Top 10 Baseball Distractions

July 26, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: MLL Lacrosse-Chicago Machine @ Chesapeake Bayhawks (Saturday 7pm Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium); WNBA-San Antonio Silver Stars @ Washington Mystics (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV), Tulsa Shock @ Washington Mystics (Sunday 4pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet & NBA TV); Arena Football League: Tulsa Talons @ Oklahoma City Yard Dawgz (Friday 8:05pm from Oklahoma City live on NFL Network)

10. Slightly Stoopid & Cypress Hill (Thursday 6:30pm from Pier Six Pavilion), Heart (Sunday 6pm Pier Six Pavilion); Carnival of Madness feat. Shinedown, Chevelle, Puddle of Mudd, Sevendust (Wednesday 5pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Jason Aldean (Friday 7pm Merriweather Post Pavilion), Honda Civic Tour feat. Paramore (Saturday 6pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Creed (Wednesday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live), John Mayer (Saturday 7pm Jiffy Lube Live), Brooks & Dunn (Sunday 7:30pm Jiffy Lube Live); Steve Miller Band (Tuesday 8pm Wolf Trap), Aretha Franklin (Thursday 8pm Wolf Trap); La Roux (Wednesday 7pm Rams Head Live), Dead Weather (Monday 7pm Rams Head Live); Rooney (Tuesday 7pm Sonar); Blues Traveler (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Gin Blossoms (Wednesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Robyn & Kelis (Monday 6pm 9:30 Club); Tom Green (Friday-Sunday DC Improv); Living Colour (Saturday 8pm Jaxx); Buddy Guy (Friday 7:30pm Birchmere); Dru Hill “Indrupendence Day” in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

So much to like here. First of all; of all of the “post-grunge sorta metal” bands in the world-NONE are better than Chevelle…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YMc6P6UDMk[/youtube]

I almost knocked over Hayley Williams at the VirginFest a few years back. She’s tiny. But when Paramore covers Kings of Leon, she’s HUGE…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCMjJqVBm2g[/youtube]

You can say WHATEVER you want; John Mayer is AWESOME…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_M5cNcRcMk[/youtube]

You might not be a countrry music fan; but Brooks & Dunn are splitting up. That’s significant somehow. I think. Ehh, here’s a country tune…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZSiBj4vCiY[/youtube]

When I was in middle school, it wasn’t cool to like Blues Traveler. It also wasn’t cool to skip going to White Marsh Mall on Friday nights to stay home and watch Boy Meets World; but screw you for judging me…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ousaiByU1ko[/youtube]

9. “Dinner For Schmucks” in theaters (Friday); Otakon (Friday-Sunday, Baltimore Convention Center); “Shark Week” begins (Sunday 9pm Discovery Channel)

Yes, these things are very random. But they’re all delightful as well. I don’t know if “Dinner For Schmucks” will be funny or not, but I feel like it has potential. At least the potential to be better than, say, “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOMngejmwKE[/youtube]

The first thing that comes up when you Google Image Search “Otakon” is below. I was hoping I’d figure out more about the event. Instead, I think I’m safer just continuing with my life…

http://www.doctoroctoroc.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/otakon_companioncube.jpg

And we ALL know how great Shark Week is. So with that in mind, I offer my favorite ever “Texts From Last Night” entry…

i just defriended some girl because according to her status she “doesn’t give a f*ck about shark week.”

And I also offer the t-shirt version of Tracy Morgan’s greatest ever quote from 30 Rock…

shark week

8. Tennis: ATP Tour Farmers Classic (Friday 3pm live on ESPN2, 7pm live on Tennis Channel; Saturday 5pm & 10:30pm live on ESPN2; Sunday 5pm live on ESPN2, 8pm live on Tennis Channel. All tennis from Los Angeles); U.S. Open Series Legg Mason Classic (Saturday-Monday William H.G. FitzGerald Tennis Center in Rock Creek Park)

Yeah, you know damn well I’ll be wandering down to DC at some point next week to watch Andy Roddick and company (did A-Rod REALLY lose to Mardy Fish this weekend in Atlanta?!?!?!?) because I’m a tennis nerd; but we’ll get back to that.

