Top 10 Baseball Distractions

June 22, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA: Washington Mystics vs. Phoenix Mercury (Thursday 7pm Verizon Center), Baltimore Mariners vs. D.C. Armor (Saturday 7pm First Mariner Arena), Crystal Palace USA vs. Real Maryland (Thursday 7:30pm Broadneck High School), PGA Travelers Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel; Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS-all thrilling golf action from Cromwell, Connecticut), US Outdoor Track & Field Championships (Friday 8pm, Saturday 7:30pm live on ESPN; Sunday 4pm live on NBC from Eugene, OR)

10-Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen opens in theaters (Wednesday-anywhere you want to give up hundreds of dollars just to see a flick)

You’re thinking to yourself: what the hell does this have to do with sports?
I’m thinking to myself: here’s a picture of Megan Fox….


9-WWE “The Bash” (Sunday 8pm from Sacramento live on Pay-Per-View)


Unlike the last “Bash” held in Northern California; this one comes steroids free.

LOL…..they’re pro wrestlers, people! At the bar last night I overheard one of them order a Captain and stanozolol.

8-Boxing-Victor Ortiz vs. Marcos Maidana, Chris John vs. Rocky Jaurez (Saturday 10pm from Los Angeles live on HBO), Fight Night Round 4 available in stores (Tuesday wherever you want to give up hundreds of dollars just to play a game), Fight Force International-Ultimate Chaos: Bobby Lashley vs. Bob Sapp (Saturday 6pm from Biloxi, MS)

Lots of good fighting this week, but NOTHING is better than the idea of this man……


Fighting this man……


I do not believe a single belt is on the line in this fight. Mostly because EVERY belt is on the line in this fight.

7-IRL SunTrust Indy Challenge (Saturday 8pm from Richmond International Raceway, live on VERSUS); NASCAR Lenox Industrial Tools 301 (Sunday 1:30pm from New Hampshire live on TNT)

I love Danica Patrick and all, but when advertised that they had an unrated commercial online, I was expecting a LITTLE bit more than this…..

I take it all back. And I need a sofa pillow.

6-Under Armour All-America Lacrosse (Girls Game Saturday 5:30pm, Boys Game Saturday 8pm Live on ESPNU; both games from Unitas Stadium)

I always tried to hang out with the lacrosse team in college; but they had this thing about not hanging out with people who bought most of their underwear at Goodwill.

It’s really comfortable underwear though.

5-NHL Entry Draft (Friday 7pm live on VERSUS, Saturday 10am live on NHL Network; Draft live from Montreal)

Who knew that only a few years ago, THIS…..

Would lead to THIS……


Do you think the Cup prefers to be the big spoon or the little spoon???

4-Wimbledon (Tuesday-Friday 7am live on ESPN2; Saturday 8am live on ESPN2, 3pm live on NBC; Monday 7am live on ESPN2, 10am live on NBC)

Wimbledon is reportedly trying to ban female players from grunting. If you support this rule, you are no friend of mine, sir.

Exhibit A:

I need a shower.

3-NBA Draft (Thursday 8pm from New York live on ESPN)

Let’s go to Commissioner David Stern with the pick….

“With the 5th pick in the 2009 NBA Draft, the Washington Wizards select……


2-FIFA Confederations Cup (Semifinals Wednesday-Spain vs. USA & Thursday-Brazil vs. South Africa 2:30pm ESPN; 3rd place Sunday 9am ESPN2; Final Sunday 2:30pm ESPN2. All matches from South Africa)

This story is so good I don’t even know where to start. The Americans were able to advance to the knockout stage of the Confederations Cup because……team Egypt was too distracted by having had all of their belongings stolen by hookers they had invited back to their hotel rooms the night before?????

(Thanks to Deadspin-who almost always remembers to look their things up when hookers come to visit.)

I’d like to take this time to thank God for allowing me to be alive at a time when something like this could happen.

Also, who didn’t have nightmare flashbacks of 8th grade when they saw this during last week’s action in South Africa…..

Oh, just me?

1-“Poet Pride” screening (Thursday Sports Legends at Camden Yards), Kurk Lee/Sam Cassell Charity Game (Saturday 5:15pm Towson Center)

We thought about making a movie about the great basketball history at Perry Hall High School; but unfortunately THIS was the only athlete in program history the filmmakers could find….


That’s weird, I didn’t realize Ray Bachman was a Gator…..

You guys have been fantastic. Please thank my fantastic doorman Ricky Barnes on your way out.