Top 10 Baseball Distractions

April 09, 2012 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Boxing-Brandon Rios vs. Richard Abril/Juan Manuel Marquez vs. Sergey Fedchenko (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View), Friday Night Fights-Michael Katsidis vs. Albert Mensah (Friday 11pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN2); Women’s College Lacrosse: Virginia Tech @ Maryland (Saturday 12:30pm Ludwig Field); Tennis: ATP Tour U.S. Men’s Clay Court Championship (Saturday 1pm Sunday 2pm from Houston live on Tennis Channel); Soccer: MLS DC United @ New England Revolution (Saturday 4pm from Foxborough, MA live on Comcast SportsNet); Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

10. Kaiser Chiefs (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Rodney Atkins (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), The Ting Tings (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live); Ballyhoo (Saturday 6pm Recher Theatre); Nada Surf (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), All-American Rejects (Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club); Robert Randolph & The Family Band (Friday 11pm Howard Theater) Yasiin Bey (Mos Def) (Saturday 11:30pm Howard Theater), The Roots (Sunday 9pm Monday 8pm Howard Theater); The Bacon Brothers (Friday & Saturday 7:30pm Birchmere); Alison Krauss & Union Station (Saturday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); Cris Jacobs (Thursday 9pm Whiskey 1803 Annapolis), Local H (Saturday 9pm Whiskey 1803); Blues Traveler (Sunday 8pm State Theatre); Counting Crows “Underwater Sunshine (or what we did on our summer vacation)”, Alabama Shakes “Boys & Girls” & Florence & The Machine “MTV Unplugged” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Robert Randolph Robert Randolph Robert Randolph Robert Randolph. He’s my friend…

I remember seeing Blues Traveler a few years back at Power Plant Live on a Friday night. I swear to God I sang along to every word, even when they did Sublime…

Alabama Shakes TORE UP the stage at RHL Saturday night. I’m so all in on their record…

And I both enjoy FATM and I enjoy MTV Unplugged. How could this get better? What, could Florence Welch combine with Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age to cover “Jackson” by Johnny Cash???

9. Jim Norton (Thursday-Saturday DC Improv); Jim Breuer (Friday & Saturday Magooby’s Joke House); Corey Holcomb (Thursday-Saturday Baltimore Comedy Factory); David Sedaris (Thursday 7:30pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); “Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol” available on Blu-Ray/DVD (Tuesday); “The Three Stooges” out in theaters (Friday); The Gathering (Friday 5pm Baltimore Museum of Industry); 16th Annual City Paper Brew Fest (Saturday 1pm Broadway Square Fells Point)

Judge me all you want. I still giggle about Jim Breuer in Half Baked…

Also of note in this-Stooges looks terrible and I’d go to The Gathering for THIS from Miss Shirley’s…

And Brew Fest? If I were to end up in Fells Saturday afternoon I would ABSOLUTELY end up spending too much time “sampling” this…

8. Golf: PGA Tour RBC Heritage (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Hilton Head, SC), Champions Tour Encompass Insurance Pro-Am of Tampa Bay (Friday & Saturday 6:30pm Sunday 7pm from Lutz, FL live on Golf Channel)

Here are some things. One is Bubba Watson wearing overalls in one of the greatest musical achievements in history…

The other is Bubba Watson hitting…just holy crap…

He won the freaking Masters.

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Samsung Mobile 500 (Saturday 7pm from Fort Worth, TX live on FOX), IndyCar Series Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach (Sunday 3:30pm from Long Beach, CA live on NBC Sports Network)

As I type T10BD this week, I also happen to be watching “Saved By The Bell” on MTV2. Did you know Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was from Long Beach???

All of the characters on that show apparently knew how to play the piano. I have so very little talent.

(Oh yeah, I’m sorta rushing through this time around. Going to WWE Raw on Monday Night. It is what it is.)

6. NBA: Orlando Magic @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ New York Knicks (Friday 7:30pm from New York live on Comcast SportsNet), Cleveland Cavaliers @ Washington Wizards (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Chicago Bulls (Monday 8pm from Chicago live on Comcast SportsNet)

Thankfully ‘Zards season is almost over. But until then we’ll keep posting “the best of Blake Griffin” every time the word “NBA” shows up in this blog.

