Tag Archive | "Oscar Salazar"


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Top 20 moments in Camden Yards history: No. 18

Posted on 18 March 2011 by Luke Jones

Leading up to the start of the 20th season at Oriole Park at Camden Yards, I take a look back at the top 20 moments in the history of the ballpark. Selected moments had to relate directly to the action on the field at the time. No orchestrated events such as World Series anniversary celebrations or Orioles Hall of Fame inductions were eligible.

Previous selections:
20. Matt Wieters’ debut
19. Hideo Nomo tosses the only no-hitter in Oriole Park history

18. Orioles stage greatest comeback in team history – June 30, 2009

Another merciless pounding at the hands of Boston, or so it seemed.

The Orioles had lost eight straight to the Red Sox, and their unruly traveling fans were basking in the glory of a 10-1 lead in the seventh inning. Most fans watching at home had given up on the massacre and flipped to reruns — hey, it’s hard to resist The Office — on a midsummer night of television. Nobody knew it, but the Orioles were about to thrill the few hometown fans remaining in the ballpark and stun the Sox supporters taunting those making their way to the exits.

By the time the Orioles went to the plate in the bottom of the seventh, starter Rich Hill was long gone after giving up nine runs in 3 1/3 innings and Boston veteran John Smoltz had missed his chance for a victory after a lengthy rain delay forced his exit in the fifth. As a result, a battle of the bullpens commenced, with the Orioles about to supplant a club-record eight-run comeback set in 1956 — against the Red Sox at Fenway Park.

A five-run seventh made the deficit a reachable 10-6, with the key blow being a three-run homer from pinch-hitter Oscar Salazar. The home fans who stuck around for the early bludgeoning perked up, but realized a comeback remained very unlikely against the Red Sox bullpen.

However, Hideki Okajima had finished the seventh for Boston and remained on the mound for the eighth. Though one of the best lefty specialists in the American League, the hapless Orioles — of all teams — had owned the Japanese reliever for nearly two years.

It was about to continue.

Okajima would surrender four straight hits without getting an out, leaving the game with the bases loaded and Boston holding on dearly to its 10-7 lead. Two batters later, the score was 10-9 and Red Sox manager Terry Francona desperately turned to closer Jonathan Papelbon to prevent the record-setting Orioles comeback.

It was too late.

Nick Markakis’ two-run double to deep center plated pinch-runner Jeremy Guthrie and Brian Roberts with two outs in the bottom of the eighth as the Orioles had amazingly come all the way back to seize an 11-10 lead.


Euphoric Orioles fans howled in laughter at obnoxious “Sahx” fans as George Sherrill recorded the save in the ninth, securing the greatest comeback victory in franchise history. An amazing 13 of Baltimore’s 16 hits that night came in the seventh and eighth innings.

“That was probably the best game I’ve been involved in, right there,” Orioles manager Dave Trembley said after the game. “That was absolutely tremendous. When you talk about playing all 27 outs, that’s tonight.”

Ironically, the Orioles would be on the receiving end of that lesson the next afternoon, squandering a 5-1 lead in the ninth and falling 6-5 in 11 innings. Perhaps it was the baseball gods’ way of restoring order as the Orioles would lose 11 of the 12 remaining games with Boston that season.

But for one night, at least, the Orioles got the better of the hated Red Sox.

And, in case you were wondering, I flipped back to the game just in time to see the comeback.

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Gremlins and Uncle Buck

Posted on 30 July 2010 by Erich Hawbaker

I first sat down to write this blog upon hearing that the Orioles had hired Buck Showalter to be the next captain of the Titanic. I then started all over again upon hearing that Miguel Tejada has once again been traded by the Orioles to a contending NL team. I guess I’ll deal with the second one first.

Unlike the last Tejada trade, which netted the O’s five players (including my main man Luke Scott), this time they got only one pitching prospect and are still on the hook for over half of Tejada’s salary. Now I know that Miggy is getting to the end of his career, and that we only had him for one year, but he was still hitting .269 with 7 HR and 39 RBIs. Is one AA pitcher really all that he was worth? And you didn’t even get the Padres to pick up all of his contract? I’m not faulting the front office for trading him if somebody was interested (since 3B was going to Josh Bell next year anyway), but couldn’t they have bargained for a little more in return? Like, maybe, a hitter? ANY hitter? Much like the last deal we made with San Diego, in which we basically gave them Oscar Salazar for a song, this is not a solid prima facie case for the Orioles.

Anyway, new acquisition Wynn Pelzer is high-ranked prospect in the Padres organization. At 24 years old, he’s been both a starter and reliever in his 3-year career in the minors, pitching around 100 innings a year, putting up just over 8 K/9, and maintaining a 3.83 ERA. Decent I guess. But lately, I think we’ve all learned a painful lesson. The dirtiest word in baseball is ‘prospect’. A couple years ago, Brian Matusz was a top prospect. He ended up spending only one year in the minors, and with his abundance of Ks and ERA barely over 2.00, we all expected him to be our new ace. And yet, as of today, his ERA is 5.22 and his record is 3-11. Now, I know that Matusz is still pretty young and that it’s much easier to win games when your team actually scores you some runs on a consistent basis, but at this point it is fair to say that he hasn’t lived up to the hype yet. Will Pelzer? I don’t know. Nobody does. He’s a prospect.

In other news, Buck Showalter is now the manager. I was really pulling for Rick Dempsey, but deep down I knew they’d never give it to him. However, I do think that Showalter will make things better. We all know that he has a reputation for being a hardass and a history of turning losing teams into winners. And while no other team he ever managed was nearly as awful as this one, he seems to think he can do it and I think I believe him. He says we have potential here, and he’s right about that much. I don’t doubt that he can get our guys to the point where they’re playing as well as they could be. But the real question is- even if our engine as currently built is firing on all eight cylinders, will that be enough to challenge the Yankees, Red Sox, and Rays? That’s where my doubts come in.

You have to remember something. For the last decade or so, Tampa Bay was in the basement with us (and, like us, they’re a “small market” team *cough cough*). Theoretically both teams should have spent those years drafting high and growing a fresh crop of young players. One could have easily predicted that the Rays and O’s would be steadily rising thru the standings together. The fact that we went absolutely nowhere while Tampa Bay went to the World Series is the most glaring indictment of our clueless front office. They drafted smart, traded smart, and produced a winner while we sat on our hands.

I don’t think Buck Showalter will put up with that. He will do everything he can to win. But, when he gets to the point where he goes upstairs asking for you-know-who to make an investment in winning, will he get what he needs to finish the job? I don’t know. That’s where my skepticism lies. I haven’t forgotten what happened to Davey Johnson.



Some people have told me that they wonder where I get my weird titles for my blogs. In this case, the reference is to two movies from the 1980s that I enjoyed as a kid. Peltzer (very close to Pelzer) was the last name of Billy, the boy who got a pet Mogwai for Christmas in Gremlins. Uncle Buck was an absolutely hilarious comedy starring John Candy, whom my grandma loved and frequently told me I looked like. I sincerely hope you all can forgive my little bit of wackyness. .

