Top 10 Baseball Distractions

September 07, 2009 | Glenn Clark

We’re flipping things around a bit today. With Labor Day weekend extending into Monday (a day that includes some major sporting events), we’ll hold off on a 15-7-0 until tonight. In the meantime, we’ll give you this week’s baseball distractions. For those of you wondering what I’m going to do once baseball season ends; I haven’t figured that out yet. If I include the playoffs; I still have nearly two months before I have to worry about it. Don’t force me to do anything before I’m ready.

This is for the week starting Tuesday, September 8:

Honorable mention
MLS: DC United vs. Kansas City Wizards, Seattle Sounders (Wednesday, Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet), WNBA: Washington Mystics vs. Atlanta Dream (Saturday 7pm Verizon Center), NASCAR Chevy Rock & Roll 400 (Saturday 7pm from Richmond International Raceway live on ABC)

10-Kings of Leon (Tuesday 6pm doors Merriweather Post Pavilion), HF-Twestival with Jimmie’s Chicken Shack (Thursday 10pm Rams Head Live), Journey & Night Ranger (Wednesday 8pm First Mariner Arena), Ravens Kickoff Concert featuring Shinedown & Halestorm (Thursday 5pm from Power Plant Live), ZZ Top (Sunday & Monday 7pm 9:30 Club) Jay-Z “The Blueprint 3” hits stores (Friday)

You know why I’ll be in Columbia Tuesday night? Because THIS might be the best song I’ve heard all year…..

You know why I’ll be at Rams Head Thursday night? Because THIS song seriously helped to shape my childhood….

And you know why I’ll be racing to the retailer of my choice after The Comcast Morning Show Friday? Because THIS man is the greatest emcee the genre has ever seen……

9-WWE Breaking Point (Sunday 8pm from Montreal live on Pay-Per-View)

This is the WWE’s first ever event where all matches must end in a submission. Enough about that, the following night the WWE will be back in Toronto, and Trish Stratus will be guest hosting. Why should you be excited about that? Ummm…..


8-ShoBox: Andre Ward vs. Shelby Pudwill, Mikkel Kessler vs. Gusmyl Perdomo (Saturday 10pm from Temecula, CA and Herning, Denmark live on Showtime), Boxing: Ivan Calderon vs. Rodel Mayol (Saturday 6:30pm from San Juan, Puerto Rico live on Pay-Per-View)

I could sit here and tell you about these fights, but I know you don’t care; and I’m not big on wasting your time. I will instead let you enjoy this video of an attractive gal in her underpants boxing on Wii. I’m a giver, folks.

7-PGA Tour FedEx Cup Playoffs: BMW Championship (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday 3pm and Sunday 2pm live on NBC. All playoff golf from LeMont, Ill.), LPGA P&G Beauty NW Arkansas Championship Presented by John Q. Hammons (Friday 12:30pm, Saturday & Sunday 1pm live on Golf Channel from Rogers, AK)

And we officially have a winner in the “Worst Tournament Name Ever” contest.

The P&G Beauty Northwest Arkansas Championship Presented by John Q. Hammons?


And also, how much does it cost to get your name on a LPGA Tournament? Could I drop a 20 spot and have “The Glenn Clark Open?”

One more thing……the person pictured below is apparently a pro golfer named Sophie Sandolo. So now you know that.


6-Capitals Rookie Camp (Tuesday-Thursday, Kettler Capitals IcePlex. Scrimmage Thursday 11:45am, Scrimmage vs. Flyers rookies Friday 3pm @ Virtua Center Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees, NJ)

I feel really bad. The Caps asked me to participate in their Media Fantasy Camp last week; but I……well……can’t skate.

Of course, I also don’t have any god-awful tattoos…..


Which means there’s one thing about my life that is better than Alexander Ovechkin’s……..

5-High School Football: Glen Burnie vs. Southern (Friday 6:30pm), Overlea vs. Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

The Clark Family Cup. On one side we have Overlea…..alma mater of the crafty veteran himself, The Great Tom Clark…..


On the other side, Perry Hall……the alma mater of the up and coming young punk Glenn Clark………


This is much more than just a game of pigskin. This is personal.

You’re going down, dad.


4-World Cup Qualifying: Team USA @ Trinidad & Tobago (Wednesday 7pm from Port of Spain live on ESPN Classic)

I get the feeling that if we weren’t about to be playing them in soccer, I might actually like Trinidad & Tobago. They’re too island nations in the Caribbean where English is spoken; and might be a cool place to hang out.

But, much like Dad and Overlea; they’re going down. You know why? Because America KICKS ASS. Take it, John S. Hall……

(Editor’s Note: Language NSFW. Unless of course you work at a Hallmark store. Those old ladies curse like sailors…..)

3-College Football: James Madison @ Maryland (Saturday 6pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPN360), Navy vs. Louisiana Tech (Saturday 3:30pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS College Sports)

Hide your beers, Glenn’s coming back home to College Park!!!!!! And this season; Luke Jones is your Terps reporter, so I don’t even have to stay sober until halftime! (And if this week’s game is ANYTHING like last week’s game, I won’t be able to stay sober until halftime!)

Also, did I just hear you ask if I had a video of a charming, handsome football analyst chatting with Maryland WR and Poly alum LaQuan Williams? Whaddya know?????

2-U.S. Open (Tuesday-Thursday 11am ESPN2/Tennis Channel, 7pm ESPN2; Friday 12:30pm CBS; Saturday 12pm & 8pm-women’s final-CBS; Sunday 1pm ESPN2, 4pm-Men’s Final-CBS. All action from Flushing Meadows.)

Well, America kicks ass in a lot of things; but apparently not men’s tennis. Oh well.

I guess this week I’ll be rooting for…….Jo-Wilfried Tsonga???


Hey…..ABF man…….Anyone But Federer

1-Chiefs @ Ravens (Sunday 1pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS), Titans @ Steelers (Thursday 8:30pm from Pittsburgh live on NBC)

OH.MY.GOD. You know what this means???

Jovan is coming to town!!!!!!


He had better call in……..

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..