Top 10 Baseball Distractions

April 20, 2009 | Glenn Clark

If the “Grand Ol’ Game” doesn’t always do it for you like it doesn’t always do it for me; you might enjoy some of these other things going on this week……

Honorable Mention: Florence Phantoms @ Baltimore Mariners (Friday 7:30pm-1st Mariner Arena), WWE Backlash (Sunday 8pm-Providence, RI-PPV), Kings Of Leon (Friday 8pm-Patriot Center), Bermuda @ Crystal Palace USA (Friday 7:30pm-UMBC), NBA Playoffs (TNT/ESPN/ABC/Cartoon Network maybe/could be a game on MTV2 i’m guessing)

10-“The Wrestler” DVD Release (Tuesday-anywhere DVD’s are sold)

While I’m still trying to figure out how the Motion Picture Academy thought “Mickey Rourke” was pronounced “Sean Penn”, I’ll head over to my local DVD store and pick up a copy of “The Wrestler.” And then after watching the scene involving “The Necro Butcher”….


…..I’ll attempt to staple a dollar bill on my roommate’s forehead. After he hits me over the head a few times with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, we’ll go to the hospital and chuckle while we undergo multiple surgeries to repair our wounds. Just another Tuesday here in the apartment, and TRUST ME-they still beat our Wednesdays.

9-“War On The Shore” (Saturday 1pm-Roy Kirby, Jr. Stadium)

So apparently the thing Salisbury was doing where they were losing games to Stevenson, Mary Washington, Craig Worthington, and Arianna Huffington was just a bit; because they turned around and scored 3,000 goals last week to win the CAC Championship. (Editor’s Note: Salisbury’s losses were to Stevenson, Gettysburg, and St. Mary’s. But do you see in a funny bit in those names? Neither do I. Moving on….) Throw out all the records when the Sea Gulls and Sailors get together for their annual rivalry game (this year in Chestertown), and then go get all those records you just threw out because NCAA administrators probably need them. Why would you ever think it was okay to just throw away records? We have file cabinets for reasons, Kyle.

8-ACC Lacrosse Tournament (Friday 5 & 7:30pm, Sunday 3:30pm-Raycom/Channel 54-all games Chapel Hill, NC)

In the midst of one of the most disappointing seasons in recent memory, Dave Cottle’s Terps are somehow the Number 1 seed going into this weekend’s ACC Tournament. This is of course the classic “blessing and a curse” scenario, as the Terps avoid Virginia and Duke in the first round, but instead have to play North Carolina on their home field after needing a lucky goal just to beat the Heels earlier in the season. When reached for comment regarding Maryland’s NCAA Tournament hopes, Gary Williams reminded the media that Michigan State was a Top 5 team when the Terps beat them.

7-Weekend Fights: Deandre Latimore vs. Cory Spinks (Friday 11pm-St. Louis-Showtime), Carl Froch vs. Jermain Taylor (Saturday 9pm-Mashantucket, CT-Showtime)

I could sit here and tell you about these fights, but does anyone really care? Jermain Taylor is normally pretty good when Kelly Pavlik’s fist isn’t in the same state, and I always dig the “Sooey” yells from Arkansas fans every time he steps into the ring. And Cory Spinks is the son of boxing legend Leon Spinks, which made me think of this gem…..


Yes, you read that right. Leon Spinks was co-starred in a movie with Gary Busey and Tonya Harding. I know some people liked “Million Dollar Baby”, but there is no chance this wasn’t the greatest boxing movie of the decade. NO CHANCE.

6-Caps & Rangers in NHL Playoffs (Game 4 Wednesday 7pm-New York City-Versus/Comcast SportsNet, Game 5 Friday 7pm-Verizon Center-Versus/Comcast SportsNet, Game 6 if necessary Sunday 2pm-New York City-NBC)

The “Drew Forrester Suicide Watch” was delayed by the Caps’ Game 3 win; which is good, because it would be really hard for me to sleep during the Morning Show if I had to host it. (Did I say that out loud?) I like how Alexander Ovechkin thought it wouldn’t be a big deal if he just sat and watched Rangers practice on Monday. I had no idea “The Great 8” graduated from the Bill Belichick School of Sports Management.

