemy” group, this one means the most to her.

6. High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Franklin (Wednesday 6:30pm), Perry Hall @ Towson (Friday 7pm); Glen Burnie @ Meade (Friday 7pm)

I’m torn on Towson High School. On one side, I’ve had a number of interns (including current intern Timmy Hendrix) from Towson and they’ve always always been good.

On the flip side, of all of the Baltimore County public schools-I’ve tended to find that Towson kids can be amongst the most insufferable.

“Oh, Perry Hall? We don’t care about Perry Hall here. Michael Phelps went to Towson. We’re better than you.”

Jerks.

Of course, Towson High School also claims one of the all-time biggest sex symbols in Charm City history…

divine

5. NBA: Washington Wizards @ New Orleans Hornets (Tuesday 8pm from New Orleans live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Orlando Magic @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Atlanta Hawks @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

At what point is it considered “cruel and unusual” to keep forcing the ‘Zards to go on the road? I mean, I enjoy the suffering of DC sports fans as much (probably more) than anyone-but this is crazy.

I’m not much of a NBA fan (unless of course we’re talking about the Phoenix Suns), but I do enjoy a good slam dunk. Rudy Gay authored one of those recently…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtSg_OwSsF0[/youtube]

Yep. That’s a fine slam dunk.

4. College Football: National Signing Day (Wednesday-coverage throughout the day on CBS College Sports & ESPNU); NFLPA Game (Saturday 2pm from San Antonio live on CBS College Sports)

You may remember the NFLPA Game as the former “Texas vs. The Nation” game.

I mean, I’m well aware that you don’t; I’m just making conversation. Ease off already.

National Signing Day is weird because you get really excited about players who may or may not ever make ANY impact at the college level.

Remember Penn State (later Towson)’s Antonio Logan-El spurning Glorida Friedgen at the ESPNZone in the Inner Harbor live on ESPNews? Not so pissed off about that anymore, are we?

loganel

Attention Nittany Lions fans (including WNST’s own Ashley Bishoff and my cousin Jeff Clark-both of whom I still tolerate despite their poor school choice): YOU DESERVED THAT PIECE OF GARBAGE.

That is all.

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 126-Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

My new favorite fighter Jon “Bones” Jones (brother of Ravens DT Arthur Jones) is on the card Saturday night. That will about explain who I’ll be rooting for.

Since we’re all here talking MMA, it’s been awhile since I posted a picture of Gina Carano. Might as well change that now…

carano

2. College Basketball: Duke @ Maryland (Wednesday 9pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN), Wake Forest @ Maryland (Saturday 1pm from Comcast Center live on ACC Network-WNUV 54 in Charm City); Georgia State @ Towson (Saturday 4pm Towson Center); Binghamton @ UMBC (Thursday 7:30pm RAC Arena)

This is going to come as a surprise to a lot of folks, but I don’t care for Coach K or the Blue Devils.

In fact, I think four particular future Mrs. Glenn Clark’s happen to explain it best…

duke

1. NFL: Super Bowl XLV-Green Bay Packers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday 6:30pm from Arlington, TX live on FOX), WNST Super Bowl XLV Coverage (Tuesday-Friday 6am & 2pm from Dallas live on AM1570 & WNST.net)

PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS PACKERS

Understood?

And if those A-holes from the Steel City win, we all gather together for tequila shots Monday morning.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 27 December 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball-Terrapin Classic: La Salle @ Maryland (Tuesday 12pm Comcast Center), Liberty/St. John’s @ Maryland (Wednesday 11:30am Comcast Center)

10. Wiz Khalifa (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue (Thursday 8pm Rams Head Live, Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club), J Roddy Walston and the Business (Friday 8pm Rams Head Live), Pietasters (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live); Joe Budden (Wednesday 7pm Bourbon Street), Badfish: A Tribute to Sublime (Friday 8pm Bourbon Street); Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); The Roots (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club); Gov’t Mule (Tuesday 8pm Warner Theatre); Pat McGee (Thursday & Friday Loews Annapolis Hotel); B.B. King (Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm Birchmere); Downtown Countdown feat. Charm City Devils & Tone Loc (Friday 9pm Hyatt Regency); Downtown Countdown Washington feat. Everclear & The Dan Band (Friday 9:30pm Grand Hyatt DC)

I cannot recommend enough that you go see Trombone Shorty Thursday night…dude is AMAZING…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71rJzhWk7xw[/youtube]

I don’t usually like ANYTHING from Massachusetts. I (might) make an exception for SKATS…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiJkexIaKdI[/youtube]

I won’t be there, but I’d recommend you enjoy CCD on Friday night. They’re good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7XhpOrrkAM[/youtube]

I usually NEVER miss an appearance from Art Alexakis and company anywhere within 100 miles of here. I’ll be sorry to miss this one…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEUWx4LA7jU[/youtube]

9. Ports America Chesapeake New Year’s Eve Spectacular 2010 (Friday 9pm Inner Harbor); Glenn Clark’s New Year’s Eve Plans (Friday-Saturday)

I like fireworks as much as the next guy. But what do I like MORE than fireworks? Awesome fireworks accidents…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFJiPUbAI-c[/youtube]

By the way, I’ll be at Howl at the Moon for NYE myself. If they don’t play “You Never Even Call Me By My Name” by David Allan Coe I will demand my money back.

8. Harlem Globetrotters “4 Times The Fun” Tour (Tuesday 2pm & 7pm 1st Mariner Arena)

Ho.Ly.Crap.

A FOUR POINT SHOT?!?!?

Did the Globetrotters sneak into my 8-year-old imagination???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXdnjUvM6Cw[/youtube]

THAT.IS.AWESOME.

If they bring in the “Rock & Jock” 25 & 50 point baskets, I’ll go to EVERY game. Gary Payton once scored 250 points!!!

Oh-and Michael Oher is apparently going to be involved in a few stunts with the Globetrotters during Tuesday’s event.

One of them reportedly involves Oher lining up for a football play and waiting until the ball is snapped to move.

7. NBA: Indiana Pacers @ Washington Wizards (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Indiana Pacers (Friday 3pm from Indianapolis live on Comcast SportsNet), New Orleans Hornets @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Well…while the ‘Zards are in Indy, maybe they can enjoy…nothing.

Well, maybe they can enjoy hanging with Merton From Indianapolis and his drinking buddies singing songs about Peyton Manning and Johnny Unitas.

We’re not REALLY going to have to go back to that hellhole in a couple of weeks, are we?

UGH.

