Top 10 Baseball Distractions

August 03, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: NASCAR Heluva Good! Sour Cream Dips at The Glen (Sunday 1pm from Watkins Glen live on ESPN-Is That Really The Name of the Race? Jesus Snider, just try to defend this “sport”), IRL Honda Indy 200 at Mid-Ohio (Sunday 1pm live on VERSUS), WNBA Washington Mystics vs. Detroit Shock (Thursday 7pm Verizon Center), Boxing-Friday Night Fights: Alfredo Angulo vs. Gabriel Rosado (Friday 9pm from Primm, Nevada live on ESPN2), U.S. Air Guitar Championship Finals (Friday 8pm 9:30 Club)

10-American Idols Live (Wednesday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena), O.A.R. (Friday 7:30 Merriweather Post Pavilion), Dave Matthews Band (Saturday 7pm Nissan Pavilion)

I’m only going to 1 of these 3 events. Can you guess which one????


Actually, it’s O.A.R. But you’re not gonna hear me say a single negative word about Seacrest; mostly because I’m pretty certain he runs the entire media world. And you can be down on American Idol as much as you want, but I would suggest the young ladies going bring an extra pair of underpants for the moment when Kris Allen does his best Kanye West impression…..

Also, O.A.R. are good boys from Rockville, and they can do this. I don’t know about you, but I cannot….


Forgive me for acting remarkably unlike me; but for “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” and I-that’s “our song.” It was a hard choice to go with that one; but she preferred it to my first choice (Editor’s Note: Language NSFW. Unless you work at the Gold Club. In which case, please leave your cell number below)……

9-G.I. Joe Opens in theaters (Friday, wherever you most enjoy dropping $15 on a tub of popcorn)

Dude, make fun of me all you want; but I’ll be there. In fact, if TLDGOTFOTP is reading, please plan on us seeing this at noon on Friday. Also, if TLDGOTFOTP is reading; I want barbeque chicken for dinner tonight. Please get on that.

And I’m not sure who Karolina Kurkova is or what role she plays in G.I. Joe; but the answer should be EVERY role….


8-Chick-Fil-A opens in Middle River (Thursday 6am)

“Drew…..its Glenn.”

“What’s up Glenn?”

“Here’s the thing. Thursday morning…..I might be a little late. It’ll be fine.”

“Why are you gonna be late?”

“No reason.”

“Seriously man, we have to do a radio show. I’ve got stuff to talk about. Why the hell would you be late? This isn’t really okay.”

“Ummmm……….dentist appointment?”

“Dude, the dentist’s office isn’t open that early.”


“Oh. Get me some chicken minis.”

This has been another addition of Comcast Morning Show theater, where we remind you to purchase your next vehicle at Koons Ford. And true story: this was an actual conversation I had with Intern Steven Patrick this morning; who will no longer be with us if he shows up Thursday morning WITHOUT chicken minis.

Addendum: Which of these pictures is more attractive to you?



or B-


I think you know my answer.

7-Soccer: DC United vs. Real Madrid (Sunday 3pm from FedEx Field live on Fox Soccer Channel/Telefutura)

For all of the complaining I have done in recent weeks about how everyone from Europe has a better name than I do (You know, “Alex”, Dario Franchitti, Helio Castroneves, Alberto Contador, etc.); Real Madrid coming to town makes me realize I don’t have things nearly as bad as I thought I did.


Kaka? Awful. Just awful.

Although, if I had a $94 million contract, I’m pretty cool you could call me “Melewski” and I’d be okay with it.

(Editor’s note: I’m still waiting to hear if Steve will be taking me up on my offer to be my partner in next weekend’s Maryland Cornhole Tournament. Ball’s in your court, Steve.)

6-Maryland Football Media Day (Monday 2pm Gossett Team House at Byrd Stadium)

Is it just me, or is Maryland camp remarkably less interesting knowing that there is ABSOLUTELY no QB battle for the first time since this guy was in College Park?


(Editor’s note: You think Chris Turner is a big man on campus? This guy could’ve walked into Cluck-U and walked out with 15 phone numbers.)

(Editor’s note 2-Hey, it’s my blog damnit: Chinese lunch bet says Ralph somehow uses Jordan Steffy’s name in Monday’s preseason press conference. Don’t know how yet, but you just know he will.)

5-Golf: WGC Bridgestone Invitational (Thursday & Friday 2pm Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 2pm CBS. All golf from Akron, Ohio)

Tiger Woods is playing again this week, so there’s a chance you might peak at this. I’d try to make an intelligent golf joke here, but frankly-you care about golf probably as much as I do. So instead I found a picture of Ray Bachman playing golf in Alaska. I think you’ll like it.


4-Tennis: US Open Series Legg Mason Tennis Classic (Action Monday-Sunday; TV Friday 12 & 7pm ESPN2, 2:30pm Tennis Channel; Saturday 3pm Tennis Channel, 7pm ESPN2; Sunday-FINAL-3pm ESPN2. All action from Fitzgerald Tennis Center), LA Women’s Tennis Championships presented by Herbalife (Friday & Saturday 5pm Tennis Channel, 7pm ESPN2; Sunday-FINAL-5pm ESPN2.)

If for some reason you hear this on the news this week: “American tennis star Andy Roddick is believed to be missing. He was last seen with a doughy-looking white male who was wearing a Greivis Vasquez jersey and is believed to be in the radio industry. If you know have any information about the suspect, please call Metro Police”…….

Just be cool, guys. Please?

This is another one of those “Hmmmm….” type of questions. If you could spend the evening with one of these people, who would you choose:



or B-Andy’s wife Brooklyn Decker


Can I get back to you?

3-Ravens Training Camp (Tuesday-Monday, McDaniel College)

I know the Ravens don’t do “King Ugly” anymore, but if they did, could I nominate Domonique Foxworth?


Also, thank God they don’t do a Media version of King Ugly. I mean, Coleman already wins at everything else in town (other than his wrestling matches with Brian Mitchell, apparently); why add to his embarrassment of riches???


2-Pro Football Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony (Saturday 7pm from Canton, Ohio live on ESPN & NFL Network), Hall of Fame Game: Buffalo Bills vs. Tennessee Titans (Sunday 8pm from Canton, Ohio live on NBC)



(Editor’s note: Kinda. But that doesn’t matter. Not even a little bit. When Patrick Ramsey is throwing the ball to Dominique Edison in the 4th quarter, it will STILL be football.)

1-UFC 101: Declaration (Saturday 10pm from Philadelphia live on Pay-Per-View, WNST bus leaves at 3pm from White Marsh Park & Ride, bouts start at 8:15), WEC 42: Miguel Angel Torres vs. Brian Bowles (Sunday 9pm from Las Vegas live on VERSUS)

It’s like God knew it had been a long summer and wanted to give me my own personal weekend. If you haven’t signed up for the UFC bus, you’re out of your mind.

This will be the best thing that’s happened to me in Philly since……


…..yeah, we’re finding a way to go to Geno’s while we’re there. That city is a miserable hell hole otherwise.

Here’s an Anderson Silva highlight video for you to gander at as well. I’m so good to you people.