Top 10 Baseball Distractions

March 21, 2011 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Tennis-ATP Tour & WTA Tour Sony Ericsson Open (Satuday-Monday 11am from Miami live on Tennis Channel); NBA: Washington Wizards @ Portland Trailblazers (Tuesday 10pm from Portland live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Los Angeles Clippers (Wednesday 10:30pm from Los Angeles live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Denver Nuggets (Wednesday 9pm from Denver live on Comcast SportsNet), Washington Wizards @ Golden State Warriors (Sunday 9pm from Oakland live on Comcast SportsNet); Auto Racing: NASCAR Auto Club 400 (Sunday 3pm from Fontana, CA live on FOX); Horse Racing: UAE Derby (Saturday 10am from Meydan City, Dubai live on HRTV), Louisiana Derby (Saturday 5pm from New Orleans live on HRTV); Arena Football: AFL Spokane Shock vs. Iowa Barnstormers (Friday 8pm from Des Moines, Iowa live on NFL Network)

10. Elton John (Saturday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Sick Puppies & Framing Hanley (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Kingston Trio (Sunday 4pm & 7pm Rams Head On Stage); Cold War Kids (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club), All Time Low & Yellowcard (Monday 5:30pm 9:30 Club); Stryper (Tuesday 7pm Bourbon Street), CKY (Sunday 7pm Bourbon Street); Janet Jackson (Tuesday & Thursday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall); Stanley Clarke & Victor Wooten (Wednesday 7pm State Theatre); The Strokes “Angles”, Green Day “Awesome as F**k”, Soundgarden “Live on I-5″ available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

I could post songs from four different acts coming to town next week-but in all fairness, only one of them is Elton John.

Therefore, here are four Elton John songs. I’m sure you understand.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2Ta0qCG8No[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhJHL34DiBY[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxE7y1gSNPE[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBCVEcjScTQ[/youtube]

9. Roller Derby: Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

Does anyone remember the “Roller Jam” show that used to be on TNN a few years back???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJuryj90RpQ[/youtube]

Holy hell. How did that show not last? That’s Jerry Springer-quality awesome. “Awesome sauce” in fact.

(If you’re a “Parks & Recreation” fan and that last line meant something to you, you’re a hero to me.)

8. Golf: PGA Tour Arnold Palmer Invitational (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 2:30pm live on NBC. All golf from Orlando); LPGA Tour Kia Classic (Thursday-Saturday 3:30pm, Sunday 4pm live on Golf Channel)

Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods are going to play in Orlando…which means that if you so choose to, you can watch two bad golfers on television this weekend.

I enjoy the Arnold Palmer Invitational, but in my neighborhood we always called it the “Half & Half” Invitational.

Anyone?

Also-why can’t I post the Family Guy “Old People Agree With Arnold Palmer” clip here? It’s nowhere to be found on YouTube…or anywhere else. It’s pretty funny. And pretty honest. I think I’m starting to feel more and more like Arnold Palmer at age 27.

7. NHL: Washington Capitals @ Philadelphia Flyers (Tuesday 7:30pm from Philly live on VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ Ottawa Senators (Friday 7:30pm from Ottawa live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Washington Capitals @ Montreal Canadiens (Saturday 7pm from Montreal live on Comcast SportsNet & NHL Network)

With the Caps playing in the City of Brotherly Love this week, I get the chance to rag on Drew Forrester-sharing memories of Bobby Clarke, Ron Hextall, Ken Linseman and Joffrey Lupul.

In fact, here’s a small gift for my “Morning Reaction” cohort…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8KVx8vDlYw[/youtube]

6. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC Fight Night Live-Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs. Phil Davis (Saturday 10pm from Seattle live on SpikeTV); Bellator Fighting Championships 38: Tim Carpenter vs. Daniel Gracie (Saturday 7pm from Tunica Resorts, MS live on MTV2); Titan Fighting Championships 17 (Friday 10pm from Kansas City live on HDNet)

Did you miss Jon “Bones” Jones’ complete DESTRUCTION of former UFC light heavyweight champ Mauricio “Shogun” Rua this past weekend? Here’s some highlights, courtesy of ESPN…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FciP4UFe88[/youtube]

I haven’t seen such a one-sided fight since The Undertaker completely destroyed Triple H at Wrestlemania X-7…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ht3J06SVIg[/youtube]

Oh wait…I guess we’re supposed to be pretending like that fight never happened…

5. Women’s College Basketball: Georgetown @ Maryland (Tuesday 7pm from Comcast Center live on ESPN2 & ESPN3.com); other games Tuesday, Saturday-Monday on ESPN2 & ESPN3.com

Thus far we’ve seen a lot of YouTube videos, but absolutely no pictures of attractive women.