6. MMA-UFC 125: Resolution (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

Clay Guida is on this card, which means the card is worth the price of admission. First-Clay Guida is THIS maniac…

clayguida

But crazy fights and a propensity to bleed isn’t all that Guida offers to the world of Mixed Martial Arts. He’s got another impressive skill…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m110W9gBemA[/youtube]

Impressive.

5. College Basketball: North Florida @ Maryland (Wednesday 8pm Comcast Center); Robert Morris @ Morgan State (Thursday 7pm Hill Field House); Old Dominion @ Towson (Monday 7pm Towson Center); Niagara @ UMBC (Thursday 7pm RAC Arena); Bucknell @ Loyola (Tuesday 7pm Reitz Arena), Marist @ Loyola (Monday 7pm Reitz Arena); Coppin St. @ Kentucky (Tuesday 7pm from Lexington, KY live on ESPN3.com), Coppin St. @ Texas (Friday 2pm from Austin, TX live on ESPN3.com)

I know a lot of folks haven’t started paying attention to College Basketball yet because football is still happening; so let me try to get you caught up.

One-UMBC can’t beat anyone. Except for maybe Penn State. And probably Wake Forest.

Two-Duke is still pretty good. Damnit.

Three-Unbelievably, something neat happened in an Idaho State-Utah State game…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF8w3zN0xiA[/youtube]

Yep, I think that’s about it.

4. Pro Wrestling: Stand Up For WWE Presents Raw World Tour (Wednesday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena, Thursday 7pm Verizon Center)

Gail Kim Gail Kim Gail Kim Gail Kim Gail Kim Gail Kim Gail Kim Gail Kim…

gailkim

3. NHL: Winter Classic-Washington Capitals @ Pittsburgh Steelers (Saturday 1pm from Pittsburgh live on NBC), Montreal Canadiens @ Washington Capitals (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

You mean to tell me there will be Redskins fans and Steelers fans BOTH sitting in Heinz Field Saturday?

I better not say ANY of the things that have come to mind, or I might be subject to a police investigation.

My friend Brandon invited me over to watch the game next Saturday. I think I’m going to go, but I’m certainly not going to be rooting for the Caps. Instead, I think I’ll spend the day encouraging everyone to HOWL…

howl

2. College Football-Military Bowl: Maryland vs. East Carolina (Wednesday 2:30pm from RFK Stadium live on ESPN), Champs Sports Bowl: West Virginia vs. NC State (Tuesday 6:30pm from Orlando live on ESPN), Insight Bowl: Missouri vs. Iowa (Tuesday 10pm from Tempe, AZ live on ESPN), Texas Bowl: Illinois vs. Baylor (Wednesday 6pm from Houston live on ESPN), Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Arizona (Wednesday 9:15pm from San Antonio live on ESPN), Armed Forces Bowl: Army vs. SMU (Thursday 12pm from Fort Worth, TX live on ESPN), Pinstripe Bowl: Kansas State vs. Syracuse (Thursday 3:30pm from New York live on ESPN), Music City Bowl: North Carolina vs. Tennessee (Thursday 6:40pm from Nashville live on ESPN), Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Washington (Thursday 10pm from San Diego live on ESPN), Meineke Bowl: South Florida vs. Clemson (Friday 12pm from Charlotte live on ESPN), Sun Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Miami (Friday 2pm from El Paso, TX live on CBS), Liberty Bowl: Georgia vs. UCF (Friday 3:30pm from Memphis live on ESPN), Chick-Fil-A Bowl: South Carolina vs. Florida State (Friday 7:30pm from Atlanta live on ESPN), TicketCity Bowl: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech (Saturday 12pm from Dallas live on ESPNU), Capital One Bowl: Alabama vs. Michigan (Saturday 1pm from Orlando live on ESPN), Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Penn State (Saturday 1pm from Tampa Bay live on ABC), Gator Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Michigan (Saturday 1:30pm from Jacksonville live on ESPN2), Rose Bowl: Wisconsin vs. TCU (Saturday 5pm from Pasadena, CA live on ESPN), Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. UConn (Saturday 8:30pm from Glendale, AZ live on ESPN), Discover Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Stanford (Monday 8:30pm from Miami live on ESPN)

I like College Football and all, but if I have to be honest…bowl season could probably use another couple of games.

I mean, I don’t see a single bowl game scheduled for 3am Saturday.

What the hell am I supposed to watch when I stagger get home from New Year’s Eve Friday night?

Eh…I’ll probably just Hulu the Paul Rudd/Paul McCartney episode of SNL. That ish was funny…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NjX0M9nuhw[/youtube]

1. NFL: Cincinnati Bengals @ Baltimore Ravens (Sunday 1pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS)

How in THE WORLD have the Ravens lost three straight to Cincy?

That can’t happen again, right? RIGHT?

Especially not if THIS GUY plays…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6rbdy9yuJg[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 06 December 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Women’s College Basketball-Maryland @ Loyola (Tuesday 7pm Reitz Arena), UMBC @ Maryland (Friday 7pm Comcast Center); Golf: PGA Tour Shark Shootout (Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 4pm Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Naples, FL); High School Basketball: Edmondson @ Perry Hall (Wednesday 6:30pm), Perry Hall @ Dulaney (Friday 7pm)

10. Matisyahu (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Hinder/Saving Abel/My Darkest Days/Default (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Old 97′s (Tuesday 7pm Recher Theatre), Nonpoint (Thursday 7pm Recher Theatre); Usher (Wednesday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Better Than Ezra (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club), G. Love & Special Sauce (Monday 8pm 9:30 Club); National Tree Lighting Ceremony feat. B.B. King, Maroon 5, Sara Bareilles (Thursday 5pm President’s Park); Mint Condition (Thursday & Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); T.I. “No Mercy” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday); Mid-Atlantic Holiday Beer Tasting (Saturday 12pm The Brewer’s Art)

With this being Hanukkah, I will mention that I LOVE Matisyahu…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS9uTiEY9ag[/youtube]

Haven’t heard of Old 97′s? Maybe it’s time to take a minute…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDDyD0Hj5n0[/youtube]

Maybe Nonpoint should invite Ray Lewis over to Recher Theatre for their Phil Collins cover…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihYwcaxEEUk[/youtube]

Better Than Ezra is the type of band that has had a much bigger impact on my life than I might really recognize. Between Empire Records and THIS classic, I’m really grateful for the boys from New Orleans…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9-FD5un87M[/youtube]

9. Inception“, “Shrek Forever After” and “Boy Meets World Season 4” available in stores (Tuesday)

You know why Season 4 of Boy Meets World was the best one? It was the season that featured the “Sixteen Candles and 400 Pound Men” episode. You know, where Cory Matthews had to help his friend Frankie with his father (Vader)’s match against Jake “The Snake” Roberts while also being there to dance with Topanga Lawrence at her 16th birthday party.

