Glenn Clark’s Rankings…
32. Miami Dolphins (Last Week: 32)
Who do I see about getting my money back for having to watch them on Monday Night Football?
31. Indianapolis Colts (LW: 31)
Was Pierre Garcon in on the “Suck For Luck” bandwagon when he decided to give the ball to the Bengals last week?
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (LW: 27)
How in the hell did they ever win a game? (Not that I’m overlooking them or anything…)
29. St. Louis Rams (LW: 30)
Hey look, Brandon Lloyd plays there now! That means he’ll have a new couch from which to watch the playoffs.
28. Minnesota Vikings (LW: 28)
Christian Ponder is the quarterback now. I don’t see that being enough to start winning games. But what the hell do I know?
27. Denver Broncos (LW: 26)
26. Arizona Cardinals (LW: 29)
I really didn’t think they would be this bad.
25. Carolina Panthers (LW: 23)
Cam Newton will want to be known more for winning than for endzone dances in the future.
24. Cleveland Browns (LW: 22)
Colt McCoy is not a starting quarterback for a NFL team that is going to win. Moving on…
23. Kansas City Chiefs (LW: 25)
I just hope Jackie Battle keeps piling up yards…you know…for fantasy reasons.
22. Seattle Seahawks (LW: 21)
They’d be better off if Tavaris Jackson can’t go.
21. Dallas Cowboys (LW: 19)
They deserve some credit for keeping things close in Foxborough, but this isn’t horseshoes. Or hand grenades.
20. Philadelphia Eagles (LW: 24)
The heat index on Andy Reid’s seat is now just “scorching” instead of “pure fire.”
19. Washington Redskins (LW: 11)
There’s nothing funnier than listening to DC fans go on about how much better they’ll be with John Beck at quarterback. Yes, the same John Beck.
18. New York Jets (LW: 17)
Rex Ryan has to be thanking his lucky stars that the Miami Dolphins are in the AFC East.
17. Tennessee Titans (LW: 15)
It’s nice to not HAVE to play your first round draft pick quarterback.
16. Chicago Bears (LW: 18)
They just have to hope teams will keep kicking to Devin Hester.
15. Oakland Raiders (LW: 12)
Trading a first and a second round pick for Carson Palmer and then playing him IMMEDIATELY? I assume Kyle Boller understands.
14. Atlanta Falcons (LW: 16)
They could use more big games from Michael Turner.
13. Houston Texans (LW: 10)
They’ll be okay when they get Andre Johnson back. They have to figure out how to win in the meantime.
12. Cincinnati Bengals (LW: 20)
Don’t look now, but Andy Dalton kinda looks like a quarterback.
11. New York Giants (LW: 14)
I will never understand how they lost to the Seahawks.
10. Buffalo Bills (LW: 7)
You can’t keep getting flagged at the end of games and think you’re going to win.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (LW: 13)
They need LaGarrette Blount back, but they’ll be okay in the meantime apparently.
8. Pittsburgh Steelers (LW: 9)
They weren’t that impressive in beating the Jags Sunday. The part that matters is that they beat the Jags Sunday.
7. Detroit Lions (LW: 5)
They’re still a good team. They’re just not going to go 16-0. Hopefully there won’t be any more handshake controversies.
6. San Francisco 49ers (LW: 8)
Beat the Lions on the road? That’s significant.
5. San Diego Chargers (LW: 6)
A very dangerous threat to getting home field throughout the AFC playoffs.
4. New Orleans Saints (LW: 2)
The Sean Payton injury can’t be dismissed in judging this team.
3. Baltimore Ravens (LW: 5)
They have the best opportunity they’ve ever had to get to a Super Bowl in the John Harbaugh/Joe Flacco era.
2. New England Patriots (LW: 3)
They should have had more success against the Cowboys defense. No bother, they won anyway.
1. Green Bay Packers (LW: 1)
Even when they don’t necessarily try that hard in the second half they’re better than everyone else.