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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 08 August 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Bantamweight Tournament Final-Joseph Agbeko vs. Abner Mares (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime), Friday Night Fights: Kermit Cintron vs. Antwone Smith (Friday 9pm from St. Charles, MO live on ESPN2); WNBA: Atlanta Dream @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & ESPN3.com), New York Liberty @ Washington Mystics (Friday 7pm Verizon Center); Pro Lacrosse: MLL Denver Outlaws @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on ESPN3.com)

10. Melissa Etheridge (Tuesday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion), INXS (Wednesday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion), Chicago (Sunday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Return to Forever IV feat. Chick Corea (Tuesday 5:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), My Morning Jacket (Friday 5:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), O.A.R. feat. Virginia Coalition (Saturday 5:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Blink 182/My Chemical Romance (Friday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Tim McGraw feat. Luke Bryan (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); American Idol Live (Thursday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena); Mr. Greengenes (Friday 6pm Power Plant Live); Candlebox (Tuesday 7pm Recher Theatre), Ravyns (Saturday 7pm Recher Theatre); Steve Earle (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head on Stage); Steve Miller Band (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap); Havre de Grace Seafood Festival feat. Charlie Daniels Band (Friday 7:45pm Downtown Havre de Grace); Alkaline Trio (Sunday 7pm Black Cat DC); 10,000 Maniacs (Monday 7:30pm Birchmere)

I think everyone knows I’ll be in Columbia Saturday night. I mean, where else would I be???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG2hDRClSM0[/youtube]

The thing though is that I’m not ONLY excited about O.A.R., I’m also REALLY looking forward to seeing VACO again…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Orrs6LeIbWQ[/youtube]

I probably won’t make it out to see Chicago, but it’s not because they aren’t awesome…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSOaoPDO16Y[/youtube]

If I WASN’T going to be at OAR Saturday night, I would ABSOLUTELY be in Towson Saturday night to see Rob Fahey and the Ravyns. We love him…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZymOQ0qk_BU[/youtube]

9. 30 Minutes or Less” and “Final Destination 5” out in theaters (Friday)

I’ve seen 30 Minutes or Less. It’s funny. Not “HOLY HELL I’LL NEVER STOP CRYING” funny, but funny.

Of course, Aziz Ansari has the ability to be “HOLY HELL I’LL NEVER STOP CRYING” funny.

If you’re not a fan of Tom Haverford/Parks & Recreation, I have absolutely no idea what you’re doing with your life…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fS_bgv6f2Rk&feature=related[/youtube]

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 11 July 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Diego Magdaleno vs. Alejandro Perez (Friday 11:05pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime), Friday Night Fights-Pawel Wolak vs. Delvin Rodriguez (Friday 9pm from New York live on ESPN2); WNBA: Washington Mystics @ Seattle Storm (Tuesday 3pm from Seattle live on NBA TV), Washington Mystics @ Los Angeles Sparks (Sunday 8:30pm from LA live on NBA TV); Arena Football-AFL Pittsburgh Power @ Cleveland Gladiators (Friday 8pm from Cleveland live on NFL Network); Canadian Football League: Saskatchewan Roughriders @ Hamilton Tiger-Cats (Saturday 4pm from Hamilton, ONT live on NFL Network), British Columbia Lions @ Edmonton Eskimos (Saturday 7pm from Edmonton live on NFL Network), Calgary Stampeders @ Winnipeg Blue Bombers (Thursday 8pm from Winnipeg live on ESPN3.com), Toronto Argonauts @ Montreal Alouettes (Saturday 7:30pm from Montreal live on ESPN3.com); Tennis: WTT New York Sportimes @ Washington Kastles (Tuesday 7pm from Kastles Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet), Springfield Lasers @ Washington Kastles (Thursday 7pm from Kastles Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet/Tennis Channel), St. Louis Aces @ Washington Kastles (Friday 7pm Kastles Stadium), Sacramento Capitals @ Washington Kastles (Monday 7pm Kastles Stadium)

10. Pat Benatar/Neil Giraldo/Dennis DeYoung (Friday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion), Peter Frampton (Sunday 5:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Miranda Lambert (Friday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Lil’ Wayne (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Huey Lewis & The News (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap); Mr. Greengenes (Friday 7pm Power Plant Live); Soundgarden (Tuesday 7:30pm Patriot Center); Jonny Lang (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Taking Back Sunday (Saturday 6pm Rams Head Live); Jimi Haha (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); Tim Meadows (Friday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage), Cracker (Sunday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Interpol (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Stephen Marley (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club), Marc Broussard (Friday 8pm 9:30 Club); Edwin McCain (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); k.d. lang (Thursday 8pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); A Perfect Circle (Sunday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 out in theaters (Friday)

I certainly wouldn’t pay to do it, but there’s at least a chance I’ll sit across the Pier Friday night for Dennis DeYoung. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve watched Styx: Behind The Music?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJJcR1r7u2A&feature=fvst[/youtube]

I was sitting around cracking crabs Sunday when a Lil’ Wayne tune came on Pandora. I was reminded of how much Mr. Weezy can make things…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHZtMNbrmWE[/youtube]

I’m HONESTLY debating getting in the car Tuesday night, driving the two hours or so to Fairfax (might be more like 3 given traffic) and taking in the iconic pipes of Chris Cornell. Dude is an icon…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0_zzCLLRvE[/youtube]

If you’ve never heard Jimi Haha outside of Jimmie’s Chicken Shack, I’d imagine you’d be quite pleasantly surprised…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i05XEAN9Lg[/youtube]

9. Poker-World Series of Poker (Thursday & Friday 3pm 7pm 11pm live on ESPN3.com 11pm live on ESPN2, Saturday 3:30pm live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com, Sunday 12am 3pm 10pm live on ESPN3.com 12am 10pm live on ESPN2, Monday 7pm live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com. All poker from Las Vegas)

Remember when ESPN attempted to convince us that everyone in the world would be watching/playing/caring about/paying attention to poker a few years ago?

Umm….how’d that work out?

Despite the fact that no one seems to care anymore, they’re going to provide their lengthiest/most in-depth coverage of the event ever this year. That’s good news, as I was struggling to answer the question “what am I going to not watch on TV this week?” with something besides NASCAR or golf.