Yeah, I’m a nerd. But this is a great episode. It’s an ode to The Flintstones episode where Fred Flintstone has to be in two places at once. Here’s the end of the episode…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ue284USuKQ[/youtube]

8. Boxing: IBF/WBO Heavyweight Championship-Vladimir Klitschko vs. Dereck Chisora (Saturday 5pm from Mannheim, Germany live on ESPN3.com), Yonnhy Perez vs. Joseph Agbeko, Abner Mares vs. Vic Darchinyan (Saturday 9pm from Tacoma, Washington live on Showtime)

I’ll be forced to admit that I could not have told you who held the IBF, WBO, WBA, HBO, NBA, NWA, OPP, TLC, IWIF, MIAA, NAACP or UNICEF heavyweight titles.

And frankly, I have nothing to offer to a boxing discussion that would be of value. Except that the “Floyd Wetherton” character on Family Guy was an amazing combination of both very sad and very funny…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyFRtqxFE6k[/youtube]

7. Soccer: MISL-Missouri Comets @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:35pm 1st Mariner Arena); College Soccer: NCAA Championship Game (Sunday 4pm from Santa Barbara, CA live on ESPN2)

Obviously there’s little to no interest in the College Cup now because Maryland lost to Michigan Saturday, eliminating the Terrapins from the NCAA Tournament.

I’d like to give you another reason to watch Friday and Sunday, but I honestly don’t have it.

Instead, I’ll discuss something much more significant in the world of soccer. A recent news story about the breakout soccer star of 2010.

You’ll remember Larissa Riquelme as the Paraguay soccer fan who captivated the attention of the world during this summer’s World Cup. NOW you’ll remember her as the girl who recently wore this dress…

riquelme

6. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Los Angeles Lakers (Tuesday 10:30pm from LA live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Sacramento Kings (Wednesday 10pm from Sacramento live on Comcast SportsNet), New York Knicks @ Washington Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

If you’re a fan of the ‘Zards (I’ve heard a rumor there are a handful of you out there somewhere, but I haven’t actually MET any of you in my life), I suggest you not watch their game with me Tuesday night. I’ll be rooting hard for the Lakers.

Not because I’m some sort of bandwagon Lakers fan, trust me.

I’ll be rooting hard for the Lakers because this guy plays for them…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2UUyAzKLMg[/youtube]

Steve Blake will always be a hero to me.

5. NHL: Carolina Hurricanes @ Washington Capitals (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS & Comcast SportsNet), Colorado Avalanche @ Washington Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Capitals @ New York Rangers (Sunday 7pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network)

You already know I’m not a fan of the Caps, so let’s just move on from that.

I’m not sure if this particular dress…

rangersdress

…is available in a Phoenix Coyotes style, I know what “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” will be getting for Christmas this year. And will be wearing to every function we attend in 2011.

4. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 124-Georges St. Pierre vs. Josh Koscheck (Saturday 10pm from Montreal live on Pay-Per-View)

Since the fight is happening in Montreal, I know damn well who I’m picking to win…

youppi

Youppi is awesome. Oh…of course I’m picking GSP to win. He’s fighting Josh Koscheck. Who the hell am I supposed to pick there?

3. College Basketball: UNC-Greensboro @ Maryland (Wednesday 7:30pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Boston College @ Maryland (Sunday 4pm from Comcast Center live on Fox Sports Net-CSN locally in Charm City); Towson @ UMBC (Saturday 7pm RAC Arena); Towson @ George Washington (Wednesday 7pm Smith Center); Navy @ Coppin State (Tuesday 7:30pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex), West Virginia Tech @ Coppin State (Saturday 4pm Coppin State Physical Education Complex); Loyola @ George Mason (Wednesday 7pm from Patriot Center live on MASN), Mt. St. Mary’s @ Loyola (Saturday 4pm Reitz Arena)

I’m torn here. On one side, I’m very happy to see the start of ACC season. On the other side, the Terps’ loss to Temple in the BB&T Classic leaves me just a bit concerned.

I know this much. If I see ANY of you wearing this shirt this week, I might very well take a swing at you…

superfan

2. College Football: Army/Navy Game (Saturday 2:30pm from Philadelphia live on CBS); Heisman Trophy Presentation (Saturday 8pm from New York live on ESPN)

My ABSOLUTE favorite game of the year in any sport.

I doubt they’ll show this video up at Lincoln Financial Field Saturday, but if they did-I’m not sure how the Midshipmen COULDN’T be inspired…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqKS7gmC444[/youtube]

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ Houston Texans (Monday 8:30pm from Houston live on ESPN)

The Monday Night Football trip will be my first to Houston.

For anyone who has made the trip before, can you tell me anything about this place? I’m told I HAVE to hit it while I’m there…

feast

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 08 October 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Preseason NBA-Atlanta Hawks @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Milwaukee Bucks @ Washington Wizards (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet and NBA TV); Auto Racing: NASCAR Bank of America 500 (Saturday 7:30pm from Charlotte live on ABC); Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 120-Michael Bisping vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama (Saturday 7pm from London on SpikeTV)

10. Chelsea Handler (Friday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Seth Meyers (Saturday 8pm Patriot Center); Kevin Hart (Saturday 8pm & 11pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); Halloween Hootenanny feat. Rob Zombie & Alice Cooper (Sunday 3pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Aaron Lewis (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live); Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers (Wednesday 7:30pm Recher Theatre); Pharoahe Monch (Sunday 8pm Sonar); The Ataris (Monday 8pm Ottobar); Days of the New (Friday 7pm Bourbon Street); Victor Wooten (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Blood, Sweat & Tears (Wednesday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage), Jackie Greene (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Bone Thugs-n-Harmony (Wednesday 10pm 9:30 Club), Pepper (Friday 8pm 9:30 Club), Sara Bareilles (Monday 7:30pm 9:30 Club); Craig Ferguson (Saturday 7pm Warner Theatre); Darius Rucker “Charleston, SC 1966″ available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Alice Cooper still plays music? I thought he was just a golfer nowadays?!? I’ll probably miss his show, but it’s not because Rob Zombie doesn’t kick ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqQuihD0hoI[/youtube]

I was never the biggest Staind fan, but I’d be down to hear Aaron Lewis channel Eddie Vedder for sure…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sumiU0u2J9s[/youtube]

It’s been a long time since Bone Thugs was relevant, but after doing some research, they’re still pretty freaking good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsBV-P9gIC0[/youtube]

Make fun of me all you want, but I’ve already pre-ordered Darius Rucker’s disc on iTunes. It is what it is…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap7HzFlOXq4[/youtube]

9. Jackass 3D in theaters (Friday)

This is what a comedy is supposed to be all about. Forget about a plot, forget about a compelling storyline, and for god sakes don’t try to tie it up with some sort of feel good story. Just punch each other in the nuts and let me laugh, damnit…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKwjU_pSSW4[/youtube]

8. Baltimore Beer Week: Blues & Brews Festival (Friday 7pm 8×10 Club), Chesapeake Real Ale Festival (Saturday 1pm Pratt Street Ale House), Baltimore Beer Festival (Sunday 12pm Canton Waterfront Park)

If I could, I would attend all of these events. Seriously. I knew this is going to sound crazy to most of you, but these are the two things I love the most. Charm City…and Beer.

