Top 10 Baseball Distractions

July 11, 2011 | Glenn Clark

8. NHL: Washington Capitals Development Camp (Tuesday-Friday Kettler Capitals Iceplex), Washington Capitals FanFest (Saturday 8am Kettler Capitals Iceplex)

I’m no expert on hockey, but I imagine Bruce Boudreau opens development camp by saying “everything we teach you here…you remember it right up until the Spring begins.”

I actually got a look at some of the classes that will be taught during the camp…

“Vodka Shots 101…A Lesson on What Really Matters” by Alex Ovechkin
“Magic 200…The Art of Making Yourself Disappear” by Alex Semin
“Classlessness and Cluelessness 310…What it means to be a DC athlete” by Albert Haynesworth
“Back-Up Plans 440…If this doesn’t work out the FM station in Baltimore might hire you” by Vinny Cerrato

7. Auto Racing: NASCAR Lenox Industrial Tools 301 (Sunday 1pm from Loudon, NH live on TNT)

Hopefully the traffic going to New Hampshire this weekend isn’t as bad as the traffic as it was at Kentucky last week, when apparently a 14 mile trek to the track took as much as four hours.

Eh, not like the folks in Cincinnati had anything else to do with their time. I mean, other than laugh at this clown…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKxNFIubbbE[/youtube]

…that’s what you do with clowns. Laugh at them. Everyone is laughing at you, Chad Ochocinco.

6. ESPY Awards (Wednesday 9pm from Los Angeles live on ESPN)

Seth Meyers is hosting the ESPY’s again this year. He was okay last year, but KILLED when he went to the White House…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YGITlxfT6s[/youtube]

No matter what he does, it won’t be nearly as good as when Norm MacDonald hosted…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC6TbH_Yzd4[/youtube]

I think I post that video once every year. It still hasn’t stopped being funny.

5. Cycling: Tour de France (Tuesday & Wednesday 8am Thursday 6:30am Friday 8am Saturday 6:30am Sunday 8am live on VERSUS)

Since the last time I chatted with you, I still haven’t learned any more about the Tour de France or cycling. I mean, I already knew that Lance Armstrong won the thing a ton and probably did steroids, but I haven’t learned anything else.

So instead of offering analysis, I’ll once again go with France-related “food porn.”

Here’s a picture of the Bourbon French Toast they sell at Lynn’s Paradise Cafe in Louisville. If you ever go to the Kentucky Derby, stop there for breakfast. I’m not kidding even a little bit. Wait three hours if you have to. Ask Kevin Van Valkenburg from the Baltimore Sun…

bourbonfrenchtoast

Holy hell I’m not even sure what I’m looking at but I WANT IT.

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