Want me to watch? Try “World Series of Strip Poker” with Lais Ribeiro (thanks Guyism). I won’t guarantee I’ll watch, but I’m much more likely…

lais

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 04 July 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Arena Football-AFL Cleveland Gladiators @ Philadelphia Soul (Friday 8pm from Philly live on NFL Network); Canadian Football League: Montreal Alouettes @ Saskatchewan Roughriders (Saturday 4pm from Saskatchewan live on NFL Network), Hamilton Tiger-Cats @ Edmonton Eskimos (Saturday 7pm from Edmonton live on NFL Network); WNBA: Washington Mystics @ Chicago Sky (Tuesday 8pm from Chicago live on ESPN3.com); Boxing: Brandon Rios vs. Urbano Antillon (Saturday 10pm from Carson, CA live on Showtime), Paul Williams vs. Erislandy Lara (Saturday 10:15pm from Atlantic City live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Francisco Sierra vs. Jesus Gonzales (Friday 9pm from Phoenix live on ESPN2)

10. Bela Fleck & The Flecktones (Thursday 6pm Rams Head Live), Charm City Devils (Saturday 7:30pm Rams Head Live), Old 97′s (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Frankie Beverly & MAZE (Saturday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Animal Collective (Saturday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Def Leppard/Heart (Saturday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Marshall Tucker Band (Sunday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); John Witherspoon (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Rockapella (Thursday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); The Bridge (Sunday 6pm Ladew Gardens)

The Old 97′s are the best band you’ve never heard of. (I’ve always wanted to say that!)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1nn7lXP7WQ[/youtube]

I’ve been trying to get you to support John Allan and CCD boys for years. Please start soon.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUB08-RuwdM[/youtube]

My favorite Def Leppard tune? Quite possibly “Photograph”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ5bS3_BCDs[/youtube]

For the 15th time this year, PLEASE START LISTENING TO THE BRIDGE…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajY3mBuGVQk[/youtube]

9. “Horrible Bosses” opens in theaters (Friday); Boy Meets World Season 6 available on DVD (Tuesday)

I finally saw “Bridesmaids” over 4th of July weekend. How can Kristen Wiig not be funny at all on Saturday Night Live but then be genuinely funny in a really funny movie? Weird.

Critics are telling us Horrible Bosses is really funny, so I imagine I’ll see it. I am struggling with one of the plotlines being Charlie Day having problems with being sexually harassed by Jennifer Aniston however…

aniston

Nope. Not buying it.

And as far as BMW Season 6 goes, I remember the ridiculous range of emotions I experienced while watching the episode “Resurrection.” Tough to do this to a 13 year old kid, ABC.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIv8WCIfD4Y[/youtube]

8. Pro Lacrosse: MLL All-Star Game (Saturday 7pm from Boston live on ESPN2)

Lord…they’ve won the Super Bowl three times, the World Series twice, the NBA Championship, the Stanley Cup and four Frozen Fours since 2001 and now they’re taking the All-Star Game in OUR sport?

Jesus, this is too much. Seriously, can’t we just have anything in Charm City? I mean, are they going to take this from us next???

backriver

7. Cycling: Tour De France (Stage 3 Tuesday 8am Stage 4 Wednesday 7:30am Stages 5-8 Thursday-Sunday 8am all live on VERSUS)

I couldn’t tell you a damn THING about the Tour de France at this point, and I follow Lance Armstrong on Twitter.

Instead, I offer a picture of Buffalo Chicken Waffle French Fries for my food porn friends…

fries

Word.

6. Auto Racing: NASCAR Quaker State 400 (Saturday 7:30pm from Sparta, KY live on TNT); IndyCar Series Honda Indy Toronto (Sunday 2pm from Toronto live on VERSUS)

Something called David Ragan won this week’s NASCAR race in Daytona. So…that happened.

Look-if it had been Brian Regan, I would have been interested…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89frRi8GgGA[/youtube]

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 27 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Seattle Storm @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Arena Football: AFL Pittsburgh Power @ Orlando Predators (Friday 8pm from Orlando live on NFL Network); Canadian Football League: British Columbia Lions @ Montreal Alouettes (Thursday 7:30pm from Montreal live on NFL Network), Toronto Argonauts @ Calgary Stampeders (Saturday 8pm from Calgary live on NFL Network); NBA Collective Bargaining Agreement Expires (Friday); Cycling-Tour De France (Stage 1 Saturday Stage 2 Sunday Stage 3 Monday 8am live on VERSUS)

10. R. Kelly (Friday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena/Saturday 8pm Verizon Center); Trace Adkins (Friday 6:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Kid Cudi (Saturday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Red/Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Wednesday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); Todd Rundgren (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Matt and Kim (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club); “A Capitol Fourth” feat. Little Richard (Monday 8pm from the U.S. Capitol live on PBS); Uncle Sam Jam feat. Pat McGee Band & Blind Melon (Saturday 2pm National Harbor); Wale (Saturday 10pm Unitas Stadium), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (Wednesday) and Larry Crowne (Friday) open in theaters

You can make fun of me all you want. If you don’t dig “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” you and I are simply going to have to agree to disagree…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNVguvNE7qc[/youtube]

I really feel like I should dig Kid Cudi much more than I do. All told, he’s okay…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt22KvnRSL4[/youtube]

I’ve actually seen Little Richard play once before…it was right after Maryland pasted Tennessee in the 2002 Peach Bowl. He played in the middle of downtown Atlanta, as they dropped a huge peach behind him. It kicked ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ6h0kyqSRk[/youtube]

I don’t know how many more praises I can sing for Wale. Dude is incredible, even if he is an effing Redskins fan…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zZqtYXDeh8[/youtube]

9. 4th of July Fireworks (Monday 9:30pm Inner Harbor); 4th of July parades/fireworks throughout Baltimore County (Saturday-Monday)

I’m partial myself to the Kingsville 4th of July parade having grown up on Bradshaw Road. As a youngster, it was nice to have something to do in town on Independence Day. Or at least a refreshing change of pace from what there was to do every other day in Kingsville…

nothing

So how did we get in so much trouble????

8. Boxing: IBF/WBO/WBA Heavyweight Championship Unification-Wladimir Klitschko vs. David Haye (Saturday 4:45pm from Hamburg, GER live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Mark Melligen vs. Sebastian Lujan (Friday 11pm from San Antonio, TX live on ESPN2)

If a heavyweight title fight is held and no one pays attention, did it really happen?

This isn’t just a “everyone has a piece of the title so we’ll fight for a tenth of it” title fight, either. This is a legitimate “heavyweight championship of the world” title fight.

And yet…crickets.

Look, if Wladimir Klitschko wants people to pay attention to his next fight, I suggest he make it a “foxy boxing” contest against Jarah Marino (Thanks Guyism)…

jarah

Hey man…I know what I have to do to get page views, Wlad might have to do the same…

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Coke Zero 400 (Saturday 7:30pm from Daytona, FL live on TNT)

I was in Charles Town, West Virginia Saturday night playing the ponies to celebrate a friend’s birthday. In the 5th race, the Number 5 horse literally through its’ jockey off not even a furlong in-only to go on to “win” the race by a nose. (Without the rider the win of course did not count.)

A young man standing near the rail near our party (who I’m reasonably certain was from WV) exclaimed “I ain’t never seen the #48 car do that!

So that’s what I’ve got from the world of NASCAR this week. Oh-apparently Kurt Busch won this week’s NASCAR race. And I saw Cars 2 Friday night! While I was sitting in the theater waiting for the flick to start, I Tweeted the following (follow me on Twitter @GlennClarkWNST)…

“Out to see #Cars2 tonight. #Thingsa27yearoldwithoutkidsshouldneverTweet”

So…yep…that’s all I’ve got for NASCAR. Honestly though, what did you expect?

