Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Farmers Insurance Open (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel Saturday & Sunday 1pm live on Golf Channel 3pm live on CBS); Women’s College Basketball: North Carolina @ Maryland (Thursday 8:30pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Maryland @ Clemson (Sunday 5pm from Clemson, SC live on YouTube); Soccer: MISL Rochester Lancers @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 7:35pm from 1st Mariner Arena live on MISLtv.com), Missouri Comets @ Baltimore Blast (Saturday 7:3pm from 1st Mariner Arena live on MISLtv.com); Boxing: Lucas Matthysse vs. Michael Dallas Jr. (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime), Friday Night Fights: Sergiy Dzinziruk vs. Brian Vera (Friday 9pm from Verona, NY live on ESPN2)

10. Miranda Lambert/Dierks Bentley (Thursday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); The xx (Monday 8pm Rams Head Live); Little River Band (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head on Stage), The English Beat (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head on Stage); Ra Ra Riot (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Cowboy Mouth/All Mighty Senators (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club), The Used (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); Sister Hazel (Saturday 8pm Howard Theatre); Ladysmith Black Mambazo (Friday 8pm Strathmore); Bryan Adams (Saturday 8pm National Theatre); Tony Bennett (Saturday 8pm Warner Theatre); Ben Harper & Charlie Musselwhite “Get Up!” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

The xx? In the words of Joe Flacco, “I don’t know.”

Forrester and I have gone to see Ra Ra Riot a few times. What of it?

Sister Hazel should legally be forced to play a show here once a week.

This Ben Harper/Charlie Musselwhite thing is a “yes.”

9. Baltimore County Winter Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Sunday); “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters“, “Movie 43” and “Parker” out in theaters (Friday); John Witherspoon (Friday-Sunday Baltimore Comedy Factory), Todd Glass (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Maryland State Police Polar Bear Plunge (Saturday Sandy Point State Park)

The Polar Bear Plunge is a FINE reminder that…it’s been awhile since we’ve seen bikinis around here…

Now we should check in on Jennifer Lopez in Parker…

Okay. Nothing to see here obviously.

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Honorable Mention: Boxing-Orlando Salida vs. Mikey Garcia (Saturday 9:45pm from New York live on HBO), Sergey Kovalev vs. Gabriel Campillo (Saturday 9pm from Uncasville, CT live on NBC Sports Network); Women’s College Basketball: NC State @ Maryland (Thursday 8:30pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Maryland @ Georgia Tech (Sunday 3pm from Atlanta live on ESPN2); Soccer: MISL Baltimore Blast @ Syracuse Silver Knights (Friday 7:30pm Sunday 1:30pm from Syracuse, NY live on MISLtv.com); High School Basketball: Perry Hall @ Woodlawn (Wednesday 6:30pm), Perry Hall @ Milford Mill (Friday 7pm)

10. Superstars of 70′s Soul Jam feat. The Stylistics, Peaches and Herb (Saturday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); The Darkness (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head Live), G. Love & Special Sauce (Sunday 8:30pm Rams Head Live); Hollywood Undead (Sunday 8pm Baltimore Soundstage); Gin Blossoms (Tuesday 6pm & 9pm Rams Head on Stage), Eric Benet (Monday 8pm Rams Head on Stage); 2 Chainz (Saturday 8pm Fillmore Silver Spring), Ellie Goulding (Sunday 8pm Fillmore Silver Spring); Janelle Monae (Sunday 6pm 9:30 Club); WAR (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); Morrissey (Wednesday 8pm Strathmore); Smokey Robinson (Friday 8pm Modell Performing Arts Center at The Lyric); Soundgarden (Friday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Tim Reynolds (Sunday 8pm & 10pm Blues Alley); Augustana (Monday 7pm U Street Music Hall)

I’d like to do like 100 more things this week that involve the Gin Blossoms…

I hate admitting how much I enjoy this Ellie Goulding tune…

I’ve been a Janelle Monae fan since the first time I knew there was such a thing as Janelle Monae…

Soundgarden, huh? I’ll sign up for just about anything that involves Chris Cornell singing tunes…

9. Baltimore County Winter Restaurant Week (Tuesday-Monday throughout Baltimore County); Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Parade (Saturday 12pm MLK Boulevard); “Taken 2″ available on Blu-Ray/DVD (Tuesday); “Broken City” and “The Last Stand” out in theaters (Friday)

My favorite part of Taken 2 was when Liam Neeson was talking about Tim Tebow…

On the list for Winter Restaurant Week? The Grill at Harryman House. Where a burger looks like this…

Ummm…yes.

