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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Lacrosse: MLL Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Long Island Lizards (Thursday 7:30pm from Hempstead, NY live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Fernando Guerrero vs. Grady Brewer (Friday 9pm from Austin, TX live on ESPN2), Canelo Alvarez vs. Ryan Rhodes (Saturday 10:30pm from Guadalajara, Mexico live on HBO)

10. Sade & John Legend (Thursday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Katy Perry (Wednesday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Owl City & Mat Kearney (Saturday 5:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Rascal Flatts (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Patti LaBelle (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Elvis Costello & The Imposters (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Daryl Hall & John Oates (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Musiq Soulchild (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Michael Franti & Spearhead (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live), Pop Evil/Crossfade (Sunday 6pm Rams Head Live), Good Charlotte/Yellowcard (Monday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Bridge (Wednesday 8pm 8×10 Club); Pat McGee (Friday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head on Stage); Mark Curry (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Aziz Ansari (Friday 7pm & 10pm Warner Theatre); “The Green Lantern” opens in theaters (Friday)

I was digging John Legend way before I ever heard his cover of Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep.” That being said, it DOES make me like him more…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrQ4njrnnsI[/youtube]

When David Letterman had eight heart attacks, apparently Elvis Costello filled in for him one night and introduced himself as the musical guest. This is why YouTube exists, folks…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XYFJUP84lE[/youtube]

If you’re not listening to Michael Franti, this is on you at this point. Get on it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh-8mw9MKbQ[/youtube]

Seeing Pat McGee playing solo makes me wonder what Pat McGee Band is doing. That being said, he’s pretty good on his own too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzTL2woRzrI[/youtube]

9. Harford County Restaurant Week continues (Tuesday & Wednesday throughout Hazzard County)

Ho.ly. Crap.

You mean to tell me there’s a Chiapparelli’s in Havre de Grace and NONE of you a-holes told me?

Look, it will never replace the O.G. in Little Italy (which is actually closer to me), but it’s a potential refreshing change of pace when I need a fix.

Yes, I have an addiction…to Chips salad.

chips

What are everyone’s plans Wednesday night? I’m in if you are…

8. Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

You might not know this, but I’m a HUGE fan of the Roller Girls.

It isn’t just because the first time I went to see them I was greeted with Chipotle and Pabst Blue Ribbon, although I will admit it helped.

It’s also about the players’ names. For example…

Minnie Piledriver
Reckless Ndangerment
Frenzy Lohan
Duchess of Torque
Flo Shizzle
Coach Ballbricker
Dolly Rocket
Joy Collision
Pistol Whip

I offer one solid dollar for someone to come up with my own CCRG name. Not just a dollar…a SOLID dollar. Keep that in mind.

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips 400 (Sunday 1pm from Cambridge Township, MI live on TNT); IndyCar Series Milwaukee 225 (Sunday 3:30pm from West Allis, WI live on ABC)

I know some people are into this, but I’ve made no mistake that NASCAR and Auto Racing in general just aren’t for me.

You know how it WOULD be for me? If Rick From Reisterstown could call the races!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlmJsosYi_Y[/youtube]

Rick took the collar this year when Ruler On Ice claimed the Belmont instead of Shackleford. Seriously though, if you took your betting advice from Rick-I’ve got nothing for you.

6. NHL Playoffs: Stanley Cup Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 7 if necessary Wednesday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC)

You’re thinking to yourself “Glenn, why is a potential Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals only number 7 on your list instead of being number 1???”

The answer is-of course-because if there’s a God (and I believe there will be), the Canucks will parade around Beantown with the Cup Monday night and Vancouver will simply be recovering from a 48 hour hangover Wednesday night.

If they win (either Monday OR Wednesday), we all agree that as a show of thanks for vanquishing the evil from Boston, we dress up like this on Friday, right?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4ICMRAUEoE[/youtube]

5. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour Wimbledon (Opening Round Monday 7am from Wimbledon, ENG live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com)

The thing I like most about the fortnight is the chance to really watch the prettiest players in the sport go at it…

roddick

What did you think I was going to do? Post a picture of Caroline Wozniacki? This is the one grand slam event that Andy Roddick is actually (kinda) good at! Let me have SOMETHING!

By the way, I’m going to REALLY go out on a limb and say Rafael Nadal wins Wimbledon this year. Stunning, I know-but I hear he’s pretty good.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Guadeloupe (Tuesday 9pm from Kansas City live on Fox Soccer Channel); MLS-DC United @ Real Salt Lake (Saturday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet)

What happened to Team USA against Panama Saturday night in Tampa Bay was nothing short of a debacle. Playing Van Halen tunes won’t make me feel a THING better about it, despite what some of your wisenheimers have tried doing on Facebook (search “Glenn Clark”) and Twitter (@WNST & @GlennClarkWNST).

There was SOMETHING good that came out of soccer this weekend though. If you haven’t seen the goal Eric Hassli scored for the Vancouver Whitecaps yet, thank me later.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8Vfdx7LEh4&feature=player_embedded#at=48[/youtube]

3. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Grand Prix Heavyweight Tournament-Allistair Overeem vs. Fabricio Werdum (Saturday 10pm from Dallas live on Showtime)

The disappointing part about Saturday’s event is that Gina Carano had to pull out of her fight.

Yes, that sentence WAS written in a way that would allow me to giggle about using the words “Gina Carano” and “pull out”.

I’d tell you more about the guys who ARE fighting, but wouldn’t we all just rather take another gander at the infamous weigh-in picture???

carano

Yep. Pants smaller.

2. Pro Wrestling: WWE Capitol Punishment (Sunday 8pm from Verizon Center live on Pay-Per-View); WWE Monday Night Raw (Monday 7:15from from 1st Mariner Arena live on USA Network)

Here’s the deal. Kelly Kelly will be in Baltimore Monday. If somehow she manages to leave town Tuesday, we’ve all failed.

kellykelly

1. Golf: PGA Tour/USGA U.S. Open (Thursday & Friday 10am & 5pm live on ESPN, 3pm live on NBC Saturday 2pm Sunday 1:30pm live on NBC. All golf from Congressional Country Club in Bethesda)

Harrison Frazar comes into the event red hot, having won the St. Jude Classic in Memphis. That inspires the question, “who the hell is Harrison Frazar?”

It inspires the additional, significantly more important question “did Harrison Frazar manage to get his family back after the win?”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9GwtRsOYSI[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 06 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Washington Mystics @ Atlanta Dream (Thursday 7pm from Atlanta live on ESPN2), Chicago Sky @ Washington Mystics (Saturday 7pm Verizon Center); Boxing: Lateef Kayode vs. Matt Godfrey (Friday 11pm from Santa Ynez, CA live on Showtime), Hector Sanchez vs. Vincent Arroyo (Saturday 10:35pm from New York live on Showtime), Friday Night Fights-Kenny Galarza vs. Irving Garcia (Friday 8:30pm from New York live on ESPN2); Arena Football: AFL Philadelphia Soul @ Spokane Shock (Friday 8pm from Spokane live on NFL Network)

10. Mumford & Sons (Thursday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Phish (Saturday & Sunday 4:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Decemberists (Monday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Ronnie Dunn (Friday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Glee Live (Thursday 7:30pm Verizon Center); Portugal. The Man (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Scissor Sisters (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Cowboy Mouth (Friday 8pm Rams Head Live), NOFX (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live), Sully Erna of Godsmack (Sunday 7pm Rams Head Live); George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic (Monday 7:30pm Recher Theatre); The Bridge (Wednesday 8pm 8×10 Club); Marcy Playground (Saturday 5pm Dark Horse Bel Air, Monday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); U.S. Air Guitar Championships-DC Regional (Saturday 7pm 9:30 Club); Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Go-Go’s (Friday 8pm Wolf Trap), Bright Eyes (Saturday 7pm Wolf Trap), Indigo Girls (Sunday 8pm Wolf Trap); Chelsea Handler (Saturday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Duncan Sheik (Saturday 7:30pm Birchmere), Natasha Bedingfield (Monday 7:30pm Birchmere); Bobby McFerrin (Saturday 7:30pm Warner Theatre); “True Grit” available on DVD & Blu-Ray (Tuesday); “Super 8″ opens in theaters (Friday)

You can be certain that I’ll be at Mumford & Sons Thursday night. Intern Timmy Hendrix tried to fail my ticket purchases, but he came through in the end. If you’re not there, I just feel bad for you.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd1GWaQf9Yk&feature=fvst[/youtube]

I wish I could say I was going to Phish as well. I’d go, but I have a bad feeling I might have to pass a drug test at some point in the future.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2izuYgnHukc[/youtube]

I will admit that I have no idea how Marcy Playground is still around 14 years after the ONLY song they ever had on the radio, but I kinda think it’s cool they’re playing in Harford County…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KT-r2vHeMM[/youtube]

And you know what, make fun of Glee all you want—but I am at least man enough to admit that I dig this.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbZcYy6AAGg[/youtube]

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that.

9. Honfest (Saturday & Sunday Hampden); St. Nicholas Greek Folk Festival (Thursday-Sunday St. Nicholas Church); Ocean City Air Show (Friday-Sunday 16th Street Ocean City); Ocean City Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Monday throughout OC)

Can someone call Denise Whiting and make sure I’m allowed to call the event “Honfest”?

You see what I did there? That’s called REGIONAL current events humor. Take note, aspiring low-paid doughy morning sports jocks.