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How Baltimore Buzzed: Week Ending 7/24

Posted on 24 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

Welcome to my new attempt to start spats weekly Friday blog; which I will call “How Baltimore Buzzed.” It is a very original, very clever name that I should probably take all of the credit for; as I singlehandedly came up with the term “Buzz” and figured out that alliteration is a key concept in a title.

This is a very simple concept. As someone who sidekicks a morning show, screens phone calls, compiles a “link dump” blog, listens to HOURS of sports talk radio, and is particularly active on Facebook (and somewhat active on Twitter); I have a unique perspective with which to capture what the city of Baltimore is talking about during a particular 5 day span.

This will be a compilation of local and national stories or storylines that have particularly touched off a nerve here in Baltimore amongst radio hosts, callers, bloggers, commenters, social networking participants, columnists, TV anchors, beat writers, and those of you who still stand around the “water cooler.” I do not have a statistical formula like ESPN’s “Blog Buzz”; this is just the statistical formula of my own brain. Insert your own joke here.

If you disagree, that just means you’re breathing.

15. That was it???

Buzz: The leaked video of Xavier’s Jordan Crawford dunking on LeBron James was particularly disappointing.

Wacky shtick: Sadly, my girlfriend thought the same thing the first time we made a video. (ZING!!!!!!!!! I’m so off to such a great start! You want great comedy? Stay right here, friend!)

14. Are we totally certainly Stewart Cink’s FAMILY was rooting for Stewart Cink?

Buzz: Tom Watson almost won the British Open, and EVERYONE in town called in Monday to say they were rooting for him.

Wacky shtick: I was actually able to track down a picture of Tom Watson’s Christmas tree last year…..


13. Yeah, well we’d like you to be good ALL season

Buzz: Willis McGahee used an appearance at a Boost Mobile store downtown to say that he expects Ray Rice to be the starter going into Training Camp; but thinks the way he finishes the season is more important than the way he starts it.

Wacky Shtick: After the way his last season ended, maybe Willis should just be hopeful that he DOES finish it…..

12. Do we still have to talk about this guy?

Buzz: Brett Favre may or may not make a decision on whether or not he’ll return to the Vikings by a Friday deadline he may or may not have imposed.

Wacky shtick: Somewhere right now, a retired John Madden wants you to know that this is the most important decision in the history of humanity.

11. So, do you fly from Norfolk to Baltimore….or what?

Buzz: With the continued struggles of Rich Hill and Jason Berken, speculation (and hope) abounds that Chris Tillman will be called up from Norfolk next week to start against the Royals.

Wacky shtick: Attention new pitching messiah: please start performing quicker than our catching messiah. Thank you.

10. Soccer rocks…..or sucks

Buzz: Chelsea battles AC Milan tonight at M&T Bank Stadium in the stadium’s first ever major soccer event. Everyone in the city is either going to the match, or seems to think soccer is stupid.

Wacky shtick: Say what you want about soccer, but can we all agree that this event is worthless without streaking?


9. Back in Vick

Buzz: Michael Vick released from home confinement, expected to be reinstated after likely 4 game suspension to start season. He also may or may not have visited a strip club with Allen Iverson.

Wacky shtick: Do you think there’s any chance Iverson could get him a job with the Clippers? You know they’ve got nothing to lose….

8. What the hell do I do with the rest of my weekend?

Buzz: The NFL will move the first round of the Draft to Thusrday night next year, with Rounds 2 and 3 scheduled for Friday night, and Rounds 4-7 now Saturday.

Wacky Shtick: Thursday night? Don’t know if that’s going to work. I already have plans……


7. Isn’t there supposed to be a “Y”?

Buzz: Andy MacPhail swapped outstanding pinch hitter Oscar Salazar for Padres reliever Cla Meredith. Meredith has been described by Orioles broadcasters as having a “unique delivery”, and MacPhail called him “a poor man’s Chad Bradford.”

Wacky shtick: “A Poor Man’s Chad Bradford?” Really? Was “a poor man’s Todd Frowirth” not available???

6. Flacc and His Arm Make a Video

Buzz: NFL.com posted a Reebok “Fantasy Files” video of Joe Flacco throwing footballs and skeet shooting targets. I’ve already posted the video, but I appreciate the fact that some times there are still those of us who live under rocks…..

Wacky Shtick: There is a legitimate argument that people in Baltimore are more aroused by this video than the other video everyone has been talking about. I know I am.

5. Sarasota Here We Come

Buzz: The Orioles have finally escaped from their Ft. Lauderdale Spring Training nightmare, signing a new deal to move to Sarasota.

Wacky shtick: Sadly, the team playing in Sarasota will still be the Orioles. Also, Ft. Lauderdale is hoping to replace the Birds with a team of similar caliber; but the Bengals apparently don’t play baseball.

4. The Saga of a Sideline Princess


Buzz: Last week’s leaked peep hole video of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews continued to cause quite a stir. The New York Post printed still pictures from the video, causing ESPN to ban Post reporters from being part of their programming.

Wacky shtick: I’ll be the first to admit that posting the Post’s frontpage was nothing more than an attempt at generating page views. It was either that or shirtless pictures of Ray Bachman.

Everything about this story is just terrible. Do you know how much it costs to get a camera that can film through a peep hole? And do you realize how difficult it is to stalk someone for so long to be able to pull this off? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to know where Anna Kournikova is tonight?

3. Bad Ben?

Buzz: Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was accused in a civil suit of sexual assault in Nevada, stemming from an incident in 2008.

Wacky shtick: I don’t believe this. There is absolutely ZERO chance any young lady could say no to THIS handsome devil…..


Also, I’m with you Ravens fans. If there’s any possible way this story can lead to Charlie Batch having to play for the Steelers; this is a great story. (Is that insensitive? Which way to the HR department?)

2. Are They Still Trying?

Buzz: Orioles looked downright lifeless as they were swept in New York. Adam Jones, Brian Roberts, Aubrey Huff all appeared at points during the series as though they might not have been giving the most spirited of efforts.

Wacky shtick: Trying? TRYING? There’s no trying in bad baseball! My father and I attended 20 games last year, and we didn’t witness a SINGLE strong effort from any player on the entire roster. There’s no trying in bad baseball!

1. The Derrick Mason Chronicles: Hunt For a 5th Receiver

Buzz: John Harbaugh met with Derrick Mason, says he’s ‘hopeful’ WR will return. In the meantime, Ravens brought in Drew Bennett, DJ Hackett, and maybe even Joe Horn to try to find some wideout help-signing Bennett after a tryout.

Wacky shtick: I knew a girl in middle school named Sarah. Growing up, Sarah was always the pretty girl we hung around; and we all stole some kisses with Sara. Unfortunately, Sara got a bit stuck up, and some new pretty girls came to town. Girls named Amelia, and Jennifer, and even Emily. We all kinda stopped paying attention to Sarah, and she was none too happy about it. But soon enough, Amelia, Jennifer, and Emily all found older, more interesting boys to hang around; and we suddenly couldn’t help but think about how pretty Sarah was looking those days.

Drew Bennett looked really pretty when he played in Tennessee. But after a year in St. Louis, Bennett didn’t quite look so pretty. However, with a WR possibly running away from Baltimore; you gotta admit, Drew Bennett is looking awfully good…….



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Wednesday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

Posted on 22 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

The Orioles HAVE to go to Sarasota.