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Honorable Mention: Auto Racing-NASCAR Federated Auto Parts 400 (Saturday 7pm from Richmond live on ABC); Boxing: Andre Ward vs. Chad Dawson (Saturday 9:45pm from Oakland live on HBO); High School Football: Catonsville @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm), Patriot Football Classic: DeMatha vs. Calvert Hall (Friday 7:30pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium), St. Peter’s Prep vs. McDonogh (Saturday 10:30am Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium), Landon vs. Annapolis Area Christian School (Saturday 1:30pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium), Don Bosco vs. Gilman (Saturday 7:30pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium)

10. Jason Aldean/Luke Bryan (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), RUSH (Sunday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Ben Harper (Tuesday 7:30pm Wolf Trap); Theory Of A Deadman/Pop Evil (Wednesday 6pm Power Plant Live), Third Eye Blind (Thursday 8pm Power Plant Live); Joe Nichols (Friday 7pm Recher Theatre); Bob Mould (Saturday 7pm 9:30 Club), The Jesus And Mary Chain (Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club), Owl City (Monday 6pm 9:30 Club); Boyz II Men (Thursday & Friday 8pm Howard Theatre); Sister Hazel (Thursday 8pm Rams Head Center Stage); Oak Ridge Boys (Friday 7:30pm Maryland Theraputic Riding Farm); Imagine Dragons “Night Visions” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I’m an unabashed Third Eye Blind fan. This tune rules. See you Saturday.

I couldn’t tell you if I enjoyed Joe Nichols. I can tell you that I enjoy sleepy little smiles…

Were you listening to “Web Junk” the other day when I played the clip of Boyz II Men singing “End of the Road” with Charles Barkley? Did you hear me singing along? You can assume I am again as you listen this time…

Sister Hazel is playing Arundel Mills on my birthday. Don’t ask. Just invite.

9. Guy Torry (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Gabriel Iglesias (Friday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Laugh Til It Hurts feat. Anthony Anderson/Bill Bellamy (Saturday 7pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Tommy Davidson (Thursday-Saturday DC Improv); Maryland Renaissance Festival (Saturday & Sunday Revel Grove); Ukrainian Festival (Saturday & Sunday Patterson Park)

I once stumbled into the Ukrainian Festival after a Ravens game once a few years back. I couldn’t have had more fun. There was dancing, sausage and potato pancakes. It was a lot like my 13th birthday party…except we did all of those things at the old Funjungle in Perry Hall.

And since there’s at least half a chance I’ll forget to say something about these guys during the course of RennFest, I should probably do it now. These guys are Hack and Slash. They’re humorous fellas…

Honorable Mention: Pro Wrestling: Ring Of Honor (Friday 7:30pm Du Burns Arena); Soccer: MLS Columbus Crew @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet); Pro Lacrosse: Long Island Lizards @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS Sports Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Mercito Gesta vs. Ty Barnett (Friday 10pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN2)

10. Summer Spirit Festival feat. Erykah Badu, Common, Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (Saturday 3pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); George Thorogood & The Destroyers (Wednesday 7:30pm Wolf Trap), The Temptations/The Four Tops (Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap); 12 Stones (Sunday 6pm Recher Theatre); Old Crow Medicine Show (Thursday 7pm Friday 8pm 9:30 Club), Our Lady Peace (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club); Toadies (Tuesday 8pm Fillmore Silver Spring), Ted Nugent (Friday 8pm Fillmore Silver Spring); Dick Dale (Tuesday 7:30pm Birchmere); Daughtry (Wednesday 8pm Modell Performing Arts Center at The Lyric), Lyle Lovett (Saturday 8pm Modell Performing Arts Center at The Lyric); Aaron Neville (Sunday 8pm Howard Theatre); Civil Twilight (Friday 8pm Rock & Roll Hotel)

It’s really tough for me to choose whether I enjoy Sharon Jones or the Dap-Kings more…

Do people throw Wagon Wheels at OCMS shows? Should they just be called Old Crow Medicine Shows?