Can we all just agree to put aside the controversy and again enjoy Honfest this year? I mean, I’m hoping to do “The Creep” with John Waters myself…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Pocono 500 (Sunday 1pm from Tunkhannock Township, PA live on FOX); IndyCar Series Firestone Twin 275s (Saturday 8pm from Fort Worth, TX live on VERSUS)

Lots of interesting stuff happening here. For example, have you ever heard the word “Tunkhannock” in your life before? And they’re holding two IRL races on the same night in the Lone Star State. That’s interesting, right?

No. Okay, well here’s a picture of Caity Lotz I saw the other day at Guyism. It’s not related to Auto Racing, but it’s definitely interesting-which is something Auto Racing has never provided…

caitylotz

7. Golf: PGA Tour FedEx St. Jude Classic (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Memphis); Champions Tour Greater Hickory Classic at Rock Barn (Friday 12:30pm Saturday & Sunday 1pm from Conover, NC live on Golf Channel); LPGA Tour State Farm Classic (Thursday-Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm from Springfield, IL on Golf Channel)

Speaking of excitement, here’s the weekend golf events.

So…ummm…anyone have some tumbleweeds we can watch blow around?

There’s good news from the golf world though, as David Feherty’s new Golf Channel show is about to debut…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-rN4-ES968&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

I’m so confused. Is it supposed to be a comedy?

6. Pro Wrestling: TNA Slammiversary (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View)

TNA is trying to sell the idea of “wrestling” because WWE banned the word from being used.

I have a better idea for TNA. Sell the idea of Mickie James. Repeatedly.

mickiejames

5. Soccer: Team USA vs. Canada (Tuesday 8pm from Detroit live on Fox Soccer Channel), Team USA vs. Panama (Saturday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on Fox Soccer Channel); MLS-San Jose Earthquakes @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet)

I know we got our asses kicked by Spain Saturday, but we can’t effing lose to Canada, can we? I mean, aren’t the Canadian soccer players going to be too distracted by the Stanley Cup Finals to even show up for the game at Ford Field?

I could post a lot of things here, but NOT posting the epic South Park song would be a mistake…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAYMJnO9LBQ[/youtube]

4. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 131-Junior Dos Santos vs. Shane Carwin (Saturday 9pm from Vancouver live on Pay-Per-View)

Boy, this event was SIGNIFICANTLY more exciting when it involved Brock Lesnar, wasn’t it?

No offense to Carwin or Dos Santos, who….are both fighters?

Seriously, everything is better when Brock Lesnar is involved. For example, Rikiski weighed 425 pounds. Remember what Lesnar did to him?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sqFambBnAM[/youtube]

3. Horse Racing: Belmont Stakes (Saturday 5pm from Elmont, NY live on NBC)

I’m not going to lie. The Belmont is my favorite of Rick’s calls all year, if only because he actually knows the song he’s supposed to sing before the race…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMZ0XIioWWY[/youtube]

By the way, I’ll give you a dollar** if you can name the 2010 Belmont winner off the top of your head*.

(*You checked Wikipedia…you had no idea a horse named Drosselmeyer ever existed.)
(**You and I both know I don’t have a dollar to give you.)

2. NBA Playoffs: NBA Finals-Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks (Game 4 Tuesday 9pm from Dallas live on ABC, Game 5 Thursday 9pm from Dallas live on ABC, Game 6 if necessary Sunday 8pm from Miami live on ABC)

Despite LeBron James missing another big shot in the closing moments of a game, America was saddened to see the Heat take a 2-1 lead in the Finals Sunday night.

But take heart America, we still have a lot of great things happening for us. For example, we stole Nina Dobrev from Bulgaria! (Thanks, WWTDD!)

dobrev

1. NHL Playoffs: Stanley Cup Finals-Vancouver Canucks vs. Boston Bruins (Game 4 Wednesday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS, Game 5 if necessary Friday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC, Game 6 if necessary Monday 8pm from Boston live on NBC)

I can’t believe how much of a big deal I made about Team USA against Canada in soccer earlier only to turn around and remind everyone that the Canucks are doing God’s work against those *ssholes from Beantown in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Words could never express how much I despise Boston. Thank God Steven Tyler hasn’t made good music in 20 years or else I might feel bad about how much I’m forced to dislike him by proxy.

Seriously, Boston sucks. Just ask Tina Fey…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdwqXQr-UFM[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 17 August 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-New York Liberty @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm Verizon Center); Soccer: NASL-Rochester Rhinos @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Wednesday 7pm Ridley Athletic Complex-Loyola),MLS-Philadelphia Union @ DC United (Sunday 2pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick)

10. Train (Sunday 5pm Pier Six Pavilion); KISS (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); The Temptations and The Four Tops (Saturday 8pm Wolf Trap); Travie McCoy & Shwayze (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Charm City Devils & Bang Tango (Saturday 7:30pm Bourbon Street), The Wailers (Sunday 7:30pm Bourbon Street); Mighty Mighty Bosstones (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); Hot August Blues Festival feat. Lyle Lovett & His Large Band, Keb’ Mo’ (Saturday 1:30pm Oregon Ridge Park); Babyface (Sunday 7:30pm Birchmere)

Certainly some things worth pointing out here, as no matter how goofy that stupid “Hey Soul Sister” song was-Train remains downright listenable…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxWK3qACDGk[/youtube]

I’ve caught myself watching “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” a few times recently, and I’ve been reminded of just how unforgivable it is that KISS is somehow NOT in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Hgz-q76KtQ[/youtube]

Whether or not you were a SR-71 fan (and how could you not have been?), there’s really no excuse to not be a Charm City Devils fan. John Allen is part of our great city’s rock and roll royalty…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNahVaxjFYs[/youtube]

And the ska movement may have died many years ago, but I am grateful to have Dicky Barrett and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones back. They did my favorite song from “Clueless” after all….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmOmAuhAQbE[/youtube]

9. Baltimore Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Sunday throughout Charm City)

Or in other words, “The Greatest Week of All Time Ever.”

Look, they’re not a sponsor-but I’ll go ahead and say it. If there’s a way for me to afford eating at The Capital Grille, I’m all in. I mean-they have Halibut and Yukon Potatoes with sliced almonds and sweet diced tomatoes…

halibut

8. Arena Football League: ArenaBowl-Tampa Bay Storm @ Spokane Shock (Friday 8pm from Spokane live on NFL Network)

Maybe we have the winner face the AIFA Champion Baltimore Mariners in a Best of 7 series starting Monday night?

For the record, I’m pulling for Spokane. It would be nice for the city to have something to celebrate besides Adam Morrison and his moustache crying…

adammorrison

7. Swimming: Pan Pacific Championships (Wednesday 9pm live on Universal Sports, Saturday 2pm Sunday 3pm on NBC. All swimming from Irvine, CA)

There’s good news here. One-I always root for Michael Phelps. He’s a Baltimore Ravens fan. I’m a Baltimore Ravens fan. Not much else to care about there.

Two-this particular event is an event where Team USA goes up against Japan, Australia and Canada. And the fact is, I hate Canada anyway! Why? Well…

bieber

Up yours Canada. Enjoy getting SMOKED by Michael Phelps and the boys…

6. Golf: PGA Tour Wyndham Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 2pm live on CBS. All golf from Greensboro, North Carolina); Champions Tour JELD-WEN Tradition (Thursday 7:30pm Friday 8pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 4pm live on NBC. All golf from Sunriver, Oregon); LPGA Tour Safeway Classic (Friday 12:30pm Saturday & Sunday 5:30pm from North Plains, Oregon live on Golf Channel)

It used to be that if Tiger Woods wasn’t involved in a golf tournament, no one was interested.

Now, it’s just a case of no one ever being interested either way.

But if you’re going to have to play a golf tournament-there are worse places to play than Greensboro, North Carolina. The good news there is that you’re never too far from one of these…

biscuitville

5. Tennis-ATP Tour U.S. Open Series: Western & Southern Financial Group Masters (Tuesday & Wednesday 1pm live on Tennis Channel, Thursday & Friday 12pm live on ESPN2, Saturday 2pm & 7pm live on ESPN2, Sunday-FINAL-12pm live on CBS. All tennis from Cincinnati) WTA Tour U.S. Open Series: Rogers Cup (Friday 6pm, Saturday 4pm live on Tennis Channel; Sunday 1pm & 3pm live on ESPN2. All tennis from Montreal)

There’s no American men in the Top 10 of the World Tennis Rankings.

A man from Germany just won the PGA Championship.

American men hold NONE of the heavyweight boxing champions.

Even the current WWE Champion (Sheamus) is from Ireland.

What the hell are we any good at in this country?!?!?

Well, I know of at least one sport where we still dominate. Thanks in large part to great athletes like one Glenn Clark…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVqIvM8Wbas[/youtube]

You’re welcome, America.

4. Auto Racing: NASCAR Irwin Tools Night Race (Saturday 7:30pm from Bristol, TN live on ABC), IndyCar Series Indy Grand Prix of Sonoma (Sunday 5pm from Sonoma, CA live on VERSUS)

I don’t much care for NASCAR myself. I’ll admit that it’s an area where I’m fairly snobby, as I prefer my sports-and my TV viewing in general-to actually be captivating, interesting and entertaining.