That’s just so fantastic. Holy crap.

5. Pro Wrestling: TNA Lockdown (Sunday 8pm from Nashville live on Pay-Per-View)

Jeff Hardy is facing Kurt Angle at Lockdown. This would have been a REALLY big deal six years ago. And honestly, I’m still freaking out a bit about it…

I miss great wrestling.
4. College Football: Navy Blue-White Spring Game (Saturday 12pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium)

Usually before a football game, your coach gathers you around in the locker room and says something inspirational to get you fired up about your about. Perhaps he’ll remind you about some bulletin board material that came out in the days leading up to the game, or what happened the last time you squared off with that opponent, or a personal connection that a player on your team has with a player or coach on their team.

So I take you to Annapolis, where Ken Niumatalolo addresses his Midshipmen ahead of their annual Spring Game.

“Those guys on the other side…they think they’re better than you. They think you’re just going to roll over and let them kick your ass all afternoon out on that field.

But I tell you what. This year, I think we might have their number. I’ve seen their players. Their players are garbage. Their coaches are ugly. Not a woman in the world would want to be associated with any of them ever.

I think this could be our year boys. This could finally be the year we kick those motherf***ers in the teeth and let them know we’re not taking their sh*t anymore. I don’t like them, I don’t like their fans, I don’t like their ugly f***ing uniforms.

That’s right Navy men. It’s time to make our opponent pay. It’s time to make them wish they never knew where Annapolis was on a map. It’s time to take the field and deliver an asskicking that will never be forgotten. Our opponent today is Navy, and you know what I think?

F*** Navy!!!”

(The proceeding was entirely fictional. If you weren’t aware of that, I’ll be expecting a fruit basket honoring my first place finish in this month’s Arbitron ratings.)

3. NHL Playoffs: Washington Capitals @ Boston Bruins (Thursday 7:30pm from Boston live on NBC Sports Network), Washington Capitals @ Boston Bruins (Saturday 3pm from Boston live on NBC), Boston Bruins @ Washington Capitals (Monday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on NBC Sports Network)

Holy crap I’m in trouble. A team from DC against a team from Boston? I don’t want anyone here to win.

Okay…let’s try to figure out which is the lesser of two evils.

Which city is home to the absolute worst baseball fans I have ever known. People so vile I would never wish their presence upon any city anywhere?

Now which city has the most delusional football fans known to man? Fans so delusional that despite the fact that their team has been utterly irrelevant for nearly two decades still believe that the rest of the country cares about anything happening with them?

Crap-a tie. Okay, here’s how we settle it. Which city is home to unquestionably the single worst human being I have ever met in my entire life? A human being so despicable I doubt I’d bother to piss on them if I found them on fire?

You’re waiting for a picture. There’s no picture coming. I don’t want Boston to win at anything. Ever.

I won’t be rooting for them, but I’d prefer to see the Caps win. I can only hope some of you will understand.

2. Mixed Martial Arts: Shogun Fights VI (Saturday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena); UFC on FUEL TV 2: Thiago Silva vs. Alexander Gustafsson (Saturday 3pm from Stockholm, Sweden live on FUEL TV); Bellator Fighting Championships 65 (Friday 8pm from Atlantic City live on MTV2)

Don’t know if Shogun Fights is the place for you? Consider this. If you don’t come, this man will come roundhouse kick you in the face…

He will, too.

1. College Lacrosse: Maryland @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 6pm from Homewood Field live on ESPNU); Penn State @ Towson (Saturday 7:30pm from Unitas Stadium live on AM1570; Stony Brook @ UMBC (Saturday 7pm UMBC Stadium); Navy @ Army (Saturday 12pm from West Point, NY live on CBS Sports Network); Salisbury @ Stevenson (Saturday 7pm Mustang Stadium)

And if in honor of Saturday night’s big showdown you wanted to pick me up this Robert McClintock gem…

…I’m telling you I wouldn’t be particularly pissed.
Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…