Top 10 Baseball Distractions

May 24, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: WNBA-Connecticut Sun @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm Verizon Center); Boxing-Friday Night Fights: Eric Lucas vs. Libido Andrade (Friday 9pm from Quebec live on ESPN2); Arena Football: Tampa Bay Storm @ Orlando Predators (Friday 8pm from Orlando live on NFL Network)

10. Michael Franti & Spearhead, The Wailers (Saturday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion), Erykah Badu & N.E.R.D. (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Mr. Greengenes (Thursday 8pm Power Plant Live), Parachute (Saturday 8pm Power Plant Live); Toad The Wet Sprocket (Saturday 6:30 & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage); Flyleaf (Tuesday 7pm 9:30 Club), Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine (Sunday 6:30pm 9:30 Club); Brew At The Zoo feat. Charm City Devils & Kelly Bell Band (Saturday & Sunday Maryland Zoo); Stone Temple Pilots “Stone Temple Pilots” available in stores (Tuesday)

Dude, Michael Franti is so good I’ll openly advertise for another radio station in Baltimore…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPBGZOWvMps[/youtube]

There is no excuse for any human being to admit they like a band like Parachute. So of course, I kinda like Parachute…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr3qfy78iG4[/youtube]

If you’re not familiar with Richard Cheese, he does lounge versions of popular songs. Or in other words-that nerd you knew from high school found a REALLY strange way to get laid after becoming an adult…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCv2cgIlnHA[/youtube]

And not only is Kelly Bell a former MCW Champion, he’s also a fine musician…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvM-9QyDZZo[/youtube]

9. Golf: PGA Tour Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Fort Worth, TX); Champions Tour Senior PGA Championship (Thursday & Friday 6pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Denver)

So apparently some 16 year old did really well in last weekend’s “Golf Tournament Open” Championship. I say “apparently” because there was no chance in hell I spent my weekend watching golf.

Of course, it certainly beats what I was doing when I was 16…

notgettinglaid

8. Ravens Passing Camp (Monday-Thursday, 1 Winning Drive-availability Tuesday); NFL Owners Meetings (Tuesday & Wednesday Dallas)

Amongst the things that will be voted on at the Meetings include whether or not the new OT rules for the playoffs will be expanded into the regular season; and whether to hold the 2014 Super Bowl in New York or Florida.

Of course, if they do choose New York, we’ll probably be subjected to “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys about a trillion more times. Which is good, because a long time ago I used to think that was a really good song.

I personally think they should send the Super Bowl back to Arizona, but I have selfish reasons…

undierun

Of course by “selfish” I meant “reasons any other warm-blooded man could certainly understand.”

7. NHL Playoffs-Stanley Cup Finals: Blackhawks/Flyers (Game 1 Saturday 8pm from Chicago live on NBC, Game 2 Monday 8pm from Chicago live on NBC)

I don’t give a crap about either of these teams, but just to piss off Drew Forrester and the rest of the effing Washington Capitals fans in Charm City, I’ll hope Philly wins.

Besides-does Patrick Kane look like a man you’d want to root for???

patrickkane

6. NBA Playoffs-Western Conference Finals: Suns/Lakers (Game 4 Tuesday 9pm from Phoenix, Game 5 Thursday 9pm from Los Angeles, Game 6 if necessary Saturday 8:30pm from Phoenix, Game 7 if necessary Monday 9pm from Los Angeles. All games live on TNT); Eastern Conference Finals: Magic/Celtics (Game 5 Wednesday 8:30pm from Orlando, Game 6 if necessary Friday 8:30pm from Boston, Game 7 if necessary Sunday 8:30pm from Orlando. All games live on ESPN.)

Steve Nash > you.

nash

Of course, I heard a rumor he was just trying to be like the great Glenn Clark…

glennclark

5. Tennis: French Open/Roland Garros (Tuesday-Friday 5am live on Tennis Channel, 12pm live on ESPN2; Saturday & Sunday 5am live on Tennis Channel, 12pm live on NBC; Monday 5am live on Tennis Channel, 12pm live on ESPN2)

Is there anything funnier than the fact that Gaston Gaudio-the tennis player from Argentina who never made it to the 2nd week of an Australian Open, Wimbledon or U.S. Open was once a French Open Champion???

Okay, this might be funnier…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Er9vRsb38I[/youtube]

The word “penis” is always hilarious. More hilarious when I yelled in it 9th grade science class when Old Mr. Alban was too old to know what was going on, but hilarious in this reference as well.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Czech Republic (Tuesday 8pm from Hartford live on ESPN/Galavision), Team USA vs. Turkey (Saturday 2pm from Philadelphia live on ESPN2/Galavision); NASL: Austin Aztex @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 7pm UMBC Stadium); AC Milan @ DC United (Wednesday 8pm RFK Stadium), Chivas USA @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick)

The thing is, I enjoy Turkey as a concept, but certainly not as a country; and even less as an opponent for the Americans.

Then again, I’m more of a patriot than most. For example, when my neighbor’s kid asked me if I had any Justin Beiber in my iTunes, I instead put on some John Mellencamp and told him it was for his own good. And then I forced him to watch Darius Rucker cover “Family Tradition” by Hank Williams Jr….

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-L4xkFhgtc[/youtube]

Is there anything more American in the entire world?

3. MMA-UFC 114: Rashad Evans vs. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson (Saturday 10pm from Las Vegas live on Pay-Per-View); Bellator Fighting Championships XX (Thursday 8pm from San Antonio live on Fox Sports Net); UFC Undisputed 2010 available in stores (Tuesday)

I think Chuck Liddell sees the main event of Saturday night’s PPV in his nightmares sometimes.

Also, I’m glad that the new UFC game is coming out. It will give me something else to play after I’ve wasted the last few days celebrating a certain anniversary Google made us all aware of…

pacman

2. Auto Racing: IndyCar Series Indianapolis 500 (Sunday 12pm from Indianapolis live on ABC), NASCAR Coca-Cola 600 (Sunday 5:45pm from Charlotte live on FOX)

There is someone named “Ana Beatriz” in Sunday’s Indy 500. It is apparently NOT this Ana Beatriz…

beatriz

But it apparently IS this Ana Beatriz…

beatriz

…so all is not lost.

You see what I did there? I went a whole IRL post without mentioning Danica Patrick. Impressive work, I know.

1. College Lacrosse-Men’s NCAA Tournament Final Four: Virginia vs. Duke (Saturday 4pm or 6:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), Cornell vs. Notre Dame (Saturday 4pm or 6:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2), Championship (Monday 3:30pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on ESPN2); Men’s Division II National Championship: C.W. Post vs. LeMoyne (Sunday 3pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS College Sports); Men’s Division III National Championship Game: Salisbury vs. Tufts (Sunday 12pm from M&T Bank Stadium live on CBS College Sports); Women’s NCAA Tournament Final Four: Maryland vs. Syracuse (Friday 5:30pm Unitas Stadium), North Carolina vs. Northwestern (Friday 8pm Unitas Stadium), Championship (Sunday 5:30pm from Unitas Stadium live on CBS College Sports)

At least the Terrapins women have kept up their end of the bargain, so I’ll be in Towson Friday night for sure.

As far as watching Duke or Virginia win a national championship on Memorial Day? I swear to God I’d rather spend my day watching this…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKQ5yRFkBnE[/youtube]

Of course, I’d rather get a root canal than watch THAT. But then again, I could probably use a root canal. Do I have Barack Obama dental care yet? Is anyone a dentist?

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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