Top 10 Baseball Distractions

May 03, 2011 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Mixed Martial Arts-Bellator Fighting Championships 43 (Saturday 9pm from Newkirk, OK live on MTV2); Arena Football: AFL Tampa Bay Storm @ Orlando Predators (Friday 8pm from Orlando live on NFL Network); Soccer: MLS-Seattle Sounders FC @ DC United (Wednesday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on MLS Direct Kick), FC Dallas @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on MLS Direct Kick)

10. Carbon Leaf (Saturday 7pm Rams Head Live), Manchester Orchestra/Cage The Elephant (Sunday 6:30pm Rams Head Live), Donald Glover (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Mint Condition (Saturday 7pm Bourbon Street); Ballyhoo (Saturday 7pm Recher Theatre); Asia (Tuesday & Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); FOALS/Freelance Whales/The Naked & Famous (Saturday 8pm 9:30 Club), Airborne Toxic Event (Sunday 8pm 9:30 Club); Talib Kweli (Wednesday 8pm Sonar), Bowling For Soup (Friday 8pm Sonar); All Time Low/Yellowcard (Saturday 7pm RAC Arena-UMBC); Towson University Tigerfest feat. Brand New, Reel Big Fish, Far East Movement (Friday 3pm Unitas Stadium); Plain White T’s/Parachute (Saturday 12:45pm Pimlico); Harland Williams (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Beastie Boys “Hot Sauce Committee Part 2″ available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

If you’re not familiar with Carbon Leaf…I suggest you get familiar with them as soon as possible…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcyS90pdcuw[/youtube]

I REALLY dig Cage The Elephant. I mean, I REALLY dig Cage The Elephant. This song is quite good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v27TRan1SBI[/youtube]

Airborne Toxic Event=totally underrated…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKEu3EmBCzQ[/youtube]

Really surprised Towson couldn’t do better than Brand New and Reel Big Fish for Tigerfest. But at least I really dig “Jude Law and a Semester Abroad”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlAqE1zgY-I[/youtube]

9. Maryland Film Festival (Thursday-Sunday Charles Theater), Ocean City Springfest (Thursday-Saturday 10am Ocean City inlet)

George Jones and Richard Marx are the headliners for this year’s Springfest. Now word on why Rick Astley wasn’t available.

As far as the Maryland Film Festival is concerned-I’ve amazingly never attended the event. I feel a bit ashamed as a Baltimore native to say that, as the event is one of the city’s more significant economically.

Of course, I feel like I would have been more inclined to make sure I got out there had they ever screened something more along the lines of…say…Superbad…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNib30GghKw[/youtube]

8. Deadline for underclassmen to remove name from NBA Draft (Sunday)

This is a little bit different than the last time this day was significant for area sports fans.

In 2009, Terps fans were concerned about the future of guard Greivis Vasquez after an impressive run to the NCAA Tournament. The “Vivacious Venezuelan” rewarded Terrapins fans by returning and leading the team to an ACC regular season title.

This year-we’re not expecting the news to be quite as good.

Gary Williams’ team is coming off a disappointing year that ended with the team even being left out of the NIT. Now it appears that All-ACC, All-American big man Jordan Williams will not give Maryland fans the same good news that Vasquez did two years ago.

If the news goes the wrong way Maryland fans, take heart. We still get to keep this thing he did to Jon Scheyer…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAF6i1DvZ5s[/youtube]

7. Golf: PGA Tour Wells Fargo Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Charlotte, NC); Champions Tour Regions Tradition (Thursday & Friday 1pm, Saturday & Sunday 3pm from Shoal Creek, AL live on Golf Channel)

I have no idea what’s going on in the world of golf. Forrester kept saying something about Bubba Watson this morning, but I figured that was because he was involved in some sort of weird dream sequence Drew had.

But in golf-related news, former “Big Break” star Nicole Sikora recently changed her Facebook profile picture. I’m assuming she did so because she loves America…

sikora

6. Auto Racing: NASCAR Showtime Southern 500 (Saturday 7:30pm from Darlington, SC live on FOX)

So we’ve reached the part of this where I literally have nothing to say about NASCAR. As I’m writing this, I looked at my girlfriend and said “can you help me with some shtick?”

She said…”How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?”

I responded, “I don’t know.”

She said “A buck an ear.”

This has been the first episode of “a contribution from my girlfriend.” I’m sure it was a hit.

