Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (32)

Okay, so no Josh McDaniels. Umm…Marty-ball?

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (30)

Mike Mularkey: “Are you sure you didn’t want to fire me?”

30. Arizona Cardinals (31)

I cannot believe they’re really considering hiring Todd Haley. OH.MY.GOD.

29. Oakland Raiders (29)

Now they get ready for their Super Bowl…the 40 yard dash at the NFL Combine.

28. Detroit Lions (28)

The problem for Jim Schwartz is that he’s a former defensive coach for a team that can’t play defense.

27. Philadelphia Eagles (27)

Yahoo! Sports’ Jason Cole tells us the Eagles could keep Michael Vick around if they hire Chip Kelly.

26. Cleveland Browns (26)

While the Browns’ first choice is the same Chip Kelly, no one’s first choice EVER has been the Cleveland Browns.

25. New York Jets (23)

QUARTERBACKS FOR SALE!!!!!!!!!!

24. Tennessee Titans (25)

Check back in with me in five minutes to confirm Mike Munchak still hasn’t been fired yet.

23. Buffalo Bills (24)

I think a Ken Whisenhunt/Russ Grimm combo would be a good fit there.

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (22)

Do you focus more on what went wrong? Or do you focus more on how to build off of seven wins?

21. Miami Dolphins (17)

At least they have a quarterback.

20. St. Louis Rams (18)

Are they as close as their record would make you believe?

19. San Diego Chargers (21)

If Peyton Manning isn’t in the AFC West, they win the thing and save Norv Turner again.

18. New Orleans Saints (16)

I’ll go ahead and assume they win 13 games next season.

17. Carolina Panthers (19)

By keeping Ron Rivera, they’d give up potential “most desirable location” status for coaches.

16. Pittsburgh Steelers (20)

If they had a healthy Ben Roethisberger for 16 games they would have won the division. Unless the Ravens had a healthy Suggs/Ngata/Webb/Lewis. I guess what I’m saying is that it doesn’t matter.

15. Dallas Cowboys (13)

What the eff do you do here?

14. Chicago Bears (14)

I’d want this job.

13. New York Giants (15)

“Hynocerous” is one of the Top 5 nicknames in football this year.

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Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (32)

Who’s a fit here? Josh McDaniels?

31. Arizona Cardinals (31)

At this point I have to assume Whisenhunt is gone. Players openly bitching there.

30. Jacksonville Jaguars (29)

I can’t wait until they go 7-9 next year and somehow make the playoffs with Tim Tebow as quarterback.

29. Oakland Raiders (30)

I ASSUME Dennis Allen is safe, but you absolutely never know.

28. Detroit Lions (27)

But that was at least fun to watch Saturday night.

27. Philadelphia Eagles (28)

Nice of them to give Michael Vick a farewell show.

26. Cleveland Browns (26)

I honestly wouldn’t want the job of having to solve this puzzle.

25. Tennessee Titans (25)

Jake Locker gets another year before he’s fully labeled a bust.

24. Buffalo Bills (24)

I really have nothing to say about the Buffalo Bills.

23. New York Jets (20)

HIGH-LAIR-EE-USS.

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (21)

I wish I had paid enough attention to the Bucs to know whose fault their collapse was.

21. San Diego Chargers (23)

“You think Jon Gruden would go there?” is the question you’ll hear most related to the Bolts in the coming weeks.

20. Pittsburgh Steelers (16)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

19. Carolina Panthers (19)

Is the late push enough for Ron Rivera to keep his job?

18. St. Louis Rams (22)

They can finish ABOVE .500…

17. Miami Dolphins (18)

Please beat New England.

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Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (30)

We all knew they’d end up back here.

31. Arizona Cardinals (32)

Wha…what?

30. Oakland Raiders (31)

Don’t fail me now, Seabass.

29. Jacksonville Jaguars (29)

They’ll finish the season lower.

28. Philadelphia Eagles (28)

LeSean McCoy is playing WHY?

27. Detroit Lions (25)

Stunning mess.

26. Cleveland Browns (24)

We knew it wouldn’t last.

25. Tennessee Titans (27)

But Jake Locker still stinks.

24. Buffalo Bills (23)

Hope they felt comfortable North of the Border.

23. San Diego Chargers (19)

Gave up?

22. St. Louis Rams (20)

They can still finish above .500.

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (17)

Completely fell apart.

20. New York Jets (18)

VICKMANIA!

19. Carolina Panthers (26)

They might be a year away.

18. Miami Dolphins (22)

Like Republicans, Fins fans want Bush back.

17. New Orleans Saints (21)

Did that whole Sean Payton thing ever get figured out?

