Top 10 Baseball Distractions

December 20, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Since there are a lot of variables to the Ravens game this week (namely HOW THE HELL AM I GETTING THERE AND BACK?), I’m not sure when I’ll get to this week’s 15-7-0. So I decided to get this out a bit early. This is for the week starting Tuesday, December 22 and going through Monday, December 28. All times are eastern.

Honorable Mention:
Baltimore Blast @ Rockford Rampage (Sunday 6:05pm from Rockford streamed live on, All Mighty Senators (Saturday 8pm 8×10 Club), Terrapin Classic: Maryland Women vs. Stony Brook (Sunday 6pm Comcast Center)

10-Glenn Clark’s Christmas Plans (Thursday night-Friday afternoon, various locations throughout Baltimore and Baltimore County)

Look, not a whole lot going on in the world of sports this week, so indulge me. My Christmas plans begin Christmas Eve in Little Italy, with an annual dinner at Chippiarelli’s, home of the greatest salad of all time ever….


Then we’ll go to church. I’m not sure where, but I know it won’t be the Church of the Immaculate Conception in Towson. Not because it’s a bad church; but because my girlfriend (“The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet”)’s roommate convinced me to go with her last year, and it was a DISASTER. Upon being seated, I was greeted by some sort of guido who said “Hey buddy, we’re gonna do this-it’s gonna be great. My guys, they’re all out tonight, so I’m gonna need your help. It’s gonna be great. Gonna be great. What’s gonna happen is this guy’s gonna get up there and he’s gonna speak at you-you know, the homily-thing. It’s gonna be great. Then, wait for my cue-and I mean that-wait for my cue. I can’t stress that enough. We get up there, he’ll speak at you some more, then we collect the moneys. It’s gonna be great.”

Of course I said yes, mostly because I originally thought the guy was gonna try to sell me some stolen cable, but eventually started fearing for my safety. I walked to the front to do the collecting and everyone was making hand signals. I felt lost. I survived, but just barely. So that’s the end of that.

I guess we’re doing Christmas breakfast at TLDGOTFOTP’s Mom’s house, which hopefully means this…….


And the absolute HIGHLIGHT of Christmas will absolutely be the great Karen Clark’s traditional Christmas dinner…..


That’s right. It’s Christmas. So we eat shells. That’s how it is.

9-Sherlock Holmes in theaters (Friday) Family Guy Presents: Something Something Something Dark Side available on DVD and Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

Well, this doesn’t look hilarious or anything…….

8-24 Hours of A Christmas Story (Thursday 8pm-Friday 8pm on TNT)

Everyone you know has this on DVD. Yet everyone you know watches it on TNT anyway. I’m guessing I’ll end up watching it around 10am on Friday, but if not-I’ll watch it at some point. Trust me on that. And when Drew Forrester and I go for Chinese in Owings Mills Monday, we will request this…..

7-Duel in the Pool (Sunday 2pm from Manchester, England on NBC)

This already happened, but you’ll think it’s live because it’s swimming and no one cares enough to have checked to see the results!

(Editor’s note: Spoiler alert! The Americans won. Like we do in everything. Because America kicks ass. Mostly because Olivia Munn is American…..)


6-NHL: Sabres @ Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Devils @ Capitals (Saturday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Hurricanes @ Capitals (Monday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

Good news, next week we can actually talk about a hockey game I care about, but only because it’s my beloved Flyers getting a chance to beat a Boston team at Fenway Park. In the meantime, I have to do my best to fake interest. I like to read Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy blog; and I was enjoying Greg’s list of the Top 10 biggest hockey bloopers of the last decade. Here’s his Number 1….

