Top 10 Baseball Distractions

October 08, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Preseason NBA-Atlanta Hawks @ Washington Wizards (Tuesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet), Milwaukee Bucks @ Washington Wizards (Thursday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet and NBA TV); Auto Racing: NASCAR Bank of America 500 (Saturday 7:30pm from Charlotte live on ABC); Mixed Martial Arts: UFC 120-Michael Bisping vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama (Saturday 7pm from London on SpikeTV)

10. Chelsea Handler (Friday 8pm 1st Mariner Arena); Seth Meyers (Saturday 8pm Patriot Center); Kevin Hart (Saturday 8pm & 11pm Meyerhoff Symphony Hall); Halloween Hootenanny feat. Rob Zombie & Alice Cooper (Sunday 3pm Merriweather Post Pavilion); Aaron Lewis (Friday 7pm Rams Head Live); Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers (Wednesday 7:30pm Recher Theatre); Pharoahe Monch (Sunday 8pm Sonar); The Ataris (Monday 8pm Ottobar); Days of the New (Friday 7pm Bourbon Street); Victor Wooten (Tuesday 8pm Rams Head On Stage), Blood, Sweat & Tears (Wednesday 6:30pm & 9:30pm Rams Head On Stage), Jackie Greene (Thursday 8pm Rams Head On Stage); Bone Thugs-n-Harmony (Wednesday 10pm 9:30 Club), Pepper (Friday 8pm 9:30 Club), Sara Bareilles (Monday 7:30pm 9:30 Club); Craig Ferguson (Saturday 7pm Warner Theatre); Darius Rucker “Charleston, SC 1966″ available in stores/on iTunes (Tuesday)

Alice Cooper still plays music? I thought he was just a golfer nowadays?!? I’ll probably miss his show, but it’s not because Rob Zombie doesn’t kick ass…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqQuihD0hoI[/youtube]

I was never the biggest Staind fan, but I’d be down to hear Aaron Lewis channel Eddie Vedder for sure…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sumiU0u2J9s[/youtube]

It’s been a long time since Bone Thugs was relevant, but after doing some research, they’re still pretty freaking good…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsBV-P9gIC0[/youtube]

Make fun of me all you want, but I’ve already pre-ordered Darius Rucker’s disc on iTunes. It is what it is…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap7HzFlOXq4[/youtube]

9. Jackass 3D in theaters (Friday)

This is what a comedy is supposed to be all about. Forget about a plot, forget about a compelling storyline, and for god sakes don’t try to tie it up with some sort of feel good story. Just punch each other in the nuts and let me laugh, damnit…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKwjU_pSSW4[/youtube]

8. Baltimore Beer Week: Blues & Brews Festival (Friday 7pm 8×10 Club), Chesapeake Real Ale Festival (Saturday 1pm Pratt Street Ale House), Baltimore Beer Festival (Sunday 12pm Canton Waterfront Park)

If I could, I would attend all of these events. Seriously. I knew this is going to sound crazy to most of you, but these are the two things I love the most. Charm City…and Beer.

For those of you who have asked (and I thank you for considering me an expert!), here are my Top 3 pumpkin-based brews in honor of the Fall.

5-Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale

bluemoonpumpkin

4-Michelob Jack’s Pumpkin Spice Ale

jackspumpkin

3-Brooklyn Brewery Post Road Pumpkin Ale

postroad

2-Four Peaks Pumpkin Porter

porter

1-Dogfish Head Punkin Ale

punkinale

7. Boxing: Antonio Tarver vs. Nagy Aguilera (Friday 11pm from Miami, Oklahoma live on Showtime), WBC Heavyweight Championship-Shannon Briggs vs. Vitali Klitschko (Saturday 5pm from Hamburg, Germany live on ESPN3.com), Lucian Bute vs. Jesse Brinkley (Friday 9:30pm from Montreal live on ESPN3.com)

Shannon Briggs is fighting Vitali Klitschko for the WBC Heavyweight title. Yes, this is the same belt previously held by Lennox Lewis, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, Riddick Bowe, Larry Holmes, Ken Norton and Muhammad Ali.