The good news is that when the NASCAR circuit hits Bristol Motor Speedway, they’re racing on a smaller track. That means there are probably going to be a few more of these…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UJ5jD6OJiE[/youtube]

3. Lacrosse: MLL Championship Weekend-Boston Cannons vs. Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 12pm), Denver Outlaws vs. Long Island Lizards (Saturday 3pm), MLL Championship Game (Sunday 1pm…all games from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on ESPN3.com, 2nd semifinal Saturday also live on Universal Sports)

This is a tough spot. I’m uncomfortable with rooting for the Bayhawks, as they WERE the Baltimore Bayhawks but were eventually moved to Washington before coming back to Annapolis and changing their name to “Chesapeake.” Of course, my other options include teams from Boston and New York, and I’m CERTAINLY not rooting for them.

I know what else I’ll be rooting for…AWESOME INJURIES. Awesome injuries like the one recently picked up by Cincinnati Bearcats star (Roland Park) Laura Simanski; who you may know better as “The Future Mrs. Glenn Clark.” Laura was apparently playing recently in Ocean City, and her mom did the right thing and posted photographic evidence of an AWESOME injury on Facebook…

laurainjury

2. Mixed Martial Arts: WEC-Dominick Cruz vs. Joseph Benavidez (Wednesday 9pm from Las Vegas live on VERSUS); Strikeforce Houston (Saturday 10pm from Houston live on Showtime)

If Bobby Lashley wins OR loses Saturday night, I have one simple request to Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker. PLEASE make this happen next…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUj07_f89i4[/youtube]

1. Baltimore Ravens @ Washington Redskins (Saturday 8pm from FedEx Field live on WBAL 11 & Comcast SportsNet), Tweetup with SI’s Peter King (Wednesday 4:30pm Amicci’s Little Italy)

If you regularly read WNST.net…or the Washington Post’s DC Sports Bog…or Deadspin…or Kissing Suzy Kolber…or Mister Irrelevant…or Press Box…or DCRTV…or the Bible…wait, no, maybe not the bible…you may have heard that I don’t much care for the Washington Redskins.

But as time has gone on, my opinion has softened.

So to all of those who have been offended by my previous comments regarding the Skins, I offer something new…

“F*ck the Redskins. F*ck John Riggins. F*ck MASN’s Riggins commercial.”

Go ahead and quote me. See you at that dump you call a stadium Saturday night in…Raljon? Ugh. What a dreadful place…

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 10 August 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV), Minnesota Lynx @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm Verizon Center), Seattle Storm @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm Verizon Center); Gymnastics: Visa National Championships (Thursday & Friday 7pm live on Universal Sports, Saturday 8pm & Sunday 2:30pm live on NBC. All gymnastics from Hartford, Conn.); Auto Racing: NASCAR Carfax 400 (Sunday 1pm from Brooklyn, Michigan live on ESPN)

10. Black Eyed Peas (Tuesday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); O.A.R. & Citizen Cope (Thursday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), MGMT (Saturday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), David Gray & Ray LaMontagne (Sunday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Green Day & AFI (Wednesday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Jonas Brothers (Thursday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Maroon 5 (Friday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), Rascal Flatts (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Sunday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); George Thorogood & The Destroyers (Tuesday 7:30pm Wolf Trap); Mr. Greengenes (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Jimmy Wayne (Saturday 8pm Power Plant Live); Public Enemy (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); Smile Empty Soul (Thursday 7pm Bourbon Street); Patton Oswalt (Saturday 8pm Warner Theatre)

OMFGLOLZROFLLMFAOOMGZ!!!!!!!!! THE JOE BROS!!!!!!!!!!!

In all reality, there are a ton of things I like on this list; and it doesn’t even include the Jimmy Buffett show I’m going to in Philadelphia.

For example, O.A.R. is not only made up of Maryland natives, they’re also completely freaking awesome.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Typ01AiVz4[/youtube]

As if that wasn’t enough, Clarence Greenwood is on the same bill in Columbia-where he will almost certainly tell you a tune about George from Baltimore…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMJjkO8ESL4[/youtube]

I like David Gray, but I would be JUST as excited about checking out a crooning LaMontagne…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g25ZjKBXw8Q[/youtube]

And as far as Tom Petty is concerned…well…look, you don’t hate America or anything-do you?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyStwRYLzlI[/youtube]

9. “The Expendables” opens in theaters (Friday), Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhof (Sunday 10pm Comedy Central)

Will “The Expendables” be some sort of cinematic classic??? Of course not. Will it be a movie with Sylvester Stallone, Randy Couture, Jason Statham and Mickey Rourke? Un-freaking-questionably. And oh yeah, some other guy you’ve heard of is in the flick too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKz0_JngFmg[/youtube]

“When you hear the glass, it’s your ass…”

8. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Challengers (Friday 11pm from Phoenix live on Showtime)

MMA fans will be looking forward to the pro debut of Randy Couture’s son-Ryan Couture-at this event; Ryan is scheduled to join Thyrl Nelson and John Rallo on “The MMA Report” Tuesday at 1:30pm on AM1570 WNST.

Interestingly enough, MMA fighters will be looking forward to going to Arizona; mostly because they’ve heard a thing or two about the gals who live in Tempe…

asu

WHY IN THE HELL DID I COME BACK AGAIN?!?!?

7. Tennis: ATP Tour Rogers Masters Cup (Tuesday & Wednesday 1pm live on Tennis Channel, Thursday & Friday 1pm live on ESPN2, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on ESPN2. All tennis from Toronto); WTA Western & Southern Financial Group Women’s Open (Thursday 3pm live on ESPN2 5pm live on Tennis Channel, Friday 5pm live on Tennis Channel 7pm live on ESPN2 9pm live on Tennis Channel, Saturday 1pm live on Tennis Channel 9pm live on ESPN2, Sunday 5pm live on ESPN2. All tennis from Cincinnati)

I was really excited to hear that James Blake was trying to make a comeback this summer, as I have been a James Blake fan for some time. Of course, that was before I found out he broke up with girlfriend Jennifer Scholle. I will admit that I’m not QUITE as excited anymore…

scholle

6. Boxing: Hasim Rahman vs. Damon Reed (Saturday 7:30pm from Norfolk Scope Arena-Virginia), Jean Pascal vs. Chad Dawson (Saturday 10:30pm from Montreal live on HBO)

I get it. The guy was knocked through the ring by Oleg Maskaev and has never managed to get a legitimate finish against James Toney; but they will NEVER take this away from this man…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABZu5v2JPuE[/youtube]

Go get him, Rock!

5. Soccer: Team USA vs. Brazil (Tuesday 8pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on ESPN2); NASL-Carolina RailHawks @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 5pm Paul Angelo Russo Stadium-Calvert Hall); MLS-FC Dallas @ DC United (Saturday 8pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick)

This is good, because I already don’t like Brazil anyway! I mean, good food and good looking women; what’s to like?!?!?

The fact remains that there is NOTHING I like more in the world than the United States of America. You know why? Because this is the country that gave us both Jay-Z AND John Mayer. Take THAT, Brazil!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1soDJzDfL4[/youtube]

4. Pro Wrestling: WWE SummerSlam (Sunday 8pm from Los Angeles live on Pay-Per-View)

As if the (presumably) final “match” in Bret Hart’s career wasn’t enough of a reason to watch SummerSlam Sunday, may I make another suggestion as to why you should take a look? The suggestion is this particular picture of Alicia Fox…

aliciafox

3. Golf: PGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 1pm live on TNT, Saturday & Sunday 11am live on TNT 2pm live on CBS. All golf from Kohler, Wisconsin)

Usually I’ll watch a golf tournament right up until the point that Tiger Woods doesn’t have a shot at winning it. Which means that the good news for me is that I won’t have to bother watching any golf this weekend.

So just who AM I picking this weekend? The same guy I always do…

chichi

2. Carolina Panthers @ Baltimore Ravens (Thursday 8pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN)

Are we really sure we’re that interested in the Ravens season starting? I mean, the Orioles are RED HOT under Buck Showalter!!!

It’s preseason football, so I know it really isn’t THAT exciting and the beer still costs $8 at “The Bank.”

But then again…it’s football.

Oh how we’ve missed you…

1. Madden 11 in stores (Tuesday)

The dirty little secret with me is that I’m REALLY not a gamer. I actually don’t own an XBox360 OR a PS3 (I DO own a Wii however), and my “gaming” lifestyle consists mostly of me spending hours a week at FreePacman.org.

But I’ll find a way to play Madden. I’ll draft Drew Brees and Larry Fitzgerald and win 10 Super Bowls. I’ll keep Ray Rice and ride him to both the Pro Bowl and a MVP.

And if I think about it, I’ll even find some time to change out of the shirt that’s covered in pizza sauce and shame.