5. NBA Playoffs: Eastern Conference Semifinals: Boston Celtics vs. Miami Heat (Game 2 Tuesday 7pm from Miami live on TNT, Game 3 Saturday 8pm from Boston live on ABC, Game 4 Monday 7pm from Boston live on TNT), Atlanta Hawks vs. Chicago Bulls (Game 2 Wednesday 8pm from Chicago live on TNT, Game 3 Friday 7pm from Atlanta live on ESPN, Game 4 Sunday 8pm from Atlanta live on TNT); Western Conference Semifinals: Memphis Grizzlies vs. Oklahoma City Thunder (Game 2 Tuesday 9:30pm from Oklahoma City live on TNT, Game 3 Saturday 5pm from Memphis live on ESPN, Game 4 Monday 9:30pm from Memphis live on TNT), Dallas Mavericks vs. Los Angeles Lakers (Game 2 Wednesday 10:30pm from LA live on TNT, Game 3 Friday 9:30pm from Dallas live on ESPN, Game 4 Sunday 3:30pm from Dallas live on ABC)

Holy crap could Greivis Vasquez’s run in the NBA Playoffs be any more exciting? I’m not sure I can even find Memphis on a map, but I’m the biggest fan of the Grizz of all time!

So much so that I recently purchased this t-shirt…

grizz

4. Boxing: Manny Pacquiao vs. Shane Mosley (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on Showtime Pay-Per-View); Friday Night Fights: Gilberto Sanchez Leon vs. Diego Magdaleno (Friday 10pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN2)

Is there any way for me to make a joke about the fact that the biggest boxing matches of the year always come right after Cinco De Mayo and yet not have it sound racist?

Nope. Okay, moving on…

Cinco De Mayo is Thursday. I’ll be celebrating by drinking a lot of Pacifico and doing the Macarena.

That’s what people do on Cinco De Mayo, right?

3. NHL Playoffs: Washington Capitals vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (Game 3 Tuesday 6:30pm from Tampa live on Comcast SportsNet & VERSUS, Game 4 Wednesday 7pm from Tampa live on Comcast SportsNet, Game 5 if necessary Saturday 12:30pm from Verizon Center live on NBC, Game 6 if necessary Monday TBD from Tampa live on Comcast SportsNet & VERSUS)

So, while we all know I’m rooting for the Bolts during this series, but I encourage you to come join me at The Dark Horse in Bel Air Tuesday night to root on the Caps.

Yep, I’m as confused as you. But it’ll be fun because we’re drinking beer.

In the meantime, I share with you this picture. I’m not sure what it is, but here it is.

hockey

Hockey is so great.

2. College Lacrosse: Johns Hopkins @ Army (Friday 7pm from West Point, NY live on CBS Sports); Colgate @ Maryland (Saturday 3pm Byrd Stadium); ECAC Tournament: Loyola vs. Fairfield (Thursday 6pm from Denver live on AM1570 WNST), ECAC Championship Game (Saturday 1pm from Denver live on ESPNU-and AM1570 WNST if Greyhounds win Thursday); America East Tournament: UMBC @ Hartford (Wednesday 7pm from Hartford); NCAA Tournament Selection Show (Sunday 9pm live on ESPNU)

Best news about Selection Sunday? Monday will be BRACKET DAY! $15 to get in on my pool, but don’t be a pansy and pick all one seeds to get through. No way Syracuse, JHU, Maryland and Notre Dame all find their way to Baltimore!

Good luck to the Retrievers and Hounds, who will be fighting to get their way into the Dance. If they don’t make it, they can get a nice parting gift from me…this picture of Lisa Marie de Oliviera. (Thanks, Gorilla Mask!)

lisamarie

1. Horse Racing: Kentucky Derby (Saturday 4pm from Louisville live on NBC), Kentucky Oaks (Friday 5pm from Louisville live on VERSUS)

I’m really bitter I won’t be going.

But I’ll share a few things with you anyway. One-if you’re headed to Chuchill Downs, bring sunglasses…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAKeXKwzmco[/youtube]

Two, don’t bet on anyone Rick from Reisterstown tells you to bet on…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJxkbTYekdY[/youtube]

Three, if you don’t like this…move to Russia. This is the best moment in sports…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWbNPQ7XWG4[/youtube]

And as a bonus, here are my friends from Nappy Roots. This song is incredible. I can’t believe I won’t be there…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_f8EiNTuh8[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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