6. Golf: PGA Tour AT&T National (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Newton Square, PA); Champions Tour Principal Charity Classic (Friday 6:30pm Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from West Des Moines, IA live on Golf Channel)

The National used to be an event that folks cared about because it was hosted by Tiger Woods. That was of course before Tiger Woods retired from competitive golf without having the decency to hold as much as a press conference to announce his decision.

Without Tiger, Drew Forrester will once again be the only person who cares even a little bit about the event. But since it’s near Philadelphia, it’s a great excuse to pass along this snippet of food porn…

patssteak

Look man…I’m no golf fan…but if watching a couple holes earned me a trip to Pat’s…I might be in.

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 20 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Pro Lacrosse-MLL Boston Cannons @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); Arena Football: AFL Kansas City Command @ Utah Blaze (Friday 8pm from Salt Lake City live on NFL Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-John Molina vs. Robert Frankel (Friday 9pm from Temecula, CA live on ESPN2), Devon Alexander vs. Lucas Matthysse (Saturday 9:45 from St. Charles, MO live on HBO); WNBA: Indiana Fever @ Washington Mystics (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Tulsa Shock @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

10. Bad Teacher” and “Cars 2” out in theaters (Friday)

Both of these flicks appear to be watchable at worst. Bad Teacher looks particularly good, as it includes the great Jason Segel…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5ZtwbzUFZE[/youtube]

…Phyllis from “The Office”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCZIfPAWMis[/youtube]

…and of course the great Justin Timberlake…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi7gwX7rjOw[/youtube]

9. Roots Fest (Wednesday-Sunday “Highway to Nowhere”-Route 40, Franklin and N. Gilmor)

Perhaps the highlight of the event? The dialogue on the future of Baltimore…with the cast of “The Wire.”

Given the folks involved, is it safe to say that the future of Baltimore somehow involves drugs?

I’d pay ten dollars just to go and watch the guys re-enact their interrogations. Pardon the language…it’s art.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EeFa8QOq_Y[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Toyota/Save Mart 350 (Sunday 3pm from Sonoma, CA live on TNT); IndyCar Series Iowa Corn Indy 250 (Saturday 8pm from Newton, IA live on VERSUS)

Rex Snider said something on Twitter the other day about NASCAR TV ratings being up. I would have kept reading, but it involved NASCAR so I’m pretty sure no one cared.

Jeff Gordon recently won an event. With Cars 2 set to open soon, I will admit that I am much more concerned with how Jeff Gorvette is doing…

gorvette

7. Golf: PGA Tour Travelers Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Cromwell, Conn.); Champions Tour Dick’s Sporting Goods Open (Friday 6:30pm Saturday & Sunday 7:30pm from Endicott, NY live on Golf Channel); Wegmans LPGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12:30pm Saturday & Sunday 4pm from Pittsford, NY live on Golf Channel)

With the U.S. Open in the books (and Rory McIlroy still making a birdie somewhere at Congressional), all of us not named Drew Forrester now go right back to doing exactly what we were doing before-not really giving a crap about golf.

You know how that would change? More Bubba Watson in overalls and “ooh-da-lolly lolly.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM2NocuEihw[/youtube]

Seriously…these guys need to make one of these videos every week, especially if Tiger Woods is going to totally stop banging whores.

I mean, what the hell else are we supposed to do? Talk about golf???

6. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC Live 4-Nate Marquardt vs. Rick Story (Sunday 9pm from Pittsburgh live on VERSUS); Strikeforce Challengers-Caros Fodor vs. James Terry (Friday 11pm from Kent, WA live on Showtime)

A couple of things. One-Is Kevin Connolly REALLY interested in making a movie about the life of one-time MMA star Kimbo Slice? REALLY? Is Mr. T available to play him???

And also-did you see this picture of Conor Heun that Bloody Elbow posted after the Strikeforce event Saturday night? Looks normal at first…but keep looking at his right arm. I’ll give you about 5 seconds before you exclaim “Ohhhhh…………”

heun

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 June 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet); Lacrosse: MLL Chesapeake Bayhawks @ Long Island Lizards (Thursday 7:30pm from Hempstead, NY live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Fernando Guerrero vs. Grady Brewer (Friday 9pm from Austin, TX live on ESPN2), Canelo Alvarez vs. Ryan Rhodes (Saturday 10:30pm from Guadalajara, Mexico live on HBO)

10. Sade & John Legend (Thursday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Katy Perry (Wednesday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Owl City & Mat Kearney (Saturday 5:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Rascal Flatts (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live); Patti LaBelle (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Elvis Costello & The Imposters (Wednesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Daryl Hall & John Oates (Monday 8pm Wolf Trap); Musiq Soulchild (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Michael Franti & Spearhead (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live), Pop Evil/Crossfade (Sunday 6pm Rams Head Live), Good Charlotte/Yellowcard (Monday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Bridge (Wednesday 8pm 8×10 Club); Pat McGee (Friday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head on Stage); Mark Curry (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); Aziz Ansari (Friday 7pm & 10pm Warner Theatre); “The Green Lantern” opens in theaters (Friday)

I was digging John Legend way before I ever heard his cover of Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep.” That being said, it DOES make me like him more…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrQ4njrnnsI[/youtube]

When David Letterman had eight heart attacks, apparently Elvis Costello filled in for him one night and introduced himself as the musical guest. This is why YouTube exists, folks…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XYFJUP84lE[/youtube]

If you’re not listening to Michael Franti, this is on you at this point. Get on it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh-8mw9MKbQ[/youtube]

Seeing Pat McGee playing solo makes me wonder what Pat McGee Band is doing. That being said, he’s pretty good on his own too…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzTL2woRzrI[/youtube]

9. Harford County Restaurant Week continues (Tuesday & Wednesday throughout Hazzard County)

Ho.ly. Crap.

You mean to tell me there’s a Chiapparelli’s in Havre de Grace and NONE of you a-holes told me?

Look, it will never replace the O.G. in Little Italy (which is actually closer to me), but it’s a potential refreshing change of pace when I need a fix.

Yes, I have an addiction…to Chips salad.

chips

What are everyone’s plans Wednesday night? I’m in if you are…

8. Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

You might not know this, but I’m a HUGE fan of the Roller Girls.

It isn’t just because the first time I went to see them I was greeted with Chipotle and Pabst Blue Ribbon, although I will admit it helped.

It’s also about the players’ names. For example…

Minnie Piledriver
Reckless Ndangerment
Frenzy Lohan
Duchess of Torque
Flo Shizzle
Coach Ballbricker
Dolly Rocket
Joy Collision
Pistol Whip

I offer one solid dollar for someone to come up with my own CCRG name. Not just a dollar…a SOLID dollar. Keep that in mind.

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips 400 (Sunday 1pm from Cambridge Township, MI live on TNT); IndyCar Series Milwaukee 225 (Sunday 3:30pm from West Allis, WI live on ABC)

I know some people are into this, but I’ve made no mistake that NASCAR and Auto Racing in general just aren’t for me.