We all know America > Canada, but what do we make of the fact that Our Lady Peace is from Canada???

I’m man enough to admit I’m excited about Daughtry. Are you?

9. Tracy Morgan (Thursday 7:30pm & 10pm Howard Theatre); Jerry Seinfeld (Friday 7pm Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts); John Mulaney (Friday & Saturday DC Improv); “Hatfields & McCoys” available on Blu-Ray/DVD (Tuesday); “Totall Recall” out in theaters (Friday)

Total Recall is about three days away from release. The number three seems to be relevant for some other reason I can’t think of ohyeah…

Oh and also, here’s Tracy Morgan giving birth. Neat!

Over the past decade, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, and more recently, Novak Djokovic have dominated professional tennis.  Andy Murray is in that conversation as well but has consistently showcased a lack of mental fortitude that is needed to win a major.

Andy Roddick and the Williams sisters have been the lone representatives for the Unites States and have had success.  Serena and Venus have been dominant and credit is due for all of their accomplishments.  That said, the Williams sisters and Andy Roddick are coming to the end of their careers.  Venus was recently ousted in the first round of Wimbledon and was visibly distraught throughout the match.

Since the days of Pete Sampras, Andre Agassi, and John McEnroe have passed, elite American tennis have been hard to come by.  John Isner and Mardy Fish seem to be the only American tennis players that are relevant as of now.  The Williams sisters are fantastic but are coming to the end of their careers.

So who will be left to carry the torch?  John Isner is a fan favorite in many cities.  This is mostly because of his marathon match against Nicolas Mahut in 2010 at Wimbledon.  Isner is known for his serve and is very difficult to break.  While his size is an advantage for serves and net play, his size is a detriment when it comes to footwork and movement.  Sure, Isner moves very well for a man his size but he gets into a lot of trouble against players like Federer and Djokovic who can neutralize his serve and make him work for every point.

One of the larger problems for American tennis is the lack of court variety in the Unites States.  Across the country, there are only five grass courts and a limited number of red clay courts.  Younger players need to be exposed to these kinds of courts in the United States.

Even today on their natural surface, Americans are struggling to win on hard courts.  This is because tennis clubs and facilites have failed to adapt to the new technologies in shoes and racquets that put more emphasis on footwork and topspin rather then power alone.

Americans have always been taught that in order to win, you must have a big serve and forehand.  That philosophy has changed over the past decade and is why Europeans have dominated the sport for so long and is exactly why Andy Roddick could never beat Roger Federer.

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Seattle Storm @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on ESPN2), Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Phoenix Mercury @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet/NBA TV); Auto Racing: NASCAR Quaker State 400 (Saturday 6:30pm from Sparta, KY live on TNT); Pro Wrestling: Ring of Honor (Friday 7:30pm Du Burns Arena); Cycling: Tour de France (Stage 1 Saturday 8am from Liege, BEL Stage 2 Sunday 8am from Liege, BEL to Seraing, BEL Stage 3 Monday 8am from Vise, BEL to Tournai, BEL. All cycling live on NBC Sports Network)

10. Kaskade (Friday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Dierks Bentley (Thursday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion), Ledisi/Eric Benet/Chrisette Michelle (Friday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion), Crosby, Stills and Nash (Monday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Iron Maiden (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Norah Jones (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap); Eric Hutchinson (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Lumineers (Sunday 7pm Rams Head Live); Anberlin (Tuesday 7pm Recher Theatre); Pietasters (Friday 9pm Ottobar); Jimmy Cliff (Monday 8pm Rams Head on Stage); Reel Big Fish/Goldfinger (Tuesday 6pm 9:30 Club), The Head and The Heart (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club), Scissor Sisters (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); Chris Isaak (Monday 7:30pm Birchmere); Fiona Apple (Tuesday 8pm Warner Theatre); Smithsonian Folklife Festival feat. George Clinton/Ivan Neville (Wednesday National Mall); Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers (Saturday 7pm State Theatre); The Jacksons (Sunday 8pm Modell Performing Arts Center at The Lyric); Linkin Park “Living Things” and The Offspring “Days Go By” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I may only LIKE Norah Jones, but I LOVE this Norah Jones tune…

I quite much enjoy the tunes of The Lumineers…

Wait, The Offspring and Goldfinger in the same section of T10BD? Is this 1996?

