Top 10 Baseball Distractions

June 01, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Auto Racing-NASCAR Gillette Fusion ProGlide 500 (Sunday 1pm from Pocono Raceway live on TNT), IndyCar Series Firestone 550k (Saturday 8pm from Fort Worth, TX live on VERSUS); MLL: Boston Cannons @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Friday 7:30pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); WNBA: Atlanta Dream @ Washington Mystics (Saturday 7pm Verizon Center); Boxing: Yuri Foreman vs. Miguel Cotto (Saturday 10:15pm from New York live on HBO)

10. Hall & Oates (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Taylor Swift (Tuesday & Wednesday 7pm Verizon Center); WMZQfest Throwdown feat. Montgomery Gentry & Little Big Town (Sunday 2:15pm Jiffy Lube Live); Pscyhadelic Furs & She Wants Revenge (Tuesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Passion Pit (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live); Lil’ Kim (Saturday 9pm Sonar); Broken Bells (Monday 7:30pm 9:30 Club); Aisha Tyler (Thursday-Sunday DC Improv); Denis Leary (Wednesday 8pm Warner Theatre); Toby Keith (Saturday 7:30pm Aberdeen Proving Ground); Jeff Beck (Monday 7:30pm Wolf Trap); Jack Johnson “To The Sea” available in stores (Tuesday); U2-360 live from the Rose Bowl available on DVD & Blu-Ray (Tuesday)

I’d like to say there’s a lot of really good music on this list. Of course, I can’t actually say that-because I’m really bad at lying.

I feel like I should be more into Hall & Oates than I am…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_I4wtNPv5w[/youtube]

I’m not the biggest fan of country music, but I AM a fan of Little Big Town…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvOCO3_ZBO0[/youtube]

I have a friend who graduated from the University of Oklahoma. When she gets uppity about how good the Sooners are at football, I bring her back to earth by reminding her that Toby Keith played football for the Sooners, and he’s a clown. Although, he DID do this song…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1JOFhfoAD4[/youtube]

9. AIFA-Erie Storm @ Baltimore Mariners (Saturday 7pm 1st Mariner Arena); AFL-Jacksonville Sharks @ Chicago Rush (Friday 8pm from Chicago live on NFL Network)

I assume that folks in Erie, PA are Steelers fans, so I feel like they’re probably terrible people that I wouldn’t like. That being said, The Wonders are from Erie…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzllVlzzeuo[/youtube]

…and Tom Hanks > every other person on the planet. So I’m kinda torn…

8. Golf: PGA Tour-The Memorial presented by Morgan Stanley (Thursday & Friday 3pm live on Golf Channel, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on CBS. All golf from Dublin, Ohio), Champions Tour Principal Charity Classic (Friday & Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 7pm from West Des Moines, Iowa live on Golf Channel)

With Phil Mickelson on his heels, Tiger Woods returns this week. I’m getting to the point where I ALMOST feel bad for him. This guy’s life went from totally awesome to completely terrible. Of course, if it hadn’t-the only thing we’d be able to talk about is golf, and that’s freaking terrible.

You know, I could sit here and BS about a sport that I literally pay less attention to than I do to this season of Glee; or I could just post this video of Joslyn James talking about Tiger’s anatomy. Seriously, it’s golf. What am I supposed to do here? And I know you’ll be surprised by this, but this video is probably NSFW. Unless you work at a place where people talk about sex organs openly. You know, like the Hallmark store.

[metacafe]http://www.metacafe.com/watch/4407489/joslyn_james_talks_tiger_woods_s_penis_on_playboy_radio/[/metacafe

7. "Get Him To The Greek" opens in theaters (Friday), John Waters "Role Models" book signing (Saturday 7pm Atomic Books)

1-Forgetting Sarah Marshall was HILARIOUS. That doesn't mean Get Him To The Greek will definitely be hilarious, but it at least gives it a shot...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdNGab0HB9g[/youtube]

2-Russell Brand is married to or going to marry Katy Perry. I should look that up, but it sounds remarkably boring. However, Katy Perry isn’t unattractive. That makes Russell Brand movies better.
katyperry

3-The John Waters book signing gives me an excuse to post his freaking great interview with David Letterman from 1986. Or as I like to call it, “the greatest moment of all time EVER.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU0yJ3benb4[/youtube]

6. Soccer: Team USA vs. Australia (Saturday 8:30am from Rustenberg, South Africa live on ESPN2); U.S. Open Cup: Real Salt Lake @ DC United (Wednesday 7:30pm RFK Stadium), MLS: Real Salt Lake @ DC United (Saturday 7:30pm from RFK Stadium live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick)

Chances of Glenn Clark being awake at 8:30 on Saturday to watch our boys kick some Kiwi ass? Slim. Unless of course you’re an establishment that makes beer mugs out of bacon…

bacon

5. Belmont Stakes (Saturday 5pm from Belmont Park, NY live on ABC)

Since I won’t be making the final leg of the Triple Crown, I would greatly appreciate it if someone would just be willing to come over and make me a handful of these…

breeze

And by “someone come over”, I really mean “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” needs to have Google searched “Belmont Breeze ingredients” before I finish this blog.

4. NHL Playoffs-Stanley Cup Finals: Flyers/Blackhawks (Game 3 Wednesday 8pm from Philadelphia live on VERSUS, Game 4 Friday 8pm from Philadelphia live on VERSUS, Game 5 if necessary Sunday 8pm from Chicago live on NBC)

I will be forced to admit that I haven’t watched even a second of the Stanley Cup Finals thus far. I watched lacrosse Saturday night, and WWE Raw Monday night. Apparently Game 1 got good ratings though, so Mazel Tov.

That being said, if the Blackhawks win the Cup-this is how I will celebrate…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YDwj-BRKwc[/youtube]

3. NBA Playoffs-NBA Finals: Lakers/Celtics (Game 1 Thursday 9pm from Los Angeles live on ABC, Game 2 Sunday 8pm from Los Angeles live on ABC)

I’m rooting for LA in this one by default, mostly because I hate everything that has to do with Boston. In fact, I think Everlast (from House of Pain-you’ll remember he wore a Celtics jersey in the “Jump Around” video) should be arrested for what he did to Johnny Cash…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YDwj-BRKwc[/youtube]

This is really difficult too, especially knowing that Maria Menounos roots for the C’s. She seems nice…

maria

2. Tennis: French Open (Tuesday-Thursday 8am live on Tennis Channel, 12pm live on ESPN2; Friday 11am live on NBC; Saturday & Sunday 9am live on NBC. All action from Paris.)

So, Robby Ginepri’s loss to Novak Djokovic left no American men at Roland Garros. Again. My little cousins are better at playing in clay than American men are. I’ll revert back to rooting for Robin Soderling and whoever else is playing against Roger Federer. It’s pretty much how I’ve handled my love of tennis since Andre Agassi retired. And I can always root for Jelena Janokvic in the meantime???

jankovic

Nope. Too weird.

1. Ravens Rookie Camp (Wednesday & Thursday, 1 Winning Drive), Ravens Rookie Show (Wednesday 7pm Casey’s in Towson-airing Thursday on AM1570 WNST), Ravens Roost Convention (Thursday-Sunday; Parade Saturday-Ocean City)

Don’t you dare be the guy that says “Is there gonna be enough food at Casey’s to feed Terrence Cody???” I expect better from you. And I’ve already giggled about it in my mind about a hundred times before now.

You know what the best thing is about the Ravens event in Ocean City this weekend? Intern Genna works in Ocean City…

genna

Intern Genna > Santa Claus.

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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