You know how it WOULD be for me? If Rick From Reisterstown could call the races!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlmJsosYi_Y[/youtube]

Rick took the collar this year when Ruler On Ice claimed the Belmont instead of Shackleford. Seriously though, if you took your betting advice from Rick-I’ve got nothing for you.

6. NHL Playoffs: Stanley Cup Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 7 if necessary Wednesday 8pm from Vancouver live on NBC)

You’re thinking to yourself “Glenn, why is a potential Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals only number 7 on your list instead of being number 1???”

The answer is-of course-because if there’s a God (and I believe there will be), the Canucks will parade around Beantown with the Cup Monday night and Vancouver will simply be recovering from a 48 hour hangover Wednesday night.

If they win (either Monday OR Wednesday), we all agree that as a show of thanks for vanquishing the evil from Boston, we dress up like this on Friday, right?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4ICMRAUEoE[/youtube]

5. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour Wimbledon (Opening Round Monday 7am from Wimbledon, ENG live on ESPN2/ESPN3.com)

The thing I like most about the fortnight is the chance to really watch the prettiest players in the sport go at it…

roddick

What did you think I was going to do? Post a picture of Caroline Wozniacki? This is the one grand slam event that Andy Roddick is actually (kinda) good at! Let me have SOMETHING!

By the way, I’m going to REALLY go out on a limb and say Rafael Nadal wins Wimbledon this year. Stunning, I know-but I hear he’s pretty good.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Guadeloupe (Tuesday 9pm from Kansas City live on Fox Soccer Channel); MLS-DC United @ Real Salt Lake (Saturday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet)

What happened to Team USA against Panama Saturday night in Tampa Bay was nothing short of a debacle. Playing Van Halen tunes won’t make me feel a THING better about it, despite what some of your wisenheimers have tried doing on Facebook (search “Glenn Clark”) and Twitter (@WNST & @GlennClarkWNST).

There was SOMETHING good that came out of soccer this weekend though. If you haven’t seen the goal Eric Hassli scored for the Vancouver Whitecaps yet, thank me later.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8Vfdx7LEh4&feature=player_embedded#at=48[/youtube]

3. Mixed Martial Arts: Strikeforce Grand Prix Heavyweight Tournament-Allistair Overeem vs. Fabricio Werdum (Saturday 10pm from Dallas live on Showtime)

The disappointing part about Saturday’s event is that Gina Carano had to pull out of her fight.

Yes, that sentence WAS written in a way that would allow me to giggle about using the words “Gina Carano” and “pull out”.

I’d tell you more about the guys who ARE fighting, but wouldn’t we all just rather take another gander at the infamous weigh-in picture???

carano

Yep. Pants smaller.

2. Pro Wrestling: WWE Capitol Punishment (Sunday 8pm from Verizon Center live on Pay-Per-View); WWE Monday Night Raw (Monday 7:15from from 1st Mariner Arena live on USA Network)

Here’s the deal. Kelly Kelly will be in Baltimore Monday. If somehow she manages to leave town Tuesday, we’ve all failed.

kellykelly

1. Golf: PGA Tour/USGA U.S. Open (Thursday & Friday 10am & 5pm live on ESPN, 3pm live on NBC Saturday 2pm Sunday 1:30pm live on NBC. All golf from Congressional Country Club in Bethesda)

Harrison Frazar comes into the event red hot, having won the St. Jude Classic in Memphis. That inspires the question, “who the hell is Harrison Frazar?”

It inspires the additional, significantly more important question “did Harrison Frazar manage to get his family back after the win?”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9GwtRsOYSI[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 23 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Byron Nelson Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Irving, TX), Champions Tour Senior PGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 12pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Louisville, KY); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Tony Thompson vs. Maurice Harris (Friday 9:30pm from Reno, NV live on ESPN2); Brew at the Zoo, and Wine too! (Saturday & Sunday 1pm Maryland Zoo); Arena Football: AFL Utah Blaze @ Iowa Barnstormers (Friday 8pm from Des Moines, IA live on NFL Network)

10. New Kids on the Block & Backstreet Boys (Sunday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Raphael Saadiq (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), The Maine/Augustana (Friday 6pm Rams Head Live); Steve Ranazzissi & Bryan Callen (Saturday 8pm & 10:30pm Recher Theatre); Slick Rick (Saturday 7pm Bourbon Street); Sister Hazel (Sunday 1pm Rams Head On Stage); Paul Simon (Friday 6pm 9:30 Club); America (Thursday & Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); J. Roddy Walston & The Business (Friday & Saturday 7:30pm Ottobar)

Boy…not a whole lot going on here this week, is there?

I don’t care for KNOTB or BSB, but that’s only because I have male genitalia. But you know who I DO like? Justin effing Timberlake.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRybEjxCfFM&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

There’s a young lady I know who thinks this song is as meaningful as I do…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f46ulX6uwGc[/youtube]

I know there’s no Art Garfunkel on this tour, but Paul Simon is still one of the greatest things there is about music…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJBhdKrwTOc[/youtube]

Like The Strokes? J Roddy Walston is better. Maybe MUCH better…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s3HS4zf5y4&feature=fvst[/youtube]

9. NHL Playoffs: Western Conference Finals-San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 5 Tuesday 9pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS, Game 6 if necessary Thursday 9pm from San Jose live on VERSUS, Game 7 if necessary Saturday 8pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS); Eastern Conference Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 6 Wednesday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on VERSUS, Game 7 Friday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS)

I’m assuming that at this point you HAVE to have seen the video of the Canucks fan flashing Ben Eager in the penalty box, right? No? Impossible…

beneager

If you click on THIS link, there’s a real picture. BUT!!!! Understand that this picture is NOT for children, it is NOT for the workplace, and it does NOT suck to be Ben Eager.

8. NBA Playoffs: Western Conference Finals-Dallas Mavericks vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 5 Wednesday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 6 if necessary Friday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN, Game 7 if necessary Sunday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN); Eastern Conference Finals-Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls (Game 4 Tuesday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 5 Thursday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 6 if necessary Saturday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 7 if necessary Monday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT)

You mean to tell me there are things happening in basketball that DON’T involve ping pong balls? Color me stunned!

I honestly don’t know who I’m pulling for at this point. I never liked the Bulls growing up because I was kinda sick of seeing Michael Jordan winning every year. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to root for the Heat in this country unless you live on South Beach.

With the Eastern Conference teams out, I’m stuck trying to figure out which of the Western Conference teams to root for. I thought it might be the Thunder, but this whole Kevin Durant/Russell Westbrook “I’m better than you-NO, I’m better than you!” argument has been insufferable.

That being said, I attended a Mavs game this year. We were in Texas for the Super Bowl, and they were hosting the Washington Wizards.

Two things were accomplished that night. One-the ‘Zards lost, so Redskins fans were unhappy. I can ALWAYS get behind that. Two-they gave me a Rodrigue Beaubois bobblehead doll.