Maybe.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 03 August 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: MLL Lacrosse-Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Boston Cannons (Saturday 7pm from Boston live on ESPN3.com); Soccer-NASL: Miami FC @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Wednesday 2pm Maryland SoccerPlex), MLS: DC United @ New England Revolution (Saturday 7:30pm from Foxborough, MA live on MLS Direct Kick & Comcast SportsNet); WNBA-Washington Mystics @ Atlanta Dream (Tuesday 7:30pm from Atlanta live on ESPN2); Boxing: Devon Alexander vs. Andriy Kotelnik (Saturday 10pm from St. Louis live on HBO), ShoBOX: Chris Avalos vs. Christopher Martin (Friday 11pm from Hinckley, MN live on Showtime)

10. Goo Goo Dolls (Tuesday 5:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Lilith Fair feat. Sarah MacLachlan (Tuesday 3pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Keane (Thursday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Arcade Fire (Friday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Summer Spirit Festival feat. The Roots, Common, Erykah Badu, B.O.B. (Saturday 3:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Barenaked Ladies (Sunday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Kings of Leon (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), Mayhem Festival feat. Korn & Rob Zombie (Sunday 2:15pm Jiffy Lube Live); Willie Nelson (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Hippiefest feat. War & Mitch Ryder (Sunday 8pm Wolf Trap), Counting Crows (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Sick Puppies (Friday 7pm Sonar); Asia (Tuesday 7:30pm Birchmere), Jonny Lang (Monday 7:30pm Birchmere); Alex Band of “The Calling” (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); “The Other Guys” out in theaters (Friday)

I’m really hit and miss when it comes to the Goo Goo Dolls. Sometimes I think they’re much too sappy, sometimes they put out a jam like “Slide”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP4qdefD2To[/youtube]

There’s like nothing…in the world…better than The Roots…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n94URvpQOAc[/youtube]

There isn’t much of anyone I’d drive to Bristow, Virginia to see…but I’d at least consider it for a band like Kings of Leon. I mean…they did “Manhattan”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-2-7uuCtc[/youtube]

Not a whole lot of you will have heard of Sick Puppies, but it shouldn’t keep you from going to Sonar to check them out. They’re actually pretty good. When I would sit it on 98KUPD in Phoenix, I would regularly get them switched into the rotation…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okjxe8VWQPo[/youtube]

9. Baltimore International Festival/6th Annual Mayor’s Cup Soccer Tournament (Saturday-Sunday Poly/Western High School)

Winner gets a free XBox!!!

Oh wait…that was the other mayor.

You know what my favorite tent is at the international festival? The AMERICAN tent! I hope they have Buffalo Chicken Dip and episodes of Holly’s World…that’s what makes our country great!

8. Pro Wrestling: TNA “HardCORE Justice” (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View); WWE “Wrestlemania 26″ replay (Saturday 9pm NBC)

Usually including Pro Wrestling events is just an excuse for me to put in pictures of hot wrestling chicks. Not this time. Why? Because I love both of these events. One-the TNA event is an ECW reunion.  Anything that involves more Rob Van Dam makes me (and God I believe) happy…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlfWESVCutc[/youtube]

Two…WM26 was Shawn Michaels’ final match. Once again, I (and God) approve…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3EGgJgbfvM[/youtube]

7. Golf: PGA Tour Turning Stone Resort Championship (Thursday-Sunday 4pm from Verona, NY live on Golf Channel), Champions Tour 3M Championship (Friday & Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm from Blaine, MN live on Golf Channel)

Stuart Appleby shot a 59 in some Golf Tournament Classic thingy last weekend, and apparently that’s impressive.  I’m not sure I agree. I shot a 44 myself at Maui Golf a few weeks ago when I was in Ocean City!

Speaking of Ocean City, former Intern Genna lives in Ocean City now. I wonder what she’s up to???

genna

Exactly what I expected.

6. Auto Racing: NASCAR Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips at the Glen (Sunday 1pm from Watkins Glen, NY live on ESPN), IndyCar Series Honda Indy 200 (Sunday 2:30pm from Lexington, OH live on VERSUS)

If my life depended on it, I couldn’t tell you who won last week’s NASCAR race. I’ll go with Terry Labonte. He’s good, right?

Speaking of NASCAR, some guy named Basil Marceaux is running for governor in Tennessee. I think you’ll understand the transition after you watch the video…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hvaeHllwtw[/youtube]

5. Swimming: Conoco Phillips National Championships (Tuesday & Wednesday 9pm live on Universal Sports, Saturday 4pm Sunday 4:30pm on NBC; live webcast throughout at Swimnetwork.com. All swimming from Irvine, CA)

I’ve used all of my Michael Phelps material. Frankly, I’ll just be rooting for the dude at this point. I mean-he’s from Charm City. I want him to win.

Instead, I’ll just post this picture of Amanda Beard. She may or may not still be a swimmer. Like it matters…

amandabeard

4. National Sports Collectors Convention (Thursday-Sunday Baltimore Convention Center)

How about that? For the VERY reasonable price of $110, I can get John Riggins’ autograph!

How about for an additional 40 bucks, I get to put him in a Ric Flair sharpshooter???

I’m sure there are people in the world that are excited about this type of event. I’m just not one of them. Paying money for someone’s signature-or for the chance to take a picture of them-is something I’m COMPLETELY uninterested in. Unless of course that person is John Stamos. Yeah, I’d pay money to meet him…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCOOI9IETCI[/youtube]

For the record, my Fantasy Football team name this year IS Jesse & The Rippers. What else would it be?

3. Tennis: ATP Tour U.S. Open Series Legg Mason Tennis Classic (Tuesday-Sunday William H.G. FitzGerald Tennis Center in Rock Creek Park; Thursday 4pm live on Tennis Channel, Friday 12pm & 7pm live on ESPN2 5pm live on Tennis Channel, Saturday 1pm live on Tennis Channel 7pm live on ESPN2, Sunday 3pm live on ESPN2 8pm live on Tennis Channel)

Yes-of COURSE I’m going to watch tennis this week, even if it means I have to venture into the cesspool that is our nation’s capital. Why? Like you even need to ask…

nalbandian

And you thought you knew what I was going to say there…

2. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 117-Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen (Saturday 10pm from Oakland live on Pay-Per-View)

Anderson Silva is one of the greatest fighters in MMA history.

You could bump into Chael Sonnen at Royal Farms today and have no idea who he was or what he did for a living. (Edit form GMC: Yeah, that’s a variation of a Bert Sugar joke. Deal with it.)

Yet for some reason, Chael Sonnen thinks it appropriate to make comments like these…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFpePVQ68FM[/youtube]

“The Michael Jackson of MMA”…that’s actually really good.

1. Ravens Training Camp (Tuesday, Thursday & Monday 8:45am & 2:45pm, Wednesday & Friday 8:45am & 2pm, Sunday 2:45pm McDaniel College; Saturday 12pm M&T Bank Stadium); Pro Football Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony (Saturday 7pm from Canton, Ohio live on NFL Network); Hall of Fame Game: Dallas Cowboys vs. Cincinnati Bengals (Sunday 8pm from Canton, Ohio live on NBC)

I know a gal who is a BIG fan of the Dallas Cowboys. I am not. In fact, the only thing we tend to agree about is that the Redskins suck. But with that in mind, I’m not much for the Bengals either. Therefore, the only acceptable result Sunday night would be a scoreless tie.

In the meantime-I will be willing to admit that I find Chad Ochocinco humorous. For example…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHXZ62wwmRE[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 26 July 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: MLL Lacrosse-Chicago Machine @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); WNBA-San Antonio Silver Stars @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV), Tulsa Shock @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV); Arena Football League: Tulsa Talons @ Oklahoma City Yard Dawgz (Friday 8:05pm from Oklahoma City live on NFL Network)

10. Slightly Stoopid & Cypress Hill (Thursday 6:30pm from Pier Six Pavilion), Heart (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Carnival of Madness feat. Shinedown, Chevelle, Puddle of Mudd, Sevendust (Wednesday 5pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Jason Aldean (Friday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Honda Civic Tour feat. Paramore (Saturday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Creed (Wednesday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), John Mayer (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Brooks & Dunn (Sunday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Steve Miller Band (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Aretha Franklin (Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap); La Roux (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Dead Weather (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Rooney (Tuesday 7pm Sonar); Blues Traveler (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Gin Blossoms (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Robyn & Kelis (Monday 6pm 9:30 Club); Tom Green (Friday-Sunday DC Improv); Living Colour (Saturday 8pm Jaxx); Buddy Guy (Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); Dru Hill “Indrupendence Day” in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

So much to like here. First of all; of all of the “post-grunge sorta metal” bands in the world-NONE are better than Chevelle…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YMc6P6UDMk[/youtube]

I almost knocked over Hayley Williams at the VirginFest a few years back. She’s tiny. But when Paramore covers Kings of Leon, she’s HUGE…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCMjJqVBm2g[/youtube]

You can say WHATEVER you want; John Mayer is AWESOME…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_M5cNcRcMk[/youtube]

You might not be a countrry music fan; but Brooks & Dunn are splitting up. That’s significant somehow. I think. Ehh, here’s a country tune…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZSiBj4vCiY[/youtube]

When I was in middle school, it wasn’t cool to like Blues Traveler. It also wasn’t cool to skip going to White Marsh Mall on Friday nights to stay home and watch Boy Meets World; but screw you for judging me…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ousaiByU1ko[/youtube]

9. “Dinner For Schmucks” in theaters (Friday); Otakon (Friday-Sunday, Baltimore Convention Center); “Shark Week” begins (Sunday 9pm Discovery Channel)

Yes, these things are very random. But they’re all delightful as well. I don’t know if “Dinner For Schmucks” will be funny or not, but I feel like it has potential. At least the potential to be better than, say, “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOMngejmwKE[/youtube]

The first thing that comes up when you Google Image Search “Otakon” is below. I was hoping I’d figure out more about the event. Instead, I think I’m safer just continuing with my life…

http://www.doctoroctoroc.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/otakon_companioncube.jpg

And we ALL know how great Shark Week is. So with that in mind, I offer my favorite ever “Texts From Last Night” entry…

i just defriended some girl because according to her status she “doesn’t give a f*ck about shark week.”

