Thursday Morning’s Crabs and Beer

April 22, 2010 | Glenn Clark

Happy Thursday!

It’s a Happy Thursday for me because it’s still “Green Week” here in Charm City. Thus far this week, I’ve supported whatever the cause is behind “Green Week” by posting a semi-nude picture of Ashley Greene, a version of “I Fought The Law” by Green Day, and a version of “Take Me to the River” by Al Green with Dave Matthews Band.

I’m not sure it’s possible that there’s been anyone in town this week who’s been more “green” than I have. So today I am making another contribution to whatever the “Green Week” cause is…as I post the best work Seth Green has EVER done in his career…his performance as Kenny “Special K” Fisher in “Can’t Hardly Wait”…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhYPItcClUc[/youtube]

In a word…brilliant.

Let’s see what everyone has to say…

1. The AP’s Tim Booth says Felix Hernandez went distance as Mariners swept Orioles

2-14.

They’re 2-14.

King Felix didn’t even have his most overwhelming stuff last night.

They’re 2-14.

I SORTA felt bad for Kevin Millwood last night-who was also not overwhelming, but pretty good other than one inning. Of course, being good for all but one inning is being just good enough to lose, but that’s not the point here.

The point is that Kevin Millwood was about as interested in coming to Baltimore as he was in going to Haiti. That’s not supposed to be funny, so save your “poor taste” comments.

Last night you saw WHY Kevin Millwood had no interest in coming to Baltimore.

I assume Kevin Millwood doesn’t think himself to be Tom Glavine or Greg Maddux. I assume that Millwood knows that he’s a “gutty” veteran pitcher whose baseball knowledge and experience outweighs his actual stuff.

When that’s the case, it doesn’t help to be the Number 1 guy for a TERRIBLE baseball team. Pitchers like Zack Greinke and Zach Duke can handle the gig because they have the type of stuff that if they HAVE to give up 1 run or less multiple times during the season, they can.

Kevin Millwood doesn’t have that sort of stuff.

What you saw from Kevin Millwood last night-that’s about what he has.

And if he was playing for a better team (even in Texas), he could be picked up.

In Baltimore, he’s channeling Bon Jovi and “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

I really did feel bad for Kevin Millwood last night. I’m sure he’ll be somewhere else by somewhere around the All-Star Game; but I feel bad for him right now.

Like so many others on this team right now, he was miscast. He knew it, and he had no interest in being here. I hope he doesn’t have to go through it too much longer.

2. The AP/WNST.net offer numerical evidence of sweep

Maybe we were a bit too quick to crown Ty Wigginton as the new “Mr. Oriole.”

0-4, 2 GIDP’s, K, 4 LOB.

Look, one game does not a season make-but is there ANY reason for Ty Wigginton to be the number 2 hitter in ANY lineup-ever?

Lou Montanez actually got on base twice last night to leadoff, and each time he was removed by a Wigginton GIDP.

I don’t mean to pile on, but I think ol’ “Wiggy” might have had a worse day than even Ben Roethlisberger!

I know he went “hitless in Seattle”, but could Adam Jones BUNT if he was in the #2 hole?

I have a lot of “why do I even bother?” feelings when I start making suggestions about what the Orioles could be doing, but I WANT THEM TO WIN.

Ugh.

3. The AP’s Tim Booth says Dave Trembley held closed door meeting, ‘popped off’ to media before series finale in Seattle

This of course comes on the heels of the Julio Lugo debacle the previous night.

Or “insert your own debacle from another night this season here.”

Of course, according to Steve Melewski from MASN (who “The Great Arbitrator” Drew Forrester selected as today’s “Apologist of the Morning” on The Morning Reaction)…

“We can’t demand that O’s players get hits every night, strike out batters, pitch great or win”

Maybe he should have replaced “we” with “I”. I’m GOING to demand that they win. They might not, but I’m going to demand it anyway. Of course, since Steve works for the team, he has little choice but to try to say it the right way. Steve went on to try to divide the fanbase…

“Some fans won’t ever jump ship and will be around all year”

You mean…like the fans here at WNST? Who will be here all year trying to hold this organization’s feet to the fire in the desperate hope that at some point they might start winning?

Nothing like a team whose own employees try to divide their fanbase. “Are you with us or not? If you are, you better get behind the Andy MacPhail plan and not criticize what we’re doing!”

You’re on watch, Steve. As I said this morning, I have to go to Louisville next week. If I choose to wear an Orioles hat, I know what type of reaction to expect. When it comes, I pray you’ll understand what it means to REALLY be an Orioles fan.