Of course, it was also held by Buster Douglas and Hasim Rahman, but even they had to beat a legitimate champion to become champion. I’m pretty sure at this point we’re not far from seeing Joey Buttafuoco get a title shot…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuLWWDoN85E[/youtube]

6. High School Football: Glen Burnie @ Old Mill (Friday 6:30pm), Franklin @ Perry Hall (Friday 7pm)

So I screwed up. Last Friday was NOT PHHS’s Homecoming game. I was given bad information by Barry Aparicio-who is now my roommate. A-hole.

It was particularly embarrassing when I called Gators Athletic Director Kathy Graybeal and asked her for passes to the game. (Umm…Glenn…the Homecoming game is NEXT week. MY BAD!)

There’s good news in all of this however. The good news is that I never got an answer from Daniela Pane about my Homecoming date proposal last week…

dpane

(Edit from GMC: Daniela is the person in the picture who WASN’T in the movie “Revenge of the Nerds.” Yes…the hot one.)

Here’s the deal. Daniela Pane (who is appearing in an upcoming episode of “1000 Ways to Die” on SpikeTV) is the second most talented, second most successful, second best-looking member of Perry Hall’s graduating class of 2001. I’d tell you who was first, but you already know it’s spelled “Glenn Clark.”

So Daniela, you have another week to consider my offer. I think we’d be a fantastic Homecoming couple. Boomer Sooner’s sister is in town, so she’s busy. Plus…she’d understand? Maybe not? You know, let’s worry about that some other time. The point is…the offer is on the table. I know you live in California, but it’s Friday night. You have until then to get home. No pressure.

5. NHL: New York Islanders @ Washington Capitals (Wednesday 7pm from Verizon Center live on Comcast SportsNet and VERSUS), Washington Capitals @ Nashville Predators (Saturday 8pm from Nashville live on Comcast SportsNet)

The Capitals played some games last weekend…blah blah blah here’s the deal. I want this Phoenix Coyotes jersey. Who wants to buy it for me???

yotes

It’s only $150. Just get it now.

4. Soccer: Team USA vs. Columbia (Tuesday 8pm from Chester, PA live on ESPN2); MLS-DC United @ Chicago Fire (Saturday 4pm from Chicago live on Comcast SportsNet); College Soccer: Clemson @ Maryland (Saturday 7pm Ludwig Field); Boston University @ UMBC (Friday 8pm from UMBC Stadium live on Fox Soccer Channel)

This one is going to be tough. I love America, we all know that. But Sofia Vergara (of “Modern Family” fame) is from Columbia…

sofia

3. College Basketball: Maryland Madness (Friday 7:45pm from Comcast Center live on Comcast SportsNet) Maryland Media Day (Thursday Comcast Center)

Should the Terrapins still be holding Midnight Madness at…you know…midnight…in order to honor the fact that the whole event STARTED with Lefty Driesell in College Park? I think so, but no one pays me to think. Thank God for that.

The problem is…we’ve got a lot of other very important things going on in College Park at midnight on Friday night…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReFjlhFgHAE[/youtube]

Wasn’t what you were expecting, was it?

2. College Football: Maryland @ Clemson (Saturday 12pm from Clemson, SC live on ACC Network-WJZ 13 in Charm City), SMU @ Navy (Saturday 3:45pm from Navy-Marine Corps Stadium live on CBS College Sports)

My 12th grade journalism teacher went to Clemson. I didn’t like the Tigers then, and I certainly don’t like them now. Howard’s Rock? More like, take that stupid rock and hit someone upside the head with it, am I right?

Wait…what’s that you say???

clemson

Don’t try….

1. NFL: Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots (Sunday 1pm from Foxborough live on CBS)

Think it’s about time for another trip to Gillette Stadium, huh?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xEmhF9oPMc[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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