For those of you who have asked (and I thank you for considering me an expert!), here are my Top 3 pumpkin-based brews in honor of the Fall.

5-Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale

bluemoonpumpkin

4-Michelob Jack’s Pumpkin Spice Ale

jackspumpkin

3-Brooklyn Brewery Post Road Pumpkin Ale

postroad

2-Four Peaks Pumpkin Porter

porter

1-Dogfish Head Punkin Ale

punkinale

7. Boxing: Antonio Tarver vs. Nagy Aguilera (Friday 11pm from Miami, Oklahoma live on Showtime), WBC Heavyweight Championship-Shannon Briggs vs. Vitali Klitschko (Saturday 5pm from Hamburg, Germany live on ESPN3.com), Lucian Bute vs. Jesse Brinkley (Friday 9:30pm from Montreal live on ESPN3.com)

Shannon Briggs is fighting Vitali Klitschko for the WBC Heavyweight title. Yes, this is the same belt previously held by Lennox Lewis, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, Riddick Bowe, Larry Holmes, Ken Norton and Muhammad Ali.

Of course, it was also held by Buster Douglas and Hasim Rahman, but even they had to beat a legitimate champion to become champion. I’m pretty sure at this point we’re not far from seeing Joey Buttafuoco get a title shot…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuLWWDoN85E[/youtube]

6. High School Football: Glen Burnie @ Old Mill (Friday 6:30pm), Franklin @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

So I screwed up. Last Friday was NOT PHHS’s Homecoming game. I was given bad information by Barry Aparicio-who is now my roommate. A-hole.

It was particularly embarrassing when I called Gators Athletic Director Kathy Graybeal and asked her for passes to the game. (Umm…Glenn…the Homecoming game is NEXT week. MY BAD!)

There’s good news in all of this however. The good news is that I never got an answer from Daniela Pane about my Homecoming date proposal last week…

dpane

(Edit from GMC: Daniela is the person in the picture who WASN’T in the movie “Revenge of the Nerds.” Yes…the hot one.)

Here’s the deal. Daniela Pane (who is appearing in an upcoming episode of “1000 Ways to Die” on SpikeTV) is the second most talented, second most successful, second best-looking member of Perry Hall’s graduating class of 2001. I’d tell you who was first, but you already know it’s spelled “Glenn Clark.”

So Daniela, you have another week to consider my offer. I think we’d be a fantastic Homecoming couple. Boomer Sooner’s sister is in town, so she’s busy. Plus…she’d understand? Maybe not? You know, let’s worry about that some other time. The point is…the offer is on the table. I know you live in California, but it’s Friday night. You have until then to get home. No pressure.

5. NHL: New York Islanders @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet and VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ Nashville Predators (Saturday 8pm from Nashville live on Comcast SportsNet)

The Capitals played some games last weekend…blah blah blah here’s the deal. I want this Phoenix Coyotes jersey. Who wants to buy it for me???

yotes

It’s only $150. Just get it now.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Columbia (Tuesday 8pm from Chester, PA live on ESPN2); MLS-DC United @ Chicago Fire (Saturday 4pm from Chicago live on Comcast SportsNet); College Soccer: Clemson @ Maryland (Saturday 7pm Ludwig Field); Boston University @ UMBC (Friday 8pm from UMBC Stadium live on Fox Soccer Channel)

This one is going to be tough. I love America, we all know that. But Sofia Vergara (of “Modern Family” fame) is from Columbia…

sofia

3. College Basketball: Maryland Madness (Friday 7:45pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet) Maryland Media Day (Thursday Comcast Center)

Should the Terrapins still be holding Midnight Madness at…you know…midnight…in order to honor the fact that the whole event STARTED with Lefty Driesell in College Park? I think so, but no one pays me to think. Thank God for that.

The problem is…we’ve got a lot of other very important things going on in College Park at midnight on Friday night…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReFjlhFgHAE[/youtube]

Wasn’t what you were expecting, was it?

2. College Football: Maryland @ Clemson (Saturday 12pm from Clemson, SC live on ACC Network-WJZ 13 in Charm City), SMU @ Navy (Saturday 3:45pm from Navy-Marine Corps Stadium live on CBS College Sports)

My 12th grade journalism teacher went to Clemson. I didn’t like the Tigers then, and I certainly don’t like them now. Howard’s Rock? More like, take that stupid rock and hit someone upside the head with it, am I right?

Wait…what’s that you say???

clemson

Don’t try….

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots (Sunday 1pm from Foxborough live on CBS)

Think it’s about time for another trip to Gillette Stadium, huh?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xEmhF9oPMc[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 23 August 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Soccer-MLS: DC United @ Chivas USA (Sunday 10pm from Carson, California live on ESPN2); Auto Racing: IndyCar Series Peak Antifreeze and Motor Oil Indy 300 (Saturday 7pm from Joliet, Illinois live on VERSUS), NASCAR Nationwide Series Circuit Gilles Villeneuve (Sunday 2pm from Montreal live on ESPN2)

10. Rock The Bells feat. Snoop Dogg, A Tribe Called Quest, Wu-Tang Clan, Lauryn Hill (Sunday 12pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Jackson Browne (Tuesday 7:30pm Pier Six Pavilion), Trey Songz & Monica (Friday 8pm Pier Six Pavilion), Blondie & Cheap Trick (Sunday 7pm Pier Six Pavilion); Tears For Fears (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head Live), Nonpoint (Thursday 8pm Rams Head Live); Saving Abel (Tuesday 7pm Bourbon Street); Matisyahu (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club), NAS & Damien Marley (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); Tony Bennett (Friday 8pm Wolf Trap); Patrice O’Neal (Friday-Sunday DC Improv)

I like a lot of this! I’ve said before on Facebook that I’ve lost many hours of my life wondering where Lauryn Hill ran off to. Never again…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE6Qcc6VDo8[/youtube]

I once saw Cheap Trick open for Aerosmith. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Steven Tyler and company even bothered coming to the stage…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th370QmFtk8[/youtube]

I may not love Tears For Fears but I sure as hell love this song…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bqgy1mebh8[/youtube]

Matisyahu played the last HFStival I was involved with when I was employed there. He carried his own equipment. And he kicked ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2zqAmP0DpM[/youtube]

9. Glenn Clark’s Fantasy Football Draft (Friday 8pm Mountain Branch)

And with the sixth pick in the “Full House Fantasy Draft”, Team Jesse and the Rippers Select…

christurner

No way we can lose now…

8. Baltimore Comic-Con (Saturday & Sunday Baltimore Convention Center)

So if I go, do I wear THIS costume…

spiderman

or THIS one…

hogan

I feel like they’re both equally good options…but I’m probably only fat enough for the first one.