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Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Arizona Cardinals (31)

Worst game ever?

31. Oakland Raiders (32)

Congratulations on not being the Cardinals?

30. Kansas City Chiefs (29)

Normalcy likely still not fully returned.

29. Jacksonville Jaguars (28)

So do I play Montell Owens next week?

28. Philadelphia Eagles (30)

I’d like to watch Jason Avant’s catch every day of the week.

27. Tennessee Titans (26)

Think they wouldn’t like to have Joe Flacco?

26. Carolina Panthers (27)

The Gus Johnson-Cam Newton connection is something I can support.

25. Detroit Lions (21)

Still think they’re better than their record.

24. Cleveland Browns (25)

Would you have ever believed there’d be a point they were above the Lions on this list?

23. Buffalo Bills (20)

That’s the sound of Fred Jackson owners scrambling.

22. Miami Dolphins (19)

Starting to wonder if they’re even a year away.

21. New Orleans Saints (17)

They probably needed some good news.

20. St. Louis Rams (22)

Wait…who?

19. San Diego Chargers (24)

I miss Jarret Johnson.

18. New York Jets (23)

Worst 6-7 team ever.

17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (15)

Are they any good?

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Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Oakland Raiders (31)

Carson Palmer must feel better and better himself by the day.

31. Arizona Cardinals (30)

They’re just going to keep letting Ryan Lindley play, aren’t they?

30. Philadelphia Eagles (29)

Can I get some more Bryce Brown the rest of the way, please?

29. Kansas City Chiefs (32)

You felt good for them.

28. Jacksonville Jaguars (28)

Cecil Shorts and Justin Blackmon would look SO good in purple.

27. Carolina Panthers (21)

Yeesh.

26. Tennessee Titans (24)

Next season will be crucial for Jake Locker.

25. Cleveland Browns (27)

Well…they’re winning.

24. San Diego Chargers (22)

Why would they hire Andy Reid?

23. New York Jets (26)

MCELROYBUTTFUMBLETEBOWMANIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22. St. Louis Rams (23)

Best nickname of 2012: “Legatron” or “The Muscle Hamster”? There are no other options.

21. Detroit Lions (20)

This whole season is a disappointment.

20. Buffalo Bills (25)

Not far from .500.

19. Miami Dolphins (17)

That was their best chance. Going to need a miracle.

18. Minnesota Vikings (18)

Running out of time.

17. New Orleans Saints (13)

Not impossible they run table…they’ll have to.

(Ryan’s rankings on Page 2…)

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (32)

Stay low for Geno?

31. Oakland Raiders (30)

I’d say they had a good chance to get a win this weekend, but…

30. Arizona Cardinals (26)

How has Larry Fitzgerald not completely lost his mind?

29. Philadelphia Eagles (25)

The Ravens lost to this team…

28. Jacksonville Jaguars (31)

Chad by God Henne.

27. Cleveland Browns (28)

Eight turnovers…barely squeaked by.

26. New York Jets (24)

SAVE US, TEBOW!

25. Buffalo Bills (23)

But Toronto won the Grey Cup!

24. Tennessee Titans (22)

Didn’t mention Munchak on the hot seat, but he is, right?

23. St. Louis Rams (27)

Wondering if other teams can trade for Ryan Lindley.

22. San Diego Chargers (21)

Now beat Cincinnati, please.

21. Carolina Panthers (29)

Looked an awful lot like what they were supposed to look like.

20. Detroit Lions (19)

God awful way to lose.

19. Dallas Cowboys (17)

What do you do when the quarterback isn’t your problem but the quarterback has to be portrayed as the problem?

18. Minnesota Vikings (13)

But at least they only have to go to Green Bay next week.

17. Miami Dolphins (20)

Not buying back in yet.

(16-1 on Page 2…)

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (31)

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (32)

Like we all said, all you need to do to have a chance against the Texans is play Chad Henne and Jalen Parmele.

30. Oakland Raiders (28)

They’re…ummm….not good.

29. Carolina Panthers (29)

I’ll make Ron Rivera my bet for “coach who doesn’t last the season.”

28. Cleveland Browns (30)

And now we root like hell for the Browns Sunday.

27. St. Louis Rams (26)

They gave away over 1,000 tickets to the Jets game to the military…but most couldn’t handle the trauma of attendance.

26. Arizona Cardinals (25)

Ryan Lindley CAN’T be a good idea.

25. Philadelphia Eagles (23)

I’m playing Bryce Brown in one of my leagues, so…

24. New York Jets (27)

I don’t think much of that win.

23. Buffalo Bills (24)

Are they improving? Are the Dolphins terrible? What’s that, ham?

