Friday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

April 16, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Happy Friday!

It’s a Happy Friday for me because the Orioles aren’t on TV tomorrow. Not because I don’t love the Orioles, but more because…there’s just only so much of this I can take. I’m gonna do the lacrosse tripleheader with Patrick Stevens (Loyola-Georgetown, Army-Navy, Maryland-Hopkins); inhale some frosty beverages, and then probably hit on someone who isn’t my girlfriend.

Yep, it’s a good life. Almost as good as this fella’s…


What’s that you say, The Smoking Gun (via Deadspin)?…

The encounter lasted about ten minutes, beginning from when Roethlisberger entered the back area “with his penis already out of his pants.” The alleged victim repeatedly told him she didn’t want to have sex, but he kept reassuring her, as they had unprotected sex. She told her friends immediately after, and they reported it to the first police officer they saw.

You know, maybe if they trade this guy…I could consider myself a fan!

(Edit from GMC: Ladies…I’m kidding. He plays for the Steelers! I could NEVER like him!)

Let’s see what everyone has to say…

1. The AP’s Janie McCauley says Ben Sheets impressive, David Hernandez not as Athletics topped Orioles

So….that happened again.

We keep doing this every morning. And I keep seeing losing do strange things to people.

David Hernandez wasn’t good last night. In fact, he was terrible. It’s just that instead of being terrible in 1 or 2 innings, he spread it out over 5 and mixed in 6 strikeouts just to make some of us think he WASN’T terrible. Apparently, it worked. At least enough to get Daniel Moroz (who goes by @CamdenCrazies on Twitter) the “Apologist of the Morning” nod…

“You could make the case that David Hernandez has out-pitched Ben Sheets in this game.”

No you couldn’t. At any point. Ever. Sheets gave up no runs on 5 hits over 6 innings. Hernandez gave up 5 runs (4 earned) on 7 hits over 5 innings. 4 of those hits were for extra bases.

It isn’t okay. It isn’t “gutty” because he ONLY gave up 5 runs. It’s unacceptable from ANY starting pitcher at the major league level.

But because the Orioles are losing, fans around here are more than willing to give him a pass. Fans have replaced the importance of wins and losses with feeling good when things aren’t completely embarrassing. Hernandez didn’t give up a pair of 3 run homers like Bergesen did, so it’s apparently okay.

Except that it isn’t.

Maybe Stacey Long (from Camden Chat) was right this morning when she said that last night’s effort was representative of David Hernandez’s talent. I won’t dismiss the chances that she’s right. That might be ALL he has to offer, and the Orioles just need “better players”, as Stacey suggested.

But it doesn’t make it okay to see so many doubles last night that I thought I was hanging out with Frankie Smith…

2. The AP/ offer numerical evidence of loss

And if you’re a glutton for punishment, you’ll enjoy looking at it.

-Adam Jones had a double and triple last night as part of going 3-5 with an RBI, but he also committed an error moving the ball from his glove to his throwing hand on a sac fly. WHAT? And on another sac fly in the first inning, Jones gave an effort similar to Ashlee Simpson on Saturday Night Live. He’s starting to move into Felix Pie-area, it’s just that he appears to be MORE talented. But the stupid decisions and the lackluster efforts are starting to make a TON of us wonder whether or not he’s actually helping the club.

-Miguel Tejada was 0-4 with a strikeout and left 3 men on base. Of course, why should he be any different than anyone else? The team finished the game 0-8 with runners in scoring position and left 10 more runners on base.

You have to TRY to be this inept, don’t you? Like, teams that want to get hits with runners in scoring position might ACCIDENTALLY get them, wouldn’t they?

-On top of all of that, Garrett Atkins forgot that you actually have to apply a tag on a pickoff play, and Ty Wigginton was…well…AWKWARD at 2nd base to be kind.

If you’re not involved in our “Orange Crush” chats at or following us on Twitter (@WNST) during the games, I don’t know how you handle this.

Here are some classics from Twitter last night:
GMC: For as many of us that have said, “They can’t lose EVERY game”…are we sure?
Luke: In honor of Jackie Robinson Day, the Orioles plan to raise their average with RISP and two outs to .042 by night’s end.
GMC: Maybe having Felix Pie teach Adam Jones baseball fundamental lessons wasn’t such a good idea from the Orioles, after all.
Luke: Remember last year’s MASN commercial with the guy clutching his chest with heart palpitations? I hope he’s doing alright this year.

3.’s Brittany Ghiroli says Felix Pie forced to leave loss with shoulder injury

“The rich just keep getting richer.”

Look, we all know Felix Pie has looked MORE like a Major League Baseball player recently. In fact, if he limited the dumb decisions he made to 1 a game, I might actually CALL him a Major League Baseball player.