Back to Mardy Fish, did you know he was married to Stacey Gardner of “Deal or No Deal” fame? If it weren’t for the “married” part, this would probably make me a bigger fan of his…

stacey

7. Pro Wrestling: MCW Shamrock Cup (Saturday 6pm New Green Room Dundalk)

With no offense to Peter Schmuck or Kevin Eck from the Baltimore Sun (who are scheduled to “wrestle” at this event); the night is being headlined by appearances from former WWE stars Mickie James and Tommy Dreamer.

You would think I would be more excited about an appearance from the former Women’s Champion than I would a former ECW journeyman; but that only means you haven’t seen this video of him battling Rob Van Dam…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_kJOpgSqHQ[/youtube]

6. Golf-PGA Tour Greenbrier Classic (Thursday-Sunday 3pm from Sulphur Springs, West Virginia live on Golf Channel); Champions Tour U.S. Senior Open (Thursday & Friday 1pm live on ESPN, Saturday & Sunday 3pm live on NBC. All golf from Sammamish, WA); LPGA Women’s British Open (Thursday & Friday 10am, Saturday & Sunday 9am from Southport, England live on ESPN)

I’m not much of a golf fan; but I feel as though if I lived in West Virginia; I would probably attend this event. Mostly because my entertainment alternatives would include…

yokels

Who are we kidding? That’s actually not that bad…

5. Auto Racing: NASCAR Sunoco Red Cross Pennsylvania 500 (Sunday 1pm from Pocono live on ESPN)

I actually poked at the Brickyard 400 while the Orioles game was in a rain delay this past weekend. No thanks.

In fact, I’m really not sure how this race ended up 5th on this list. If I hadn’t already made it this far I’d probably go back and adjust it, but that would take far too much effort at this point.

It’s a shame Ultimate Frisbee never makes the list instead of NASCAR. Then I could post this incredible video from Deadspin instead of posting something stupid about golf. Oh wait, look at what I just did there…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5edTmCn09s[/youtube]

4. Boxing: Juan Manuel Marquez vs. Juan Diaz II (Saturday 9pm from Las Vegas live on HBO PPV)

I’d like to be excited about this fight this weekend; but I just don’t know how I feel about boxing anymore. Let’s consider a recent boxing mega-fight in Australia between Danny Green and Paul Briggs…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYNwVSJfVhQ[/youtube]

If you can’t trust a sport with the unquestionable history of boxing, what CAN you trust in the world?

3. Mixed Martial Arts: UFC on VERSUS 2-Jon Jones vs. Vladimir Matyushenko (Sunday 9pm from San Diego live on VERSUS)

This is very simple. Jon “Bones” Jones is the brother of Ravens rookie DT Arthur Jones. That means we root for him. Vladimir “The Janitor” Matyushenko is from Belarus. That means we (and by “we” I mean “I”) don’t root for him.

His nickname is “The Janitor”? How many Janitors have you rooted for in your day? I mean-BESIDES “Janitor Bud” from Boy Meets World of course…

janitorbud

…right up until the point when we found out he was skipping out of work early to go bet on the horses. Jerk.

(Edit from GMC: That’s two BMW references in one post. Don’t think I don’t have more in me…)

2. Ravens Training Camp (Tuesday & Wednesday 8:45am, Friday-Monday 8:45; Monday morning closed to public. All practices at McDaniel College)

OH THANK GOD IT’S FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!

I’m not really sure what else to say here. The long civic nightmare known as baseball season here in Charm City is finally over; and we focus our attention solely on football. That’s such an incredible blessing.

Of course, the Sergio Kindle news dampers the start of Training Camp; but doesn’t ruin the eternal hope that comes with being a Baltimore Ravens fan. And if the teams needs another body in Camp with Kindle out, I think Patrice Hollis is qualified (Thanks The Smoking Jacket!)…

patricehollis

1. Soccer: Manchester City vs. Inter Milan (Saturday 8pm M&T Bank Stadium); MLS All-Star Game: MLS All-Stars vs. Manchester United (Wednesday 8:30pm from Houston live on ESPN2), MLS-DC United @ Real Salt Lake (Saturday 9pm from Salt Lake City live on Comcast SportsNet & MLS Direct Kick); NASL-Montreal Impact @ Crystal Palace Baltimore (Saturday 7pm Maryland SoccerPlex)

Just when you thought the whole soccer thing was over for the summer…

I’ll of course be rooting for Inter Saturday night. Not because I’m a big Inter fan; but more because my family is from Italy. How do you not root for the country that (sorta) gave us this???

pestopasta

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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