Top 10 Baseball Distractions

March 29, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: NASCAR Nationwide Series Nashville 300 (Saturday 3:30pm from Nashville live on ESPN), NCAA Womens’ Tournament Final Four (Sunday from San Antonio live on ESPN), NBA: Wizards @ Rockets (Tuesday 8:30pm from Houston live on Comcast SportsNet PLUS), Wizards @ Hornets (Wednesday 8pm from New Orleans live on Comcast SportsNet), Bulls @ Wizards (Friday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Nets @ Wizards (Sunday 6pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet)

10. Wale (Saturday 8pm Rams Head Live, Sunday 7pm 9:30 Club); Virginia Coalition (Saturday 8pm 8×10 Club); Ben Bailey (Thursday-Saturday DC Improv); Pat McGee (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Norah Jones (Tuesday 8pm Lyric Opera House), David Gray (Wednesday 8pm Lyric Opera House); Vampire Weekend (Sunday 8pm D.A.R. Constitution Hall)

Not an overwhelming week of live music, but some pretty cool stuff. If you don’t dig Wale, you’re simply not cool. Dude is like Miles freaking Davis…with language a little more NSFW…

Both Norah Jones and David Gray are more talented than particularly exciting; but DAMN are they talented.

Virginia Coalition is more fun than that trip you took to the lake in 7th grade (you know the one)…

And you might recognize Ben Bailey as the dude from “Cash Cab.” I have a feeling it might be referenced…

9. Golf: PGA Shell Houston Open (Thursday & Friday 4pm live on Golf Channel; Saturday 1pm, Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Houston.) LPGA Kraft Nabisco Championship (Thursday & Friday 5pm, Saturday 7pm live on ESPN2; Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Rancho Mirage, CA)

Or as PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem is calling it; 1 BT.

(Edit from GMC: If you don’t understand that “1 BT” means “1 (Tournament) Before Tiger”, umm….I’ve got nothing for you.)

The good news is that with Tiger Woods returning to golf, all of these whores are going to start looking for more attention. Winners? All of us.

And unlike some of you, I’m not going to sit around and wait for these whores to do something without doing something about it myself. Like posting a picture of porn star Devon James…


…over to you, general public.

8. Tennis: ATP Sony Ericsson Open (Tuesday 11am, Wednesday & Thursday 7pm live on Tennis Channel; Saturday 12:30pm, Sunday 1pm live on CBS. All tennis from Miami.)

I don’t even know why I bother. Andy Roddick’s gonna beat Benjamin Becker, build a head of steam, play Rafael Nadal tough in the semis, and end up losing in EXCRUCIATING fashion.

Why do I do this to myself?

I have a better shot at dating Suzanne Shaw…


…than I’ll EVER have at being fulfilled by my Andy Roddick fandom.

7. Boxing: Roy Jones Jr. vs. Bernard Hopkins (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on HBO PPV)

Roy Jones Jr. & Bernard Hopkins? What the hell? Was Andy Rooney unavailable?!?!?!?

When I was a student at Perry Hall High School, all of my friends worked at Oak Crest Village. The folks there called me to say they thought these fighters were old.

6. Horse Racing: Santa Anita Derby (Saturday 5pm from Arcadia, CA live on NBC); Wood Memorial (Saturday 5pm from New York live on NBC)

My pick for these Triple Crown previews? This guy…

5. Bowling: PBA Lumber Liquidators Marathon Open (Monday-Sunday AMF Country Club Lanes on Pulaski Highway; TV final Sunday 1pm ESPN)

If ANYONE is interested in wandering over to Route 40 this week and acting out ANY of these scenes, please count me in. THROWING ROCKS TONIGHT!!!

4. NHL: Senators @ Capitals (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Thrashers @ Capitals (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & VERSUS), Capitals @ Blue Jackets (Saturday 7pm from Columbus live on Comcast SportsNet), Bruins @ Capitals (Monday 7pm from Verizon Center live on VERSUS)

I’m not a Caps fan myself (They play in Washington, you know?), but I know some of you are. Instead of calling you bad people (You DO know the Redskins play there, right?); I’ll just hope that you’ll choose to take our WNST Puck Bus down there.

Of course, NOTHING that might happen down there will be as cool as ANYTHING Jim Playfair did…

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC Fight Night: Kenny Florian vs. Takanori Gomi (Wednesday 8pm from Charlotte live on SpikeTV), “The Ultimate Fighter: Team Liddell vs. Team Ortiz” premieres (Wednesday 10pm SpikeTV)

Why would you watch these things?

1-You know who’s fighting at UFC Fight Night? The Skinny Ray Bachman!


2-Since “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy” is on T.U.F. this season, I’m assuming we’ll see more of this young lady, which doesn’t suck…


2. College Lacrosse: Virginia @ Maryland (Saturday 8pm from Byrd Stadium live on ESPNU); North Carolina @ Johns Hopkins (Saturday 12pm from Homewood Field live on WMAR2 & ESPNU); Ohio State @ Loyola (Saturday 2pm from Ridley Athletic Complex live on AM1570 WNST & MASN); Delaware @ Towson (Saturday 3pm Unitas Stadium); Stony Brook @ UMBC (Saturday 1pm UMBC Stadium); Georgetown @ Navy (Friday 7pm from Navy-Marine Corps Stadium live on CBS College Sports); Stevenson @ Hood (Wednesday 4pm Thomas Athletic Field), Salisbury @ Stevenson (Saturday 2pm from Caves Athletic Complex live on WBAL Plus)

Not kidding-at one point yesterday I ventured over to and took a look at the lacrosse schedule; where it said Virginia won Saturday’s game 9-7.

Way to have faith, boys!

But in honor of Saturday night’s game-which is the biggest non-Hopkins game in College Park in like…FOREVER…I offer this gift to any Wahoos fans who might make the trip…

Oh, and get bent.

1. College Basketball: Final Four-Michigan State vs. Butler (Saturday 6:37pm from Indianapolis live on CBS), West Virginia vs. Duke (Saturday 9pm from Indianapolis live on CBS); National Championship Game (Monday 9pm from Indianapolis live on CBS)

So let me get this straight. THIS is the Final Four? There’s nothing good here!!!

There’s Duke-I don’t even need to bother explaining that.

There’s West Virginia-who if I didn’t hate enough because of the football rivalry with Maryland; I found a new reason to hate when Bob Huggins made his appearance on “The Comcast Morning Show” before the Morgan State game.

There’s Butler-and even if they’re the real life “Hoosiers”, they’re from freaking INDIANAPOLIS!!!

And there’s Michigan State-who DAGGERED my Terrapins just a week ago.

I mean, who the hell do I root for???

I’ll just root for “One Shining Moment”….

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983….