I’m certainly not jumping off the ledge because Felix Pie may be forced to miss time; but at 1-9 I’m not certain an injury to ANY player on this team-maybe short of Matt Wieters…MAYBE…would get me to the ledge.

4. Beaver County Times’ John Perrotto says Pittsburgh fans furious Pirates didn’t draft Wieters

Maybe Wieters should come up to Beaver County with Ray Rice, Todd Heap, Dannell Ellerbe, Chris Carr and Troy Smith for a charity basketball game!

This is a strange story. I don’t think that having Matt Wieters would make the Pirates any good, but I guess they might have the hope that Orioles fans have had recently if they had a guy like Wieters?

Speaking of hope, I hope to find more pictures of Ivana Vancova like the one Busted Coverage posted yesterday…


5. The Sun’s Dean Jones Jr. says Alfredo Simon, Rhyne Hughes, Chorye Spoone shined for Birds on farm

Before we move on from the O’s, I’ll remind everyone (mostly because I have to) that the Orioles return to action tonight at Oakland Alameda Coliseum. Kevin Millwood goes to the mound against Dallas Braden, first pitch is at 10:05 and the game can be seen on MASN2.

Luke Jones hosts tonight’s “Orange Crush” chat at, I’ll handle Sunday’s chat.

I pray to God that this gets better soon. But I’m not overly hopeful.

6.’s Mike Duffy says Marshal Yanda, Jalen Parmele signed tenders

Go ahead and print up the Super Bowl tickets now.

Honestly, each player has a role coming back-and they’re potentially key roles if this team IS going to win the AFC North for the first time under John Harbaugh and try to make a Super Bowl run. Yanda was very good after moving back into the starting lineup for Chris Chester; and he’ll be expected to perform at the same level this season.

Parmele will have the kick return job to lose in Training Camp unless Lardarius Webb makes a miraculously quick return; and showed signs of having some real ability to return kicks a season ago.

The pieces are starting to fall into place. “I love it when a plan comes together.”

7. Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says Eric DeCosta thinks Penn State DL Jared Odrick ‘plays like a Raven’

This was cute for a year.

“Joe Flacco plays like a Raven.”
“Frank Walker plays like a Raven.”
“Deacon Jones plays like a Raven.”
“Ray Bachman plays like a Raven.”

(Edit from GMC: Congrats to Ray Bachman on his recent divorce. Can’t understand how anyone would let go of a gem like him, though.)

Before we move on from the Ravens, a nod to Kyle Boller-who signed with the Raiders yesterday. Joke’s on all of us, because THIS belongs to him…


(Edit from GMC: Calm down ladies. When I say “belongs”, I really only mean “belongs.”)

8. says Steve Kazimer, Richie Ford each tallied 8 points as Stevenson topped York College

York College with an “Oriole-like” performance against the ‘Stangs.

(Edit from GMC: Cheap shot, I know.)

Lots to be excited about this weekend lacrosse-wise. I mentioned Loyola-Georgetown and Army-Navy, but there’s also Towson-Drexel, which has MAJOR CAA implications, and could have major implications on the NCAA Tournament.

If you’re not watching lacrosse this weekend, what else are you gonna do? Catch up on episodes of “United States of Tara”?

There’s some other game going on too…

9. Inside Lacrosse’s Christian Swezey says Terps’ Will Yeatman returned to practice, could play tomorrow night at M&T Bank Stadium

Oh yeah, that.

As I’ve said this week, this is the biggest rivalry in ANY sport involving local teams. The best performance I’ve EVER seen at a sporting event in Baltimore happened when Joe Walters absolutely WENT OFF against the Jays in 2006 at Homewood Field-giving the Terrapins a rare victory in this series.

They desperately need another one tomorrow night. Dave Cottle can’t afford to have this bunch lose to this particular JHU team.

10. D1scourse’s Patrick Stevens says RB Morgan Green leaving Terps, likely to transfer to Towson

I have no idea if Maryland is going to get things turned around this season. I’ll spend the summer looking at it more in-depth, but I don’t have a TON of confidence at this point. If they don’t, it will likely be the swan song for Ralph Friedgen, and sadly-his legacy will include passing on Steve Slaton in favor of Green as much as it will include an ACC Championship and trip to the Orange Bowl as well as wins in the Peach Bowl, Gator Bowl, Champs Sports Bowl and Humanitarian Bowl.

Of course, we all have regrets. Many of my regrets include not knowing more about Candice Swanepoel, whose GQ pictures found for me…


And finally, I leave you with this.

Here’s the Scott Stapp Florida Marlins pump-up song. Enjoy!?!?!?

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…