Top 10 Baseball Distractions

June 09, 2009 | Glenn Clark

Honorable Mention: Memphis St. Jude Championship (Thursday, Friday 3:30pm Live on Golf Channel; Saturday, Sunday 3pm live on CBS); NASCAR Lifelock 400 (Sunday 12:30pm from Michigan International Speedway Live on TNT); Baltimore Mariners vs. Harrisburg Stampede (Sunday 4pm 1st Mariner Arena), Crystal Palace USA vs. Wilmington Hammerheads (Saturday 7pm UMBC Stadium)

10. Charm City Roller Girls Home Bout #2 (Saturday 6pm DuBurns Arena)

This from WNST’s own Emily Agueda, who is better known as CCRG’s “She Guevara”……

“Food, beer and chicks on skates.  It’s a great night of fun.

Food, beer, and chicks on skates, huh? I think I’ve seen that porno before. I felt the need to share this picture here. If you object, something tells me you wouldn’t really be a fan of my work anyway….


9. USA Swimming Grand Prix: Santa Clara Invitational (Friday-Sunday 8pm live on Universal Sports and

It seems like it has been a while since we’ve heard a drug or sex-related Michael Phelps story, so I figured I’d make one up.

Michael Phelps was caught Saturday night leaving Ritz Cabaret in Fells Point with a midget, two illegal immigrants, and Sheila Dixon. The group was believed to be headed to an underground gambling parlor near Pimlico; where they would be participating in heavy heroin use and unsafe sex.

Heavy stuff man. Heavy stuff. Also, this is funny…..

8. Ravens Passing Camp (Monday-Wednesday, 1 Winning Drive)

Look, it’s REALLY tough to be an Orioles fan right now; but no matter how many times you ask me, it is NOT Training Camp yet. But with that in mind, it’s time for a game I like to call “Look at the pictures Ravens players post on their Facebook pages.”

First, here’s Tackle Joe Reitz with a picture titled “Yo Brah, let’s get some sushi!”


and now, here’s WR Marcus Smith with a picture titled “I’m the only man in America who ever bought this hat”….


7. Deadline for Greivis Vasquez, underclassmen to pull name out of NBA Draft (Monday 5pm)

Or as those in College Park are calling it “The day we decide if we really like Lance Stephenson or not.”

6. FIFA Confederations Cup: Team USA vs. Italy (Monday 2:30pm from South Africa live on ESPN)

NO!!!! Holy crap I’m torn like Natalie Imbruglia. (Thanks Chad Dukes.) I mean, these colors don’t run; but I’ve always rooted for Italy because America is terrible at soccer! What the hell do I do? I mean, maybe I should weigh the pros and cons…..

Let’s start with food. America has Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwiches, but Italy has Chiapparelli’s salad…..


Point Italy.

Let’s move to cinema. The Godfather is Italian; and damn it’s good. But America brought us “The Jesus”


Point USA. You don’t f*ck with The Jesus.

I guess this one will have to come down to Tailgate drinking games. First of all, Italy gave us bocce. I haven’t stopped thanking them for that. But America gave us cornhole. This is a tie! Can America and Italy both be involved in something at the same time???????


Success!!!!!! I’ll root for both!!!!

5. NHL Stanley Cup Finals: Detroit Red Wings vs. Pittsburgh Penguins (Tuesday 8pm from Pittsburgh, Friday 8pm from Detroit if necessary; games 8pm live on NBC), Calder Cup Finals: Hershey Bears vs. Manitoba Moose (Tuesday 7pm from Hershey; Friday, Sunday 7:30 pm from Winnipeg if neccesary. All games streamed live on

My roommate was telling me earlier that he was really excited for the last games of the Stanley Cup Finals. He then said he was just as excited about the next season starting next week.

4. McDonald’s LPGA Championship (Thursday-Sunday Bulle Rock; 3 hours per day live on Golf Channel)

I’d like to introduce you to Anna Rawson.


Anna is reportedly a golfer; but I’m reasonably certain you don’t give a crap. Anna reportedly set up a cell phone for fans to call her on. The number is 213-785-7675. I would call myself, but there is pending litigation. I’m sure you understand.

Now I’d like to introduce you to Natalie Gulbis.


She will also reportedly be in Harford County this week; meaning I will have to see if that incident from the night I went to see Mean Girls at the Big M Drive-In still means I’m banned from the area.

Have I given you enough reasons to go out and check out the action in Havre de Grace yet? Of course I haven’t. Golf is awful. But go anyway, just make sure you bring enough sofa pillows.

3. Miguel Cotto vs. Joshua Clottey (Saturday 10:35pm from New York, Live on HBO), Adrenaline MMA 3: Tim Sylvia vs. Ray Mercer (Saturday 8pm from Birmingham; I have no idea if this thing is going to be on TV or not)

Is it a bad sign that one of boxing’s biggest events of the year involves two fighters that most people in the world have never heard of? I’m pretty sure that if you had told me Joshua Clottey was going to be starting for the Orioles on Friday, I probably would have gone with it.

2. UFC 99: The Comeback (Saturday 3pm from Cologne, Germany Live on Pay-Per-View)

Sure, you think a main event featuring Rich Franklin and Wanderlai Silva might be a bit disappointing. But let me offer you three MAJOR reasons why this fight will certainly be worth watching…..

1-The fight starts at 3pm. Two words: Day. Drinking.
2-The biggest undercard fight is Cheick Kongo and Cain Velasquez. That means this monster…..


Will be facing this monster……


3-Mirko Cro Cop is on the undercard. He used to be a headliner, then this happened. Maybe things will change someday….

1. NBA Finals: LA Lakers vs. Orlando Magic (Tuesday, Thursday 9pm from Orlando; Sunday 8:30pm from Orlando if necessary. All games live on ABC)

As if former Terp Chris McCray thought he hadn’t done enough damage to my heart; he apparently felt the need to make this his Facebook status Sunday night…..

pregaming-eating crabs-with my jj redick jersey on..orlando by 10 tonight

That’s it Chris. You’re out. I gave you a second chance; but that does it. You mean to tell me you’re pulling for this clown????

I just thought of a poem for the NBA Finals. Ahem…..

“Roses are red, JJ Redick and Duke suck.”

Sorry, I guess it wasn’t that creative. But we’ll call this the Courtney Lee memorial broom.