For the record, the new Offspring tune is pretty good. They clearly decided they wanted to sound as much like the Foo Fighters as possible. That’s not a bad thing…

9. Erik Griffin (Friday & Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory), Aisha Tyler (Friday & Saturday DC Improv); “Ted” out in theaters (Friday); “21 Jump Street” & “The Artist” available on Blu-Ray/DVD (Tuesday)

There are humorous things going on here. One-I actually think Ted looks fairly funny. Seth McFarlane and Mark Wahlberg kinda nail this one…

Also, 21 Jump Street was almost unquestionably the most pleasant surprise of the last year the last five years the last decade my life? Honestly this was a quality flick. Language NSFW…

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Victor Ortiz vs. Joselito Lopez (Saturday 9pm from Los Angeles live on Showtime); WNBA: Washington Mystics @ Phoenix Mercury (Wednesday 10pm from Phoenix live on WNBA.com), Washington Mystics @ Seattle Storm (Sunday 7pm from Seattle live on WNBA.com); Pro Lacrosse: MLL Boston Cannons @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet); U.S. Olympic Trials: Diving (Wednesday 12am & 10pm Thursday 10pm Friday 11pm live on NBC Sports Network, Saturday 4pm Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All diving from Federal Way, WA); Track & Field (Friday 9pm live on NBC Sports Network Saturday 8pm Sunday 7pm live on NBC Monday 9pm live on NBC Sports Network. All track from Eugene, OR); Swimming (Monday 6:30pm live on NBC Sports Network 8pm live on NBC. All swimming from Omaha)

10. Earth, Wind & Fire (Thursday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion), Childish Gambino (Saturday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Rascal Flatts/Little Big Town (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Counting Crows (Wednesday 7pm Wolf Trap), Diana Krall (Tuesday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap); Jill Scott (Thursday 7pm Verizon Center); LMFAO (Monday 7pm Patriot Center); Mr. Greengenes (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Tech N9ne/Machine Gun Kelly (Tuesday 8pm Baltimore Soundstage), Ice Cube/Wale/DJ Khaled (Wednesday 8pm Baltimore Soundstage); Deanna Bogart Band (Saturday 8:30pm Rams Head on Stage); The Hives (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Modest Mouse (Wednesday & Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club); Fiona Apple (Wednesday 8pm Modell Performing Arts Center at The Lyric); Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers (Friday & Saturday 8pm Jammin’ Java); Del Ray Music Festival feat. Pat McGee (Mt. Vernon Recreation Center Fields Alexandria); Ringo Starr (Sunday 7pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); Safeway National Capital Barbecue Battle feat. Soul Asylum/Cowboy Mouth (Saturday & Sunday Pennsylvania Avenue DC); Smashing Pumpkins “Oceania” and Kenny Chesney “Welcome to the Fishbowl” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I like Donald Glover on “Community” (Six seasons and a movie!) and all, but I was always skeptical about him as a performer. But honestly, not bad (lyrics NSFW)…

Quick. Favorite Counting Crows song ever. I’ll go with this…

Wale and Kevin Durant have something in common. I like them both a LOT but would like them a hell of a lot more if they weren’t Redskins fans…

Fiona Apple is coming to town. Anyone remember their awkward feelings about seeing her in her underwear in the “Criminal” video? I can’t tell you how confused I was about myself watching it the first time…

9. Aziz Ansari (Friday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); Paul Mooney (Thursday-Sunday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Jim Gaffigan (Thursday DC Improv); “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter”, “Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World” & “Brave” out in theaters (Friday)

If you don’t think Aziz Ansari is funny I don’t think this conversation is going anywhere and we might want to consider talking to other people…

Also, I think I AM planning on a midnight screening for ALVH Thursday night. I’m hoping to come dressed like this…

If you don’t go see this movie you’re a terrible American.