7. High School Football: Gilman @ Archbishop Spalding (Friday 7pm), St. John’s (DC) @ Calvert Hall (Saturday 1pm)

I love High School Football. I might not be quite as excited this week because my beloved Perry Hall Gators aren’t in action yet; but I still love the concept of high school football-and just the idea behind “Friday Night Lights” altogether. I posted Kenny Chesney’s “The Boys of Fall” as “The Greatest Song of All Time This Week” earlier this week, but not because of the song. Instead, I posted it entirely thanks to the EPIC speech from New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton at the beginning…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlXDo5WhQXI[/youtube]

6. Team USA Basketball: Team USA vs. Greece (Wednesday 12pm from Athens, Greece live on ESPN)

I’ll always be grateful to our Greek friends for giving us things like baklava and Maria Menounos…

mariam

…but this is basketball we’re talking about. Kevin Durant and the boys in the red, white and blue have a simple responsibility. KICK SOME GREEK ASS.

But again, thanks for Maria Menounos. And baklava.

5. Golf: PGA Tour FedEx Cup Playoffs-The Barclays (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 1pm live on Golf Channel 3pm live on CBS, Sunday 12pm live on Golf Channel 2pm live on CBS. All golf from Paramus, New Jersey); Champions Tour Boeing Classic (Friday & Saturday 6:30, Sunday 7pm from Snoqualmie, Washington live on Golf Channel); LPGA Tour CN Canadian Women’s Open (Thursday & Friday 11:59pm on Golf Channel, Saturday 3pm Sunday 2pm live on Golf Channel. All golf from Winnipeg, Canada)

Apparently it’s a big deal that Tiger Woods is playing this week in New Jersey. With no offense to a guy who has lost more than the Orioles and Pirates combined this season, but I’d be much more interested if it were J-Woww playing this weekend in anywhere…

jwoww

(Edit from GMC: Seriously…I love the Jersey Shore. I don’t care what you think about that.)

4. Tennis: ATP Tour U.S. Open Series Pilot Pen Tennis (Thursday 1pm Friday 12pm & 7pm live on ESPN2, Saturday 1pm live on CBS, 7pm live on ESPN2. All tennis from New Haven, Connecticut); U.S. Open Opening Round (Monday 11am live on Tennis Channel, 1pm live on ESPN2. All U.S. Open tennis from New York)

I know better than to be interested in American tennis players. We all stink right now. My love affair with Andy Roddick is completely pointless, as at some point he’s inevitably going to lose to a player whose future is more suited for the kitchen at PF Chang’s than it is the Wimbledon Champions Ball.

So I’ll go ahead and blame my own stupidity for getting excited when I watched Mardy Fish take the first set from Roger Federer in the final out in Cincinnati. I should have known better. Mardy Fish is Mardy Fish. Roger Federer is Roger Federer.

It’s similar to getting excited about Taka Michinoku when he gets some early offense in a matchup with Triple H. Oh you don’t remember the reference? I’ll remind you the WWF title was on the line…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I-iUL2IBn4[/youtube]

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 118-Frankie Edgar vs. BJ Penn (Saturday 10pm from Boston live on Pay-Per-View); Bellator Fighting Championships 26 (Thursday 8pm from Kansas City live on Fox Sports Net)

So this is supposed to be the ultimate showdown between boxing and MMA, right? A boxer who has held titles at four different weight classes in James Toney against a mixed martial artist whose career has landed him in the UFC Hall of Fame in Randy Couture.

Whether or not the fight settles ANYTHING, I really hope that Dana White considers replacing Joe Rogan with Jim Gray for the post-fight interview (Some NSFW language in here…unless of course you work with my grandmom. I hear she’s gotten feisty late in life…)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgecPysuGB4[/youtube]

2. Maryland State Fair (Friday-Monday Timonium Fairgrounds)

I can’t explain this enough. Not only will I get beer from the Shriners and collect free swag from crappy radio stations I will never listen to; but I will ABSOLUTELY dine like a king…

turkey

and I will absolutely hang with some of my closest friends…

horse

1. New York Giants @ Baltimore Ravens (Saturday 7:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on WBAL11)

Giants-Ravens, huh? Okay then….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeY-Nk-GKSY[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 17 August 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-New York Liberty @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm Verizon Center); Soccer: NASL-Rochester Rhinos @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Wednesday 7pm Ridley Athletic Complex-Loyola),MLS-Philadelphia Union @ DC United (Sunday 2pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick)

10. Train (Sunday 5pm Pier Six Pavilion); KISS (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); The Temptations and The Four Tops (Saturday 8pm Wolf Trap); Travie McCoy & Shwayze (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Charm City Devils & Bang Tango (Saturday 7:30pm Bourbon Street), The Wailers (Sunday 7:30pm Bourbon Street); Mighty Mighty Bosstones (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); Hot August Blues Festival feat. Lyle Lovett & His Large Band, Keb’ Mo’ (Saturday 1:30pm Oregon Ridge Park); Babyface (Sunday 7:30pm Birchmere)

Certainly some things worth pointing out here, as no matter how goofy that stupid “Hey Soul Sister” song was-Train remains downright listenable…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxWK3qACDGk[/youtube]

I’ve caught myself watching “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” a few times recently, and I’ve been reminded of just how unforgivable it is that KISS is somehow NOT in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Hgz-q76KtQ[/youtube]

Whether or not you were a SR-71 fan (and how could you not have been?), there’s really no excuse to not be a Charm City Devils fan. John Allen is part of our great city’s rock and roll royalty…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNahVaxjFYs[/youtube]

And the ska movement may have died many years ago, but I am grateful to have Dicky Barrett and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones back. They did my favorite song from “Clueless” after all….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmOmAuhAQbE[/youtube]

9. Baltimore Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Sunday throughout Charm City)

Or in other words, “The Greatest Week of All Time Ever.”