Not kidding. I have no idea if the thing ever made it back from DFA (there was a snowstorm disaster that week), but I got one-despite the fact that I had never (and still haven’t) heard of Rodrigue Beaubois.

And before I move on from hoops, umm….how did I miss this video of Blake Griffin dunking over A TIGER?!?!?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YyqsfecWAzM[/youtube]

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour French Open (Tuesday-Monday 5am live on Tennis Channel, Tuesday-Friday & Monday 12pm live on ESPN2, Saturday & Sunday 12pm live on NBC. All tennis from Paris)

A quick episode of “which would you rather?”

Would you rather spend a week in Paris with Caroline Wozniacki…

wozniacki

Or spend a week in Belgium with Paris Hilton???

parishilton

I’ll wait anxiously for your reply.

6. Baltimore Ravens Informal Practices (Tuesday-Thursday Unitas Stadium)

This event had no steam to begin with, but lost any potential steam it could have when they decided the public wouldn’t be able to attend due to commencement events at Towson that day.

That being said, I’m not really sure how there could have been any excitement in watching players (not wearing jerseys I assume) run around in 7-on-7 drills…but when the baseball team in town stinks I guess I can understand.

Of course, a practice session at Unitas Stadium might be the perfect place to show off a new toy…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ09qVDQf2k[/youtube]

5. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 130-Quinton “Rampage” Jackson vs. Matt Hamill (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

Rampage Jackson is a humorous MMA superstar. He’s REALLY good (I was actually in Vegas the night he destroyed Chuck Liddell) but he’s an absolute clown. Remember, he was the same guy that did THIS during an interview…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYmYA4ZPsIM[/youtube]

I feel like I pull for him…I’m just not really sure why.

4. “The Hangover Part II” out in theaters (Thursday)

Well, if this isn’t awesome I’m pretty sure I’ll just hate movies forever.

In the meantime, here’s Ed Helms’ song from the first one. There better damn well be another one in this one…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpOdCWaTsIk[/youtube]

3. Soccer: UEFA Champions League Final-FC Barcelona vs. Manchester United (Saturday 2pm from London live on FOX); MLS-DC United @ Portland Timbers (Sunday 5pm from Portland live on Comcast SportsNet)

And here it is, the Super Bowl of European soccer. Every hipster this week will tell me why this is more important than anything else that ever happens in sports.

They’re wrong…but it IS a big deal.

I guess I’ll be pulling for Barcelona Saturday. I mean…they DO have Lionel freaking Messi…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZnUr8lcqjo[/youtube]

2. Auto Racing: IndyCar Series Indianapolis 500 (Sunday 11am from Indianapolis live on ABC); NASCAR Coca-Cola 600 (Sunday 6pm from Charlotte live on FOX)

Ahh…the Indy 500 is Sunday. So here…for absolutely no reason…are gratuitous pictures of Danica Patrick…

danicadanica

1. College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament Final Four-Denver University vs. Virginia (Saturday 4pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), Maryland vs. Duke (Saturday 6:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), NCAA Championship Game (Monday 3:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN); Division III NCAA Championship Game: Salisbury vs. Tufts (Sunday 7pm M&T Bank Stadium); Division II NCAA Championship Game: Adelphi vs. Mercyhurst (Sunday 4pm M&T Bank Stadium); Women’s College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament Final Four-Maryland vs. Duke (Friday 5pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com), Northwestern vs. North Carolina (Friday 7:30pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com), NCAA Championship Game (Sunday 4pm from Stony Brook, NY live on NCAA.com)

Since it will be a few months before we can do this again during hoops season, so let’s channel Peter Rosenberg for both Terrapins’ lax teams…language of course NSFW. Go Terps!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYOgC2Qbqh4[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 13 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Golf-PGA Tour Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Fort Worth, TX), LPGA Tour Sybase Match Play Championship (Thursday & Friday 6:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 4:30pm from Gladstone, NJ live on Golf Channel); Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena); Soccer: Team USA Women vs. Japan (Wednesday 7pm from Cary, NC live on ESPN2), AFC Ajax @ DC United (Sunday 5pm RFK Stadium); Boxing: Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal (Saturday 10pm from Montreal live on HBO), Friday Night Fights-Joel Julio vs. Antwone Smith (Friday 9pm from Newark, NJ live on ESPN2); Mixed Martial Arts: Bellator Fighting Championships 45 (Saturday 9pm from Lake Charles, LA live on MTV2); Arena Football: AFL Arizona Rattlers @ New Orleans VooDoo (Friday 8pm from New Orleans live on NFL Network)

10. Sugarland/Little Big Town/Matt Nathanson (Sunday 6:30pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Jason Aldean (Saturday 4:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Apocalyptica/Finger Eleven/Charm City Devils (Thursday 6pm Power Plant Live); Blue October (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Grace Potter and the Nocturnals (Wednesday 6:30pm Rams Head Live); The Wailers (Saturday 8pm Recher Theatre); En Vogue (Sunday 8pm Bourbon Street); Pauly Shore (Saturday 7pm Rams Head on Stage); Arctic Monkeys (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), B.O.B. (Thursday 6pm 9:30 Club), The Cars (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club); (hed)p.e. (Thursday 6:15pm Jaxx); Blind Boys of Alabama (Thursday 7:30pm Birchmere); DC101 Chili Cook-Off feat. Weezer, Papa Roach, Seether, Neon Trees, Panic! at the Disco (Saturday 12pm RFK Stadium); Preakness Infieldfest feat. Train, Bruno Mars, Puddle of Mudd, Phil Vassar (Saturday 11am Pimlico); Chesapeake Bay Blues Festival feat. Chris Isaak, Little Feat, Kenny Wayne Shepherd (Saturday-Sunday Sandy Point State Park); Ben Harper “Give Till It’s Gone” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Make fun of me if you will, but I dig Sugarland. Even more than that, I REALLY dig Little Big Town…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skAOb_EUE_M[/youtube]

I wish I could tell you I was excited about the Preakness infield. Unfortunately I cannot. But there will be 2-3 Train songs you’ll probably find me singing along to…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wlEcgwjvcw[/youtube]

I’d so be at Sandy Point if it wasn’t Preakness weekend. Especially for Little Feat…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkZsSydzQjM[/youtube]

I feel like I’ve seen Finger Eleven at Power Plant before. (I say that because I KNOW I’ve seen Finger Eleven at Power Plant before.) Say what you want, this song still kicks a little ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJk6gZuPKRE[/youtube]

9. “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tide” in theaters (Friday)

I don’t go to the movies much, but I was recently offered tickets to an advance screening of Pirates. I decided to take them.

