Top 10 Baseball Distractions

September 28, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Washington Wizards Training Camp Opens (Tuesday Richmond, VA), AHL Hershey Bears Home Opener vs. Norfolk Admirals (Saturday 7pm from Giant Center in Hershey, PA)

10-U2 (Tuesday 7pm from FedEx Field), Fells Point Fun Fest (Saturday and Sunday 11am)

Jimi Haha’s other band-Jarflys-will be at the Fun Fest. I know that in comparison to U2 this doesn’t even register as a blip on the radar screen, but indulge me. They’re really good.

That being said, the greatest band on the face of the planet is in Washington, DC Tuesday night. Dan Snyder has already offered The Edge the opportunity to take over as head coach. He declined, as well he should. I was going to go to this show, but I’m reasonably certain no one has ever gone to FedEx Field and still had the will to live. Plus, there’s NO chance it will be as great as the night Bono and the boys came to Baltimore Arena/First Mariner Arena back in 2001. Which is amazing it itself, as that sentence I just said involved the words “great” and “First Mariner Arena.” But I digress. If you don’t think “Where The Streets Have No Name” is one of the greatest songs in the history of recorded music, I do not respect you as a human being.

9-NASCAR Price Chopper 400 presented by Kraft Foods (Sunday 1pm from Kansas Motor Speedway live on ABC)

As if NASCAR could get more exciting…..they’re going to KANSAS!!!!!!! YOWZAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was hoping to write something witty and interesting here about NASCA……Christ, I couldn’t even finish that without busting into laughter. I’ll pick Bill Elliott to win this one.

Do the NASCAR people KNOW that football games are played on Sundays?

8-CONCACAF Champions League: DC United vs. San Juan Jabloteh (Wednesday 8pm from RFK Stadium live on Fox Soccer Channel), MLS: DC United vs. Chivas USA (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on The Comcast Network)

Am I excited about either of these soccer matches? Of course not. Is this an excuse for me to introduce you to an American soccer WAG? Of course.

This is Bianca Kajlich, wife of Landon Donovan…..


Who says the USA doesn’t know a thing or two about The Beautiful Game?

7-High School Football: Kenwood @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm), Broadneck @ Glen Burnie (Friday 6:30pm)

Have we seriously lost to both Joppatowne AND Parkville this season? What the hell, Gators? How in the hell am I supposed to take solace in Maryland’s failures if you guys are equally failing? (Editor’s note: NO ONE is failing at a Maryland-level right now. You know, BESIDES the Orioles.)

Anyway, for those of you headed to a high school football game this weekend; please remember that NO MATTER what they look like…..


6-WWE “Hell In A Cell” (Sunday 8pm from Newark live on Pay-Per-View), “A Decade Of Smackdown” (Friday 8pm MyNetwork 24)

I can’t think of a single reason why ANYONE would want to watch this PPV Sunday night…..I mean, other than…..

But, you guys don’t seem like the type to get excited about violence and high-flying excitement. Nah, me neither. A night at home watching “Desperate Housewives” will be just fine for me.

Come to think of it, maybe I could be convinced……..


5-NHL: Capitals Home Opener vs. Maple Leafs (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

I will admit, it is difficult for me to root for the Caps as they play in Washington-and I dislike Washington a LOT. That being said, I can get behind them Saturday night, as everything about Canada is weird. Of course, nothing about Canada is weirder than Donnie Dumphy……

4-MMA-UWC 7: Redemption (Saturday 7pm from Patriot Center), UFC: The Ultimate Fighter: Kimbo Slice vs. Roy “Big Country” Nelson (Wednesday 10pm SpikeTV)



You’re in my prayers, Ray.

3-Golf: Constellation Energy Senior Players Championship (Thursday-Sunday from Baltimore Country Club. Live on Golf Channel Thursday & Friday 1pm; Live on NBC Saturday 1:30pm, Sunday 4pm), PGA Turning Stone Resort Championship (Thursday-Sunday 3pm from Verona, NY live on Golf Channel), Navistar LPGA Classic (Thursday-Sunday 8:30pm from Prattville, AL live on Golf Channel)

I actually think the Champions Tour has really done a hell of a job marketing their stop in Baltimore. But I will admit that I think there is one thing they have failed to adequately promote about the final major championship of the year. That would of course be the pure, unfiltered sex appeal of Tom Kite…..


I mean, either you want to sell tickets or you don’t.

2-College Football: Clemson @ Maryland (Saturday noon from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU), New Hampshire @ Towson (Saturday 3:30pm from Unitas Stadium live on AM1570 WNST and Comcast SportsNet), Air Force @ Navy (Saturday 3:30pm from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium live on CBS College Sports)

This creates a fundamental problem for me. You see, no matter how bad things get; I’m not going to turn my back on the Terps. But when it comes to the Tigers…..well…..they DO have this……


And in honor of the Academy showdown Saturday in Annapolis, this still doesn’t suck…..

1-Ravens @ Patriots (Sunday 1pm from Foxborough live on CBS), 2 Rings For O.J. (Tuesday 7pm M&T Bank Stadium)

You know how I feel about the event to celebrate O.J. Brigance’s 40th birthday. Please go honor him appropriately. But as far as our trip to New England this weekend is concerned; I have a couple of things that I would like to accomplish before the weekend is over.

1-Tour this place, enjoy 3-400 Octoberfests afterwards


2-Exclaim this very loudly at Fenway Park


3-“What’s Our Name?” Everybody knows it’s “Ravens” here…


4-See this as I’m leaving Gillette Stadium…..


Flexing my mic muscles since 1983……