They certainly can’t go back to Ft. Lauderdale, we know that much for sure.

The deal that is on the table looks like a pretty fair deal, but obviously those in Sarasota will want the team to make more concessions.

I understand the skepticism towards whether or not this will actually get done; but I don’t see how the team has any other choice. Sarasota officials would be the only ones to shoot it down at this point, but they need the tenant.

Let’s see what everyone else has to say…..

Best of Tuesday’s WNST Blogs:

Drew Forrester expects Tillman to make Orioles debut against Royals next week

Luke Jones says Chris Carr, Marcus Smith could be ‘under the radar’ successes for Ravens this season

Nestor Aparicio says proposed Sarasota deal to also include Ripken baseball camp

Drew Forrester not absolutely convinced Birds making move until they’re there

Bob Haynie admits to being totally wrong about Rich Hill

Jerry Reinhardt offers video of Flacco training


The Official Site’s Spencer Fordin says Rich Hill gives O’s little effort in loss to Yankees

The Official Site provides numerical evidence of loss

The Official Site’s Spencer Fordin says Berken goes to Yankee Stadium hill today looking to avoid sweep vs. Burnett, Yanks

The Official Site’s Spencer Fordin says Birds could be moving Spring Training from Ft. Lauderdale to Sarasota

Yankees Official Site’s Anthony DiComo says Mitre winner in Bombers debut

The Sun’s Jeff Zrebiec says Mora made things interesting with 2 run single

The Sun’s Jeff Zrebiec says Felix Pie to start today

The Sun’s Peter Schmuck thinks Birds want to ‘wait a while’ to bring up Tillman

The Sun’s Dan Connolly says Birds declining comment on Sarasota story until after today’s vote

Examiner Jay Trucker would have rather Birds let Hill go and held on to Salazar

The AP says Yankees moved past Red Sox for first place in AL East

The AP says Birds would move into Sarasota’s Ed Smith Stadium starting in 2010

The AP says Cla Meredith activated, Mickolio sent down

New York Post’s George A. King says 45,589 in Bronx saw Yanks top Birds

New York Times’ Tyler Kepner says A-Rod put Yanks ahead with bases loaded, 2 run single

New York Daily News’ Mark Feinsand says Cano homered for Yanks in win

Newsday’s Erik Boland says Rivera finished off win for 27th save

Newark Star-Ledger’s Matt Gelb says Cody Ransom reached base 3 times in win

Bergen Record’s Andrew Gross says Jeter went 1-3 with run scored in win

Sarasota Herald-Tribune’s Roger Drouin says Ed Smith Stadium deal to include $31.2 million worth of renevations

Sarasota Herald-Tribune offers Orioles history lesson

CBS Sports’ Larry Dobrow has Birds 22nd in power rankings

SI’s Ted Keith says MacPhail doesn’t want to be ‘farm system’ for other teams at trade deadline


Norfolk Tides Official Site says Pauley, Tides fall to Gwinnett thanks to 4 errors

Bowie Baysox Official Site says Matusz gave up 1 run in 7 innings as Baysox topped Harrisburg

Frederick Keys Official Site says Zach Britton gave up 3 hits over 7 innings as Keys topped Salem

Aberdeen Ironbirds Official Site says Haughian winner as Ironbirds topped Mahoning Valley

Bluefield Orioles Official Site says Frabizio loser as Orioles fell to Greeneville

The Sun’s Dean Jones Jr. says Crozier reached base 5 times, drove in 2 for Baysox in win over Senators

Frederick News-Post says Zach’s younger brother Buck Britton joined Keys before game

Virginian-Pilot says Steve Torrealba scored only run for Tides in loss


The Official Site’s Mike Duffy offers helpful hints for practice viewing and autograph seeking in Westminster

The Official Site announces interview schedule for Training Camp

The Official Site says Ravens make $100,000 worth of donations to non-profits

The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Gano, Hauschka ready to go toe-to-toe for kicking job

ESPN.com’s James Walker says Mason’s retirement could make Ravens camp ‘downer’


The Diamondback’s Michael Lemaire says Baltz ‘legitimate weapon’

Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens says guys like Kenny Tate, Terrell Skinner, Antwine Perez make safety ‘strength’ for Terps

Terrapin Times’ Keith Cavanaugh introduces freshman OL Pete White (must subscribe)

Terrapin Times’ Mark Clem says Springbrook WR/DB Mitchell Pollard camped with Terps (must subscribe)

Terrapin Times’ Mark Clem says Milford Mill WR Cheeseboro called Ralph at 11pm Saturday night to let him know of commitment (must subscribe)


The Official Site says Landon School (Bethesda)’s Thomas Hart amongst players joining Greyhounds’ incoming class


The Official Site says incoming freshman Julius Brooks posts double double in Greensboro All-Star Game


Washington Times’ Patrick Stevens has Mids 62nd in preseason rankings


The Sun’s Matt Bracken says Lange sees views local players like incoming freshman Troy King as recruiting ‘priority’


USA Today’s Vicki Michaelis says Phelps sticking by Speedo swimsuit in Rome, beyond


The Sun’s Kevin Van Valkenburg says Silver Spring native Onyewu hoping to make AC Milan debut Friday at M&T Bank Stadium


-Sorry to everyone who took the WNST Bus Trip up to Yankee Stadium today and is going to have to suffer through Jason Berken facing AJ Burnett. I wish I had something positive to tell you.

Talk to you tomorrow.


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Monday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

Posted on 20 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

Don’t get me started on the Salazar-Meredith trade. If you want to trade Salazar; that’s fine. It really doesn’t bother me much. Salazar IS no more than a nice bench piece. But this idea that you NEEDED to trade Salazar because you couldn’t possibly let go of Felix Pie is nuts.

Also, “Andy MacPhail didn’t do it again.” He acquired a less than mediocre reliever. It was a little for nothing trade.

Let’s see what everyone else has to say….

Best of Sunday’s WNST Blogs:

Drew Forrester says Cla Meredith already proved himself to be ‘also-ran’

Bob Haynie says Ravens, Suggs handled negotiations in ‘calm, professional way’

Glenn Clark says Zaun proving to be power hitting catcher Wieters hasn’t been


The Official Site’s Patrick Mooney says Guthrie went 8 innings to help Birds top White Sox

The Official Site provides numerical evidence of win

The Official Site’s Patrick Mooney says David Hernandez returns tonight to face Andy Pettitte, Yankees in New York

The Official Site’s Patrick Mooney says Birds trade Salazar to San Diego for pitcher Cla Meredith

White Sox Official Site’s Jesse Temple says Contreras suffered from ‘control issues’ in loss to Birds

The Sun’s Dan Connolly says Zaun crushed 3 run homer, tallied 4 RBI for Birds in win over Pale Hose

The Sun’s Dan Connolly says MacPhail believes Meredith gives O’s ‘different look in bullpen’

The Sun’s Dan Connolly says Bombers outscored Birds 27-9 in sweep in teams’ first series at Yankee Stadium this season

The Sun’s Peter Schmuck thinks Mickolio will head back down to make room for Meredith

The AP says Luke Scott added RBI double for Birds in win

Carroll County Times says Meredith had 4-2 record, 4.17 ERA with Padres this season before trade