This is where you’d expect me to offer some sort of analysis-or at least decent shtick-regarding the previous clip. But sadly, showing you a blooper was really just what I was doing out of laziness. Sorta like when it would rain in 6th grade and my gym teacher would force us to watch some 1980’s blooper tape featuring NBA players in shorts that were actually somehow shorter than his……


5-NBA: 76ers @ Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Wizards @ Bucks (Wednesday 8pm from Milwaukee live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Wizards @ Timberwolves (Saturday 8pm from Minneapolis live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS & NBA TV), Wizards @ Grizzlies (Monday 8pm from Memphis live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS & NBA TV); Christmas Day NBA Quintuuple Header: Heat @ Knicks (Friday 12pm from New York live on ESPN), Celtics @ Magic (Friday 2:30pm from Orlando live on ABC), Cavaliers @ Lakers (Friday 5pm from Los Angeles live on ABC), Clippers @ Suns (Friday 8pm from Phoenix live on ESPN), Nuggets @ Trailblazers (Friday 10:30pm from Portland live on ESPN)

I guess since Kobe and LeBron actually WILL be playing this time (unlike the NBA Finals), we’ll have to stomach through plenty of these……

And we all KNOW those puppets had nothing on Chris Rock and Lil’ Penny……

4-Harlem Globetrotters 2010 Magical Memories World Tour (Saturday 2pm & 7pm 1st Mariner Arena)

Is it Curly Neal and Meadowlark Lemon? No. But are the Globetrotters still one of the coolest teams in the world to watch live? Yes. Exhibit A: Curly Boo Johnson……

3-College Football: Maaco Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon State vs. BYU (Tuesday 8pm from Las Vegas live on ESPN), San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Utah vs. California (Wednesday 8pm from San Diego live on ESPN), Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Nevada vs. SMU (Thursday 8pm from Honolulu live on ESPN), Little Caesars Bowl: Marshall vs. Ohio (Saturday 1pm from Detroit live on ESPN), Meineke Car Care Bowl: Pitt vs. North Carolina (Saturday 4:30pm from Charlotte live on ESPN), Emerald Bowl: Boston College vs. USC (Saturday 8pm from San Francisco live on ESPN), Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Kentucky vs. Clemson (Sunday 8:30pm from Nashville live on ESPN), Advocare V100 Independence Bowl: Texas A&M vs. Georgia (Monday 5pm from Shreveport, Louisiana live on ESPN2)

Okay look, I don’t really care for Pete Carroll or anything they’re doing at Southern Cal, but just TRY watching this story about Jake Olson and not crying…..

Also, I am INCENSED that I was not able to find video of the Capital One Bowl Week music. If you can help me, that would be Jim Rome would describe as “Phenomenal”……

2-College Basketball-Winston Salem State @ Maryland (Tuesday 8pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Florida Atlantic @ Maryland (Sunday 2pm Comcast Center), Towson @ Morgan State (Tuesday 7pm Hill Field House), UMBC @ Virginia Tech (Tuesday 7pm Blacksburg), Loyola @ Indiana (Tuesday 6:30pm from Bloomington live on Big Ten Network), Coppin State @ Michigan (Tuesday 7pm Ann Arbor)

I couldn’t be more happy to root against the teams that local schools are playing this week. For example….

Michigan….go screw. You ran a coach out of town because he couldn’t beat Ohio State, and you ended up with a cheater who can’t beat anyone. You deserve everything that’s come to you.

Virginia Tech…..get bent. Your mascot is some sort of weird turkey. Which is exactly what your football coach looks like. Your fans act as though you are one of the great football powerhouses, when you’ve won fewer national championships than even the Terps.

Indiana…….up yours. You didn’t belong on the same FLOOR as my Terrapins back in 2002, but I had to put up with all of the national attention being thrown your away because of your history. Screw history, go Terps. Not only did you run one of the greatest head coaches of all time out of town, but you ALSO ran the coach out of town who brought you BACK to the Final Four.  And Tom Coverdale was dreadful.

Florida Atlantic………don’t even get me started on the sins of Florida Atlantic.

1-Ravens @ Steelers (Sunday 1pm from Pittsburgh live on CBS)

Where do I even freaking start?!?!?


I don’t just hope they lose, I hope their city implodes.

(Edit from GMC: You know, after all of us who make the trip leave…..)

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…..