And I also offer the t-shirt version of Tracy Morgan’s greatest ever quote from 30 Rock…

shark week

8. Tennis: ATP Tour Farmers Classic (Friday 3pm live on ESPN2, 7pm live on Tennis Channel; Saturday 5pm & 10:30pm live on ESPN2; Sunday 5pm live on ESPN2, 8pm live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Los Angeles); U.S. Open Series Legg Mason Classic (Saturday-Monday William H.G. FitzGerald Tennis Center in Rock Creek Park)

Yeah, you know damn well I’ll be wandering down to DC at some point next week to watch Andy Roddick and company (did A-Rod REALLY lose to Mardy Fish this weekend in Atlanta?!?!?!?) because I’m a tennis nerd; but we’ll get back to that.

Back to Mardy Fish, did you know he was married to Stacey Gardner of “Deal or No Deal” fame? If it weren’t for the “married” part, this would probably make me a bigger fan of his…

stacey

7. Pro Wrestling: MCW Shamrock Cup (Saturday 6pm New Green Room Dundalk)

With no offense to Peter Schmuck or Kevin Eck from the Baltimore Sun (who are scheduled to “wrestle” at this event); the night is being headlined by appearances from former WWE stars Mickie James and Tommy Dreamer.

You would think I would be more excited about an appearance from the former Women’s Champion than I would a former ECW journeyman; but that only means you haven’t seen this video of him battling Rob Van Dam…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_kJOpgSqHQ[/youtube]

6. Golf-PGA Tour Greenbrier Classic (Thursday-Sunday 3pm from Sulphur Springs, West Virginia live on Golf Channel); Champions Tour U.S. Senior Open (Thursday & Friday 1pm live on ESPN, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Sammamish, WA); LPGA Women’s British Open (Thursday & Friday 10am, Saturday & Sunday 9am from Southport, England live on ESPN)

I’m not much of a golf fan; but I feel as though if I lived in West Virginia; I would probably attend this event. Mostly because my entertainment alternatives would include…

yokels

Who are we kidding? That’s actually not that bad…

5. Auto Racing: NASCAR Sunoco Red Cross Pennsylvania 500 (Sunday 1pm from Pocono live on ESPN)

I actually poked at the Brickyard 400 while the Orioles game was in a rain delay this past weekend. No thanks.

In fact, I’m really not sure how this race ended up 5th on this list. If I hadn’t already made it this far I’d probably go back and adjust it, but that would take far too much effort at this point.

It’s a shame Ultimate Frisbee never makes the list instead of NASCAR. Then I could post this incredible video from Deadspin instead of posting something stupid about golf. Oh wait, look at what I just did there…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5edTmCn09s[/youtube]

4. Boxing: Juan Manuel Marquez vs. Juan Diaz II (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on HBO PPV)

I’d like to be excited about this fight this weekend; but I just don’t know how I feel about boxing anymore. Let’s consider a recent boxing mega-fight in Australia between Danny Green and Paul Briggs…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYNwVSJfVhQ[/youtube]

If you can’t trust a sport with the unquestionable history of boxing, what CAN you trust in the world?

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC on VERSUS 2-Jon Jones vs. Vladimir Matyushenko (Sunday 9pm from San Diego live on VERSUS)

This is very simple. Jon “Bones” Jones is the brother of Ravens rookie DT Arthur Jones. That means we root for him. Vladimir “The Janitor” Matyushenko is from Belarus. That means we (and by “we” I mean “I”) don’t root for him.

His nickname is “The Janitor”? How many Janitors have you rooted for in your day? I mean-BESIDES “Janitor Bud” from Boy Meets World of course…

janitorbud

…right up until the point when we found out he was skipping out of work early to go bet on the horses. Jerk.

(Edit from GMC: That’s two BMW references in one post. Don’t think I don’t have more in me…)

2. Ravens Training Camp (Tuesday & Wednesday 8:45am, Friday-Monday 8:45; Monday morning closed to public. All practices at McDaniel College)

OH THANK GOD IT’S FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!

I’m not really sure what else to say here. The long civic nightmare known as baseball season here in Charm City is finally over; and we focus our attention solely on football. That’s such an incredible blessing.

Of course, the Sergio Kindle news dampers the start of Training Camp; but doesn’t ruin the eternal hope that comes with being a Baltimore Ravens fan. And if the teams needs another body in Camp with Kindle out, I think Patrice Hollis is qualified (Thanks The Smoking Jacket!)…

patricehollis

1. Soccer: Manchester City vs. Inter Milan (Saturday 8pm M&T Bank Stadium); MLS All-Star Game: MLS All-Stars vs. Manchester United (Wednesday 8:30pm from Houston live on ESPN2), MLS-DC United @ Real Salt Lake (Saturday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick); NASL-Montreal Impact @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 7pm Maryland SoccerPlex)

Just when you thought the whole soccer thing was over for the summer…

I’ll of course be rooting for Inter Saturday night. Not because I’m a big Inter fan; but more because my family is from Italy. How do you not root for the country that (sorta) gave us this???

pestopasta

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 19 July 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Volleyball-AVP Long Beach Open (Sunday 4pm live on ABC, 11pm live on ESPN2. All volleyball from Long Beach, CA); WNBA: Atlanta Dream @ Washington Mystics (Wednesday 11:30am from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Indiana Fever @ Washington Mystics (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

10. Vans Warped Tour feat. Reel Big Fish & Alkaline Trio (Tuesday 11am Merriweather Post Pavilion); Beach Boys (Saturday 6:30m Pier Six Pavilion), Willie Nelson (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Dave Matthews Band & Zac Brown Band (Friday 7pm Nationals Park); Iron Maiden (Tuesday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), Santana (Sunday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); American Idol Live! (Saturday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Better Than Ezra (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Gary Hoey (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live), Interpol (Sunday 7pm Rams Head Live); Fear Factory (Monday 6pm Recher Theatre); Bay City Rollers (Monday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); John Witherspoon (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); “An American Playlist” feat. Smokey Robinson & John Mayer (Tuesday 6pm Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts); Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers (Sunday 8pm State Theatre)

I will be attending some of these things. I saw Dave Matthews Band and Zac Brown Band at HersheyPark two weeks ago; and I hope that I can avoid vomiting in my mouth at all of the signs of Steven Strasburg I’ll see at Nats Park. If DMB does “Eh Hee” again, that will help…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U44PsjIvBY[/youtube]

And as far as Zac Brown is concerned; maybe they can channel Rage Against the Machine again…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ChmnEFUGoA[/youtube]

I’ll also be at Pier Six Saturday night to check out the Beach Boys with the great Tom Clark and Karen Clark (my parents, yeah); and will ABSOLUTELY be singing along to every word of every song, including…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L–cqAI3IUI[/youtube]

If I wasn’t going to be at Dave Matthews Friday night, I’d ABSOLUTELY be at Power Plant Live. I remember hearing “Good” in the trailers for “The Baby-Sitters Club” when I was 11 years old and I’ve absolutely loved Better Than Ezra ever since…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji0pyRmSnTY[/youtube]

And you may not be familiar with Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers (Roger used to be in a great band called The Refreshments), the word that comes to mind with them is “fun”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vornIS2QG2k[/youtube]

9. MMA-Strikeforce: Challengers (Friday 11pm from Everett, WA live on Showtime)

There have been a ton of rumors flying around the Mixed Martial Arts world that  Strikeforce might consider putting Bobby Lashley and Dave Batista in the main event of a Pay-Per-View card. My response to that would be “YES PLEASE YES OH THANK GOD YES PLEASE!!!!!”

I do get the feeling I may have seen this before…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUj07_f89i4[/youtube]

8. Tennis-ATP Tour U.S. Open Series Atlanta Tennis Championships (Friday 12pm live on Tennis Channel, 4pm & 7pm live on ESPN2; Saturday 1:30pm live on ESPN2, 7pm live on Tennis Channel; Sunday 3pm live on ESPN2, 8pm live on Tennis Channel); World Team Tennis-New York Sportimes @ Washington Kastles (Tuesday 7pm Kastles Stadium), St. Louis Aces @ Washington Kastles (Wednesday 7pm Kastles Stadium)

Despite the fact that he was bounced in an unforgivable type of upset loss at Wimbledon; I’m still excited for this event simply because Andy Roddick is involved. And given the lack of talent in Hotlanta this year, he has a real chance of winning-which would be a nice change of pace for him.

John Isner is will be playing in the event as well; after playing about 1,876 games in London. He was also a winner at the ESPY Awards last week…although the real winners were Paul Rudd and Steve Carell…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpEdFWXrgWI[/youtube]

7. Soccer: NASL-AC St. Louis @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 3pm Maryland SoccerPlex); U.S. Open Cup: Harrisburg City Islanders @ DC United (Wednesday 7:30pm Maryland SoccerPlex); MLS Friendly: Portsmouth FC @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm RFK Stadium); FIFA Under-20 Women’s World Cup: Team USA vs. Korea Republic (Wednesday 12pm from Augsburg, Germany live on ESPN2)

With no offense to soccer, but has anyone noticed that since the World Cup ended…well…um…no one really cares anymore? I mean, Landon Donovan was in DC the other day, and it barely even got mention on SportsCenter.

It’s with that in mind that I offer a suggestion. Why don’t we just fire all of the current players and replace them with this team???

soccer

Just a suggestion…

6. Golf: PGA Tour RBC Canadian Open (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Toronto); Champions Tour Senior British Open (Thursday & Friday 12pm live on TNT, Saturday 1:30pm Sunday 1pm live on ABC. All golf from Berkshire, England); LPGA Tour Evian Masters (Thursday & Friday 6:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 1pm from Evian-les-Bains, France live on Golf Channel)

Kinda hard to imagine everyone won’t be watching golf this weekend, huh? I mean…we’re a world with “Oosthuizen Fever”, right?