Examiner Jay Trucker says MacPhail believes Meredith could be ‘poor man’s Chad Bradford’

Chicago Tribune’s Dave Van Dyck says 32,000 saw Birds top ChiSox at U.S. Cellular Field

Chicago Sun-Times’ Toni Ginnetti says Getz, Wise homered for White Sox in loss

Chicago Daily Herald’s Scot Gregor says Contreras gave up 4 walks, hit 2 batters with pitches, and uncorked 2 wild pitches in loss


Norfolk Tides Official Site says Andy Mitchell improved to 8-2 with win over Charlotte

Bowie Baysox Official Site says Ambiorix Concepcion had all 3 RBI for Baysox in loss to Akron

Frederick Keys Official Site says Crancer homered for Keys in win over Wilmington

Delmarva Shorebirds Official Site says Victor Castillo had both RBI for Shorebirds in loss to Bowling Green

Aberdeen Ironbirds Official Site says Tyler Sexton’s 6 shutout innings not enough as Ironbirds fell to Vermont

Bluefield Orioles Official Site says Mike Flacco got only hit for Orioles in loss to Johnson City

The Sun’s Dean Jones Jr. says Sean Gleason picked up win for Keys over Blue Rocks

Virginian-Pilot’s Rainer Sabin says Blake Davis tagged Bartolo Colon for home as Tides topped Knights


The AP says McNair’s death has changed the way some athletes think

SI’s Sean Payton (he coaches the Saints, you know) remembers McNair as ‘fierce competitor’

NFL.com’s Pat Kirwan says Heap not showing back injury at American Century Celebrity Golf Championship

Fox Sports’ Ed Thompson says Mason needs to actually make decision

ESPN.com’s James Walker says Ravens ‘smart’ to invest money on defensive side of ball


The Diamondback’s Michael Lemaire says Bruce Campbell could become ‘dominant’ left tackle


The Official Site says former Eagle Tywain McKee scored 4 for Wizards in Summer League win over Knicks


Examiner Richard Crabbe says Machel Millwood thought winning championship ‘good feeling’


Daily Racing Form’s Mike Farrell says Belmont winner Summer Bird worked out in preparation for Haskell Invitational


Swimnetwork.com’s Bob Schaller says Phelps’ presence alone brings media attention alone to sport


The Sun’s Kevin Cowherd supportive of making Baltimore Grand Prix happen


-Please check out my 15-7-0. I’m spent from this weekend.

Talk to you tomorrow.


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Posted on 20 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

You get props…..

1-Jim Thome, Jeremy Guthrie and Gregg Zaun

“Sliced bread is actually the best thing since Gregg Zuan.”

OH, LOL! Relax Baltimore; we’ve been waiting for our power-hitting catcher! He’s just a few years older than what we expected.

And by a few years, I mean 64.

But he did have 4 more RBI than Matt Wieters Sunday. He should probably be the permanent catcher for Jeremy Guthrie; who, for a day at least, resembled a pitcher again.

I resembled a pitcher once. Unfortunately it was this pitcher……


(I like to call him “The Dominican Bachman” myself)

2-Troy Aikman, Lou Holtz, John Cooper, Thurman Thomas, Jay Novacek, Jim Donnan, Randall McDaniel, and Roger Brown

John Cooper’s special day wasn’t quite the same after he realized Lloyd Carr had beat him to the induction ceremony.

It was strange to hear Lou Holtz open his speech by saying “I’m happy to be here and all, but I just don’t know if I’m good enough. I really have no idea how I can compete with a fella like Jim Donnan. He’s just so good. We’re lucky to be here. I don’t think we have a chance of winning.”

Troy Aikman and Jay Novacek said they were thankful to have the chance to remember their life before their pro careers. They only wished their teammate Michael Irvin was capable of doing the same thing.

All of these one-liners are just part of the new “Glenn Clark’s corny one-liner” Comedy Class which will be available this semester at the Community College of Baltimore County. It isn’t actually a credited class; just an excuse for me to try to surround myself by pretty girls with low standards.

3-Bo Van Pelt and Rick Rhoden

Bo Van Pelt won the golf tournament this weekend that you were allowed to play in if you weren’t good enough to play in the other actually important golf tournament. You know-the one that was nearly won by a guy who retired 15 years ago.

Does Bo Van Pelt really get a trophy for that accomplishment? REALLY?

The event Rhoden won was called the “I don’t watch golf when the talented players play; why in the hell would I watch when the guys who aren’t talented play?” Open. It’s some sort of celebrity event; which still confuses me as to why Rhoden is there.

But thanks to Deadspin for this screen shot of Michael Jordan and an inflatable penis. You didn’t read that wrong; it’s just Michael Jordan and an inflatable penis. Which reminds me of the average Thursday at my grandparents’ house.


4-Brandon Snyder, Wally Crancer, Nathan Moreau, Patrick Kantakevich, and Matt Hobgood

Thus far in his pro career, Matt Hobgood has given up one run on hits over 1 inning; and has committed one error.

I was going to make a crack here about how he was already better than Rich Hill; but I’m a little concerned about Rich Hill’s self confidence. Look at the poor kid…..

I’d say he could drown his sorrows with 3-400 beers; but he can’t legally drink for another 5 years.

(Editor’s note: Please tell me his baseball card doesn’t look like one of those cards you had in Little League. Hilarious!)

5-Robin Soderling

Won a tennis tournament this weekend. You’d probably care more, but you thought Robin Soderling did the song “Show Me Love” in 1993.

6-Alberto Contador

Seriously, why the hell does EVERYONE IN THE WORLD have a better name than I do? Helio Castroneves? Dario Franchitti? Steele Stanwick? ALBERTO FREAKING CONTADOR????????

Clearly their parents loved me more than my parents loved me. Which I’m just going to have to live with.

Lance Armstrong apparently won’t be winning the Tour De France. Which only means that the Tour de France’s ratings will again be a 2 instead of a 5.

(Editor’s note: Those ratings points aren’t in millions.)

7-John Lackey, J.A. Happ, Jason Marquis, Dan Haren, Clayton Kershaw, Roy Oswalt, and Bronson Arroyo

You know what. I take it all back. J.A. Happ’s name is actually Jay Happ. HAHA! Someone’s parents loved them less than my parents loved me!!!!!!!

(Editor’s note: My parents really do love me. With that in mind, can I borrow like $100? And by “borrow”, I mean “spend on beer and never pay you back.”)


That’s a picture of Bronson Arroyo and a person who I assume must be a close family friend.

Don’t get too suicidal just yet. I mean, if you heard this, you’d sleep with him too….

8-Michael Phelps

God is this a stretch. I’m honoring Michael Phelps for winning more ESPY awards than anyone else; and the ESPY awards were actually taped on Wednesday; then aired on Sunday.

Of course, this gave me the perfect opportunity to find out what else was on TV Sunday night; because I’d rather have a giant wart on my foot than watch the ESPY’s.

(Editor’s note: the last line was probably only funny to my friend Julie; who recently had a wart removed from her foot. She’d be really embarrassed if she ever knew I wrote this publicly, but she’s a pretty girl; so there’s no chance she’ll ever read it. Yeah, pretty girls ignore me. It’s like high school all over again.)

