Top 10 Baseball Distractions

August 10, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard released in theaters (Friday Wherever motion pictures are overpriced) TNA “Hard Justice” (Sunday 8pm from Orlando live on Pay-Per-View), NASCAR Carfax 400 (Sunday 1pm from Michigan live on ESPN), WNBA Washington Mystics vs. Detroit Shock, Connecticut Sun, New York Liberty (Tuesday 7pm, Friday 7pm, Sunday 4pm respectively, Verizon Center)

10-Phish (Saturday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Our Lady Peace (Monday 7pm 9:30 Club)

I asked Michael Phelps to be my date to the Phish show, and he said he was in, as long as a special guest joined Trey and company onstage…..

For the record, if I was at a Phish show and all of a sudden Jay-Z came out; I might reach my………well……..I believe Brady Anderson called it his “athletic opus.”

Also, Our Lady Peace marks the most Canadian thing to come to DC since Don Cherry was at a Capitals playoff game. And with no offense to Don Cherry, I’d probably rather do shots of maple syrup and compare favorite Tragically Hip songs with someone who can do this……

9-Boxing: Roy Jones Jr. vs. Jeff Lacy (Saturday 9pm from Biloxi, MS live on Pay-Per-View), Nonito Donaire vs. Rafael Concepcion (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View)

Remember when Roy Jones Jr. was the greatest pound for pound fighter of all-time?

I do……kinda. I also remember when he did this……

I understand that Anderson Silva is bored with just beating the living tar out of everyone in the UFC, but does anyone understand his fascination with boxing RJJ? What the hell does that accomplish? I’m pretty sure this guy could beat stand toe-to-toe with Roy Jones at this point….


8-Gymnastics: VISA Championships (Thursday & Friday 8pm live on Universal Sports, Saturday 8pm live on NBC. Every vault live from Dallas)

I think the good news for Shawn Johnson is that at this event, she PROBABLY won’t have to deal with this…..


However, this remains arguably the most awkward event of the year, because how in the hell am I supposed to watch Alicia Sacramone and not think of every possible “floor exercise” joke imaginable??????


7-US Open Series Tennis: Rogers Masters Cup (Thursday 1pm, Friday 1pm & 7pm, Saturday 7pm, Sunday-FINAL-1:30pm from Montreal live on ESPN2); Western & Southern Financial Group Women’s Open (Thursday 5pm Tennis Channel; Friday 5pm ESPN2, 9pm Tennis Channel; Saturday 1pm ESPN2, Sunday-FINAL-4pm ESPN2. Every shot live from Cincinnati)

In honor of Rafael Nadal’s return to competitive tennis this week; I thought maybe I could pass along some fun facts about Spain! (Hey, this is different!)

-Spain is the World’s 51st largest country
-Spain has an estimated population of 46,661,950
-Spain’s currency is the euro
-Spain’s military is the spanish armed forces
-A popular dish in Spain is paella……


-And finally, The greatest moment in Spanish history was the birth of Paz Vega…..


6-PGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 2pm TNT, Saturday & Sunday 11am TNT, 2pm CBS; all action from Chaska, MN)

I don’t really give a crap about golf, but apparently being able to do this is pretty good……..

I’m not really that impressed though. That looks like an average shot for me on Wii when I play Tiger Woods Golf. And I usually have about 12-14 Leinenkugel’s in me. We call that “Tuesday” here at my place.

5-Strikeforce: Carano vs. Cyborg (Saturday 10:30pm from San Jose live on Showtime)

I saw this answer on Jeopardy the other night…….

“This moment is known throughout history as the sexiest thing that ever happened ever.”

And now we finally know the question!!!!!!

Maybe THIS isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen…….

But THIS might be……


But as someone who cares DEARLY about the sport of Mixed Martial Arts, I know one thing. I ABSOLUTELY hope that this match ends via knockout, TKO, or submission. I really, REALLY hope this match doesn’t end via “Double DQ due to intense makeout session between the two fighters in the middle of the cage.”

I mean, I REALLY hope that doesn’t happen.

4-World Cup Qualifying: Team USA @ Mexico (Wednesday 4pm from Mexico City live on mun2, Telemundo)

Apparently it is all but impossible to win at the Azteca….


But Apparently you don’t know about The GOOCH…….


(Editor’s Note: God is there anything more concerning than having to play at a stadium where the fans are so insane they have to put up a large fence to prevent them from attacking the field?)

3-Maryland Cornhole Cup & Beerfest (Sunday 9am Navy-Marine Corps Stadium)

If you don’t get me one of these things, it only goes to show me that you don’t care about me at all…….


You know, I’d settle for this……


Also, you may have noticed that the name of the event is “Maryland Cornhole Cup and Beer Festival.” With that in mind, I’d like to take this time to warn you that if you know me, you will NOT be proud of me on Sunday. The last time I went to one of these things…….


2-Redskins @ Ravens (Thursday 7:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on WBAL11 & MASN)


That is all.

1-Madden 2010 Hits Stores (Midnight Friday at your favorite local nerd paradise)

I’m not REALLY sure why I even bother playing the game. Once I get through the Fantasy Draft, I’m basically done. In my world, the Ravens have Drew Brees at QB, Larry Fitzgerald at WR, keep Jared Gaither at Tackle, and will NEVER……..EH-EH-EVER…….have a man who looks like this play Tight End…..


Did I mention?


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..