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Indiana Fever @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Tennis: ATP Garry Weber Open (Tuesday-Saturday 1pm from Halle, GER on Tennis Channel)

10. Bonnie Raitt (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Beach Boys (Friday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Neil Diamond (Thursday 8pm Verizon Center); Dave Matthews Band/Gary Clark Jr. (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Martina McBride (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap); Reel Big Fish (Friday 8pm Power Plant Live); Of Montreal (Thursday 8pm Recher Theatre); Lindsey Buckingham (Thursday 9pm Baltimore Soundstage), Lisa Marie Presley (Friday 8:30pm Baltimore Soundstage); Kelly Bell Band/Cris Jacobs (Saturday 7pm 8×10 Club); Robert Cray Band (Thursday 8pm Rams Head on Stage); Grouplove (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club); The Cult (Tuesday 8pm Fillmore Silver Spring); Bouncing Souls (Tuesday 7:30pm Black Cat DC); Ziggy Marley (Wednesday 8pm Howard Theatre), Little Richard (Saturday 8pm Howard Theatre); Keane (Thursday 8pm Strathmore); Rush “Clockwork Angels” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I’ve already established that “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” is the greatest Beach Boys song of all time. Now I point out that I’m an absolute hack because I also enjoy this clip from Full House…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOZ5dEiZYCo

A lot of people know I’m a significant Dave Matthews fan. But do you know that I’ve proclaimed my all time favorite Dave Matthews tune to be THIS?…

And if you go see DMB don’t stay in the parking lot too long. Gary Clark Jr. is freaking AMAZING. You may remember him from a collaboration he had with Ray Lewis a few weeks back at the NFL Draft…

Wait…The Cult? Isn’t that the band that does the song from that commercial in that Super Bowl?

9. Star-Spangled Sailabration (Wednesday-Monday Inner Harbor, Fells Point, Locust Point); “Rock of Ages” and “That’s My Boy” out in theaters (Friday); Gilbert Gottfried (Saturday Magooby’s Joke House); Richard Lewis (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Gary Valentine (Thursday-Saturday DC Improv)

Ryan Chell and I are going to see That’s My Boy Tuesday night. It will probably make six billion dollars and everyone involved will get new cars. It used to piss me off because I don’t really find Adam Sandler’s shtick to be funny anymore, but there are a couple issues involved. One-Adam Sandler sat down with us at the Super Bowl and was really nice. He even opened up about my idol Chris Farley, which is something I found out later he really never does…

Two-over the past few months I’ve developed a unique friendship with Happy Madison star Peter Dante, who might be the best human being on the face of the planet. He’s the guy on the right below…

So now I hope the movie is funny and they make a billion dollars. Damn you, nice guys.

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour FedEx St. Jude Classic (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Memphis), Champions Tour Regions Tradition (Thursday & Friday 6:30pm Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from Shoal Creek, AL on Golf Channel), Wegmans LPGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12pm Saturday & Sunday 2pm from Pittsford, NY live on Golf Channel); WNBA: New York Liberty @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Mixed Martial Arts: UFC on FX 3-Demetrious Johnson vs. Ian McCall (Friday 9pm from Sunrise, FL live on FX); Pro Lacrosse: MLL Charlotte Hounds @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet/ESPN3.com)

10. Gavin DeGraw & Colbie Caillat (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Foster The People (Sunday 5:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Carbon Leaf/Civil Twilight (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live); Hawthorne Heights (Sunday 5pm Recher Theatre); Victor Wooten (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head on Stage), Edwin McCain (Thursday 8pm Rams Head on Stage), Little River Band (Sunday 1pm Rams Head on Stage), Marshall Tucker Band (Sunday 8pm Rams Head on Stage), Bootsy Collins (Monday 8pm Rams Head on Stage); Jimmy Cliff (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club); The Wailers (Tuesday 8pm Howard Theatre); Beach Boys “That’s Why God Made The Radio” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

There was a time in my life when I genuinely enjoyed the tunes of Gavin DeGraw. Maybe that’s not something I should be broadcasting…

Since Foster The People are coming to town and the Beach Boys are putting out a new record, here’s FTP’s EXCELLENT take on the greatest Beach Boys tune of all time…

Any excuse to share a Carbon Leaf tune is a good one…

I wish I could go to RHL Saturday night. Civil Twilight is excellent too…

9. “Prometheus” opens in theaters (Friday); “Safe House“, “John Carter” and “Act of Valor” available on Blu-Ray/DVD (Tuesday); Greg Proops (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Doug Benson (Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Honfest (Saturday & Sunday Hampden); Maryland Wine Week begins (Friday)

You know Prometheus as THAT MOVIE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD WANTS TO SEE. Well, at least until “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter” comes out, at which point they might as well just stop making movies.

Honestly, there is no single greater gift you could ever purchase me than this movie poster…