Back to the point; as I Facebooked Sunday night (and if you’re not my Facebook friend, your life isn’t quite as meaningful), having the ESPY’s as the only sports viewing option Sunday night; I decided to give Brooke Knows Best a shot.


Who am I kidding? I watch every week.

9-Nik Caner-Medley

This is going to come as a surprise to you; but I had no idea Nik Caner-Medley was playing for the LA Clippers’ Summer League team. No, I’m serious. I stopped stalking him 7 months ago.

After hitting a pull-up jumper over Wizards guard Nick Young, Caner-Medley laughed and said “I’m from Maryland. Nobody can beat me.”


10-Garrett Jones, Albert Pujols, and Alfonso Soriano

In other baseball news; Orlando Hudson will reportedly end up collecting more than double his salary thanks to an incentive-laden contract. No word on whether the Orioles can seek an incentive-laden refund from Felix Pie.

11-The Blackberry Commercial with U2 doing “I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight”

Never before have I wanted to buy a Blackberry, spend 100 dollars to see a band from the upper deck of a football stadium; AND somehow try to change my life to make myself a better person. You want the definition of effective advertising? Holy crap.

12-Kyle Busch and NASCAR

With newspapers no longer being able to afford to send motorsports writers across the country to watch grown men drive cars; NASCAR has figured out another way to fill their press boxes, and it is absolutely a smart idea. Bloggers can now apply for credentials to NASCAR races. Well, bloggers NASCAR approves of anyway. Which truly does go to show that anyone can have a voice in the era of new media. Even if their thoughts are WAY off base. Sorta like this noted NASCAR follower…..


13-D2: The Mighty Ducks

Look, my TV was just as confused as you’d imagine when I flipped to the Hallmark Channel Saturday morning. My TV actually said to me “Dude, you don’t even let your girlfriend watch this channel.”

But if you don’t think this is the most inspiring scene in the history of movies, kindly leave.

I wish I could explain this further, but this scene lead to my best friend (noted musician John Chambers of “The Waywords”; whose new record is available on iTunes and I’ll charge him for that plug later) nearly having to go to the hospital before Artscape Saturday. Use your imagination.

14-Smoothie King’s “Caribbean Way”


Are they a sponsor? Who cares. They’re AMAZING. This is what God intended for us to drink. (He intended for us to eat Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwiches if you’re asking.)

15-Robert Randolph


I think I just got pregnant.

I can only pray that anyone who attended Artscape Saturday night realized just what it was they were witnessing. July 18, 2009 will forever be remembered as the day that one man saved the city of Baltimore.

One of our former interns had to leave right after Robert’s 2nd song. My girlfriend (You know her-“The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet”) looked at me and said “Where is she going?” I looked back and said “I don’t know. But I know this much. It’s not as good as here.”

Did anyone notice the sharp-looking Joe Flacco jersey Robert’s bassist-Danyel-was sporting? I wonder where that came from…..

Oh right. You’re welcome Baltimore.

You got lucky……..

1-Kenny Cooper Jr. and Nicci Wright

Holy crap we almost lost to Panama???? Why the hell are all of our good players playing for money right now???? Poor Bob Bradley had to let Jason Berken play!!!!!

In news completely unrelated to soccer; hearing the name Nicci Wright (the Washington women’s team’s coach who pitched a shutout when pressed into action as a goalkeeper) reminded me that adult film actress Nikki Benz is attractive…..


She pitched a shutout once too. Yeah, in my pants! High five!

2-Stewart Cink

This is really a shame. I was looking forward to seeing Tom Watson drink from the Claret Jug. Of course it would have been prune juice; but I bet it would have been a wild party nonetheless.

Congratulations to Stewart Cink for beating up an old man. I’d be more upset, but it’s golf. I legitimately picked Nick Faldo to win the damn thing the other day. Tom Watson winning wouldn’t have been an amazing accomplishment; this is the same sport that has crowned John Daly king on more than one occasion.

3-The guy standing outside Erin Andrews’ peephole………

…….for now.


Let’s admit two things here:

One-we all think whoever is responsible is a creep who deserves to suffer a lawsuit and/or prison time. He’s the lowest of low human beings; and completely disgusting.

Two-Not one of us can really admit to having not Googled “Erin Andrews peephole” at some point this weekend.

Look man, if it didn’t exist; I would have never searched. (Editor’s note: That’s probably not true. I probably would have searched at some point in my life even if I didn’t know it existed. There’s always a hope, right?)

Also, I don’t really get the fascination this country has with Erin Andrews. I mean, there are other hot chicks in the world of sports, aren’t there?


Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best example.

4-Oscar Salazar

You mean to tell me that I don’t have to play for the Orioles anymore?

And I get to move here……?


This is a joke, right? You’re all just having fun with old Oscar; aren’t you???

5-Maikon Bonani

Haven’t heard the story? The South Florida kicker fell 30 feet from an amusement park ride and is apparently okay.

I remember growing up I always felt like the people who were running the potentially dangerous thrill rides at my favorite amusement parks were probably expertly trained, highly paid, and easily the most responsible people in the world. If lives were in peril; they would be immediately available to step in and save the day.

But after a recent trip to a local amusement park (the one in Largo. It will remain nameless.), I have now become very aware that the ride operators are about as qualified for difficult situations as I am to talk about Sonya Sotomayor. Who I think will make a hell of a Secretary of State whenever the UN gets around to giving her the ol’ thumbs up.

(Editor’s Note: Please don’t tell me it is spelled “Sonia.” This was a bit. “Sonia” Sotomayor is going to be the next attorney general. I know that. I’m not stupid.)

(Editor’s 2nd Note: Does anyone else find it funny that I write these notes as the “editor” when I don’t actually do any editing? I usually just type out whatever nonsense comes to my mind at 1am and then I allow Intern Steven Patrick to tell me Monday morning that I spelled “figuratively” as “pineapple.” Look man, we all make mistakes.)

6-Anyone who got their news from Walter Cronkite

You had one of the great newsmen of all-time. We have Andy Rooney bitching about fruit.



Could you imagine a better weekend to come out of your parents’ basement? I mean, not only did Harry Potter come out and make something like 100 trillion dollars; but Baltimore became the world’s nerd hub for the weekend….


Thanks to Examiner.com for the picture of……..that. Otakon hit the Baltimore Convention Center, and from what I can tell; Otakon is basically just the same as your average downtown bar or club. Everyone there is just trying to get laid. The only difference is that most of the people at your average bar or club have actually gotten laid before.

You’re a zero……


John Sterling


On Friday night, I heard something so vile I almost threw my beer across the room.

“Long fly ball……….that’s a Tex Message, to the 2nd deck. You’re on the mark, Teixeira!”

I want to drive to New York tomorrow to boo both of them. That’s worse than the “A-Bomb for A-Rod.”



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Going into the All Star Break I Have Enjoyed the Ride So Far

Posted on 13 July 2009 by Tom Clayton

Here we are at the All Star break and the Orioles are pretty much where I expected them to be at 40-48 and in last place in the AL East. On the upside we are light years ahead of where I imagined we’d be in terms of our youth movement and player progression.