Look, they’re not a sponsor-but I’ll go ahead and say it. If there’s a way for me to afford eating at The Capital Grille, I’m all in. I mean-they have Halibut and Yukon Potatoes with sliced almonds and sweet diced tomatoes…

halibut

8. Arena Football League: ArenaBowl-Tampa Bay Storm @ Spokane Shock (Friday 8pm from Spokane live on NFL Network)

Maybe we have the winner face the AIFA Champion Baltimore Mariners in a Best of 7 series starting Monday night?

For the record, I’m pulling for Spokane. It would be nice for the city to have something to celebrate besides Adam Morrison and his moustache crying…

adammorrison

7. Swimming: Pan Pacific Championships (Wednesday 9pm live on Universal Sports, Saturday 2pm Sunday 3pm on NBC. All swimming from Irvine, CA)

There’s good news here. One-I always root for Michael Phelps. He’s a Baltimore Ravens fan. I’m a Baltimore Ravens fan. Not much else to care about there.

Two-this particular event is an event where Team USA goes up against Japan, Australia and Canada. And the fact is, I hate Canada anyway! Why? Well…

bieber

Up yours Canada. Enjoy getting SMOKED by Michael Phelps and the boys…

6. Golf: PGA Tour Wyndham Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 2pm live on CBS. All golf from Greensboro, North Carolina); Champions Tour JELD-WEN Tradition (Thursday 7:30pm Friday 8pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 4pm live on NBC. All golf from Sunriver, Oregon); LPGA Tour Safeway Classic (Friday 12:30pm Saturday & Sunday 5:30pm from North Plains, Oregon live on Golf Channel)

It used to be that if Tiger Woods wasn’t involved in a golf tournament, no one was interested.

Now, it’s just a case of no one ever being interested either way.

But if you’re going to have to play a golf tournament-there are worse places to play than Greensboro, North Carolina. The good news there is that you’re never too far from one of these…

biscuitville

5. Tennis-ATP Tour U.S. Open Series: Western & Southern Financial Group Masters (Tuesday & Wednesday 1pm live on Tennis Channel, Thursday & Friday 12pm live on ESPN2, Saturday 2pm & 7pm live on ESPN2, Sunday-FINAL-12pm live on CBS. All tennis from Cincinnati) WTA Tour U.S. Open Series: Rogers Cup (Friday 6pm, Saturday 4pm live on Tennis Channel; Sunday 1pm & 3pm live on ESPN2. All tennis from Montreal)

There’s no American men in the Top 10 of the World Tennis Rankings.

A man from Germany just won the PGA Championship.

American men hold NONE of the heavyweight boxing champions.

Even the current WWE Champion (Sheamus) is from Ireland.

What the hell are we any good at in this country?!?!?

Well, I know of at least one sport where we still dominate. Thanks in large part to great athletes like one Glenn Clark…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVqIvM8Wbas[/youtube]

You’re welcome, America.

4. Auto Racing: NASCAR Irwin Tools Night Race (Saturday 7:30pm from Bristol, TN live on ABC), IndyCar Series Indy Grand Prix of Sonoma (Sunday 5pm from Sonoma, CA live on VERSUS)

I don’t much care for NASCAR myself. I’ll admit that it’s an area where I’m fairly snobby, as I prefer my sports-and my TV viewing in general-to actually be captivating, interesting and entertaining.

The good news is that when the NASCAR circuit hits Bristol Motor Speedway, they’re racing on a smaller track. That means there are probably going to be a few more of these…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UJ5jD6OJiE[/youtube]

3. Lacrosse: MLL Championship Weekend-Boston Cannons vs. Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 12pm), Denver Outlaws vs. Long Island Lizards (Saturday 3pm), MLL Championship Game (Sunday 1pm…all games from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on ESPN3.com, 2nd semifinal Saturday also live on Universal Sports)

This is a tough spot. I’m uncomfortable with rooting for the Bayhawks, as they WERE the Baltimore Bayhawks but were eventually moved to Washington before coming back to Annapolis and changing their name to “Chesapeake.” Of course, my other options include teams from Boston and New York, and I’m CERTAINLY not rooting for them.

I know what else I’ll be rooting for…AWESOME INJURIES. Awesome injuries like the one recently picked up by Cincinnati Bearcats star (Roland Park) Laura Simanski; who you may know better as “The Future Mrs. Glenn Clark.” Laura was apparently playing recently in Ocean City, and her mom did the right thing and posted photographic evidence of an AWESOME injury on Facebook…

laurainjury

2. Mixed Martial Arts: WEC-Dominick Cruz vs. Joseph Benavidez (Wednesday 9pm from Las Vegas live on VERSUS); Strikeforce Houston (Saturday 10pm from Houston live on Showtime)

If Bobby Lashley wins OR loses Saturday night, I have one simple request to Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker. PLEASE make this happen next…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUj07_f89i4[/youtube]

1. Baltimore Ravens @ Washington Redskins (Saturday 8pm from FedEx Field live on WBAL 11 & Comcast SportsNet), Tweetup with SI’s Peter King (Wednesday 4:30pm Amicci’s Little Italy)

If you regularly read WNST.net…or the Washington Post’s DC Sports Bog…or Deadspin…or Kissing Suzy Kolber…or Mister Irrelevant…or Press Box…or DCRTV…or the Bible…wait, no, maybe not the bible…you may have heard that I don’t much care for the Washington Redskins.

But as time has gone on, my opinion has softened.

So to all of those who have been offended by my previous comments regarding the Skins, I offer something new…

“F*ck the Redskins. F*ck John Riggins. F*ck MASN’s Riggins commercial.”

Go ahead and quote me. See you at that dump you call a stadium Saturday night in…Raljon? Ugh. What a dreadful place…

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 10 August 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV), Minnesota Lynx @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm Verizon Center), Seattle Storm @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm Verizon Center); Gymnastics: Visa National Championships (Thursday & Friday 7pm live on Universal Sports, Saturday 8pm & Sunday 2:30pm live on NBC. All gymnastics from Hartford, Conn.); Auto Racing: NASCAR Carfax 400 (Sunday 1pm from Brooklyn, Michigan live on ESPN)

10. Black Eyed Peas (Tuesday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); O.A.R. & Citizen Cope (Thursday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), MGMT (Saturday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), David Gray & Ray LaMontagne (Sunday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Green Day & AFI (Wednesday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Jonas Brothers (Thursday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Maroon 5 (Friday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), Rascal Flatts (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Sunday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); George Thorogood & The Destroyers (Tuesday 7:30pm Wolf Trap); Mr. Greengenes (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Jimmy Wayne (Saturday 8pm Power Plant Live); Public Enemy (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); Smile Empty Soul (Thursday 7pm Bourbon Street); Patton Oswalt (Saturday 8pm Warner Theatre)

OMFGLOLZROFLLMFAOOMGZ!!!!!!!!! THE JOE BROS!!!!!!!!!!!

