Top 10 Baseball Distractions

April 11, 2011 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Arena Football-AFL Tampa Bay Storm @ Philadelphia Soul (Friday 8pm from Philly live on NFL Network); Boxing: Friday Night Fights-Ivan Popoca vs. Ruslan Provodnikov (Friday 9pm from Temecula, CA live on ESPN2), Andre Berto vs. Victor Ortiz/Amir Khan vs. Paul McCloskey (Saturday 9:45pm from Mashantucket, CT & Manchester, ENG live on HBO), Juan Manuel Lopez vs. Orlando Salido (Saturday 10:30pm from Bayamon, Puerto Rico); Mixed Martial Arts: Bellator Fighting Championships 41 (Saturday 9pm from Yuma, AZ live on MTV2); Soccer: MLS-DC United @ Toronto FC (Saturday 7pm from Toronto live on Fox Soccer Channel)

10. Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Friday 7:30pm 1st Mariner Arena); Sick Puppies/Framing Hanley/Adelita’s Way (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Three Days Grace/My Darkest Days (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live/Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Dirty Heads (Thursday 7pm Rams Head Live), Seether/Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live), Several Species: The Pink Floyd Experience (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live); All Mighty Senators (Friday 8pm 8×10 Club); Johns Hopkins University Spring Fair feat. Chiddy Bang (Friday-Sunday JHU); Cake (Thursday-Saturday 7pm 9:30 Club); Aimee Mann (Tuesday & Wednesday 7:30pm Birchmere); KT Tunstall (Wednesday 8pm Sixth & I Historic Synagogue), Chris Cornell (Sunday 8pm Sixth & I Historic Synagogue); Patrice O’Neal (Friday-Sunday DC Improv); Foo Fighters “Wasting Light” available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

You’re thinking to yourself…”TSO? Christmas is 8 and a half months away!” Well…try this one on for size…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/Rkzs1h1vu0E[/youtube]

Framing Hanley made a major mistake. Art Alexakis from Everclear once told me bands should “NEVER release a cover as their first single.” That being said, Framing Hanley’s take on Lil’ Wayne is pretty good…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/vbUR0SRceD0[/youtube]

If you weren’t a Soundgarden/Temple of the Dog/Audioslave fan; you may not realize how amazing a Chris Cornell solo show has the possibility of being…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/5Pt03oU6RHI[/youtube]

The Foo Fighters are amazing. Every time they put something new out you say to yourself “Wow…that might be the best thing they’ve done.” Yet they’re no one’s favorite band. It’s wild…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/kbpqZT_56Ns[/youtube]

9. Roller Derby: Charm City Roller Girls (Saturday 5:30pm Du Burns Arena)

kiss

Now you’re thinking to yourself “Okay Glenn, how did you go from an entry about the CCRG to a picture of Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page kissing???”

This is too easy.

Drew and Ellen kissed as part of the promotional tour for the film “Whip It”, which was…of course…about Roller Derby. Here’s another promo photo…

drewellen

That would be another point for me. I’m running away with this one.

8. Horse Racing: Arkansas Derby (Saturday 5pm from Hot Springs, AK live on HRTV), Decanter Wine Festival (Saturday 11am Pimlico)

I’m realizing more and more that my second annual pilgrimage to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby is…like…RIGHT around the corner.  It means I have to consider my wardrobe again.

Last year I went with THIS on Kentucky Oaks day…

oaks

I’m the one on the left. I swear.

And then I wore THIS on Derby day…

derby

Look, I tend to dress like a bit of a homeless slob for most of the year…so…I like the idea of looking good just for these days. With that in mind, any suggestions?

7. Tennis: Monte Carlo Rolex Masters (Tuesday-Friday 4:30am, Saturday 7am Sunday 8am from Roquebrune-Cap-Martin, France live on Tennis Channel)

Oh good. Clay courts. The place where the American men who aren’t good enough to win the rest of the year somehow actually get worse.

I don’t understand it either.

But since the event is on the clay, shouldn’t we just go ahead and give the title to this man?

kuerten

(Edit from GMC: If you knew that was Gustavo Kuerten, we should probably consider a life together.)

6. Golf: PGA Tour Valero Texas Open (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from San Antonio), Champions Tour Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am (Friday 12:30pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 4pm Sunday 1pm live on NBC)

Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am? TOTAL excuse for me to post a picture of a Bloomin’ Onion!!!

onion

Words really aren’t necessary after that, right?

5. Auto Racing: NASCAR Aaron’s 499 (Sunday 1pm from Talladega, AL live on FOX); IndyCar Series Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach (Sunday 3:30pm from Long Beach, CA live on VERSUS)

Did someone say Talladega??? Ricky Bobby was on TNT the other night…

[youtube]http://youtu.be/BWKisUSxjXk[/youtube]

Thank God for this movie. Could you imagine if I actually had to know who had won each NASCAR race during the course of the year?

I know they were in Texas last week-who won that one? Davey Allison? Was that the name of a real driver?

4. Pro Wrestling: TNA “Lockdown” (Sunday 8pm from Cincinnati live on Pay-Per-View)

Every match inside a steel cage? YES PLEASE!

In fact I’d be PARTICULARLY interested if Angelina Love was in one of those matches…

alove

3. NBA: Washington Wizards @ Cleveland Cavaliers (Wednesday 8pm from Cleveland live on Comcast SportsNet); NBA Playoffs (Saturday-Monday live on ABC, ESPN and TNT)

And sadly, the season ends for the Washington Wizards. Of course, we’ll always have the memories…

Like…

Yep. It was a hell of a season.

2. NHL Playoffs: New York Rangers @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), New York Rangers @ Washington Capitals (Friday 7:30pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ New York Rangers (Sunday 3pm from New York live on NBC)

Look, I appreciate the fact that the Caps are going to play a game at the Civic Center next year. Not because I like the Caps, but because I appreciate anything that brings money to the city. If I want folks to praise Shogun Fights, I have to be willing to praise the DC hockey team.

That being said, it’s going to be really awkward pulling for the Rangers over the next few weeks considering how much I dislike the Yankees.

But seriously, how can you root against these guys?

[youtube]http://youtu.be/o1OA5niEPm0[/youtube]

1. College Lacrosse: Johns Hopkins @ Maryland (Saturday 8pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU); Loyola @ Georgetown (Saturday 7pm from Kehoe Field live on AM1570 WNST); Towson @ Penn State (Saturday 7pm from University Park, PA live on ABC2 & ESPN3.com); Army @ Navy (Saturday 2pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS Sports); Stevenson @ Salisbury (Saturday 12pm Sea Gull Stadium)

I (secretly) pull for the Blue Jays almost every week of the year.

Not this one.

turtle

It’s the 107th matchup between the Terps and the Jays. I’m hoping for 107-0 in honor of that.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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