I’m into the movies, but not “freakout” into them. I mean, not like Michael Bolton…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI6CfKcMhjY[/youtube]

8. Auto Racing: NASCAR Showdown (Saturday 7pm from Charlotte live on SPEED), NASCAR All-Star Race (Saturday 8pm from Charlotte live on SPEED); IndyCar Series: Indianapolis 500 Pole Day Qualifying (Saturday 11am & 4:30pm from Indianapolis live on VERSUS), Indianapolis 500 Bump Day Qualifying (Sunday 12pm from Indianapolis live on VERSUS)

I don’t understand why NASCAR fans don’t like Kyle Busch. He’s (apparently) married to something named Samantha Sarcinella. Samantha Sarcinella (apparently) looks like this…

sarcinella

So…ummm….I’m a fan.

7. Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour French Open (Sunday 5am live on Tennis Channel 1pm live on ESPN2, Monday 5am live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Paris)

Because I’m a tennis snob, I will be referring to the event as Roland Garros. You loser Americans can call it the “French Open.”

We don’t usually like much about France in this country, but I feel like the trip to the clay is something we should be able to enjoy.

Of course, my favorite thing about France is Def Jam poet Jean K. Jean…

[dailymotion]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8w2n2_saturday-night-live-update-jean-k-j_fun[/dailymotion]

6. NBA Playoffs: Eastern Conference Finals-Chicago Bulls vs. Miami Heat (Game 2 Wednesday 8:30pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 3 Sunday 8:30pm from Miami live on TNT); Western Conference Finals-Dallas Mavericks vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 1 Tuesday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 2 Thursday 9pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 3 Saturday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN, Game 4 Monday 9pm from Oklahoma City live on ESPN)

I can’t root for the Chicago Bulls. They have both Carlos Boozer and Luol Deng on their roster. Rooting for a roster littered with Duke players is like* rooting for the Taliban.

(*It’s not like that at all. You and I both know that. But come on, let me have SOMETHING.)

That being said, Taj Gibson is worth rooting for…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOOeMg7eqYM[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmN-MIbvLks&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Wow.

5. Pro Wrestling: WWE Over the Limit (Sunday 8pm from Seattle live on Pay-Per-View)

I probably won’t be getting Over The Limit Sunday night. Mostly because I don’t REALLY need to see Jerry “The King” Lawler face Michael effing Cole again.

But if the Bella Twins were more involved, I feel like I’d be more compelled to take a gander…

bellas

4. NHL Playoffs: Eastern Conference Finals-Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 2 Tuesday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS, Game 3 Thursday 8pm from Tampa Bay live on VERSUS, Game 4 Saturday 1:30pm from Tampa Bay live on NBC, Game 5 if necessary Monday 8pm from Boston live on VERSUS); Western Conference Finals-San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks (Game 2 Wednesday 9pm from Vancouver live on VERSUS, Game 3 Friday 9pm from San Jose live on VERSUS, Game 4 Sunday 3pm from San Jose live on NBC)

You think the suits in New York (Toronto?) are just salivating over the possibility of a Tampa-San Jose Stanley Cup Finals showdown?

I know I’m….looking for other things to watch.

I guess I’m pulling for Tampa? I mean, they beat the Washington Capitals, so they’ve already done the Lord’s work.

Plus…you know…Hulk Hogan is a fan.

hulk

3. Ray’s Summer Days (Thursday-Saturday throughout Baltimore-locations include Ruth Chris Havana Club, Patterson Park, Perry Hall Lanes, etc.)

I have to admit I’m both surprised and hurt.

I mean, how could Ray Lewis schedule an event without carefully planning it around the schedule of his dear friend Glenn Clark?…

rayglenn

Honest mistake I’m sure.

2. College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Johns Hopkins vs. Denver (Saturday 2:30pm from Hempstead, NY live on ESPN2) Maryland vs. Syracuse (Sunday 12pm from Foxborough, MA live on ESPNU); Division 3 NCAA Tournament-Roanoke @ Stevenson (Wednesday 4pm Caves Athletic Complex-semifinal Sunday at Salisbury or vs. Dickinson at CAC if Mustangs win); Women’s College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Princeton @ Maryland (Saturday 12pm Field Hockey & Lacrosse Complex College Park), Loyola @ North Carolina (Saturday 1pm from Chapel Hill, NC streaming live on NCAA.com); High School Lacrosse: MIAA Lacrosse Championships-A Conference Semifinals (Tuesday 6pm & 8:30pm Unitas Stadium), A, B & C Conference Finals (Friday 3pm, 5:30pm & 8pm Unitas Stadium)

Whatever happens this weekend in the NCAA Tournament, there is NO WAY it will be anywhere NEAR as cool as what the Terrapins did in their opening round win over the Tar Heels…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ds5qLbqkQs[/youtube]

I can’t get over it. Holy crap that’s awesome.

1. Horse Racing: Preakness Stakes (Saturday 4:30pm from Pimlico live on NBC), Black-Eyed Susan Day (Friday 4pm from Pimlico live on VERSUS); Preakness Week events throughout Baltimore (Tuesday-Sunday)

Two things we know (sadly) won’t be happening Saturday.

One-The previously legendary “Running of the Urinals”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIcyFSYhvV4[/youtube]

Two-Rick From Reisterstown getting ANYTHING right…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAenPfeIRGo[/youtube]

We’re improving things around here!

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 09 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Mixed Martial Arts-Bellator Fighting Championships 44 (Saturday 9pm from Atlantic City live on MTV2); Soccer: MLS-Colorado Rapids @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet); Tennis: ATP Tour & WTA Tour Internazionali BNL D’Italia (Tuesday-Thursday 6am & 1:30pm, Friday 6am & 3:15pm, Saturday 8am & 2pm live on Tennis Channel & ESPN3.com, Saturday 10am live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Rome, Italy); Women’s College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Navy @ Maryland (Saturday 12pm Field Hockey & Lacrosse Complex-College Park), UMass @ Loyola (Saturday 1pm Ridley Athletic Complex); Arena Football: AFL Tulsa Talons @ New Orleans VooDoo (Friday 8pm from New Orleans live on NFL Network)

10. M3 Rock Festival feat. Warrant, Kix, Whitesnake, Tesla, Sebastian Bach, Lita Ford, Mr. Big, Slaughter, Great White (Friday-Saturday Merriweather Post Pavilion); Sunday Funday feat. Amos Lee, Josh Ritter, Eric Hutchinson (Sunday 12:30pm Pier Six Pavilion); Eric Benet (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Social Distortion (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live); Richard Lewis (Saturday 8pm & 10:30pm Recher Theatre); My Chemical Romance (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Echo & The Bunnymen (Wednesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Adele (Thursday 7pm 9:30 Club); Bob Marley (Wednesday-Sunday DC Improv); James Taylor (Wednesday 7:30pm Hippodrome); J Roddy Walston & The Business (Wednesday 8:30pm Rock & Roll Hotel); Doug Stanhope (Thursday 8pm State Theatre); The Lonely Island “Turtleneck & Chain” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Of everyone playing at M3, I’d be most excited to rock out to this…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz61YQWZuYU[/youtube]

Sunday Funday actually sounds like my kind of show. I’d dig this…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm5TZX5hz3g[/youtube]

I’m not the type of Social D freak, but Social D is REALLY good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXAU4MmMIMo[/youtube]

Adele is amazing. I mean, AMAZING…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw[/youtube]

9. Preakness 5k (Saturday 10:30am Pimlico)

The cool concept behind the Preakness 5k is that human beings get to run at a track where horses…get to watch people in the infield urinate everywhere.