22. Tennessee Titans (21)

So…do I play Kenny Britt against the Jags this week?

21. San Diego Chargers (20)

I’m still scared sh*tless.

20. Miami Dolphins (19)

What happened here?

19. Detroit Lions (17)

So…I guess it’s about over?

18. Washington Redskins (22)

I’m not certain I’m ready to buy back in.

17. Dallas Cowboys (18)

Zombies.

(16-1 on Page 2…)

Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (32)

They’re in primetime this week because no one in the NFL wants to help lift the spirits of hurricane victims.

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (31)

They weren’t as bad as we expected them to be in Green Bay, I just don’t think they’re worthy of moving up.

30. Carolina Panthers (29)

I’ll default to PFT’s Darin Gantt for this one…

29. St. Louis Rams (24)

“We welcome the New England Patriots to London, representing the NFL. We also welcome the St. Louis Rams, representing nothing.”

28. San Diego Chargers (22)

Norv Turner has naked pictures of everyone everywhere. He must.

27. Buffalo Bills (25)

Mario Williams is optimistic about his wrist, but not about his team’s chances of winning games.

26. Tennessee Titans (23)

You take it week by week with this crew.

25. Cleveland Browns (30)

I don’t this is a “good” team welcoming Baltimore to town, but I do think they’re somehow “better.” Probably.

24. New York Jets (19)

I’ve had a gut feeling about them all along.

23. Oakland Raiders (28)

I don’t really believe it though. They beat the Jaguars and Chiefs in the last two weeks.

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (27)

Well…they looked really good on Thursday night.

21. New Orleans Saints (17)

Joe Vitt’s return made a whole lot of no difference.

20. Cincinnati Bengals (20)

But they just BARELY sneaked past “bye.”

19. Arizona Cardinals (16)

They’ll be in the bottom four by the end of the season.

18. Washington Redskins (15)

Maybe the Shanahans will have Robert Griffin III line up on defense next.

17. Philadelphia Eagles (12)

But I’m sure starting Nick Foles would solve everything.

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Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (32)

Yuck.

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (31)

Yuck again.

30. Cleveland Browns (30)

You can almost assume their game against the Ravens next week is going to be close somehow.

29. Carolina Panthers (29)

Maybe we should have seen this coming.

28. Oakland Raiders (28)

Beat a bad team. Barely. At home. After the bad team’s players got hurt.

27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (26)

I’m all for them staying in creamsicle though.

26. Indianapolis Colts (27)

No one would remember they’re 3-3.

25. Buffalo Bills (22)

Shawne Merriman is back! Shawne Merriman isn’t any good!

24. St. Louis Rams (23)

Lots of teams lose to the Packers.

23. Tennessee Titans (25)

Well if Chris Johnson is going to run like that…

22. San Diego Chargers (17)

Haven’t beaten anyone good, try to cheat.

21. Detroit Lions (16)

Maybe no one told them they still had Calvin Johnson this season.

20. Cincinnati Bengals (18)

Always doing very Cincinnati Bengals-y things.

19. New York Jets (20)

I give them a slight nod for keeping things close in Foxborough, but I still don’t think they’re very good.

18. Miami Dolphins (21)

Surprise, surprise.

17. New Orleans Saints (24)

I’m PROBABLY giving them too much credit, but they have Drew Brees.

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Glenn Clark’s Rankings…

32. Kansas City Chiefs (31)

It was only a matter of time.

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (30)

I STILL think they find a way into the bottom spot.

30. Cleveland Browns (32)

It must be a proud moment for whoever is actually going to still be around next year.

29. Carolina Panthers (27)

So…Ron Rivera thinks he knows what the problem is? I guess it will just be fixed tomorrow…

28. Oakland Raiders (26)

Perhaps Carson Palmer can start practicing tackling…

27. Indianapolis Colts (24)

I don’t understand. Should we have seen this coming?

26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (28)

Calm down, they were playing the Chiefs. Everyone blows out the Chiefs, right?

25. Tennessee Titans (29)

We can’t thank you enough for that, Titans.

24. New Orleans Saints (21)

Market correction. I still think they’re on the way up.

23. St. Louis Rams (20)

Wait…Brandon Gibson?

22. Buffalo Bills (25)

I didn’t see that coming.

21. Miami Dolphins (23)

Best Dolphins quarterback since…Cleo Lemon, I guess?

20. New York Jets (22)

If they beat the Patriots…

19. Dallas Cowboys (16)

I probably dropped them too far. I don’t feel bad.

18. Cincinnati Bengals (14)

You can’t do that against the Cleveland Browns.

17. San Diego Chargers (13)

But at least it was hilarious.

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