Hey coach, I hope this finds you well and preparing to enjoy a wonderful Holiday season with your family and friends in Pittsburgh.
(Actually, while I think you’re a helluva football coach, I have to admit I giggled my ass off last Sunday watching you squirm your way through that press conference in Cleveland after your football team lost to the lowly Browns. So, for obvious reasons, I’d probably rather you not be well. If that makes me a bad guy, so be it. I do, though, hope you have a great Holiday season. I’m a Ravens fan, not a Grinch.)
Based on the whispers coming out of Pittsburgh about Ben Roethlisberger, it appears as if you’re going to have him back for this Sunday’s big game in Baltimore. What a warrior that guy is, huh coach? A month ago on a Monday night, he suffered some whacky rib and shoulder injury that could have killed him if he would have reached for the remote control the wrong way and now, suddenly, he’s going to risk life and limb to play against the Ravens? Holy canoli. I’m impressed.
(Are you guys nuts Coach? Why would you risk the best player on your team for one game? You know you’re getting your ass kicked down here on Sunday no matter who stands behind center. I realize you have to paint the best picture you can for your team, but in your heart of hearts, you’ve seen this play out over the last couple of years and you know for sure it’s going to play out down here again this Sunday. Your team can’t beat the Ravens. You’re going to get your feelings hurt, Roethlisberger or not.)
We have a lot of respect for the Steelers here in Baltimore, Coach. We know as long as you guys have a pulse, you’re always capable of pulling off one, two, three or even four wins in a row and then somehow weaving your way through the pile of post-season teams to return to the Super Bowl. Truth be known, we’d rather NOT see your team in the playoffs if we could pick and choose our playoff opponent. Somehow, you always seem to nip us in the end when the chips are down in January.
(As S.E. Hinton once wrote (she’s a she, by the way, in case you didn’t know), “That was then, this is now”. Yeah, we respect the Steelers here, but the Ravens are now the kings of the AFC North and your team is chasing our team. With Roethlisberger at quarterback – and getting assistance from the refs like you usually do – the Steelers always have a puncher’s chance of beating anyone. Without Roethlisberger, you’d be hard pressed to win the SEC. And if it comes to pass that you’re fortunate enough to make the playoffs, you’ll be one and done without a home game, so we won’t see you in this post-season anyway.)
Go ahead and throw caution to the wind, Coach. Tape Big Ben up and bring him down here on Sunday. Your team has a much better chance of winning that way. And, as you know, the standings are such that you really are in “must-win” territory these days. You don’t have a choice, I suppose. You have to go with Roethlisberger.
(Don’t be a dummy, Mike. Leave Roethlisberger on the bench and let Charlie Batch be the QB of record in a 30-10 loss. No one will blame you. You can talk about “not risking a career” and “we have faith in Charlie” and “injuries are part of the game” and everyone in Pittsburgh will understand. If you go with Ben, you’re getting your asses kicked here. If you go with Batch, you’re getting your asses kicked here. Do you see the similarity?)
Finally, I wasn’t around last Sunday. How’d you guys do against the Browns?
(I know what happened in Cleveland. hehe)