In all reality, there are a ton of things I like on this list; and it doesn’t even include the Jimmy Buffett show I’m going to in Philadelphia.

For example, O.A.R. is not only made up of Maryland natives, they’re also completely freaking awesome.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Typ01AiVz4[/youtube]

As if that wasn’t enough, Clarence Greenwood is on the same bill in Columbia-where he will almost certainly tell you a tune about George from Baltimore…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMJjkO8ESL4[/youtube]

I like David Gray, but I would be JUST as excited about checking out a crooning LaMontagne…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g25ZjKBXw8Q[/youtube]

And as far as Tom Petty is concerned…well…look, you don’t hate America or anything-do you?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyStwRYLzlI[/youtube]

9. “The Expendables” opens in theaters (Friday), Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhof (Sunday 10pm Comedy Central)

Will “The Expendables” be some sort of cinematic classic??? Of course not. Will it be a movie with Sylvester Stallone, Randy Couture, Jason Statham and Mickey Rourke? Un-freaking-questionably. And oh yeah, some other guy you’ve heard of is in the flick too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKz0_JngFmg[/youtube]

“When you hear the glass, it’s your ass…”

8. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Challengers (Friday 11pm from Phoenix live on Showtime)

MMA fans will be looking forward to the pro debut of Randy Couture’s son-Ryan Couture-at this event; Ryan is scheduled to join Thyrl Nelson and John Rallo on “The MMA Report” Tuesday at 1:30pm on AM1570 WNST.

Interestingly enough, MMA fighters will be looking forward to going to Arizona; mostly because they’ve heard a thing or two about the gals who live in Tempe…

asu

WHY IN THE HELL DID I COME BACK AGAIN?!?!?

7. Tennis: ATP Tour Rogers Masters Cup (Tuesday & Wednesday 1pm live on Tennis Channel, Thursday & Friday 1pm live on ESPN2, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on ESPN2. All tennis from Toronto); WTA Western & Southern Financial Group Women’s Open (Thursday 3pm live on ESPN2 5pm live on Tennis Channel, Friday 5pm live on Tennis Channel 7pm live on ESPN2 9pm live on Tennis Channel, Saturday 1pm live on Tennis Channel 9pm live on ESPN2, Sunday 5pm live on ESPN2. All tennis from Cincinnati)

I was really excited to hear that James Blake was trying to make a comeback this summer, as I have been a James Blake fan for some time. Of course, that was before I found out he broke up with girlfriend Jennifer Scholle. I will admit that I’m not QUITE as excited anymore…

scholle

6. Boxing: Hasim Rahman vs. Damon Reed (Saturday 7:30pm from Norfolk Scope Arena-Virginia), Jean Pascal vs. Chad Dawson (Saturday 10:30pm from Montreal live on HBO)

I get it. The guy was knocked through the ring by Oleg Maskaev and has never managed to get a legitimate finish against James Toney; but they will NEVER take this away from this man…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABZu5v2JPuE[/youtube]

Go get him, Rock!

5. Soccer: Team USA vs. Brazil (Tuesday 8pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on ESPN2); NASL-Carolina RailHawks @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 5pm Paul Angelo Russo Stadium-Calvert Hall); MLS-FC Dallas @ DC United (Saturday 8pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick)

This is good, because I already don’t like Brazil anyway! I mean, good food and good looking women; what’s to like?!?!?

The fact remains that there is NOTHING I like more in the world than the United States of America. You know why? Because this is the country that gave us both Jay-Z AND John Mayer. Take THAT, Brazil!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1soDJzDfL4[/youtube]

4. Pro Wrestling: WWE SummerSlam (Sunday 8pm from Los Angeles live on Pay-Per-View)

As if the (presumably) final “match” in Bret Hart’s career wasn’t enough of a reason to watch SummerSlam Sunday, may I make another suggestion as to why you should take a look? The suggestion is this particular picture of Alicia Fox…

aliciafox

3. Golf: PGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 1pm live on TNT, Saturday & Sunday 11am live on TNT 2pm live on CBS. All golf from Kohler, Wisconsin)

Usually I’ll watch a golf tournament right up until the point that Tiger Woods doesn’t have a shot at winning it. Which means that the good news for me is that I won’t have to bother watching any golf this weekend.

So just who AM I picking this weekend? The same guy I always do…

chichi

2. Carolina Panthers @ Baltimore Ravens (Thursday 8pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN)

Are we really sure we’re that interested in the Ravens season starting? I mean, the Orioles are RED HOT under Buck Showalter!!!

It’s preseason football, so I know it really isn’t THAT exciting and the beer still costs $8 at “The Bank.”

But then again…it’s football.

Oh how we’ve missed you…

1. Madden 11 in stores (Tuesday)

The dirty little secret with me is that I’m REALLY not a gamer. I actually don’t own an XBox360 OR a PS3 (I DO own a Wii however), and my “gaming” lifestyle consists mostly of me spending hours a week at FreePacman.org.

But I’ll find a way to play Madden. I’ll draft Drew Brees and Larry Fitzgerald and win 10 Super Bowls. I’ll keep Ray Rice and ride him to both the Pro Bowl and a MVP.

And if I think about it, I’ll even find some time to change out of the shirt that’s covered in pizza sauce and shame.

Maybe.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 26 July 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: MLL Lacrosse-Chicago Machine @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); WNBA-San Antonio Silver Stars @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV), Tulsa Shock @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV); Arena Football League: Tulsa Talons @ Oklahoma City Yard Dawgz (Friday 8:05pm from Oklahoma City live on NFL Network)

10. Slightly Stoopid & Cypress Hill (Thursday 6:30pm from Pier Six Pavilion), Heart (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Carnival of Madness feat. Shinedown, Chevelle, Puddle of Mudd, Sevendust (Wednesday 5pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Jason Aldean (Friday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Honda Civic Tour feat. Paramore (Saturday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Creed (Wednesday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), John Mayer (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Brooks & Dunn (Sunday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Steve Miller Band (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Aretha Franklin (Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap); La Roux (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Dead Weather (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Rooney (Tuesday 7pm Sonar); Blues Traveler (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Gin Blossoms (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Robyn & Kelis (Monday 6pm 9:30 Club); Tom Green (Friday-Sunday DC Improv); Living Colour (Saturday 8pm Jaxx); Buddy Guy (Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); Dru Hill “Indrupendence Day” in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