Remember when golf’s major championships used to be events won by golfers we had actually HEARD OF and were watched by at least a partial majority of sports fans?

I barely do either.

These days, golf majors are won by folks like Y.E. Yang or Graeme McDowell or Trevor Immelman. Scott Van Pelt and Andy North have to get together every few weeks and say something like “you think this guy could ever win another one???” I think ESPN actually has a recording of Andy North saying “he has the talent to do it” that they just keep on a loop 4 times a year.

By the way, props to “Late Show with David Letterman” writer/producer Eric Stangel; who had the British Open-related “Tweet of the Week”.

“Tiger Woods won’t win British Open. Fun Fact: Back when he was chasing women, he did date a stripper named Claret Juggs.”

You can follow Eric on Twitter @EricStangel. You can follow us @WNST. I think you know who I think you should follow…

(Edit from GMC: No! US! Come on….)

5. Cycling: Tour De France (Tuesday, Thursday-Sunday 8am from France live on VERSUS)

Apparently Greg LeMond and Lance Armstrong are currently in some sort of girlfight regarding steroids. I’d tell you more, but you wouldn’t care. Which is sorta how I feel about the Tour De France incidentally.

How can so many terrible events be happening at the same time right now when there are so many GREAT events happening at other times during the year?

This isn’t even about there not being an American winning the Tour right now. Levi Leipheimer could be winning the event naked and no one would care. How do I know that? I had to hit Google just to find the name of a cyclist who WASN’T Lance Armstrong.

I’m reasonably certain Levi Leipheimer could cycle naked through his family reunion and most folks would say something like “how do you think Florida will do this season without Tim Tebow???”

4. Lacrosse: FIL World Lacrosse Championships Final (Saturday 11am from Manchester, England live on ESPNU); MLL: Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Long Island Lizards (Thursday 8pm from New York live on ESPN3)

Yeah, ESPNU is a logical place for this game…considering it’s a college matchup?!?!?!?

I get it, beggars can’t be choosers-but why not just put the freaking game on ESPN2? It’s on at 11am…there’s nothing else to compete against.

I don’t know if you could tell, but I’m in a ranting mood. With that in mind, here’s Lewis Black. Maybe I’ll feel better after that. (Edit from GMC: Language NSFW. Unless you work at Comedy Central. If you do…HELP?)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNGWn-aWn5g[/youtube]

3. Auto Racing: NASCAR Brickyard 400 (Sunday 1pm from Indianapolis live on ESPN); IndyCar Series Honda Indy Edmonton (Sunday 5pm from Edmonton live on VERSUS)

The thing to do when you win in Indy is “kiss the bricks.”

Unless of course you’re a Ravens fan-in which case the thing to do in Indy is…

irsay

Not that I condone it. (Edit from GMC: At least publicly.)

2. Ravens QB’s & Rookies Report to Training Camp (Monday McDaniel College)

They’re not practicing Monday. Don’t go to Westminster.

BUT…football season begins in days. Our long civic nightmare in Charm City is over.

I’m so happy that I think we need to cue Sly & The Family Stone…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiIBwu2mjs0[/youtube]

1. Indoor Football: AIFA Championship Bowl IV-Baltimore Mariners vs. Wyoming Cavalry (Sunday 4pm 1st Mariner Arena); AFL Chicago Rush @ Spokane Shock (Friday 8pm from Spokane, WA live on NFL Network)

You see, we were promised that the cavalry was coming to Baltimore, and they’re finally getting here!

The good news is that I hate Wyoming anyway. You know…because…they…ummm… exist?

Whatever the reason, go Mariners!

(Edit from GMC: As my roommate-”The Luckiest Dang Roommate on the Face of the Planet” would say-”Win or Lose-We Riot!”)

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 July 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention-Soccer: NASL-Rochester Rhinos @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Wednesday 7pm Maryland SoccerPlex), MLS-Seattle Sounders @ DC United (Thursday 8pm from RFK Stadium live on ESPN2), Los Angeles Galaxy @ DC United (Sunday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Fox Soccer Channel), Team USA Women vs. Sweden (Tuesday 9pm from Omaha live on ESPN2, Saturday 7:30pm from Hartford, CT live on Fox Soccer Channel); Under-20 Women’s World Cup: Team USA vs. Ghana (Wednesday 12pm from Dresden, Germany live on ESPNU), Team USA vs. Switzerland (Saturday 12pm from Dresden, Germany live on ESPNU); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Zab Judah vs. Jose Armando Santa Cruz (Friday 9pm from Newark, NJ live on ESPN2), ShoBox-Fernando Guerrero vs. Ishe Smith (Friday 11pm from Memphis live on Showtime), HBO Boxing After Dark-Timothy Bradley vs. Luis Carlos Abregu (Saturday 9:45pm from Rancho Mirage, CA live on HBO); WNBA-Chicago Sky @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Auto Racing-NASCAR Nationwide Series Missouri-Illinois Dodge Dealers 250 (Saturday 7pm from St. Louis live on ESPN2), IndyCar Series Honda Indy Toronto (Sunday 12:30pm from Toronto live on ABC); Tennis: WTT-Kansas City Explorers @ Washington Kastles (Wednesday 7pm Kastles Stadium), Boston Lobsters @ Washington Kastles (Sunday 7pm Kastles Stadium)

10. Jack Johnson (Saturday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); B.B. King (Thursday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion), Sublime with Rome (Sunday 5pm Pier Six Pavilion); 311 & The Offspring (Friday 6:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Star Wars In Concert (Saturday 2pm & 7pm Verizon Center), B-52′s (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Big Head Todd and the Monsters (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Hammerjacks Reunion feat. The Ravyns & Funny Money (Saturday 7pm Recher Theatre), Dead Weather (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Vertical Horizon (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Blind Boys of Alabama (Saturday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); “Inception” out in theaters (Friday)

Gun to my head-favorite Jack Johnson song? I’ll say Banana Pancakes…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_BoZ_Qdyl0[/youtube]

No shtick needed here. This is “Lucille” by BB King. I’ll be back shortly…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y8QxOjuYHg[/youtube]

I’m not really sure it’s fair to follow up BB King with 311, but I’m doing it anyway. 311 is just one of those bands that has always been solid even if not incredible. Sorta like Cesar Izturis…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amrE-hUmtPg[/youtube]

I like Vertical Horizon. So sue me…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8s_q3IaglQ[/youtube]

Oh, and here are the Blind Boys of Alabama doing “Higher Ground.” Just thank me later…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCfqS7HgAY0[/youtube]

9. AVP Volleyball: Hermosa Beach Open (Sunday 9:30pm live on Universal Sports, 11:59pm live on ESPN2. All action from Hermosa Beach, CA)

When you Google Image Search “Beach Volleyball”, this comes up…

vball

What else am I supposed to say here?

8. NBA Summer League: Denver Nuggets vs. Chicago Bulls (Tuesday 4pm), Cleveland Cavaliers vs. NBA D-League (Tuesday 6pm), Milwaukee Bucks vs. Memphis Grizzlies (Tuesday 8pm), Portland Trailblazers vs. New Orleans Hornets (Tuesday 10pm), Denver Nuggets vs. Houston Rockets (Wednesday 4pm), New York Knicks vs. Toronto Raptors (Wednesday 6pm), Los Angeles Clippers vs. Chicago Bulls (Wednesday 8pm), Sacramento Kings vs. Minnesota Timberwolves (Wednesday 10pm), LA Lakers vs. San Antonio Spurs (Thursday 4pm), Golden State Warriors vs. Phoenix Suns (Thursday 6pm), Washington Wizards vs. Dallas Mavericks (Thursday 8pm), LA Clippers vs. Portland Trailblazers (Thursday 10pm), Detroit Pistons vs. New York Knicks (Friday 4pm), Toronto Raptors vs. Sacramento Kings (Friday 6pm), Washington Wizards vs. New Orleans Hornets (Friday 8pm), Memphis Grizzlies vs. Minnesota Timberwolves (Friday 10pm), New York Knicks vs. Washington Wizards (Saturday 4pm), Miami Heat vs. Cleveland Cavs (Saturday 6pm), LA Clippers vs. San Antonio Spurs (Saturday 8pm), Minnesota T-Wolves vs. Portland Blazers (Saturday 10pm), Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Memphis Grizzlies (Sunday 4pm), Chicago Bulls vs. Portland Trailblazers (Sunday 6pm), Dallas Mavs vs. Sacramento Kings (Sunday 8pm….all games from Las Vegas live on NBA TV, ‘Zards games also live on CSN)

Ruh-roh! The first showdown between the Miami Heat and the Cleveland Cavaliers since the “LeBron” issue?!?!? This should be good!!!!!!

In all fairness-I’ll be poking at the action in Vegas, at least if Greivis Vasquez or Landon Milbourne are on my TV. I hate to say that I’m “happy” that the Wiz released Eric Hayes-because I was hoping the former Terrapins guard would get the chance to show he could offer something to a NBA team. That being said, I’m glad I won’t be confused and accidentally root for the Wizards because Eric Hayes is on the floor.

You know, because I don’t like DC. Have I mentioned that in the past???