Clown.

4. MLB.com’s Bob Sherwin & Alden Gonzalez say O’s claimed Pedro Viola off waivers from Reds, sent him to Norfolk

If Corey Patterson didn’t get you excited, this HAS to-right?

In 9 Major League appearances, Viola has a 5.14 career ERA.

The World Series is in late October again this year, just keep that in mind.

Of course the signing of Viola made most fans think of Frank Viola, who always got the coolest pictures in SI For Kids when I read that publication growing up.

You know what else is a cool picture? The picture of Candace Rae from Ralph Magazine that Guyism.com posted yesterday…

candaceraw

5. The Sun’s Dean Jones Jr. says Jeff Salazar, Josh Bell, Troy Patton shined for Birds on farm

Before we move on from the Orioles, there’s no game tonight-so enjoy the NFL Draft and check back in tomorrow night when the Birds head to Fenway Park to take on the Boston Red Sox.

A lot of fans thought Dave Trembley might not even make it to Beantown, but I don’t expect that. However, if they WERE to make a move, I would think signing Brian Kownacki from Fordham might be a good option…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtUlc0-6z8A[/youtube]

6. Carroll County Times’ Aaron Wilson expects Ravens to take best player in NFL Draft if unable to trade out of pick

And as Aaron mentioned, there’s a good chance that a player many people didn’t think would slip ends up slipping into their hands. As Drew & I have discussed multiple times on AM1570 recently, the MOST likely scenario involves Ozzie Newsome and company trading OUT of the 25th pick.

Yet…someone spectacular could slip. That’s the only way I see them making that 25th pick. As I speculated this morning, Sergio Kindle feels like the guy.

7. BaltimoreRavens.com’s Ryan Mink says Roethlisberger will miss Ravens-Steelers game at Heinz Field due to suspension

He’ll be sorely missed. By the entire North Harford High School area.

And no one else.

My gut tells me that Big Ben is still with the Steelers when the season begins, and I still think they’re a real threat in the AFC North.

I also think Pepperdine volleyball player Victoria Adelhelm is a real threat to make me want to become athletic (Thanks Busted Coverage)…

volleyball

8. LA Times’ Sam Farmer mocks Penn State DL Jared Odrick to Ravens

I will admit that having dated a girl that went to Penn State, drafting Jared Odrick would be difficult for me as a Ravens fan.

I can’t STAND the Nittany Lions. As a Maryland fan, I’ve never liked them-but my trips to Beaver Stadium made it worse.

“WE ARE! PENN STATE!”

Really? I thought I was at Oregon.

Look-I’d support the pick, and I certainly think it would be the “safe” pick for John Harbaugh’s team, but it would be REALLY tough for me to root for him.

I haven’t had too many of these problems during my tenure as a Ravens fan-especially considering that Wally Richardson was about as good as…..Jordan Steffy?

9. The Sun’s Jamison Hensley mocks Alabama DL Terrence Cody to Ravens

I have a nickname for Terrence Cody…”The Skinny Ray Bachman!”

(Edit from GMC: I’ve posted the Terrence Cody “man boobs” picture plenty of times already. I’m not doing it again. INSTEAD, I Google image searched “man boobs”. The pictures below may not be safe for work.)

boobs
boobs

I’m so sorry.

10. D1scourse’s Patrick Stevens says Ralph Friedgen not happy lacrosse has ripped up field at Byrd Stadium before Red/White Spring Game

Look, I feel for The Fridge. His field is torn up as it is, PLUS there’s the ACC Lacrosse Tournament this weekend in College Park.

But there’s SORT OF an easy answer to this.

“Ralph, maybe you should just be happy you’re still coaching the Red/White Spring Game.”

Sorry guy.

11. GoMustangSports.com says Stevenson crushed St. Mary’s, advanced to face Salisbury in CAC Tournament final Saturday afternoon

This makes it back to back years that the Sea Gulls and Mustangs will have a rematch for the CAC Championship.

The Gulls got revenge on the ‘Stangs a season ago in Owings Mills, hopefully Paul Cantabene’s team will get their revenge this weekend.

Myself? I’m looking for revenge on any website that didn’t post pictures of Daphne Joy yesterday like Barstool Sports did…

daphne

And finally, I leave you with this…

I know they Drafted Kyle Boller, but the Ravens have NEVER Drafted a Lawrence Phillips or Ryan Leaf. On the day that the NFL Draft begins, I’d like to celebrate that with a memory…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMe0Rz1frdE[/youtube]

Flexing my mic muscles since 1983…

-G

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