5-UWC 6: Capital Punishment (Saturday 7pm-Patriot Center-Streaming on

Until we finally see our first MMA event in the state of Maryland, this is as close as live Mixed Martial Arts comes to Baltimore. Pop quiz: UWC fighter Jon Koppenhaver goes by the nickname “War Machine” because:

A-He’s a big fan of “Iron Man”
B-He’s a certifiable maniac
C-All of the above

Of course, maybe he just so happens to look like this…….


……but I’m guessing not.

4-College Lacrosse: Johns Hopkins @ Towson (Wednesday 7:30pm-Unitas Stadium)

Attention Tony Seaman: a 13-4 loss here probably wouldn’t do you much good. Attention Dave Pietramala: This thing you do where your team looks mediocre until April and then reminds everyone that they’re still Hopkins is funny and all, but why can’t you just be good all year? I love lacrosse at night, but I prefer Friday night. And I prefer nights when it isn’t 50 degrees outside. And I don’t much care for these young people and their music, either.

3-Maryland Hunt Cup (Saturday 4pm-Glyndon)

I believe the slogan for Hunt Cup this year is…”While Preakness was busy banning alcohol, we were busy telling you to load up.”

Okay, that probably isn’t the slogan. But I know that the nearly 10,000 people who will be attending are certainly thinking it. Hunt Cup apparently has something to do with Fox Hunting, or maybe something to do with equstrian, or something to do with polo. I don’t know, and I doubt that much of anyone who goes cares. What I do know is that Hunt Cup is the first time all year young ladies wear sundresses for something besides Church, and that’s a thought we can all get behind….

2-Spring Football: Maryland Red & White Game (Saturday 3:30pm-Byrd Stadium) Towson Black & Gold Game (Saturday 1:30pm-Unitas Stadium)

Saturday is “Maryland Day” in College Park. Do you understand what that means? That means coeds sunning themselves on the mall, enjoying a lemonade, wearing bikini tops on rock-climbing walls, and jumping on a moonbounce. I searched for videos of chicks jumping on a moonbounce to post here in order to help you understand why this is such a good thing; but I think all of the videos I found would probably get me arrested for watching. And oh yeah, there’s a football game Saturday. Well, a football practice played in a way similar to a football game; but you get the picture. I think the Maryland Spring Game MVP award is being renamed the “Josh Portis Award” by the way. (ROFL/LOL/LMAO!)

Towson is holding their Spring game as well Saturday, which inevitably will lead to the awkward moment where Gordy Combs strolls out to midfield only to have Rob Ambrose say “Umm…Coach….this is kinda my gig now…i’m sorry!” The All-American Rejects are playing after the game over on the main campus, you may recognize them as that band whose songs you really like until you’ve heard them so many times that you end up punching your driver’s side window the next time they come on the radio. Since I presume you’re reading this indoors, here’s their newest “I used to really like that tune” diddy. I hope this isn’t the spin that puts you over the edge…

1-2009 NFL Draft (Saturday 4pm & Sunday noon-New York City-ESPN/NFL Network/WNST 1570)

I entered “List of things greater than the NFL Draft” into a Google Search, and here’s what I came up with:


Yeah, that’s right. The absolute best weekend of the year; which somehow the NFL has managed to make better in recent years by pushing it to later in the day. And guess who’s gonna be your maestro for NFL Draft coverage on AM1570 WNST & That’s right, the guy with the thumbs. (Editor’s note: That joke works better when you can see me pointing at myself with my thumbs. Look, they’re not all winners.) It’s like all 32 NFL teams (AND every College Football team) are playing a Spring Game at the same time. Will 5th round pick Garrett Reynolds ever make an impact if selected by the Jets? Maybe not, but who cares! My only issue Saturday is that it is also my girlfriend (“The Luckiest Gal on the Face of the Earth”)’s birthday. How is she gonna be able to make buffalo chicken dip and drop it off at the station while she’s out watching the horses with her friends and celebrating??? I guess we’ll find out!