There is no better story in Baltimore right now then rookie starting pitcher Brad Bergesen. His teammates have begun to call him ROY as in Rookie of the Year…and rightfully so. In 16 starts this season Bergesen is 6-3 with a 3.54ERA and a WHIP of 1.20 in 104.1 innings. Perhaps as impressive as Bergesen’s numbers is how deep he is going in games at such an early stage of his career, he is averaging 6.1 innings per outing and hasn’t pitched less then six innings since May 24th when he pitched 5.2 innings against the Nats. It looks like the Orioles have found the first piece to their future starting rotation with Bergesen and at 23 he seems to be improving with each outing.

The youth movement doesn’t stop with Bergesen as Nolan Reimold has shown some serious pop at the dish. Reimold has nine big flies and 23 RBIs in 51 games this season; spread those numbers across a full 162 games and he would be on pace for 29 homers and 73 RBIs. Reimold has cooled off a bit of late but I think he has the plate discipline and strike zone recognition to heat back up after the All Star break.

With Reimold locking down left field the Orioles have created one of the most talented and diverse young outfields in baseball. Adam Jones is going to make his first All Star appearance Tuesday and has shown improvement in every facet of his game in 2009. Jones has raised his OPS by .127 in his second full season and is on pace for around 24 home runs and 94 RBIs. While Jones has been impressive at the plate he has been even more impressive in the field covering more ground than any centerfielder not named Torii Hunter and making home run robbing catches at the wall look almost routine.

Rounding out the Orioles impressive outfield is 25 year old right fielder Nick Markakis. Markakis started the season on an absolute tear with an obscene OPS of 1.020 and driving in 22 runs in April. Nick’s May was just as impressive as his power numbers spiked with five bombs to go with his 18 RBIs which gave him 40 RBIs going into June. Nick’s power numbers have fallen off quite a bit as he hasn’t had a home run since June 16th against the Mets; his homer-less drought is at 25 games going into the break. I think Nick is showing us the kind of hitter he is destined to be throughout his career; I see him as a guy who will hit around 20 homers with 95-105 RBIs and an OPS of around .870.

When Matt Wieters made his major league debut on May 29th against the Tigers, Baltimore baseball became more relevant than it has been in over a decade. Regrettably, Wieters struggled at the plate as he attempted to reach the completely unrealistic expectations placed on him. On the positive side Wieters has begun to show a lot of improvement as he gets his feet under him at the major league level; all of his offensive numbers have improved as he continues to figure out major league pitching. Behind the plate Wieters has looked fairly good making some heady plays but he has also struggled throwing out just one of the 21 players who have attempted to steal on him this season. While none of Wieters numbers are really attention grabbing, I have been impressed with his maturity and work ethic which fill me with confidence that when the light does in fact go on, the Orioles will have one hell of a special player behind the plate.

Luke Scott has been the most productive Oriole offensively, by far. While playing a majority of his games as a DH Scott has18 bombs, 51 RBI, and an eye popping .976OPS; in fact Scott is on a pace for the first 30 home run, 100 RBI season of his career. At 31 and with a very manageable contract, Scott is a viable, intriguing piece to the Orioles puzzle.

Another solid veteran contributor has been closer George Sherrill. After a rocky start to the season Sherrill has come on strong and driven his stock about as high as it can possibly go. In his last 27.2 innings Sherrill has only allowed five earned runs and converted 16 of 18 saves. Sherrill could potentially be a very valuable trading chip around the trading deadline as he has become not only a proven closer but a proven left handed closer.

Some unlikely players have also made great contributions throughout the first half of the season. Robert Andino did a great job filling in for Cesar Izturis. Andino isn’t going to be mistaken for Hanley Ramirez at the dish but he played an outstanding defensive shortstop.

Over the last few games Oscar Salazar has been a revelation at the plate with an OPS of 1.067 and two bombs in his first 31 at bats this season. With Melvin Mora struggling at the dish and in the last year of his deal it may be an interesting idea to deal Mora and grant Salazar an opportunity to play everyday. At 31 Salazar probably isn’t the long term solution at the hot corner but he has shown enough ability at the plate to give him a shot.

Unfortunately not everything has been coming up aces for the Orioles; they are still eight games under .500 for a reason.

Jeremy Guthrie is the only pitcher remaining from the opening day starting rotation. Experiments such as Adam Eaton and Mark Hendrickson were monumental flops, although Hendrickson has become a reliable left hander out of the pen. As for Guthrie, he has not been “right” all season; his fastball has little to no movement and he has shown a below average ability to place his breaking pitches. It seems like a majority of Guthrie’s sliders are up in the zone with little break, essentially making them below average fastballs. Guthrie is also allowing home runs at an alarming rate, in 101.1 innings Guthrie has allowed 20 homers. I am not sure if this is due to Guthrie’s participation in the WBC or the fact that opposing hitters have figured out Guthrie but it is an alarming statistic for sure.

As for the pitchers who have filled the starting rotation, other than Bergesen they have all been less than impressive to put it nicely. Rich Hill is wildly inconsistent and hasn’t shown me anything in terms of intangibles that lead me to believe he is anything more than a below average major league starter. Jason Berken has battled on the mound and showed a lot of grit but his numbers tell a story of a pitcher that may need more grooming down on the farm.

As for Felix Pie I don’t think there is much that I haven’t already said. Pie has played better of late and he is playing on the cheap so we could do worse than Pie as a fourth outfielder.

The most frustrating part of the first half of the season hasn’t been any one player but the mental lapses that the players seem to routinely make. The Orioles have been atrocious on the basepaths and have run themselves out of more innings then I can count. Melvin Mora looks clueless running the bases and is good for two or three boneheaded plays a week. I would implore Dave Trembley to sit Mora down and explain that he is 37 and doesn’t have the wheels to swipe bases anymore.

Overall it has been an exciting season for the Orioles, there have been some amazing comebacks and the team seems to battle for all 27 outs. The days of Kevin Millar and Jay Payton blocking the promotions of our young talent seems to be in the rearview and many of the young players are making the most of their opportunities and producing. On top of the many positives I haven’t even mentioned Chris Tillman and Brian Matusz who were both named top ten prospects in all of baseball. While the second half may be a roller coaster, we are building the tracks for one hell of a fun ride.

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Posted on 13 July 2009 by Glenn Clark

You get props……

1-Brock Lesnar

As some witty, good looking fella quipped on Facebook Sunday; “Brock Lesnar-baddest man on the face of the planet.”

What happened Saturday night was the exact proof many MMA detractors are afraid to admit. Not only is the sport just as much of a “sweet science” as boxing is; the product can be just as beautiful.

Brock Lesnar’s performance was both calculating and intense. It was an incredible display.

Maybe Fedor Emelianenko is next himself for the man known as “The Next Big Thing.” I don’t know that it will matter. I’m reasonably certain there are only a few opponents that may have any chance at the UFC’s Heavyweight Champion. Here are some of my candidates……

Rey Mysterio

It may have been by disqualification; but Rey Mysterio does technically hold a victory over Brock Lesnar. I’m not sure if Mysterio can get Big Show to throw him out of the octagon (and I’ve have to look over the UFC rulebook to see what would happen in such a situation); but at least he has the mental edge of having accomplished the feat before. Although it didn’t help Frank Mir much….