7. Cycling: Tour De France (Tuesday 7am, Wednesday 8am, Thursday-Saturday 8:30am, Sunday & Monday 7:30am from France live on VERSUS)

How long has this thing been going on??? A week? Feels like it’s been since St. Patrick’s Day….

Guy you’ve never heard of 1 is currently ahead of Guy you’ve never heard of 2-47. Lance Armstrong isn’t a factor, so no one in America will be paying attention any time soon.

Of course, can you blame us? We have so much going on over here! For example, “Revenge of the Bridesmaids” premieres on ABC Family this weekend. How could I possibly have time to pay attention to anything else?!?!?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-74DnFeV9Ik[/youtube]

6. Pro Wrestling: WWE Money In The Bank (Sunday 8pm from Kansas City live on Pay-Per-View)

I’m a little bitter that the Bruno Sammartino dinner had to be postponed, mostly because I was confident I could get him to put me in a bearhug before the night was over. I’m still holding out hope that will happen.

In the meantime, blah blah blah Kelly Kelly works for WWE…

kelly

5. The ESPYs (Wednesday 9pm from Los Angeles live on ESPN)

Holy crap the ESPYs!!! You know, the event that none of us watch ever despite the fact that there’s LITERALLY no other sports happening on the same night!

Let’s be honest, this is really nothing more than an excuse for me to post my annual clip of Norm MacDonald’s ESPY monologue. He’s humorous…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC6TbH_Yzd4[/youtube]

4. EA Sports NCAA Football 2011 available on Playstation 3/XBox360 (Tuesday)

Which means DON’T BOTHER ME THE REST OF THE WEEK!

In fact, it you really love me (Edit from GMC: Mom?), I’d appreciate it if you’d respect me enough to simply drop off about 87 bags of these…

chips

And about 234 cases of this…

summerale

Big week in the Glenn Clark household, folks.

3. Golf: British Open (Thursday-Sunday 5am from St. Andrews, Scotland live on ESPN); PGA Tour Reno-Tahoe Open (Thursday-Sunday 6:30pm from Reno, NV live on Golf Channel)

They of course call it the “Reno-Tahoe Open” because “Golf Tournament for guys who aren’t quite good enough to play in the real tournament this weekend” apparently wasn’t as attractive to sponsors.

Of course, my favorite part about The Open Championship is usually the incredible conditions. If it isn’t the rain, it’s the wind. Plus, it’s always beautiful looking at crappy courses with dead grass.

What, I’m supposed to be reverent? If Tiger Woods is in it Sunday, I’ll tune in. Otherwise, only something like this could possibly make it entertaining…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dR1pkCGY80[/youtube]

2. Artscape feat. Wale, Musiq Soulchild, Gov’t Mule, Cold War Kids, Jackie Greene (Friday-Sunday Mt. Royal District)

The best weekend we have to offer all year in Charm City.

And no pressure on Wale (who I am a HUGE fan of despite the fact that he likes the Redskins), but ummm…this is what you have to live up to from Robert Randolph & The Family Band last year…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkDH1wON7UU[/youtube]

Your turn Wale.

1. Curing Cancer…One Call At A Time (Saturday 12pm-Sunday 12pm live on AM1570 WNST & WNST.net)

I usually think Rex Snider is some sort of NASCAR-loving weirdo, but this week I think he’s a NASCAR-loving weirdo who’s doing a great thing for people who need it.

Please tune in and donate to the Cancer Center at Harbor Hospital. Hell, I ate 12 hot dogs for the cause!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVqIvM8Wbas[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 29 June 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Indiana Fever @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on ESPN2); Arena Football League: Chicago Rush @ Tampa Bay Storm (Friday 6:30pm from St. Petersburg, FL live on NFL Network)

10. Chicago & The Doobie Brothers (Wednesday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), Victor Wooten (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre), Pat Benatar & REO Speedwagon (Tuesday 7:30pm Wolf Trap), Pat McGee Band (Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap), Chuck Brown (Saturday 8pm & 11pm Rams Head On Stage), (hed) p.e. (Thursday 7:30pm Jaxx) “A Capitol 4th” featuring Darius Rucker & Gladys Knight (Sunday 8pm from U.S. Capitol live on PBS), “Uncle Sam Jam” featuring Soul Asylum & Virginia Coalition (Sunday 3pm Southwest DC Waterfront), “Frederick’s 4th” featuring Kelly Bell Band & Jerrod Niemann (Sunday 12pm Baker Park in Frederick); “Hot Tub Time Machine” available on DVD & Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

It’s not all local, but a lot of it is very good. I don’t care what they said in “The 40 Year Old Virgin”, Michael McDonald doing “What a Fool Believes” is a high point in musical history, even if he isn’t with the band anymore…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GPGzVfMttQ[/youtube]

Seeing Pat McGee Band? Awesome. Seeing Pat McGee Band cover “Southern Cross”? Somehow awesomer…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3wzuoRSfvY[/youtube]

Virginia Coalition may be the most underrated band in the world….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4G8buoYZYk[/youtube]

And as I said recently via Facebook (just search for “Glenn Clark”), if you don’t love Darius Rucker doing David Allan Coe’s “You Never Even Called Me By My Name”, you just might as well hate everything else about America too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY7SWkYV0_8[/youtube]

9. Cycling: Tour De France (Saturday 11:30am, Sunday & Monday 8:30am from France live on VERSUS)

Look, I would love to pretend that I gave a crap about bike riding, but I don’t. I’ll be pulling for Lance Armstrong (is he still riding?) mostly because I love America; but also because he’s a big fan of ESPN8 “The Ocho”….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcQ4E1cxLJ4[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Coke Zero 400 (Saturday 7:30pm from Daytona, FL live on TNT), IndyCar Series Camping World Grand Prix at The Glen (Sunday 3:30pm from Watkins Glen, NY live on ABC)

So, why didn’t anyone tell me Danica Patrick was returning to the NASCAR Nationwide Series last weekend before I posted my Top 10???

danica

Trust me, I wouldn’t have watched-but it would have at least been fun to post more pictures of here like the one above!

7. Golf: PGA Tour AT&T National (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All Tiger Woods-hosted golf from Newton Square, PA), Champions Tour Montreal Championship (Friday-Sunday 6pm from Montreal live on Golf Channel)

Since we know what Tiger Woods is up to, let’s check in on what Rachel Uchitel is up to…

uchitel

You know, I think she’s doing alright.

6. Baltimore 4th of July Fireworks (Sunday 9pm Inner Harbor), Kingsville 4th of July Parade (Saturday 10am Kingsville)

With no offense to the folks in Dundalk, Towson, Bel Air or anywhere else where there’s going to be a parade this weekend; I just so happen to prefer the Kingsville one. Not just because I was born in Kingsville, but more because while I’m there it gives me a chance to take chicks back to the Jericho Covered Bridge and….ummm….talk….

bridge

5. High School Lacrosse: Under Armour All-America Lacrosse (Saturday Girls Game 5:30pm, Boys Game 8pm Unitas Stadium); MLL: Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Denver Outlaws (Sunday 9pm from Denver live on ESPN3)

And if you’re planning on heading out to Towson this weekend to check out some lacrosse, make sure you remember…

jailbait

…this ISN’T Venezuela….

4. Soccer: World Cup-Paraguay vs. Japan (Tuesday 10am from Pretoria, South Africa live on ESPN), Spain vs. Portugal (Tuesday 2:30pm from Cape Town, South Africa live on ESPN), Netherlands vs. Brazil (Friday 10am from Port Elizabeth, South Africa live on ESPN), Uruguay vs. Ghana (Friday 2:30pm from Johannesburg, South Africa live on ESPN), Argentina vs. Germany (Saturday 10am from Cape Town live on ABC), Paraguay/Japan winner vs. Spain/Portugal winner (Saturday 2:30pm from Johannesburg live on ABC); U.S. Open Cup: Richmond Kickers vs. DC United (Wednesday 7:30pm George Mason Stadium); MLS: DC United @ San Jose Earthquakes (Saturday 10:30pm from San Jose live on Comcast SportsNet &http://wnst.net/wordpress/glennclark/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=8779 MLS Direct Kick)

Attention Paraguay: PLEASE KEEP LARISSA RIQUELME IN THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!

larissa

If that means you have to stay in the Cup as well, so be it.

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 116: Brock Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

The UFC won’t let MMA fans watch fights on YouTube, BUT….they WILL let MMA fans watch videos of ACTION FIGURES fighting on YouTube…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bXj3IWC44E[/youtube]

…and honestly, that’s pretty awesome too.

2. Competitive Eating: Nathan’s Famous 4th of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest (Sunday 12pm from Coney Island live on ESPN); Phillips Harborplace Crab Cake Eating Contest (Saturday 1pm Harborplace Ampitheater)

This is the greatest American hero alive…

chestnut

Important question. When and where will the first ever Baltimore Peach Cake eating competition be? I will OWN…

peachcake

1. Tennis: Wimbledon (Tuesday-Thursday 7am live on ESPN2, 10am live on NBC; Friday 7am live on ESPN2, 12pm live on NBC; Saturday 9am-Ladies’ Final-live on NBC; Sunday 9am-Gentlemen’s Final-live on NBC. All tennis from London.)

Of COURSE Andy Roddick would lose to some dude that no one on the face of the FREAKING PLANET HAS EVER HEARD OF. Why wouldn’t he?

At least we had the Isner match. Now, we’ll most certainly get Federer-Nadal again. With no offense to Federer or Nadal; I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that one before.

