How Baltimore Buzzed: Week Ending 8/7

August 07, 2009 | Glenn Clark

This list is of course compiled by the Academy of Baltimore Sports Arts and Sciences; a board made up completely of myself. I of course believe that ALL Boards and Academies should be made up of myself and no one else; but apparently other Academies have other people in them. For example, I have reportedly never won an Academy Award-despite my legendary film career.

To compile this list, I listen to sports talk radio, link every news site on the face of the planet, check other Baltimore blog sites, and hang out on Facebook and Twitter. Of course, most of my Facebook time is spent creeping on ex-girlfriends, but every now and then I check to see what sports-related topics everyone is chatting about.

(I also creep on girls that might be FUTURE ex-girlfriends on Facebook by the way. That of course means nothing to you seeing as how you’re probably not a girl. But a man can hope, right?)

15-They play football at Hopkins too?

The Blue Jays are the preseason Centennial Conference favorites. The Centennial Conference of course is the league that features perennial powerhouses……….State Tech? A&M College? Whatsamatta U? (Thanks Bob Haynie).

The league’s other teams actually include schools like Dickinson and Muhlenberg. The next time you think your alma mater has an awful mascot or nickname, just be proud of the fact that you were NEVER a Muhlenberg Mule…..


14-Could you imagine what it would be like to have Sandra Bullock as your mom in real life?

There’s a trailer out for the upcoming movie “The Blind Side”, which will release right around Thanksgiving. It of course the movie made from Michael Lewis’ book of the same name about Ravens rookie OT Michael Oher. Here’s the trailer, and I swear I won’t tell anyone that I cried I saw you cry while watching.

13-Congratulations Rod

This is one of those REALLY AWKWARD scenarios where you want to love something, but you just can’t. Former Raven Rod Woodson is going into the Hall of Fame this weekend, and we are grateful for his service to the team, especially what he did to help bring Baltimore a Super Bowl Championship after a 30 year drought. But as much as we want to, we can’t ignore the fact that Rod Woodson was a Pittsburgh Steeler, which means he’s actually a little bit less than floor scum.

Okay, floor scum is WAY better than the Steelers. But…..Congratulations Rod?

12-Don’t Hit Rick

Navy Football opened their summer practice session Monday following their annual Media Day/Fanfest event. The biggest news to come out of Day 1 was that QB Ricky Dobbs will be wearing a green “no contact” jersey for the Summer.

Please don’t allow this to get your hopes up. The reason why you are not getting contact from women is not because you have been wearing green. It is actually because you are really, REALLY creepy.

If it makes you feel better, when I wear green only “The Luckiest Dang Gal on the Face of the Planet” contacts me. This probably doesn’t actually make you feel better because TLDGOTFOTP is a hot chick and you’ve never been near one of those; but it certainly makes ME feel better.

11-Much ado about a decal

The Tennessee Titans have decided to honor former Ravens QB Steve McNair by wearing a decal of his number 9 on their helmets this season. From the world of “Are you effing insane?”, there are actually some people who wonder if it is appropriate for the Titans to honor him. I guess because……..people who are murdered in cold blood deserve it???

I wish Jim Morrison were around to follow up “People Are Strange” with something more along the lines of “people are completely stupid.”

10-There you go getting all “cagefightey”

It’s a big weekend in the world of mixed martial arts, as the UFC comes to Philadelphia for their first major Pay-Per-View event in a big east coast city. Everyone and their mom is apparently excited for the event, as evident on Facebook.

Of course, I’m not surprised that my mom (who is now on Facebook) is excited, because she’s a HUGE MMA fan. Why, just the other day she called me to say “Glenn, do you think Dana White is concerned about Fedor signing with Strikeforce?” To which I said “Probably mom, he really wanted to sign him.” Then she said “Glenn, who do you think has the best chance of beating Brock Lesnar in the heavweight division?” I responded by saying “I really like Cain Velasquez, mom.” Then she said “Glenn, who do you think will win the WEC fight between Brian Bowles and Miguel Angel Torres?” I responded “Jesus mom, I don’t know. Are you gonna give me some money or not?”

9-My team can punt better than your team

Two Maryland Terrapin football players were placed on Award Watch Lists this week, with Running Back Da’Rel Scott named to the Doak Walker Award Watch List; and Punter Travis Baltz was named to the watch list for the Ray Guy Award.