Grizzly Bear


Again, in a match of pure brute strength; I’m not certain who gets the advantage. Lesnar-even at just 265 pounds-could probably balloon back up enough in the 24 hours between weigh-in and fight that he could make up some of the size troubles. I would imagine Lesnar would have to rely on his intelligence to neutralize the bear’s closing ability. It wouldn’t be easy, but in the end Lesnar’s grappling background could be enough to help him survive. Sadly, the only man who could really help him with tactical advice is no longer available for comment.

Optimus Prime


But only after his recent parts upgrade. Lesnar would have thrashed the original Prime. Shia LaBeouf could be of help to Prime should he get in trouble; especially considering the UFC’s long-standing “no weapons” policy. I always thought that was outdated.

Min O. Taur


And I’m not talking about Antonio “Minotauro” Nogueira; who Lesnar may well get the chance to devour next should he beat Randy Couture. I’m talking about an actual minotaur; if the fight could work into the busy schedule. If William & Mary doesn’t select this as their next mascot, they might as well disband the entire athletic department.

2-Monica Seles

Is there anyone IN THE WORLD more deserving of being in a Hall of Fame than Monica Seles??? She came back from being STABBED!!!!! Dude, if I got a bad scratch tomorrow I might have to re-consider everything I am doing in my life.

By the way, while writing about Monica Seles, I began to wonder what Monica Lewinsky was doing with her life. You could ask me how the one lead to the other-and the only response I could think of would be “I dunno, drugs?” Anyway, I Google image searched “Monica Lewinsky today” and found this…..


The answer is of course yes. But I’m not really a good gauge because if a pile of sticks asked nicely enough; the answer would probably be yes.

3-Mark Martin and Dario Franchitti

Why is it that all Italian race car drivers have better names than the rest of us? Dario Franchitti and Helio Castroneves aren’t just names, they’re romance novels. I’m reasonably certain that if I changed my name to Alessandro Francesca they’d just go ahead and let me drink the milk.

And if the IRL comes to Baltimore in 2011, at least I’m getting a ringer for my next Little Italy bocce showdown.

4-Derrick Mason

I’m not going to make any jokes. His speech was very moving. There will be plenty of jokes later, but please take a look at this for now.

5-Brad Bergesen and Oscar Salazar

You know what I like about Brad Bergesen?

He can pitch.

Do you think there are more like him somewhere?

6-Brennan Morris

When I have to come up with swimming gags; it’s normally very easy for me to think of a joke about pot, online poker, threesomes, strippers, and or crying. Sadly, Brennan Morris is not Michael Phelps, even if he comes from the North Baltimore Aquatic Club and will be competing at the World Championships thanks to a 2nd place finish in Indianapolis.

Brennan, let me offer a quick recommendation for you regarding how you can help me. More stories about possible drug use and scandalous sex. I know you just graduated from high school, but it’s time to do what I’ve been doing ever since I graduated.

Make poor life choices.

In the meantime, enjoy this picture of Brennan wearing a tuxedo T-shirt. It’s the best thing we’ve got so far.


(Okay, I’ll admit it. I giggled. Damnit Brennan. Remember: your success will make us proud; your ultimate public demise will give us pure unmatched joy.)

7-Joseph Agbeko

In a fight Saturday night that you might have cared about had it not been for that other thing, Joseph Agbeko beat Vic Darchinyan.

It used to be called “The Sweet Science.” Now it’s called “Hon, do you think there’s any jai alai on tonight?”

8-Brandon Snyder, Dave Krynzel, Brandon Waring, and Levi Carolus

Of course, Chris Tillman and Brian Matusz both gave up runs during the Futures Game Saturday, but let’s focus on the positive here. The organization isn’t exactly stocked with position player prospects, but remember-“we’ll buy the bats”…..cause you know, everyone else will just let us. That’s the right, the 2011 Orioles are like the WNBA-“We Got Next.”

The Baysox always have great promotion ideas. For example, they’re putting together a pillow fight on July 24. And as you know, every pillow fight ever has always looked like this…..


9-Cezar Guerrero

My friends at Testudo Times passed along this video of Maryland target Guerrero; who apparently thinks he plays for the Harlem Globetrotters…….

Do I want him to be a Terp? Ummmm……..does Garth Brooks want another Dr. Pepper?

(Editor’s Note: Apparently I have no idea whether or not Garth Brooks actually wants a Dr. Pepper. But in my mind, Garth Brooks ALWAYS wants another Dr. Pepper.)

10-Jonathan Sanchez

When Jonathan Sanchez woke up Saturday morning; every pretty girl he talked to couldn’t help but notice how much more attractive he was than the last time they saw him.

When I woke up Saturday morning, my girlfriend (The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet) said “don’t even think about it” and then followed it up with “what the hell do you eat before you go to bed?”

11-Steve Stricker and Eun-Hee Ji

In a conversation I had this evening with AM1570 and WNST.net’s own Drew Forrester; he also won some sort of golf tournament this weekend.

Want more analysis? Ummmm…….the British Open is next week. My pick? Umm….Keeley Hazell?


12-Dan Haren, Brett Cecil, Jon Lester, Bronson Arroyo, Jeff Niemann, Johan Santana, Brian Moehler, and Josh Beckett

Watching the Orioles game Friday night reminded me of when my girlfriend (TLDGOTFOTP) asked me whether I wanted to go to stay in my underwear and let her make buffalo chicken dip; or put on a pair of pants and go to Chick-Fil-A.


I LOVE the Orioles……but Brett Cecil is a Terp. Am I supposed to hope Aubrey Huff takes him deep? He probably hates College Park!

Staying on the topic of baseball; Sunday was the 30th anniversary of the famous “Disco Demolition Night” at Comiskey Park. When reached for comment, America asked why “Rob Thomas Demolition Night” hasn’t happened yet.

13-Chris Daughtry

Thanks to my pal Chad Dukes for passing this along via his Facebook page. You can hear Chad in Washington DC on the new “106.7 The Fan.” (Editor’s note: I have no idea if their radio station is going to be called “The Fan” or not. But CBS has been so damn creative in the past you just get the idea they’re going to continue churning out hip, “fresh” ideas. Chad will be doing a show with Lavar Arrington; which I believe will be called “Who Wants to Marry a Guy Who Plays for the Redskins.”)

Enough shtick. Here’s a version of the song “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga by the guy who America thought was less talented than Taylor Hicks. Which makes me think democracy might not be that good of an idea after all…..

14-Rex Snider and Jason Jubb

Rex-again proving that he only cares about himself-goes out and does something truly noble that I can absolutely not find a way to make a joke about*.

*Of course I can makes jokes about it. For example……

Rex and Jason haven’t spent this much time together since their honeymoon.
Rex had to be convinced that cancer was a more worthy cause than his original idea-donating money to improve dental hygeine at next week’s NASCAR event.
Rex hasn’t raised this much money for one cause since “$1 Skoal week.”
Rex had one thing keep him going throughout the evening-the knowledge that there were donuts coming Sunday morning.

And of course I’m kidding. Nice work Rex. Now please go back to what your day job at WNST.net—blogging up softballs for me to ridicule you about.