Of course, England has a chance to have a homegrown champion this year. No, not Andy Murray. I was thinking more along the lines of Peter Colt. Don’t judge me for liking this movie…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTZFMhpNFfY[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 21 June 2010 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. vs. John Duddy (Saturday 9pm from San Antonio live on Pay-Per-View); MLL Lacrosse: Toronto Nationals @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Thursday 7:30pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); WNBA: Los Angeles Sparks @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Phoenix Mercury @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); “Grown Ups” and “Knight and Day” out in theaters (Friday)

10. Carole King & James Taylor (Wednesday 8pm Verizon Center), Peter Frampton & Yes (Thursday 7pm Pier Six Pavilion), Phish (Saturday & Sunday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Carbon Leaf (Friday 8pm Rams Head Live), Bruce in the USA (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live), Adam Lambert & Orianthi (Sunday 7pm Rams Head Live), Thrice (Saturday 7pm Recher Theatre), Hole (Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club), Sister Hazel (Friday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Silversun Pickups (Wednesday 7:30pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Eminem “Recovery“, Robert Randolph & The Family Band “We Walk This Road” and The Roots “How I Got Over” available in stores and iTunes (Tuesday), Bruce Springsteen & The E-Street Band “London Calling: Live in Hyde Park” and “Stones in Exile” available on DVD & Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

Well then, where to start? Columbia might look like one big Michael Phelps house party this weekend. The thing is…Trey Anastasio and company are sometimes really REALLY good, and not JUST when they’re hanging out with Jay-Z…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om2EQ7YXork[/youtube]

If you’ve never seen Carbon Leaf, I can’t recommend it enough. And not JUST because I’ve sobbed uncontrollably into a Guinness on St. Patrick’s Day while “The Boxer” was playing in the background. Don’t judge me…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt-HCioAWkY[/youtube]

Believe it or not, Sister Hazel actually had more than one good song. “All For You” is one of the greatest songs EVER…but “Happy” wasn’t too bad either. If you’re in the Annapolis area, they might just play it for you. Tell them I asked them to. It won’t help, but I’ll think it’s cool…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nZ3GCESf7Q[/youtube]

I got a hold of the new RR&TFB disc today. Don’t bother me for a while. I wish I could find a video for a song on the record that wasn’t a commercial for a TNT show (Memphis Beat) that looks like it will go down as a worse decision than “Alvin & The Chipmunks” for Jason Lee, but you can only work with what you have…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKQlyUtBaX4[/youtube]

9. Volleyball: AVP Belmar Open (Sunday 2pm live on ESPN2, 4pm live on Universal Sports. All beach action from Belmar, NJ)

I was thinking to myself last week “Why is it that a sport whose action looks like this…

boxing

always makes the Top 10, while a sport whose action looks like THIS…
volleyball

Has a way of finding itself in “Honorable Mention”?

As you can see, I’ve corrected my mistakes. Also, a plug for the Barefoot Wine “AVP Next” events that go on at the “Baltimore Beach” near Rash Field in the Inner Harbor. And by “plug” I really mean “a suggestion.” My suggestion be that the competitors consider attire more similar to the picture of Misty May and Kerri Walsh above. This is Charm City, ladies. Visitors to town deserve to be charmed! That is all.

8. Indoor Football-AIFA: Reading Express @ Baltimore Mariners (Saturday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena), AFL: Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings @ Tampa Bay Storm (Friday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on NFL Network)

Sadly, I will be in Ocean City this weekend-so I will again miss out on the Mariners, who I really want to see. Especially considering they beat New Jersey last week by something like 654 points. 654? I think it was 654. It might have been more. When it comes to beating New Jersey, that’s really God’s work.

Of course, that means that while you’re checking out QB EJ Nemeth’s beard…

nemeth

…which is awesome, don’t get me wrong….I’ll be in the same town as WNST’s own Intern Genna…

genna

…a girl who recently changed her Facebook name to “IronLiver.” Yes. “IronLiver.” If you’re a company who ISN’T interested in hiring this girl, I would NEVER want to work for you.

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Lenox Industrial Tools 301 (Sunday 1pm from Loudon, New Hampshire live on TNT)

Let’s cut the crap here. I could pretend I know anything about what’s going on this year on the Sprint Cup series, or we could watch Ricky Bobby’s prayer scene from “Talladega Nights”.

I figured we would agree…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A0-u85aAYg[/youtube]

6. Golf: PGA Tour Travelers Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Cromwell, Connecticut.); LPGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 4pm from Pittsford, New York live on Golf Channel); Champions Tour Dick’s Sporting Goods Open (Friday 6:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 1pm from Endicott, New York live on Golf Channel)

Coming off the excitement of Graeme McDowell winning the U.S. Open, I bet at least 3 people in the Old Line State (not named Drew Forrester) will watch Golf this weekend.

The LPGA Championship is the event that used to be held at Bulle Rock until McDonald’s dropped the sponsorship. I know that there aren’t a whole lot of you that would have wandered up to Harford County to watch the ladies play golf this weekend, but it certainly isn’t a good thing to have the event gone. Partly because it brought money to the area.

More because it means Melissa Reid won’t be coming to town…

reid

5. NHL Entry Draft (Friday 7pm live on VERSUS, Saturday 1pm live on NHL Network from Los Angeles), NHL Awards Show (Wednesday 7:30pm from Las Vegas live on VERSUS)

“And the award for the biggest chokejob in the NHL Playoffs goes to…..”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzR7Vy48zHA[/youtube]

Heehee.

4. MMA-Strikeforce: Fedor Emelianenko vs. Fabricio Werdum (Saturday 10pm from San Jose live on Showtime), Bellator Fighting Championships XXIII (Thursday 8pm from Louisville live on Fox Sports Net)

Of course, the whole Mixed Martial Arts world is buzzing about the chance that former WWE wrestler Dave Batista may be headed to Strikeforce himself. I’m as much of a fan of “The Animal” as anyone else, but I will admit that I’m not so sure how excited I am to see a 40-some year old former wrestler suddenly try his hand at combat fighting.

That being said-if he DOES make the move, won’t EVERY opponent he ever has remind him about the whole “Deacon Batista” bit he had with “Reverend D-Von?”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boqSq7oYzd8[/youtube]

3. Tennis: Wimbledon (Tuesday-Friday 7am & 12pm live on ESPN2, 9:30am & 2pm live on ESPNU; Saturday 7am live on ESPN2, 12pm live on NBC; Monday 6:30am & 1pm live on ESPN2, 10am live on NBC. All tennis from London.)

Do you have any idea how close we were to seeing Roger Federer eliminated while Andy Roddick rolled on Day 1 of the fortnight? I would have given ANYTHING for that.

Also, props to my buddy BJ for this. With both major events going on at the same time-it’s worth wondering. Have we ever seen John Harkes and Mary Carillo in the same room at the same time? Let’s start with Harkes, he’s the 2nd voice you hear in these highlights after JP Dellacamera…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1gH3wrfVDw[/youtube]

And now here’s Mary Carillo…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZDn0U0w78k[/youtube]

I’m just sayin’….

2. NBA Draft (Thursday 7pm from New York live on ESPN)

Here’s what we know about the NBA Draft:

1-The Wizards will take Kentucky’s John Wall with the #1 pick.

2-Whenever he’s picked, former Terrapins guard Greivis Vasquez will cry.

3-No one will look dumber than Joakim Noah did in 2007…

noah

1. Soccer-World Cup: Mexico vs. Uruguay (Tuesday 10am from Rustenberg, South Africa live on ESPN), France vs. South Africa (Tuesday 10am from Bloemfontein, South Africa live on ESPN2), Nigeria vs. South Korea (Tuesday 2:30pm from Durban, South Africa live on ESPN2), Greece vs. Argentina (Tuesday 2:30pm from Polokwane, South Africa live on ESPN), Slovenia vs. England (Wednesday 10am from Port Elizabeth, South Africa live on ESPN2), United States vs. Algeria (Wednesday 10am from Pretoria, South Africa live on ESPN), Ghana vs. Germany (Wednesday 2:30pm from Johannesburg, South Africa live on ESPN), Australia vs. Serbia (Wednesday 2:30pm from Nelspruit, South Africa live on ESPN2), Slovakia vs. Italy (Thursday 10am from Johannesburg live on ESPN), Paraguay vs. New Zealand (Thursday 10am from Polokwane live on ESPN2), Denmark vs. Japan (Thursday 2:30pm from Rustenberg live on ESPN), Cameroon vs. Netherlands (Thursday 2:30pm from Cape Town, South Africa live on ESPN2), North Korea vs. Ivory Coast (Friday 10am from Nelspruit live on ESPN2), Portugal vs. Brazil (Friday 10am from Durban live on ESPN), Switzerland vs. Honduras (Friday 2:30pm from Bloemfontein live on ESPN2), Chile vs. Spain (Friday 2:30pm from Pretoria live on ESPN), Knockout Round Games (Saturday & Sunday 10am live on ESPN, 2:30pm live on ABC; Monday 10am & 2:30pm live on ESPN); NASL: NSC Minnesota Stars @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 7pm UMBC Stadium); MLS: DC United @ Columbus Crew (Saturday 7:30pm Columbus live on MLS Direct Kick & Comcast SportsNet)

I know I’ve posted this before. Probably multiple times. But when it comes time for a crucial moment in American history, nothing prepares me for the moment quite as much as the gang from “Team America: World Police.” Video is NSFW. Unless you work at a place that loves America so much it makes you use the F-word.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZdJRDpLHbw[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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