So much to like here. First of all; of all of the “post-grunge sorta metal” bands in the world-NONE are better than Chevelle…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YMc6P6UDMk[/youtube]

I almost knocked over Hayley Williams at the VirginFest a few years back. She’s tiny. But when Paramore covers Kings of Leon, she’s HUGE…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCMjJqVBm2g[/youtube]

You can say WHATEVER you want; John Mayer is AWESOME…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_M5cNcRcMk[/youtube]

You might not be a countrry music fan; but Brooks & Dunn are splitting up. That’s significant somehow. I think. Ehh, here’s a country tune…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZSiBj4vCiY[/youtube]

When I was in middle school, it wasn’t cool to like Blues Traveler. It also wasn’t cool to skip going to White Marsh Mall on Friday nights to stay home and watch Boy Meets World; but screw you for judging me…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ousaiByU1ko[/youtube]

9. “Dinner For Schmucks” in theaters (Friday); Otakon (Friday-Sunday, Baltimore Convention Center); “Shark Week” begins (Sunday 9pm Discovery Channel)

Yes, these things are very random. But they’re all delightful as well. I don’t know if “Dinner For Schmucks” will be funny or not, but I feel like it has potential. At least the potential to be better than, say, “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOMngejmwKE[/youtube]

The first thing that comes up when you Google Image Search “Otakon” is below. I was hoping I’d figure out more about the event. Instead, I think I’m safer just continuing with my life…

http://www.doctoroctoroc.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/otakon_companioncube.jpg

And we ALL know how great Shark Week is. So with that in mind, I offer my favorite ever “Texts From Last Night” entry…

i just defriended some girl because according to her status she “doesn’t give a f*ck about shark week.”

And I also offer the t-shirt version of Tracy Morgan’s greatest ever quote from 30 Rock…

shark week

8. Tennis: ATP Tour Farmers Classic (Friday 3pm live on ESPN2, 7pm live on Tennis Channel; Saturday 5pm & 10:30pm live on ESPN2; Sunday 5pm live on ESPN2, 8pm live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Los Angeles); U.S. Open Series Legg Mason Classic (Saturday-Monday William H.G. FitzGerald Tennis Center in Rock Creek Park)

Yeah, you know damn well I’ll be wandering down to DC at some point next week to watch Andy Roddick and company (did A-Rod REALLY lose to Mardy Fish this weekend in Atlanta?!?!?!?) because I’m a tennis nerd; but we’ll get back to that.

Back to Mardy Fish, did you know he was married to Stacey Gardner of “Deal or No Deal” fame? If it weren’t for the “married” part, this would probably make me a bigger fan of his…

stacey

7. Pro Wrestling: MCW Shamrock Cup (Saturday 6pm New Green Room Dundalk)

With no offense to Peter Schmuck or Kevin Eck from the Baltimore Sun (who are scheduled to “wrestle” at this event); the night is being headlined by appearances from former WWE stars Mickie James and Tommy Dreamer.

You would think I would be more excited about an appearance from the former Women’s Champion than I would a former ECW journeyman; but that only means you haven’t seen this video of him battling Rob Van Dam…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_kJOpgSqHQ[/youtube]

6. Golf-PGA Tour Greenbrier Classic (Thursday-Sunday 3pm from Sulphur Springs, West Virginia live on Golf Channel); Champions Tour U.S. Senior Open (Thursday & Friday 1pm live on ESPN, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Sammamish, WA); LPGA Women’s British Open (Thursday & Friday 10am, Saturday & Sunday 9am from Southport, England live on ESPN)

I’m not much of a golf fan; but I feel as though if I lived in West Virginia; I would probably attend this event. Mostly because my entertainment alternatives would include…

yokels

Who are we kidding? That’s actually not that bad…

5. Auto Racing: NASCAR Sunoco Red Cross Pennsylvania 500 (Sunday 1pm from Pocono live on ESPN)

I actually poked at the Brickyard 400 while the Orioles game was in a rain delay this past weekend. No thanks.

In fact, I’m really not sure how this race ended up 5th on this list. If I hadn’t already made it this far I’d probably go back and adjust it, but that would take far too much effort at this point.

It’s a shame Ultimate Frisbee never makes the list instead of NASCAR. Then I could post this incredible video from Deadspin instead of posting something stupid about golf. Oh wait, look at what I just did there…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5edTmCn09s[/youtube]

4. Boxing: Juan Manuel Marquez vs. Juan Diaz II (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on HBO PPV)

I’d like to be excited about this fight this weekend; but I just don’t know how I feel about boxing anymore. Let’s consider a recent boxing mega-fight in Australia between Danny Green and Paul Briggs…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYNwVSJfVhQ[/youtube]

If you can’t trust a sport with the unquestionable history of boxing, what CAN you trust in the world?

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC on VERSUS 2-Jon Jones vs. Vladimir Matyushenko (Sunday 9pm from San Diego live on VERSUS)

This is very simple. Jon “Bones” Jones is the brother of Ravens rookie DT Arthur Jones. That means we root for him. Vladimir “The Janitor” Matyushenko is from Belarus. That means we (and by “we” I mean “I”) don’t root for him.

His nickname is “The Janitor”? How many Janitors have you rooted for in your day? I mean-BESIDES “Janitor Bud” from Boy Meets World of course…

janitorbud

…right up until the point when we found out he was skipping out of work early to go bet on the horses. Jerk.

(Edit from GMC: That’s two BMW references in one post. Don’t think I don’t have more in me…)

2. Ravens Training Camp (Tuesday & Wednesday 8:45am, Friday-Monday 8:45; Monday morning closed to public. All practices at McDaniel College)

OH THANK GOD IT’S FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!

I’m not really sure what else to say here. The long civic nightmare known as baseball season here in Charm City is finally over; and we focus our attention solely on football. That’s such an incredible blessing.

Of course, the Sergio Kindle news dampers the start of Training Camp; but doesn’t ruin the eternal hope that comes with being a Baltimore Ravens fan. And if the teams needs another body in Camp with Kindle out, I think Patrice Hollis is qualified (Thanks The Smoking Jacket!)…

patricehollis

1. Soccer: Manchester City vs. Inter Milan (Saturday 8pm M&T Bank Stadium); MLS All-Star Game: MLS All-Stars vs. Manchester United (Wednesday 8:30pm from Houston live on ESPN2), MLS-DC United @ Real Salt Lake (Saturday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick); NASL-Montreal Impact @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 7pm Maryland SoccerPlex)

Just when you thought the whole soccer thing was over for the summer…

I’ll of course be rooting for Inter Saturday night. Not because I’m a big Inter fan; but more because my family is from Italy. How do you not root for the country that (sorta) gave us this???

pestopasta

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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