This is a reminder that Preakness is just a week away. You need to start making your survival plans now. Having not attended the Kentucky Derby this year, I think I might dress up a little bit this year. I’ve been looking at some former Preakness wardrobes for inspiration and I think I finally found mine…

preakness

8. Boxing: Andre Ward vs. Arthur Abraham (Saturday 10pm from Carson, CA live on Showtime); ShoBox: Sharif Bogere vs. Raymundo Beltran (Friday 11:05pm from Primm, NV live on Showtime); Friday Night Fights: Kendall Holt vs. Julio Diaz (Friday 9pm from Santa Ynez, CA live on ESPN2)

In boxing news, apparently after beating Shane Mosley easily in Las Vegas, Manny Pacquiao wandered into a club in Las Vegas and sang a few songs.

I’m sure it was awesome, but no way was it as awesome as the time he sang with Will Ferrell…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT4hHMIpnjU[/youtube]

7. Pro Lacrosse: MLL Rochester Rattlers @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium)

You know how at the beginning of NFL season everyone says “the quest for the Vince Lombardi Trophy is on”?

Or how at the start of the hockey season we hear things like “The hunt for the Stanley Cup begins”?

Well…umm…what do they say at the start of lacrosse season? Honestly, what’s the trophy for winning the lacrosse title?

In honor of not knowing, I’ll label the debut of the MLL as “The Quest to look at this picture of Belen Rodriguez begins!”

(Thanks Guyism.)

belenrod

6. Auto Racing: NASCAR FedEx 400 (Sunday 1pm from Dover live on FOX)

Oh wow. NASCAR is back in Dover. If you get lost on your way back from Ocean City this weekend, stop by to do…nothing.

Yeah, that’s all I’ve got here. Seriously…there’s nothing else worth saying. If you’ve gone before, you understand.

5. NHL Playoffs: Western Conference Semifinals-Detroit Red Wings vs. San Jose Sharks (Game 6 Tuesday 8pm from Detroit live on VERSUS, Game 7 if necessary Thursday TBD from San Jose live on VERSUS), Vancouver Canucks vs. Nashville Predators (Game 7 if necessary Wednesday TBD from Vancouver live on VERSUS); Western Conference Finals & Eastern Conference Finals: Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (begin this weekend, schedules TBD)

I couldn’t help but laugh at the misery of Washington Redskins fans last week as their beloved Capitals were so soundly dismissed by the Bolts.

HAHAHAHAHA YOUR HOCKEY TEAM SUCKS AND YOU DON’T HAVE A QUARTERBACK!

You might say that makes me a mean person. I’d say “up yours, Skins fans.”

All of Charm City is rooting for the Preds now I guess because of the Baltimore Skipjacks connection with Barry Trotz.

I’ll buy in. Cue Tim McGraw!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AX4tSBPSViE[/youtube]

4. Pro Wrestling: TNA Sacrifice (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View); WWE WrestleMania 27 available on DVD (Tuesday)

WrestleMania kinda sucked, so I would assume I know at least one doughy morning sports jock who will pass on making the purchase.

I’ll also likely pass on making the purchase of the TNA PPV (I’ve passed on all of the others before that), but it doesn’t mean my opinion of Mickie James has lessened at all…

mickiejames

3. Golf: PGA Tour THE PLAYERS Championship (Thursday & Friday 1pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 2pm live on NBC. All golf from Ponte Vedra Beach, FL)

The Players is apparently considered the “fifth major” on the PGA Tour.

Of course, most of the REAL majors are being won by golfers no one has ever heard of (see: Schwartzel, Charl), so maybe even Drew Forrester has a chance to win TPC.

More good news. No matter how bad the real golfers are, we can still laugh at the fake golfers. Like Charles Barkley…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQwa0VrdLsQ&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

2. NBA Playoffs:Eastern Conference Semifinals-Atlanta Hawks vs. Chicago Bulls (Game 5 Tuesday 8pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 6 Thursday 8pm from Atlanta live on ESPN, Game 7 if necessary Sunday TBD from Chicago live on TNT), Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics (Game 5 Wednesday 7pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 6 if necessary Friday TBD from Boston live on ESPN, Game 7 if necessary Monday 8pm from Miami live on TNT); Western Conference Semifinals-Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Memphis Grizzlies (Game 5 Wednesday 9:30pm from Oklahoma City live on TNT, Game 6 if necessary Friday TBD from Memphis live on ESPN, Game 7 if necessary Sunday from Oklahoma City TBD)

If you have American blood running through your veins, you will be rooting for the Grizz the rest of the way through the playoffs.

Or if you have Venezuelan blood. Either way, you better damn well be rooting for this man…

greivis

1. College Lacrosse: NCAA Tournament-Hofstra @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 12pm from Homewood Field live on ESPN), Maryland @ North Carolina (Sunday 1pm from Chapel Hill, NC live on ESPN2); Division 3 NCAA Tournament-Cabrini/Widener @ Stevenson (Saturday TBD Caves Athletic Complex)

Carolina again? Lord. I can’t stand the freaking Tar Heels.

I can’t find a YouTube video of the night the Terps stormed back from down 66-44 in the second half to be the Heels at the DeanDome. If anyone can track something down, please pass it along to me.

In the meantime, take this UNC fans…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwfLa-PmqpY[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 10 Baseball Distractions

Posted on 03 May 2011 by Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Mixed Martial Arts-Bellator Fighting Championships 43 (Saturday 9pm from Newkirk, OK live on MTV2); Arena Football: AFL Tampa Bay Storm @ Orlando Predators (Friday 8pm from Orlando live on NFL Network); Soccer: MLS-Seattle Sounders FC @ DC United (Wednesday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on MLS Direct Kick), FC Dallas @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on MLS Direct Kick)

10. Carbon Leaf (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live), Manchester Orchestra/Cage The Elephant (Sunday 6:30pm Rams Head Live), Donald Glover (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Mint Condition (Saturday 7pm Bourbon Street); Ballyhoo (Saturday 7pm Recher Theatre); Asia (Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); FOALS/Freelance Whales/The Naked & Famous (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club), Airborne Toxic Event (Sunday 8pm 9:30 Club); Talib Kweli (Wednesday 8pm Sonar), Bowling For Soup (Friday 8pm Sonar); All Time Low/Yellowcard (Saturday 7pm RAC Arena-UMBC); Towson University Tigerfest feat. Brand New, Reel Big Fish, Far East Movement (Friday 3pm Unitas Stadium); Plain White T’s/Parachute (Saturday 12:45pm Pimlico); Harland Williams (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Beastie Boys “Hot Sauce Committee Part 2″ available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

If you’re not familiar with Carbon Leaf…I suggest you get familiar with them as soon as possible…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcyS90pdcuw[/youtube]

I REALLY dig Cage The Elephant. I mean, I REALLY dig Cage The Elephant. This song is quite good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v27TRan1SBI[/youtube]

Airborne Toxic Event=totally underrated…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKEu3EmBCzQ[/youtube]

Really surprised Towson couldn’t do better than Brand New and Reel Big Fish for Tigerfest. But at least I really dig “Jude Law and a Semester Abroad”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlAqE1zgY-I[/youtube]

9. Maryland Film Festival (Thursday-Sunday Charles Theater), Ocean City Springfest (Thursday-Saturday 10am Ocean City inlet)

George Jones and Richard Marx are the headliners for this year’s Springfest. Now word on why Rick Astley wasn’t available.