15-Bagel Bites


I dare you to look at the picture for more tha………..damnit you’re already in the car on the way to your grocery store. I had a feeling.

You got lucky……..

1-Georges St. Pierre

Is there any champion in the world who is LESS interesting and LESS compelling than this guy? Look, I get it…..he’s the most intelligent, most tactical fighter on the face of the planet. But that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy watching him fight. I mean, he’s incredible and all……but I’m pretty sure this guy had a more engaging personality…..


(Editor’s Note: Clearly this is a funnier bit if you know that the person in the picture is Jovan Belcher, or “Jovan From Maine.” But if I was good at doing things like this, I’d be on Saturday Night Live. You get what you pay for people.)

2-Melvin Mora

“And what did Cool Hand Melvin do? He slid into home plate. He’s a cool one!!!!”

By the way…..this video was labeled “O’s vs. blue jays 12th inning homer”…..I just don’t know why.

3-Stuart Holden

We almost lost to HAITI?????


And why the hell do Bob Bradley’s Gold Cup lineups most closely resemble Dave Trembley’s Sunday lineups??? I think Bradley is going to play Ty Wigginton in goal next week.

4-Rajeev Ram and Croatia

You know how Cory Matthews won the geography bee in Mr. Feeney’s class? He convinced Minkus to not even bother competing…..


If Rajeev Ram wins an ATP Tour event because another player dropped out; or if Croatia beats the US at the Davis Cup because Andy Roddick wasn’t there…….it’s still a win.

(Editor’s Note: If you don’t get the reference; you’re no friend of mine Steve.)

5-Lance Stephenson

And I will be lucky if this is the last time I EVER have to write about him. But seeing as how I’m pretty sure I wrote something about Gus Gilchrist just a week ago, I don’t think I’m that lucky.

6-Dan Steinberg


The guy started a “Nationals FAIL” campaign a few weeks ago at his very popular “DC Sports Bog” over at WashingtonPost.com; and it’s like he doesn’t even have to try.

Did Elton John’s piano REALLY malfunction at a Nationals Park show?

Why not.

Did the Manny Acta news REALLY come down in the middle of the night?

Why not.

Does Dan Steinberg owe someone in that organization a hearty thank you for their terrible failures?

I think so.


$30 million, huh?


The worst part about it is that there’s a chance its funnier than anything else that will come out this Summer.

You’re a zero……

Domestic Violence

Next time a girl slashes your tires because you don’t want to be with her anymore; please think about you handle it. When you say “I’m a man, I’ll just handle it myself”; you’re not helping anything.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……


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Who is this Oscar Salazar guy?

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Who is this Oscar Salazar guy?

Posted on 13 July 2009 by Marco Romanell

Orioles fans probably wouldn’t recognize Oscar Salazar if they saw him in public, but his play has them starting to take notice. Salazar led the Orioles to a rare Sunday victory by hitting his second homer of the season and left fans asking ” who is this Salazar guy? He is pretty good.”

After signing as an amateur free agent in 1994 with the Athletics, Salazar did not make his major league debut until eight years later with the Tigers. In 2002 he played three games and hit .190 with a homer and one RBI. After toiling around the farm systems of the Angels, Royals and Angels and making stops in Italy and Mexico, Salazar signed with the Orioles in 2007.

Salazar made his return to the majors on June 10th of last year but only played sparingly before being sent back to Bowie. At age 30, it looked like Salazar would be a life long major leaguer until being recalled this season.  With the way he is currently, it looks like he wants to stay.

With a .419 batting average, two home runs and six RBI’s, Salazar has been more then just a “fill in” player whose only contribution is to give a rest to the everyday players. Given his success thus far this season and his perseverance and personality Salazar has quickly become a fan favorite. He now has fans, including me, wanting to see more of him.

While his versatility and bat are intriguing, many people believe that his defense is suspect and that would hurt the Orioles if he played every day. There is no question that Melvin Mora is one of the best defensive 3rd baseman in baseball, but I think Salazar would be a serviceable defensive third baseman if he were to replace Mora. The ability to play every infield position is what makes Salazar a valuable commodity to the Orioles and is likely the reason he did not get sent down when Cesar Izturis came off the DL.

When I first heard that the Orioles had called him up from Norfolk I questioned why they decided to bring up a 30 year old journeyman. However, I am now on the Oscar Salazar bandwagon. I now get excited every time he is in the game and I expect him to produce more often then not despite the situation. What a difference a few weeks make.

Salazar’s play has made fans go from saying ” who is this guy? to ” man, this Salazar guy is pretty good”.

So who is Oscar Salazar? He may just be the Orioles future 3rd baseman.  And I am perfectly fine with that.

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So Long Mel…Have a Good Trip

Posted on 08 July 2009 by Thyrl Nelson

The Orioles have stated for the record that they would not be making trades as the deadline approaches, simply for the sake of making a trade. With the return of Cesar Izturis coming this week though, possibly as soon as Friday, the O’s will be forced to either make a deal or lose someone.


Oscar Salazar was the player called in to fill Izturis’ roster spot when he was sent on the DL. MASN reported during the game the other day that Salazar would have to clear waivers in order to be sent back to the farm. By hitting .385 in limited duty during his time here, Salazar has all but assured that he won’t clear waivers if exposed, thereby making it all but impossible to send him back to AAA. And with the near certainty that the O’s will be looking to fill holes at first and third base again next season, Salazar would make for a nice insurance policy to keep around.


Otherwise, it would seem that the only position players with options remaining on their contracts would be Wieters and Reimold. Wieters would obviously have to be replaced with another catcher, ruling him out, and it’s tough to envision the O’s sending Reimold back, even if just for a few days, until they could settle the roster.


If the Pie experiment is officially over, then perhaps it’s him being dealt or exposed to waivers to facilitate Izturis’ return. For now though, Pie seems to be settling nicely into the role of 4th outfielder. If he were the guy to be sent out, it would leave only Luke Scott as a 4th outfielder. Surely the team could get by with that for a time if needed, but sooner or later, they’d need to bring in Gathright or someone else, as a true 4th outfielder.


Wigginton’s spot on the roster seems all but assured, and while Huff seems the most logical trade candidate, getting value in return would likely mean that a deal like that could take time to work out. If the deadline is Friday, the decision will be anybody’s guess. With the All-Star Break looming, perhaps a pitcher could be sent out for a couple of days, to allow MacPhail the break to try and work it out. Or maybe they could just leave Izturis down until after the break.


Moving Huff, especially if it means hanging on to Salazar may make the most sense, as it gives the O’s a chance to evaluate Salazar at the Major League level for the rest of the season. Otherwise the choice becomes much more difficult.


Maybe instead the answer is the outright release of Melvin Mora. It’s tough, because he can still play, and he’s one of the most likable players on the team, from a fans standpoint. But from an organizational standpoint, he’s been struggling for most of the season, he’s one of the few guys that you’ve already decided won’t be here for the long term, and despite any potential trade value that he may have, Mora also has that looming no trade clause. The likelihood that the O’s could or would get anything of value in return for Mora before season’s end is getting slimmer and slimmer.


For Mora, it’d probably be like a reprieve, a chance to collect his thoughts, evaluate his future, and align himself with a winner of his own choosing. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.


So long Mel…Have a good trip.






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