Michael Vick Attends Classes at ‘University of Dog Loving’

October 03, 2007 | WNST Interns

Okay, I get it Michael.  You got in trouble for being a little rough on "Rover" so now you want to get an education in animal empathy and protection.  In other words, it’s not that you’re an inherently bad human being, you’re simply uneducated.  Well that explains a lot, doesn’t it?

Silly me.  I was under the delusion that pretty much everyone in the world (with the exception of certain Chinese and Korean provinces) understood that you were supposed to be kind to dogs or, at the very least, not train them to rip each other’s throats out and brutally murder them when their skills diminished…


Animal empathy class?  You gotta be kidding me.

Here’s one particular quote from the article that made my nose bleed coffee this morning.

"He was asking questions, following up on points we were making, taking notes," Shannon said. "He seemed to be putting an honest effort into trying to get something out of the course."

Shannon said Vick told him "he wished he had gotten to take a course like this five years ago."

Here’s the best part folks… Vick was the ONLY PERSON IN THE CLASS!  How funny is that?  Can you picture Vick sitting there in the class room all alone?  Just him and his teacher.  He’s got his loose-leaf notebook out and the brand new Bic pen in his hand, the one his mom bought him as a "first day of school" present.  You know, the one that has the four different colors.  He’s got his protractor, a tube of glue, his dividers are all in order.

Teacher says, "Okay, class, now when you see a dog in pain, what do you think your first action should be?

(Michael sits there staring up at the ceiling praying his name doesn’t get called)

Teacher- Anyone?  Michael, what do you think?

Vick- Um, I don’t know really.  I’m still a freshman.

Teacher- Well, take a guess.  If you see a dog that’s hurt what should you do?

Vick- Um, drown him in the bathtub!

Teacher- No. Sorry.  What about taking him to see the vet?

Vick- The vet?  You mean like Brett Favre or something’?

I could go on and on about this.  The whole thing’s funnier than Britney Spears at parenting classes.  Is there a final exam?  Maybe what they do is they leave Vick alone in a room with a dog and a stick.  If he throws the stick for the dog to fetch he passes, if he takes the stick and bashes the dog’s brains in with it… well, there’s always next semester.

Repeat after me class… Killing dogs for sport is wrong… Killing dogs for…

You think he’ll have to show Roger Goodell his diploma one day?