This lead to me immediately running out and buying a bumper sticker that says “My alma mater’s punter can kick your alma mater’s punter’s ass.”

Of course, this statement is not acccurate if your alma mater’s punter was THIS man…..

8-Will he be out soon enough that we can sign him?

Former Giants WR Plaxico Burress was indicted this week on charges stemming from a little gun accident you may remember, and appears likely to be serving jail time of some sort.

When reached for comment, free agent QB Michael Vick was rumored to have said “I’m very disappointed in Michael. He should really be setting a better example for our nation’s youth.”

7-I thought you knew? We don’t want to win anyway!

The Orioles have taken their suckage to new heights this week. Heights so expansive they actually give me an excuse to use the term “suckage”, which reminds me that my high school journalism teacher now owes me 20 bucks.

The Birds have their worst record through 108 games since 1991, when at least there was the whole “Memorial Stadium closing” thing to keep us distracted.

The good news? The Orioles made a deal Friday, sending Gregg Zaun to Tampa Bay for a player to be named later. The bad news? The player that will be named later is almost certainly going to be THIS guy…..


(Editor’s note: I take it back. I bet that guy could help.)

6-Must be nice…..

Meanwhile in the world of “some teams are actually playing games that really matter”, the Yankees and Red Sox opened a 4 game series Thursday. With sports fans throughout the world particularly sick of seeing all things Yankees and Sox, it was particularly nice of ESPN to limit their discussion of the series to 56 of every 60 minutes of programming instead of their usual 59 minutes of every 60.

(Editor’s note: It’s WAAAAY too easy for me to pick on ESPN. What the hell do I think they should talk about instead? The Orioles? I don’t want to talk about the Orioles. This was me taking the easy way out. Sorta like when I told an ex that we couldn’t be together anymore because “I wasn’t comfortable with the fact that she didn’t go to church.” I still chuckle about that.)

5-Do we trade for Brandon Marshall NOW?

Mark Clayton is hurt, huh?

Do you want ME to make the phone call Ozzie?


I know I said I’d stop championing his cause…….but who the hell else are you gonna sign? Travis Taylor?

4-Just put the damn list out already! Or don’t!

Some people think Major League Baseball should just release the names of the players who tested positive for steroids in 2003, as the leaked list might well haunt the game for years to come.

Some people think Major League Baseball has the duty to protect the players whose names are on the list, as those players agreed to anonymous testing.

Some people think “Dude, you might want to get that looked at. I had a buddy hook up with a chick in Dewey once, and now he can barely pee standing up.”

3-Dude, you think you’re the only person who doesn’t get respect at work?

Melvin Mora and Dave Trembley reportedly worked out their differences in a closed-door meeting this week. I can only assume the two worked it out like this….

DT: “Melvin, I’m glad you’re here. Really wanna work through this.”
MM: “Skip, I’m sorry I went to the media, it’s just really frustrating going through a bad season both personally and for the team.”
DT: “You think you have to tell me that? This team sucks.”
MM: “You’re right about that Skip.”
DT: “You see Melvin, we’re not so different you and I.”
MM: “I dunno Skip, you’re a little bit country-I’m a little bit Rock and Roll.”
DT: “Mel, how about instead of continuing this conversation; we agree to be cool and Glenn just posts a picture of Adrianne Curry walking around in a biking that he stole from the frontpage of What Would Tyler Durden Do because he’s too lazy to actually find anything that takes more than 3 minutes to post?”
MM: “Sounds good to me Skip.”



You know why Snoop Dogg’s appearance at Training Camp Thursday was such a big deal? Because NOTHING happens during Training Camp. There are 600 reporters there to cover….Oneil Cousins MAYBE being hurt?

That being said, I’d like to take this time to remind you that for your best Ravens Training Camp coverage, stay right here at and AM1570. Plus, sign up for our text service!

(Editor’s note: Hey man, I gotta eat. Chicken minis from Chick-Fil-A preferably.)


There is a chance that if Brian Matusz had failed in his first start, I might have just ended it.

In a related story, despite what you’re heard about recently in the news, the Orioles will not be able to exchange Rich Hill as part of the “Cash For Clunkers” program.