Does it make me sexist that I waited until the “Women’s College Basketball” section to consider attractive women? At least I said “attractive women” instead of “sexy broads”, right?

The below picture is of former Playboy model Tiffany Taylor, a University of Maryland graduate. So, you know, once again…Terrapins > Hoyas.

tifftaylor

4. College Basketball: NCAA Tournament Sweet 16-San Diego State vs. UConn (Thursday 7:15pm from Anaheim live on CBS), Florida vs. BYU (Thursday 7:27pm from New Orleans live on TBS), Duke vs. Arizona (Thursday 9:45pm from Anaheim live on CBS), Wisconsin vs. Butler (Thursday 9:57pm from New Orleans live on TBS), North Carolina vs. Marquette (Friday 7:15pm from Newark live on CBS), Kansas vs. Richmond (Friday 7:27pm from San Antonio live on TBS), Ohio State vs. Kentucky (Friday 9:45pm from Newark live on CBS), Florida State vs. VCU (Friday 9:57pm from San Antonio live on TBS); Elite 8 games Saturday & Sunday live on CBS

The good news? With Jimmer Fridette and the Cougars still very much alive, CBS & Turner intelligently decided to send “Mr. March Madness” Gus Johnson to the Big Easy.

That leads us to the fantastic video of Johnson calling the Jacksonville Jaguars’ Hail Mary victory over the Houston Texans this season, courtesy of “imaU2fan” on Twitter. This is pretty good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wap6gGcVDAA&feature=youtu.be[/youtube]

3. College Lacrosse: Loyola @ Mt. St. Mary’s (Saturday 1pm from Waldron Family Stadium live on AM1570 WNST); Virginia @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 2pm from Homewood Field live on ESPNU); Quinnipiac @ UMBC (Saturday 3:30pm UMBC Stadium); Towson @ Delaware (Saturday 1pm from Newark, DE live on ABC2 & ESPN3.com); North Carolina @ Maryland (Saturday 12pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU); Colgate @ Navy (Saturday 12pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); Tufts @ Stevenson (Wednesday 4pm Caves Athletic Complex), Scranton @ Stevenson (Saturday 12pm Caves Athletic Complex)

Both the Cavaliers and Tar Heels are coming to town this weekend. Conveniently, I can’t stand the Cavaliers or the Tar Heels.

Not all of the memories between the Terps and UNC are positive, but here’s one I like…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0SnOgHx3eg[/youtube]

2. Soccer: MISL Championship-Milwaukee Wave @ Baltimore Blast (Friday 1st Mariner Arena); Argentina @ Team USA (Saturday 7pm from East Rutherford, NJ live on ESPN2); MLS-DC United @ New England Revolution (Saturday 4:30pm from Foxborough, MA live on Comcast SportsNet)

Attention people of Wisconsin: I appreciate what your Green Bay Packers did in the Super Bowl. In fact, I’ll always be grateful.

But on Friday night, I hope you lose. Terribly. Preferably something along the lines of 400,000 to zero.

But I’ll still be grateful that you beat the Steelers. And I’ll be grateful that “That 70′s Show” was set there. I always thought “Mila Kunis or Laura Prepon” should have been the “Ginger or Maryann” of my generation…

kunisprepon

1. Boxing: Yuriorkis Gamboa vs. Jorge Solis (Saturday 9:45pm from Atlantic City live on HBO)

You’re thinking to yourself: “Who the hell are these guys?”

The response: “who cares?”

The reason why this fight is #1 on the list is that Ravens S Tom Zbikowski is scheduled to fight on the undercard.

As I told Tom two weeks ago, I’m a Notre Dame hater in general. But I pull for him…even if I pull for Georgia Tech when I’m watching “Rudy.”

Feel better Fighting Irish lovers. You know I still cry during this scene…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ7ZpLgkVxA[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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