As far as the Maryland Film Festival is concerned-I’ve amazingly never attended the event. I feel a bit ashamed as a Baltimore native to say that, as the event is one of the city’s more significant economically.

Of course, I feel like I would have been more inclined to make sure I got out there had they ever screened something more along the lines of…say…Superbad…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNib30GghKw[/youtube]

8. Deadline for underclassmen to remove name from NBA Draft (Sunday)

This is a little bit different than the last time this day was significant for area sports fans.

In 2009, Terps fans were concerned about the future of guard Greivis Vasquez after an impressive run to the NCAA Tournament. The “Vivacious Venezuelan” rewarded Terrapins fans by returning and leading the team to an ACC regular season title.

This year-we’re not expecting the news to be quite as good.

Gary Williams’ team is coming off a disappointing year that ended with the team even being left out of the NIT. Now it appears that All-ACC, All-American big man Jordan Williams will not give Maryland fans the same good news that Vasquez did two years ago.

If the news goes the wrong way Maryland fans, take heart. We still get to keep this thing he did to Jon Scheyer…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAF6i1DvZ5s[/youtube]

7. Golf: PGA Tour Wells Fargo Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Charlotte, NC); Champions Tour Regions Tradition (Thursday & Friday 1pm, Saturday & Sunday 3pm from Shoal Creek, AL live on Golf Channel)

I have no idea what’s going on in the world of golf. Forrester kept saying something about Bubba Watson this morning, but I figured that was because he was involved in some sort of weird dream sequence Drew had.

But in golf-related news, former “Big Break” star Nicole Sikora recently changed her Facebook profile picture. I’m assuming she did so because she loves America…

sikora

6. Auto Racing: NASCAR Showtime Southern 500 (Saturday 7:30pm from Darlington, SC live on FOX)

So we’ve reached the part of this where I literally have nothing to say about NASCAR. As I’m writing this, I looked at my girlfriend and said “can you help me with some shtick?”

She said…”How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?”

I responded, “I don’t know.”

She said “A buck an ear.”

This has been the first episode of “a contribution from my girlfriend.” I’m sure it was a hit.

5. NBA Playoffs: Eastern Conference Semifinals: Boston Celtics vs. Miami Heat (Game 2 Tuesday 7pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 3 Saturday 8pm from Boston live on ABC, Game 4 Monday 7pm from Boston live on TNT), Atlanta Hawks vs. Chicago Bulls (Game 2 Wednesday 8pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 3 Friday 7pm from Atlanta live on ESPN, Game 4 Sunday 8pm from Atlanta live on TNT); Western Conference Semifinals: Memphis Grizzlies vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 2 Tuesday 9:30pm from Oklahoma City live on TNT, Game 3 Saturday 5pm from Memphis live on ESPN, Game 4 Monday 9:30pm from Memphis live on TNT), Dallas Mavericks vs. Los Angeles Lakers (Game 2 Wednesday 10:30pm from LA live on TNT, Game 3 Friday 9:30pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 4 Sunday 3:30pm from Dallas live on ABC)

Holy crap could Greivis Vasquez’s run in the NBA Playoffs be any more exciting? I’m not sure I can even find Memphis on a map, but I’m the biggest fan of the Grizz of all time!

So much so that I recently purchased this t-shirt…

grizz

4. Boxing: Manny Pacquiao vs. Shane Mosley (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime Pay-Per-View); Friday Night Fights: Gilberto Sanchez Leon vs. Diego Magdaleno (Friday 10pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN2)

Is there any way for me to make a joke about the fact that the biggest boxing matches of the year always come right after Cinco De Mayo and yet not have it sound racist?

Nope. Okay, moving on…

Cinco De Mayo is Thursday. I’ll be celebrating by drinking a lot of Pacifico and doing the Macarena.

That’s what people do on Cinco De Mayo, right?

3. NHL Playoffs: Washington Capitals vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 3 Tuesday 6:30pm from Tampa live on Comcast SportsNet & VERSUS, Game 4 Wednesday 7pm from Tampa live on Comcast SportsNet, Game 5 if necessary Saturday 12:30pm from Verizon Center live on NBC, Game 6 if necessary Monday TBD from Tampa live on Comcast SportsNet & VERSUS)

So, while we all know I’m rooting for the Bolts during this series, but I encourage you to come join me at The Dark Horse in Bel Air Tuesday night to root on the Caps.

Yep, I’m as confused as you. But it’ll be fun because we’re drinking beer.

In the meantime, I share with you this picture. I’m not sure what it is, but here it is.

hockey

Hockey is so great.

2. College Lacrosse: Johns Hopkins @ Army (Friday 7pm from West Point, NY live on CBS Sports); Colgate @ Maryland (Saturday 3pm Byrd Stadium); ECAC Tournament: Loyola vs. Fairfield (Thursday 6pm from Denver live on AM1570 WNST), ECAC Championship Game (Saturday 1pm from Denver live on ESPNU-and AM1570 WNST if Greyhounds win Thursday); America East Tournament: UMBC @ Hartford (Wednesday 7pm from Hartford); NCAA Tournament Selection Show (Sunday 9pm live on ESPNU)

Best news about Selection Sunday? Monday will be BRACKET DAY! $15 to get in on my pool, but don’t be a pansy and pick all one seeds to get through. No way Syracuse, JHU, Maryland and Notre Dame all find their way to Baltimore!

Good luck to the Retrievers and Hounds, who will be fighting to get their way into the Dance. If they don’t make it, they can get a nice parting gift from me…this picture of Lisa Marie de Oliviera. (Thanks, Gorilla Mask!)

lisamarie

1. Horse Racing: Kentucky Derby (Saturday 4pm from Louisville live on NBC), Kentucky Oaks (Friday 5pm from Louisville live on VERSUS)

I’m really bitter I won’t be going.

But I’ll share a few things with you anyway. One-if you’re headed to Chuchill Downs, bring sunglasses…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAKeXKwzmco[/youtube]

Two, don’t bet on anyone Rick from Reisterstown tells you to bet on…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJxkbTYekdY[/youtube]

Three, if you don’t like this…move to Russia. This is the best moment in sports…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWbNPQ7XWG4[/youtube]

And as a bonus, here are my friends from Nappy Roots. This song is incredible. I can’t believe I won’t be there…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_f8EiNTuh8[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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