Monday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

April 12, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Happy Monday!

It’s a Happy Monday for me because Tina Fey hosted Saturday Night Live. And when they weren’t bust trying to shove Justin Beiber or Kristen Wiig down my throat (Wiig is TERRIBLE by the way), the show was actually very funny. Especially this…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgE8QsB_HHU[/youtube]

…if she runs for President, they have to bring her back as a permanent cast member, right???

Let’s see what everyone has to say…

1. The AP’s David Ginsburg says Blue Jays got to Kevin Millwood late to finish off weekend sweep

So…how was YOUR weekend?

To call a weekend sweep at the hands of Cito Gaston and the Jays “frustrating” wouldn’t do justice. To call it “unthinkable” would be much more appropriate.

I don’t know how else to say this. When you don’t REALLY try to put together a winning team, you’re not going to get a winning team. They don’t just come together by accident. When you decide that instead of going out and getting a REAL third baseman to replace Melvin Mora-you’ll just go get a stop gap to fill time until Josh Bell is ready, you get a converted SS who gobbles one up every now and then.

Should Miguel Tejada have made that play in the 8th inning? Probably. But it was a very hard hit ball and left him in a tough spot. It is forgiveable if it happens in the 2nd inning-but in that spot, it turned the entire game.

Not that Chone Figgins would make the Orioles winners (or even that he would have been a good signing for this team), but would he have been able to make that play there? Probably. Would other third basemen have been able to make that play there? Probably.

But when you just sign SOMEONE and assume they can play the position, or hit at a certain spot in the lineup, or fill a certain role in the bullpen or rotation-this is what you get.

“Woefully incomplete.”

Just knowing that Matt Wieters, Adam Jones, Nick Markakis and Brian Matusz are pretty good is good enough for some people. I want a team that is WINNING, or is trying damn hard to do just that.

2. The AP/WNST.net provide numerical evidence of loss

Alex Gonzalez hit 2 home runs yesterday.

Alex FREAKING Gonzalez hit 2 home runs yesterday.

On in other words, as many as this guy hit in his CAREER…

quiroz

(Edit from GMC: You’re thinking to yourself, “that’s a strange Guillermo Quiroz reference”…and it is! But I literally thought to myself “what former O’s might only have 2 career home runs?”, and my 1st guess was Guillermo Quiroz. Unbelievably, I was right. Do I get some sort of medal for that?)

3. WNST.net’s Luke Jones says Birds continuing to lose ‘game of inches’

You know what else is a game of inches?

hungry hippos

It means a lot to a lot of people that the Orioles have been fairly close in some of these games. As if “near misses” might somehow count as half of a win, or a third of a win. It’s as if by losing 4 or 5 close games early in the season, they actually get credit for an extra win or 2.

I mean seriously, what kind of lame; 2nd rate sport would give a team credit for LOSING, just because it was a close game and maybe tied late?

nhl

Oh. Right.

4. Fanhouse’s Andrew Johnson says Brian Roberts likely headed to DL, Justin Turner to come up from Norfolk

What’s that quote again? The rich just keep getting richer?

Julio Lugo was asked for his thoughts on the Roberts injury, and he was rumored to have said “this is the best news that has ever happened.”

(Edit from GMC: He may or may not have actually said that. But you KNOW he was thinking it.)

Look, NO ONE is crying for ol’ B-Rob; considering THIS is what he’ll be doing for the next 15 days…

videogames

You thought I was going to post a picture of his wife in some form of undress. I love to keep you on your toes.

5. The Sun’s Kevin Cowherd says Dave Trembley shouldn’t be blamed for Orioles’ problems

But he’s going to be. If 1-5 balloons to 9-23 through this brutal stretch to start the season, you better believe that Andy MacPhail will have to think about walking into Dave Trembley’s office and saying “sorry skip, we just have to do something to shake things up.”

Look, I don’t REALLY think Dave Trembley is much of a manager. I think he was the guy that would work for a cheap and be a good soldier while the team sold this “2011 plan” to fans. I don’t know how ANY player in the clubhouse can really take him seriously, considering the ORGANIZATION doesn’t take him seriously enough to commit to him and extend him moving forward.

If he tried lighting a fire under one of these guys asses, there’s no reason for that player to not start chuckling. “Really, skip? I’m Adam Jones. I’ll blow gum if I want to. Haven’t you seen my t-shirt?”

Before I move on from the Orioles, a reminder that they’re back in action tonight (mostly because they have to) at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. First pitch against the Rays is at 7:05pm, and the game can be seen on MASN2. Jeremy Guthrie faces Matt Garza, meaning we’ll get to see more of that strange growth on Garza’s chin…

garza

And congratulations to Damon Yaffe from The Fan for winning today’s “Apologist of the Morning” award. Damon said Sunday that despite the 1-5 start, he “can’t divert (his) attention from some of the positives.” Noble. Those positives you ask?

-”Camden Yards is still a gem”

Okay, sure…

-”Orioles fans are still passionate and hungry”

Right…

-”Matt Wieters”

Now we’re talking…

-”The Young Arms”

Would like to see some more…

-”MASN really taking flight”

And NOW is where I spit out my Vitamin Water.

“MASN really taking flight?” We’re talking about a network that spends a better part of their day simulcasting ANOTHER network that I already have on my Comcast or Xfinity or whatever the hell it’s called these days.

“MASN really taking flight?” This is a network that is so dreadful, a simulcast of Scott Garceau’s radio show is considered the best programming they have to offer!

As I was saying to Drew Forrester this morning on AM1570 WNST, I was watching the “East Carolina Basketball Show” and then a lacrosse game between Denver and Quinnipiac over the weekend on MASN and thinking to myself, “you know, this network is really starting to take flight.”

Christ.

6. Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson says California (Pennsylvania) CB Terrence Johnson visited 1 Winning Drive

The Ravens have also looked into Indiana (Pennsylvania) CB Akwasi Owusu-Ansah; so if you’re a Cornerback playing at Kentucky (Pennsylvania), Kansas (Pennsylvania) or Pennsylvania (Pennsylvania), be ready for a call from Ozzie Newsome. Corners from California, Indiana, Kentucky or Kansas need not apply.

Being serious, Johnson is a 5’9″ CB who most NFL Draft analysts don’t believe will hear his name called. Just because the Ravens have hosted a player, it doesn’t mean they’re going to take him. And on the flip side, just because the Ravens haven’t shown too much interest in a player, it doesn’t mean they won’t pick him (Lardarius Webb says hello).

The biggest thing Terrence Johnson has going for him is that he was teammates with former Maryland QB Josh Portis at California PA. If anything about Portis rubbed off on him, he’ll be REALLY GOOD in every game that doesn’t count.

7. The Sun’s Jamison Hensley says Steelers helped Ravens by trading Santonio Holmes to Jets

The “Santoniowastradedfor _____” hastag thread on Twitter last night (follow us @WNST) was HILARIOUS. Before I saw the thread had started, I wondered why the Ravens hadn’t offered Frank Walker for Holmes.

(Edit from GMC: I KNOW Walker isn’t under contract. This is shtick. Please work with me people.)

After seeing that the thread HAD started, my suggestion was…”#santoniowastradedfor Mike Gonzalez.”

It would have been worth about as much to Pittsburgh as a 5th round pick, right?

I’m not sure why the Rooneys just decided to give up on Holmes-who is a HELL of a talent. I know he’s a bit of an ass-clown, but, um…..have they seen their quarterback or their kicker???

8. Waterbury Republican American’s Kevin Litten says those who knew Jordan Williams in Connecticut didn’t all expect his success in College Park

In a (semi) related story, I heard there were new pictures of Heidi Montag in a bikini linked in over at Busted Coverage, and I thought “you know, she’s probably not that good looking…”

heidi

Sometimes, we’re all wrong about certain things.

To be serious, this is a great read. It includes stories about racist threats Williams’ family received during his high school career in Torrington, and how the community has sort of rallied around him now that he’s had success with the Terrapins. Definitely worth the read.

9. Inside Lacrosse has Terps 4th, Loyola 9th, Hopkins 16th in Nike/IL Top 20 poll

Here’s a look at my “OldLineLax7 Poll”, since I feel as though everything I do is more important than everything everyone else does.

1-Maryland
2-Loyola
3-Johns Hopkins
4-Towson
5-Navy
6-Mt. St. Mary’s (I get it. They’re 6-3 and 2-0 in the MAAC. But do I REALLY think they’re better than Towson or Navy???)
7-UMBC

This all builds up to Loyola-Geogetown, Army-Navy and Maryland-Hopkins Saturday. I’ll be wandering around Charm City with Patrick Stevens (@D1scourse) watching the games. This is fun to us, people.

10. The Sun says Baltimore Mariners improved to 5-0 with win over New Jersey Revolution

It’s not that I’m NOT interested in this. It’s just that I’d be MORE interested if it involved “J-Woww” from “Jersey Shore.”

jwoww

And finally, I leave you with this…

“The Greatest Song of All Time This Week” for this week? Probably not a popular choice, but “Bumpin’ Fresh” by Virginia Coalition. It’s a WIN.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q96A4eWFN_A[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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